Rivals ? - Chapter 27: Chapter 27

After his words, a tense silence had fallen. Admitting that he considered something as more important than the club was dangerous, even when he knew his friend wouldn't run to the others to tell them. Therefore, he didn't regard Angel's silence as a threat; he understood that the man needed some time to realize how much Juice meant to him.
"You gotta tell 'em," Angel said eventually.
Raine sighed. It wasn't exactly something that had never crossed his mind before, but he had never really considered it. He was simply too scared. He might be an adult man, but he was still afraid to be banned from a life he loved. Even though Juice meant more to him — it didn't mean it was easy to give up everything else. Nor could he say for sure that they trusted him enough to let him leave the club. He still had access to a lot of inside information whilst he was together with the club's rival. There was even a voice in his head warning him that they might go as far as eliminating the threat.
If Juice was no longer alive, the dilemma was solved as well.
He felt ashamed about that fear, for he couldn't imagine that one of his brothers would want to inflict him so much pain. However, drastic measures had been carried out before. He couldn't completely let go of the fear.
"Sooner or later they're gonna find out, Raine," Angel insisted. "If you think that Son is simply a fling, you should end it. If not — you gotta confess it to the others. Your honesty will be to your advantage, trust me. They will treat you harsher if they find out you kept a secret from them for years. Not trusting them won't increase their trust in you."
With a sigh, Raine leaned back. Angel was right. Deep inside he knew that being honest about his relationship was the best thing to do — and yet, the fear kept pushing away that thought.
He knew it was weak to let the fear control him. But this was about the safety of a person who meant a lot to him. Someone he didn't want to lose. Someone he longed for, every moment of the day.
Angel leaned into him, squeezing his shoulder. "You don't have to make a decision now. It will take a couple of weeks before you're back in Oakland anyway. Just think about it."
. . .
Raine thought about it. Every day, he was listing the pros and cons. The conclusion that kept coming back, was that he would lose Juice or the club. Something however told him he might lose both if he let it all play out, if someone would  discover his secret. Slowly he became convinced that it was better to confess it, to rely on the sympathy of his brothers. The moment he was back in Oakland and all this shit here in Santo Padre was over, he would tell the others.
The intention created a bit more peacefulness in his mind — but not much. Every day, the doubt returned. It kept him from sleeping at night. Maybe he should discuss it with Juice first, but he didn't want to talk about it by phone. And it still remained to be seen when he would be able to see his boyfriend again. By now, he was here for a week. There had been some skirmishes with the Rosas Muertas MC, some new Mexican motorclub which wanted to expand across the border, crossing their territory. A request for a conversation had been done, but when a delegation of Mayans had been greeted with bullets when they wanted to sit down for a meeting, they had called for more back-up, so they could push that rivaling club back over the border.
It however was less simple than it all sounded. Rumors were circulating that the new motorclub was working with some other Mexican gang who was also trying to expand its sphere of influence. If they would all ride out to chase away one group, they would leave their clubhouse vulnerable. And so, they were making serious preparations while other charters sent extra men. The fact that Rosas Muertas was a large club who probably gave every idiot a patch, gave them quite the manpower.
They took action on a Thursday night. They had issued an ultimatum, telling the MC to pack their stuff at Wednesday night. The lack of a response had been interpreted as a declaration of war.
Raine had been sent with the offensive team. He didn't feel comfortable about it. Violence had never been in his blood, although he had killed three people during a gang war three years ago. Part of him was standing up against this sanction, even when he knew their enemy had provoked this and that his brothers would get hurt if they did nothing. But sneaking up on a clubhouse in the dark where men were having a beer and enjoying the ladies... It was so similar to how they spent their own nights, and to what Juice might do right now, which made it hard to shake it off. It felt like his connection to the Son made him look at other clubs with different eyes. He didn't see some arrogant assholes with delusions of grandeur. He saw fathers. Brothers. Husbands. Sons.
He could relativise it, he could force himself to realize that their enemies were the ones violating peace treaties, who were openly defying their authority and who had raised their guns at his brothers. And yet... yet they were still people who they wanted to slaughter like they were animals. It was a conflict that kept raging in his chest, and which hadn't silenced once they were surrounding the clubhouse.
He crouched down next to Coco while they were observing the motorclub's residence. Although Raine couldn't distinguish anyone through the windows, he imagined Juice sitting there, feeling relaxed and talking to Chibs. He could picture the tattoos on his arms, the enthusiasm in his voice as he spoke and the smile that was more beautiful than whatever jewelry.
What if he had been the one inside this building? What if they would keep him in the dark from now on, when it was about the Sons? What if he wouldn't be able to warn his lover for a nearing death?
It felt as if his relationship with Juice intertwined with everything. It was no longer an isolated fact, something that he could separate from all the other elements of his life. It changed his view on matters, it made him more human — something which wasn't very helpful when you were about to raid a clubhouse.
He took a deep breath and tried to blow away all thoughts. It was too late now. If he hadn't wanted to participate in an action like this, he should have reported that before they left. Nobody had forced him to be here. He had wanted to prove his value — and now, he wondered what exactly that value was.
