Rivals ? - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

Raine pushed his knuckles against the brick wall and dragged them down. The rough stone scratched open the recently healed wounds. With his forehead, he leaned against the cold wall, hidden in the shadows of an alley.
Juice.
The sound of his name had ripped his heart from his chest. A heart of which he hadn't known it was still there.
For weeks he had been trying to repress the man's face, but this time he failed.
"He needs you, Raine."
Images flashed by. The panic attack in the elevator. The white room in which the man had climbed next to him on the hospital bed. His motionless body, bound to a chair. His bruised skin.
The words that haunted him ever since he closed the front door of Juice's apartment.
"You know what I was thinking about today? That I want to marry you."
He squeezed his eyes shut. Too late. Hot tears wrung through his eyelashes.
Once again, he raged his knuckles down the stone. He shouldn't cry. This was his own fault. His brothers had been right. He was nothing but a disloyal dog. One who deserved to be beaten and kicked.
Furiously, he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He was burning with self-loathe.
He hated himself for what he had done to Juice.
For what he was doing to his sister and foster kid.
He knew he was behaving like a monster, but he failed to change. The rage was uncontrollable, showing itself in the most unexpected moments. There was no way to stop it; he lost control until he got exhausted and fell into a black abyss.
He preferred to stay out of Sasha and Sammy's way so he could save his anger for other people. He welcomed their punches, the pain. But no pain was ever painful enough. It never outweighed the guilt pooling in his stomach. Guilt towards Juice. Towards his family. The ones who were still forced to live with him and the ones who looked down on him from heaven, their eyes full of disappointment.
He was a failure.
He didn't deserve a loving family, nor a boyfriend who wanted to give up everything for him.
He deserved nothing but pain and tormenting memories.
. . .
"This is how it goes every time," Sammy sighed, wiping the tears from her face. "Something broke inside him and I don't know how to help him."
Skye was all too familiar with that feeling. She sat down next to the girl on the couch and laid a hand on her knee. "Who is Phantom?"
"The Mayan prospect."
Skye frowned. What did he have to do with Juice? "Did Juice and he meet?"
Sammy nodded. "He's a hacker too. They tracked down Dad together."
Her friend had never mentioned the guy. Raine however made it sound like there had been something between both men. The least she could do was talk to him, she didn't have anything to lose anyway.
"How can I contact him? I can't walk into the clubhouse; they saw me with the Sons in the hospital."
Sammy studied her face. "I can go there and tell them that I'm looking for my brother? That way, I could deliver a message to Phantom. But then what? What will you say to him?"
"I don't know." Sighing, Skye raked a hand through her hair. "But there must be a reason why Raine mentioned him." The Mayan had even sounded a bit jealous. Was Phantom interested in Juice? She knew Juice wasn't ready to date someone else within a few weeks, even when it might be the best way to get over a broken heart. And apart from that, she couldn't think of something more stupid than going after a Mayan again.
But she could at least talk to him.
"Would you mind doing that? Going to the clubhouse and give that Phantom my number or ask for his address? I will stay here to keep an eye on Sasha."
Her friend seemed to hesitate; in the end, she nodded and got up. "Okay. It's not like I have a better plan."
Skye stood up to give the girl a grateful hug. Sammy grabbed her purse and headed to the hallway. A moment later, the front door fell shut. Skye flopped down on the couch again. With a pit in her stomach, she thought of Juice while the argument with Raine echoed through her head.
It's not that Raine doesn't love Juice anymore.
She had seen his trembling hands, the pain in his eyes. The tears.
He had made a terrible mistake, but she still believed their love was strong enough to get through this. At least as long as Raine wanted to fight for it — although he was doing the opposite. What would he have done when Juice had been here to confront him? Would he have snapped like a twig, begging for forgiveness? Or would he have pushed him away — would he have hurt Juice even more?
She didn't dare to do that to her friend. He was like a vase full of cracks.
One ill-considered touch and he would shatter.
. . .
Phantom was downright stunned when Raine's little sister showed up next to him, telling him someone wanted to talk to him. It was close to midnight, he had just wanted to go home.
"This late?" he asked.
She nodded. "If you don't mind, yes, please. It's urgent."
He studied the girl's face. He couldn't think of a reason why she wanted to pull a prank on him. Knowing in what mood her brother had been the past weeks, he couldn't imagine she was in for some fun at all.
"Is it Raine who wants to alk?"
"No," she muttered. "I don't expect you to work miracles. And I don't want Raine to know that you talked to her, so it's better if we don't leave the club together. You know where we live?"
He nodded. A few weeks ago, he'd dropped Juice off after finding Elijah.
"You can wait in the alley behind the house."
It was getting crazier and crazier. Talking behind Raine's back with his little sister didn't feel right. On the other hand — lately, there were a lot of things that felt wrong. Like keeping from Raine how his best friend drugged him and made him believe he had cheated on his boyfriend. It had happened weeks ago, but Phantom couldn't let go of it. Every time he saw one of the two men, he felt stressed, especially because the break-up wasn't doing Raine any good. Phantom had always liked the guy, even though he had been more to himself than most of his brothers. He hadn't been a big fan of gratuitous violence and he'd never seen him aggressive.
Things were different, lately.
