ROTTEN LOVE - Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Zain grips my waist with both his hands. He slams his body to me as his lips devour me.
The sensation sparked a fire under my belly but I tried my best not to give it ignition. He is wrong. I don't want him.
It's the last thing I desire. This whole time I wanted nothing to do with him. All I desired from him was cooperation. Yet, his lips are sinful.
Every brick I placed up against his charms seems to be tumbling down, and it is terrifying.
I place my hands on his biceps and squeeze them.
Stop. Please stop Zain.
I don't want to forget all he has done and what he has cost me. I hear a rumble in his chest and his hands move up my body. They enter- twine in my hair as he moves us.
Seems like everyone is taking advantage of their shots today. My heart speeds up as cold marble meets the small arch at my back.
His right bicep flexes under my hand as he bends down slightly and uses his hand to lift me from my thigh. My body aids and hops on the counter.
My mind becomes more muddled. I have to stop this. I push away.
"Stop, Zain," I tell him.
He sucks my bottom lip and moves my chin up. "The only way I stop is if you will it."
"Why must I use my charm? A gentleman should take no as an answer." I look down at us.
The way his body has wedged between my thighs.
My heart almost stops at the sight of his grin. The left corner of his mouth slightly lifts.
"I never said I was a gentleman."
"Clearly," I gulp.
He brings his hand up my back, bringing my body closer to his and to the outer part of the counter. The other hand lays possessively over my thigh.
I can see his intention to move in for another kiss so I take his suggestion to heart. I will him to stop and he does not move any further.
He grins again. "That's cheating."
"And a rather good recommendation. Thank you." I give him a cheeky smile back.
He does not seem angry by my defiance. He seems charmed. His smile gets bigger and my eyes sparkle at the sight.
I would have done anything to keep him happy. I have no right to be cheerful at the moment. I look down and check my feelings.
When I bring my vision back to his eyes, my features have hardened. "I should be going now."
I push him away but he does not move. His hands seem hotter on me.
I give him a look. "Although I can wish you off, I prefer you do the right thing for once."
He gives me a hard look, one that stares into my soul. "Helena, how many times must I apologize? I am sorry for deceiving you or not telling you the whole truth. But I did not plan Jason's capture nor the event at Jerry's cabin."
"While that may be true, it doesn't change the fact that your lack of sharing has cost me my brother, Maddox, and my coven, not to mention the damage it has done to Marisa."
"I have tried my best to rectify. My pack is on patrol 24/7. I have sent communications to the Ambroses as well about their demands. I am doing everything to get them back and will continue to do so, so please stop with the silent treatment. You are killing me."
"And you have killed a part of me that will never return. I'm a fucking failure Zain. All those witches had families. Families who are unaware that they are dead. I will have to break the news of how I was incompetent to keep them safe. What's the point of the power I have if I could not have helped them?"
"Blame me. Have them hunt me."
I think of the idea. Having everyone work toward his demise does not bring me happiness. It won't bring my witches back and it won't help heal the whole in my heart.
"That's not what I want." I look down, biting my lips to quell the whimpers wanting to come out. I'm a mess.
He brings my chin back up. "What do you want Helena?"
"I want my boys back. I want my family back." I try to say in the best steady voice.
"I'll bring them back Helena. Everyone."
His sister is missing. With all the hate I had, it was easy to forget that fact. He is also going crazy to find his loved one.
"Jason would never let anything happen to Maddie." I comfort.
He huffs a laugh, "Oh I believe it's the opposite. Maddie hates people touching her people."
"You don't have to tell me that," I remember my conflict with her. Our throw down for Zain's honor.
He laughs. Again, some of his warmth seeped into me. "They will protect each other."
I smile and quickly look down, trying to settle the giddiness I feel again. "You think she sees Jason as hers."
"He is her mate." He says.
I look at him. "Is that not odd? You mean to tell me that you don't think it's weird that we are mated to you all?"
He looks at me. His eyes are set on mine. I take a deep breath under his stare. Zain's hand makes it to my cheek and creates soothing strokes with his thumb.
"My father told me about your mother. She was everything to my family. My grandparents adored her. They were never okay with his obsession over her but part of them saw her as a worthy match. It's obvious that their love was not fated in the stars but we were. Perhaps, the blood of my father and mother needed to join, and your mother and fathers needed to unite to create our generation. They were missing pieces of the puzzle. But, once they found their love, they were whole, and the stars did intend to bind my father's and your mother's lineage together... I don't question why you were destined for me or Jason for Maddie. The goddess pairs the strong and our parents were indeed that."