Coco looked over his shoulder. His dark eyes met his and he nodded at the bushes behind them. "Ya got my back? Ya never know if someone's comin' after us."
Raine nodded gratefully to him. Coco turned away from him and positioned himself on the ground, configuring his gun to act as their sniper. As a Marine veteran Coco was the type of person who kept his head cool in all situations, who never missed a target and always kept an eye on his surroundings. He wasn't surprised that Coco had picked up on his doubts, and that he had dealt with them in a non-judgmental way.
He liked the Mayan. He wasn't the most talkative one, but he had a good heart and great humor. Raine often had the feeling that he was smarter than anyone would give him credit for.
Raine turned around and took a few steps to focus on the area behind him. Clouds were shielding off the moon light, causing Raine to trust on his hearing instead of his sight. In the background, he heard how Bishop ordered the others to move towards the clubhouse.
Raine kept his glance on their surroundings. He couldn't help but flinch when gunshots broke the silence, followed by screams. In a flash, he saw the bald Son at the moment he wanted to free him from his bike. He heard the gun blast, felt the impact in his stomach and the crushing pain that followed.
For a moment, he was no longer close to the border to Mexico; he was wandering through a suffocating nothing, looking for something he couldn't identify. A voice. A deep warmth. A caress through his hair. Flashes of a smile, of worried brown eyes, of a whispered plea. He was about to lose something, some newfound happiness, something he wasn't prepared to let go of yet.
A hand squeezed his upper arm. With a jolt he returned to the dark forest. Two dark, almost black eyes stared at him.
"You're back?"
Although Coco was supposed to keep an eye on the door of the clubhouse, all his attention was directed to Raine. Concentrating on his breathing, Raine nodded, feeling a bit out of sorts now he had experienced a panic attack for the first time.
"Good," Coco answered. "Keep an eye on the area behind us. We need your eyes and ears, carnal."
Raine took a few deep breaths. Behind him, he could still hear bullets fly. A door was opened, and Coco fired too. Raine looked over his shoulder and distinguished a shadow on the ground. He turned his attention back to his own task. His glance moved from dark tree to dark tree. Nowhere, a sign of life was to be seen. If there had been an ambush, they wouldn't have waited until all their comrades were dead, right? Yet, he didn't lose focus. He kept breathing in and out, his eyes moving from dark hiding place to dark hiding place until he heard voices convincing him his brothers had left the clubhouse.
Coco and Raine left the row of trees as well and walked over to the parking lot. Three of his brothers were supporting someone, but at first sight, none of them seemed to be dead.
Coco turned towards him and kept standing in front of him. "Don't drive yourself crazy," he told him softly, tucking a strand of black hair behind his ear. "Trauma's happen to the best of us and they're inevitable once Death has shown its blackness. When I was in the army and my pal stepped on a mine, it took me weeks before I could handle myself again. Listen to your body and mind, don't try to be the hero." Coco slapped his shoulder. "A dead hero is of no use to anyone."
. . .
Juice and Skye just started to watch Iron Man II when his phone went off. The club or Raine, he realized. He pulled the device out of his pocket and felt his heart flutter as he saw Raine's name. It had been a few days since they'd talked. The search for Opie's mother was still full in swing; up to now they hadn't found a single lead. It was unusual that there were no demands made and Piney had already mumbled that his ex-wife might just have wanted to cut all ties to the club. Opie clearly didn't know what to believe anymore — and so, the others didn't know it either.
"Is it Raine?" Skye asked.
He nodded.
"Well — then it looks like I'll have Tony Stark all to myself tonight."
He smirked. "Have fun with him." He got up and headed to his room, where he answered the video call and sat down on his bed.
"Hey!" His excited smile faded when he saw Raine's exhausted face. His eyes were dull, his face pale. He bit his lip, trying not to show his concern.
"Hey love." Raine sat on his bed, his knees bent, and he ran a hand across his face before he looked at him again. "Please stop staring at me as if I'm about to drop dead any moment. I'm okay."
Juice's lips bent into a weak smile. "You look tired."
"I'm exhausted." He sighed. "But I wanted to see something nice before I go to sleep." He gave him a wink, although Juice knew very well he was trying to keep things light.
"Well I can send you some kitten videos?" he said, answering his need not to talk about tough things — things he couldn't speak of anyway.
Raine chuckled. His voice sounded raspy. "You might be the nerd in our relationship, but I'm not that much digitally illiterate that I can't find YouTube on my phone."
His words made Juice laugh. Raine smiled at him in a way that set his insides on fire; it felt like he had made him feel better than before. He searched for words. I miss you were the words that were on the tip of his tongue. For he missed him terribly, and every day he was afraid to get a call from Sammy telling him her brother had died. It made him want to mount his bike to drive to the south to make sure nothing would happen to his lover.
"Will you come home soon?" he asked quietly.
Rained leaned his head against the wall, moving the camera a bit. "Hard to say. One problem's solved, but there's more going on."