And knowing that his violent behavior was caused by a lie and that Phantom was the only one who knew about the deceit, was killing him. Esai's threat never left his mind; that he would be kicked out. Phantom was relatively new to this neighborhood and the last thing he wanted, was having a gang of angry bikers on his back because they felt betrayed. And yet... What Esai had asked from him, kept giving him sleepless nights.
While Sammy walked to the other side of the room to talk to someone, Phantom asked his sponsor for permission to leave. Luckily, he received it and a moment later he stood outside. He took a deep breath. The fresh air tasted like relief. Only now the noise was fading, he realized how entangled he felt; this whole situation with Esai and Raine took away the joy to be with the club. If this was how the Mayans treated each other, what would that mean for him? How would they act if they found out he also liked men? He might not have a relationship with a Son, but he still heard the lewd comments that were made behind Raine's back — also now he was single. Even though he had hoped that he would feel more at home now he knew he wasn't the only Mayan who wasn't straight, he felt the opposite.
Raine was tricked by someone he cared about, someone he trusted. How could Phantom be sure the same wouldn't happen to him? Maybe Juice's ties to the Sons were just an excuse; next time, they might as well find another excuse to ruin a member's homosexual relationship just because they believed it didn't belong in this world.
Sighing, he mounted his bike and rode to Raine's house. Even though a ride usually helped him to clear his head, it didn't make a difference this time. A few more months and he would get his top rocker. Before then, he had to decide if he really wanted it — and if not, if there was a way to step away from it at all. It was a tough decision. Raine was the only one with who he could discuss his doubts — and as long as Phantom was keeping an enormous secret from him and the man was erupting in anger because of every little thing, that was not an option. And to talk with Raine about his feelings for men and the acceptance of the club... he knew this version of Raine would never do that. All it would lead to was a shiner and a few missing teeth.
Since it had all sounded very mysterious and Raine was supposed to stay out of this, he parked his bike a block ahead and walked the last part. Sammy had talked about a woman. Who could it be? He really had no idea. And what could he, a prospect, do what others couldn't? Sighing, he shoved his hands in his pockets. Whatever. He would just wait and see. With that intention, he blocked all his other thoughts and walked to the darkened alley.
After ten minutes, someone came towards him. In the light of the moon, he saw a girl in her twenties. She was wearing large earrings and her hair had a purple glow.
"Hello Phantom. Thank you for coming."
Phantom stared at the girl. He didn't know what to say.
The stranger clearly didn't struggle with the same problem. "My name is Skye. I'm a good friend of Juice — and his roommate."
Juice. His thoughts shot to the man with the mohawk and the head tattoos.
A great guy. He wondered if he had also turned into an asshole because of the break-up with his boyfriend. Guilt growled in his stomach. A break-up because of something that has never happened. He breathed in sharply.
"Hey," was all he managed to say.
A sweet smile adorned her face. "I honestly don't know how this conversation will go either. I was paying Sammy a visit because Juice isn't doing well and I hoped to convince Raine to talk to him. However, Sammy told me Raine changed — and once he came home, I came to the same conclusion. He doesn't want to talk to Juice. But he did tell me Juice should date you to get over him."
Phantom stared at her in disbelief. Raine told her what?! "Juice and I should date?" he repeated dumbfounded.
Sure — that guy was hotter than hell, and there had been a click. But there were hundreds of reasons why he would never date Juice.
"Well — I don't think that's a good idea," Skye answered, sighing. "So that's not the reason I wanted to talk to you. But I assume Raine mentioned your name for a reason. I guess Juice and you did go along pretty well. So I hoped... You could talk to him sometime."
Phantom raked his fingers through his messy hair. "I only talked to him one time."
He closed his eyes for a moment. But you have a lot to say to him.
This almost felt like a push in the right direction. Telling Juice the truth.
"I know." The look in Skye's eyes was desperate. "But I thought... Maybe it will do him good to talk to a friend of Raine. To let him know... that Raine isn't doing great either. I truly believe they need each other."
Phantom averted his eyes.
He remembered how Esai had dropped his unconscious friend on the bed, telling Phantom to undress him. He tasted bile. What was he supposed to do? Stay loyal to Esai or to Raine? When was he doing what was best for the club? A headache rose.
"Talking to Juice will drag me into a lot of shit," he sighed.
"But why? Juice didn't do anything wrong."
Phantom pursed his lips. It felt like two forces were yanking at him, threatening to tear him in two. He felt the urge to walk away, to bury his head in the sand. Yet, he knew it wouldn't give him peace of mind.
Someone had to tell the men what had happened. They had lost each other because of a lie. Taking a deep breath, he said in a soft tone: "Raine never cheated on Juice. Someone did a dirty trick to sabotage their relationship and I'm the only witness." He swallowed as he admitted: "And the moment they know I talked, I will lose everything. The club, my safety — they might even cut off my fucking tongue." Skittishly, he looked at the girl. "But I neither want two people I care about to die inside because of my cowardice." He took a deep breath. "Do you understand my dilemma?"
With shocked eyes, Skye stared at him. To his surprise, she took his hands. "How horrible are they for burdening you with this! That's not how one should treat his brothers!" She squeezed his hands. "Juice and Raine have to reconcile, Phantom. We have to come up with a plan to bring them back together and to keep you safe."
His shoulders sagged. "But how?"
For a while she gave him a pensive look, then, her eyes started to sparkle. "I think I have an idea..."