"How convenient for the wolves to get paired with powerful ciphers? That was the allure after all for your father." I point out.
"My father loved your mother before they sought help from that seer and their fortunes got read. Sure, he went overboard. But can you imagine suddenly being responsible for the well-being of your children's mates? Also, we weren't alive at the time. You don't know how the tension between the wolves and the vamps was. My father tried to protect his pack. He only assumed your mother would want to do the same."
He believes my mother to be selfish. He does not say it but his tone indicates it.
"I'm sure she had her reasons." I defend her because there is a small part of me that does not understand what was so bad in her using her magic to protect the pack.
Even if she was afraid that Nathaniel was going to use us or was getting into more trouble, why didn't she try to talk to him? She could have approached the alpha, Nathaniel's father. Did she not feel compelled to help the rest of the pack?
She left the people who she grew up with for the actions of one guy. I'm sure my mother also cared for Nathaniel so she should have stayed. I don't understand what scared her so much to leave her home and choose to work for the vamps.
She knew we were going to be okay. Nathaniel had a reason not to hurt us. Figuring out her reasoning, that's the key to a lot of unanswered questions. I'm confident.
"Reasons I would love to learn," Zain trails off before looking at me. He contemplates something before moving back, giving me space. I hop off the counter.
When my feet touch the ground, I find myself at a loss. I have no clue what to do.
My efforts with Marisa have been futile. We have heard nothing from the Ambroses. We searched and searched Jerry's cabin. There was nothing useful.
I find myself with no destination or plan. Still, I decided to move. I make my attempt out the door but despite my best judgment, turn toward Zain.
"Marisa and Adam will be busy for a while. Is there anywhere I can go to think alone," I ask him.
Zain seems relieved that our interaction is not cut immediately short.
"Yeah, I do. Follow me."
He walks out the door and I follow closely behind. I have explored every inch of the compound. It makes me wonder where he could take me.
Following Zain's lead felt natural. Not in an inferior or submissive type of way. Rather it was comforting to temporarily not be the one responsible for choosing the right direction.
The goddess knows I haven't been doing that lately. We make it to the compound's library. A place I am familiar with.
"You could have told me the library," I scan the books on the horizon.
He smirks. That tease of a smile makes my insides molten. But, I think I completely melt when he thumbs a book down, and the shelves seem to release from the wall.
I've seen this in countless movies. The curiosity and excitement sprang me forward. Cautiously opening the bookshelf door, I walk inside.
It is a very small space, furnished well that seems to amplify the appearance of the room. The room is a light beige color with a picture board on my left, a desk coming from the wall and a half couch on the other end of the room.
There is a light smell of mahogany mixed with a cherry-type smell. It makes the area light and fruitful. I instantly feel invited into the space.
I take only small steps to get to the desk. There are a few books or logs on it. I grab a small thick journal-type book. The very top of the journal catches my attention.
Property of Cheryl Levine.
Cheryl is my mother's first name. Although I have never seen it attached to that last name, I quickly recognize it. Levine is Zain's last name, the alpha family's last name.
It confirms she truly was one of them. She adopted the name as hers. It's odd.
His stern voice catches my attention, "My grandfather built this for your mother. A space of her own where she can get away from everyone."
I look at the room with new eyes. This was a secure space for my mother in a different time of her life. She was my age while she was in this room. The feeling is surreal.
"Thank you. This is perfect," I look up at him.
"My father insisted on keeping everything the same. He never was able to walk back in here after she left. He ordered it to get cleaned frequently and I continued keeping it intact but this room has been unused otherwise," he says as I feel his presence stronger.
He has come in closer. Our breaths mingle. I cough to dwindle the tension. Bringing us back to our present, reminding him of the wall he needs to respect.
"What are these books," I ask.
"Not sure. Like I said, we left it as it is. My father never wanted to come in here. Nonetheless, read her thoughts or be reminded of his loss," he says with a tone of sorrow.
"Did you know my mom?"
It's impossible. She was in Vales by then. But his lament is audible.
He chuckles, clearing his throat. It hits him that he has let me in on something. I would appreciate if he acknowledges his feelings and not try to hide them.
"No. I lost him, more like never met him. He was present but would shut down often. My mother used to tell me he lost a sister when I was a kid. She would say daddy is sad because he is thinking in her," he chuckled again remembering.