Juice sighed in disappointment.
"Hey, I didn't call you to look at that sour face," Raine teased him. "I rather see you smile."
Those words were enough to bring the smile back to his face. "I guess we still have to watch those kitten video's then."
Raine lifted the corner of his mouth. "You and your stupid cat videos. I rather look at something else." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Especially when that something takes off his shirt."
The look in Raine's eyes made his mouth feel dry. He had fantasized about it; taking off their clothes in front of the camera. It had made him feel a bit uncomfortable.
"Or are you chicken?" he asked with a provoking smirk.
"You already got so much problems there. Getting caught while you're watching a Son strip for you won't be to your advantage."
"Maybe not. But I can assure you my failing memory is neither to your advantage. Sometimes I seem to remember that you have quite a beer belly, increasing the temptation to give someone else's body a closer look."
Juice started to laugh. "That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."
"Then finally take off that damn shirt," Raine laughed. "I can't believe I have to move heaven and earth to admire my boyfriend's body!"
Snickering, Juice did as he was told and took off his shirt. "Happy now?"
"I only see your face man, your shoulders at most."
Rolling his eyes, he flexed his pecs and turned his phone downward to show his upper body. "See? No beer belly." He patted his sixpack.
"Mmm..." Raine wet his bottom lip, biting on it. Although there probably wasn't much Raine could do with his tongue and lips that didn't turn Juice on, the sparkle in his eyes made it hard to take his lover very seriously. "You want me to tell you what I want to do with that gorgeous body of yours?"
"Not before I got something nice to look at too."
Raine clicked his tongue. "We're acting stern now?"
Juice aimed the camera back at his face. "Quid pro quo, huh?"
Raine pouted. "Is that your definition of love?"
"It is today."
Raine's chuckle chased a pleasant shiver down his spine. "Fuck I miss you so much," he muttered, pulling his shirt over his head.
Juice's breathing sped up as his glance wandered across Raine's upper body. The black ink which had a red glow now and then, contrasted with his tan skin. He took his time to admire Raine's well-trained body before he returned his gaze to the man's eyes. His confident grin made Juice's cheeks flush. Oh — how he wanted to lie down on the bed and feel Raine's lips upon his, their stomachs pressing together while fingertips traveled down his face...
"You wanna know what I'd do if I were with you now?"
Juice nodded breathlessly.
"I would push you down on the bed, and I'd probably cuff your wrists to make sure you don't get distracted by my amazing body. And then..."
. . .
Juice rolled on his side and looked at his boyfriend. He didn't know what to say. As great as he had felt while listening to his fantasies, as awful did he feel now.
"Juice..." Raine said quietly. "Did I go too far? It's okay if you're not ready yet. But we can fantasize about it, right?"
"It's not that," he muttered. He felt like a crybaby — things were just as hard for Raine. "My bed feels empty. I miss you even more now."
Raine cast his glance down. "I'm sorry."
Juice wanted to cup his cheek, to lift his face and to kiss him softly.
But he couldn't. All he could do was stare at the screen.
"I love you," he said instead, knowing words were all he had. "And once you're back, I will lock you up in my room and we'll pretend our clubs don't exist."
Raine looked up, a smile crossing his lips. "Sounds good. I love you baby."
For a while they kept staring at each other; the silence bothering neither of them. At least the other didn't feel so far away now. In the end, it was Raine who told him he would hang up since Angel was home. He promised to call him soon, and Juice knew that promise would pull him through the next few days. Reluctantly he said Raine goodbye, tossed his phone aside and closed his eyes. With all his might he tried to replay everything Raine had said today to keep the loneliness at bay.
. . .
The next time Raine called him, was in the middle of the day. Only once, his boyfriend had called him during the day; when his sister had died. Leaving the garage, he nervously pressed the device to his ear.
"Hey. Are you okay?"
"No."
Raine's voice was shaking. Juice closed his eyes.
This had been one of his nightmares; that something would happen to Raine while he was too far away to be of any help. Just like last time, he couldn't be there for his lover.
Raine took a deep breath. "My father is missing and Sammy is having a massive panic attack. Half of the club is in Santo Padre, there're only a few guys who're tracking down my dad."
"Fuck." Juice ran a hand across his mohawk. "You got a lead? Is there anything I can do?"
"I'm on my way home," he said. "But I hoped you could pick up Sasha from daycare. All my brothers are busy. I can give the babysitter a call but now my dad is gone, I rather want her to be with someone who's armed."
"Yeah sure. I'm on my way."
"I'll text you the address. Thanks for your help, love."
"Sure," he muttered. "Keep your head up baby."
"I will. Don't worry about me."
But Juice did worry about him. He knew how much Raine's family meant to him. But why would someone abduct Raine's father? His thoughts shot to Mary. He neither understood why someone would kidnap Opie's mother. Was there a connection?
He said goodbye to Raine while these thoughts were still circling around his head. He however didn't know what to do with them. He couldn't exactly tell his club that a parent of one of the Mayans was missing too. But it might be their only lead...