"I would try to stick to him like a lost puppy and bring his mood up. It worked for a while. As we got older, he became more bitter and I was no longer cute enough for the puppy dog face," he looked at me, pouting his lips.
It lightens my heart. I laugh at his expression. The way his lip quivers and he bats his eyelashes.
"Not cute," I laugh.
"Ouch," he winces.
"But it would get a laugh out of me," I smile.
He smiles too, "I think besides missing her he started to blame himself. Me and Maddie were going to get older. We would have to see how everyone found their mates and we didn't. It ate at him. Maybe, he felt regret for pushing your mother. Perhaps, it was resentment that your mother didn't feel comfortable enough to talk before bolting. He was tormented till the last day."
Having lost part of my coven and not leading anyone right now, I know the hardships of a leader. Nathaniel had a hard position. He might not have done things the right way but it's hard to always know how. My mother didn't either. Actually, to me, her actions seem rash.
Zain's body has shifted closer. His shoulder lines behind mine. He stands out directly behind me looking down at my shoulder. Surprised at his proximity, I tilt my head up and our mouths get closer.
Our breaths dance. The heat of him sends shivers. It brings me back to what he said earlier. Our parents weren't meant to be. But, because we were.
Their lineage still called for each other but through us, it became a reality. Everything about Zain seems perfect. The only imperfect thing about him is that. It's the knowledge knowing that this shouldn't be natural.
He moves his face and our noses graze. I take a deep breath in. Instinctively, I lean my head forward and rest it on his. We both share the moment. We both relish each other's proximity.
"Helena, I need you. I am sorry. I will never stop apologizing. I wish I could take it all back."
I shh him because I simply want to enjoy the moment.
"Please, stop punishing me. Everything was out of desperation to find you. It was before I met you and I thought I had a handle on things. I underestimated the Ambroses..."
"Stop talking." I move my head side to side against his. He lifts it from mine and cups my face.
"Let me make it up to you my whole life. We will never give up, but be with me. I need you so bad it's soul-crushing."
I bite my lip under his scrutiny. He sighs in frustration.
"Fuck, Helena, these two weeks have been hell. Seeing you and not touching you. Smelling you and not burying into you."
My heart races as his gaze turns more predatory.
He pleas but sounds more like a sinful beg. "Be with me."
"I am," I say breathlessly, eyeing the room.
He brings one hand behind my back, crushing me to him, "All the way, in all ways."
I can't let him in again. It would make me a traitor. I would be disrespecting my witches and fallen vamps. This man has me but I cannot let him take me.
I look up at him. "I can't Zain. You own a big part of me whether I want to acknowledge it or not. I won't do anyone a disservice by allowing you to take me whole."
"They wouldn't want you to punish yourselves."
"Don't. You have no idea what they could have wanted."
He lets go of my face but keeps his hand behind my back possessively. "I'll settle."
"What," I ask confused.
"I won't have you. I do not intend to keep you but I need you. Give in just once."
I begin to protest but his lips descend on me. A harsh movement. No softness as his lips parted mine. I correspond but he bites my lip and I hiss, pulling away.
I scrunch my eyebrows. The action angers me but only to hide the arousal underneath. He studies me, only to grab me by my arms and pin me against the wall. A very loud thud echoes in the small room.
"Zain, what are you..."
His lips shh me again. When I correspond, he pulls away abruptly. Angering me some more.
"What the hell.."
He does it again. Lip crushing. Then retreat.
I don't say anything this time.
"Good girl." The praise straight up satisfies but I feel indignation.
I am about to protest when he gets closer to my face. His hands squeezed my arms hard, keeping them down to my side.
"This is what you need, right? I'll settle. I won't try to have you. You're a dumb bloodsucking sympathizer who is only good for a good fuck. So give in," his voice is stern but I hear the silent plea again.
He is detaching. Trying to make me do the same. He wants this so bad that he will play the part of a jackass if that makes it easier for me. I hear his words but I feel the hidden message.
"We will just fuck..."
Because we can't make love.
"You are free to do what you want after..."
Since you don't want to be tied to me.
"This can be carnal," he proposes.
He means I need you badly. I need you now.
I agree with his literal words. It's what I want. A free relationship. I don't even want to see this as that. Nothing that would make it feel like I am betraying everyone.
I make a decision and stare him down. I hope he gets my hidden message.
"I could use some fun," I smirk.
I want you too. I need you more.
He squeezes my arms and slams me to him. This time our lips don't separate.