Same But Different - Chapter 18: Chapter 18

The Worst Outcomes
I felt a strong wind sweeping against my face, when my eyes opened. It had gotten so windy, I was afraid a storm was going to pass. I closed the window and tried to recall where I was before I went blank.
“Dr.Nicholas” a voice spoke in my mind.
Subconsciously Yuri was reminding me, my eyes searched for the camera, assuming there may be a video update from Yuri. I crossed my fingers because I knew Yuri would be mad at me for seeking professional help but instead when I played the video, all I saw was fear in her eyes.
Fear for me.
“No!” I screamed at the video. My fists were urging to smash the laptop screen.
Belle was leaving tonight for good and it was my entire fault. My panic state was making my hands shake. I wanted to see Belle; I wanted to talk to Belle. All these thoughts weren’t going to stop her, I had to stop her and to do that I had to run. I opened the door and skipped some stairs making a huge jump on the floor and I ran outside.
The raindrops showered me, and it was so dark. I ran towards Belle’s house, I could make it before she left, I knew that confidently. But I had no idea what I was going to say to her. Truth was I did use Belle to make sure that I was really a lesbian. Belle was the person who brought the certainty that caused me to develop feelings for her, just feelings.
I wished they were strong enough for me to ask her not to go. I could feel my eyes tearing, but thankfully the rain made me look less of a coward. I made my finally stop in front of her house and I rang the doorbell.
“Sasha!” Belle exclaimed as she opened the door. She got out from her house and closed the front door behind her. I didn’t want to say anything; instead I just grabbed her and kissed her. She kissed me back softly.
The weather was cold, but our kiss was warm. Belle deserved better than me, I thought. But it was too late, I wished she’d had given me more time. More time to start loving her as a girl instead of as a friend. My fingers brushed against her soft face but Belle pulled away and our lips parted.
“Why are you leaving?” I asked loudly. I couldn’t imagine how my life would be without Belle.
“Because I have no choice, just like you” Belle responded.
“Belle, I . . .” I wanted to tell her not to go; I wanted to tell her we could work things out. But I couldn’t give her the certainty that I myself, wasn’t sure of. Too late, Belle burst out crying in front me, tears just flowing down her beautiful eyes. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.
“It’s over Sasha, there is no us, and there would never be. You would just end up becoming a memory” Belle’s words pained me. I couldn’t do anything about my situation except despise Yuri for making my life this way.
“Don’t say that Belle, I won’t become a –a memory” I stammered a bit.
“There is no point, Sasha. Results came back and Yuri is your real host. You’ll be trapped within her for the rest of your life. And I can’t be with you even if I wanted to” Belle cried out. I held my pain and the tears that were about to roll and reached out for Belle.
“Just leave Sasha, let me go. I can’t deal with this, it’s too much pain”
Those were her last words to me before walking inside her house and shutting the door. I stood in the rain breathless. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t, I wanted to get mad but I couldn’t. I was the ‘alter’, I had made my peace with it earlier but this time when Belle gave me the slightest hope, that hope was crushed too.
It was indeed over between Belle and me. Is this how my life was going to be?
What have I ever done to deserve such of a torture?
Will I ever love someone?
It was clear that my life wasn’t as easy as others. “If I am feeling like this then Yuri must be feeling worse” I thought.
Can she love again?
Can we work things out as host and alter?
I took small steps as I walked on the road thinking and asking myself questions that I could possibly never answer. Because I don’t know for sure what life would bring ahead. I have no clue what was in store for me and Yuri.
Suddenly I felt less appreciative of life, I felt unfair. What was the purpose of me being alive? Everything had a reason but there was no explanation for a problem like this. I realized what Yuri had done to me. She broke me, and tore me apart but then I remembered what she had done for me today. If it wasn’t for her, I would have never seen Belle again.
These lives what we lived, were so different, our thoughts were so different but we had to deal with each other. It was still raining heavily and after quite some time I had made my way in front of my house. I searched for the spare key that I left under the mattress but it was gone.
I held onto the door handle to see it was already open. “Maybe Yuri’s mum had come home” I thought. I barely see her anymore; she was always on a case, defending an innocent against crimes that they were wrongly accused of. I opened the door wide and went inside the house, none of the lights were switched on and it was so dark. I made my way to the stairs assuming Yuri’s mother was in her room, and then I heard a male voice behind me which made me jump.
“I’ve been waiting for you” said a male figure near the kitchen counter. I couldn’t make out his face but he seemed scary.
“Who are you? “ I let out a small cry; I feared talking as he took big steps coming towards me.
“Don’t take another step towards me!” I yelled as the man came towards me. He took my hand and slammed me on the floor.
Who was this man? Is he going to hurt me? I thought.
“You ruined my life!” he yelled at me angrily.
I hadn’t the slightest clue to what he was referring to. I could smell the scent of liquor spreading in the living room. He was drunk, and he was going to hurt me. The weather outside was still stormy, a lightening flashed to the living room, giving me the only option to reach for any object  so I could defend myself against this dangerous man.
But the only object I could find remotely near was a flute. A freaking FLUTE! He walked towards me again. I could feel my heartbeat rising, I wouldn’t let this man hurt me or Yuri. I knew I had to be strong at this point, I had to protect myself. I held onto the flute tightly in my hand hiding it behind me.
“Who are you?” I yelled again. His eyes grew wide, he looked like a monster.
“You ruined my life and now you act like you don’t even know me? You little shit!” He grabbed the collar of my t-shirt. My throat tightened. It was now or never.
“I am   . . . “he began. I outstretched my arm with the flute which was still in my hand and gave him a huge blow on the face.
He finished his sentence with a slow murmur then passed out on the floor. I felt myself short of breaths. I got up and picked the phone and called 911, then called Mrs. Williams. I stood in the living room, this time with a knife in my hand, looking at the man who was still passed out and ready at any second to be awake. It took me a while to make out what he said right before he passed out.
All of a sudden it hit me. I recalled his words and it screamed inside my head.
“I am YOUR FATHER!”
I looked at the drunken man on the floor again and then I looked at the knife in my hands. I didn’t understand the situation because it looked so confusing. Yuri had told me her father was gone. I heard the sound of a police car siren; I let out a long sigh realizing I just got rid of this horrible man. Yuri’s mum burst through the door and hugged me tightly.
“Did he hurt you? Are you okay?” She asked sobbing.
“I’m fii -ine” I managed to say. Yuri’s mom looked at man who was taken away by the ambulance.
“I didn’t know he was released Yuri, everything is going to be fine, you are going to be fine. I’ll always protect you” Yuri’s mother chanted.
“Why did Yuri need protection from her father?” I thought.
The Police asked the few questions and I answered them honestly, and they left. Suddenly I had many questions I wanted to ask from Yuri, and I needed answers. I ran upstairs and went to my room. It was a long night filled with many events that took place. I turned to reach for the camera when something caught my eyes. I looked at the mirror that was filled with letters which formed this sentence.
“YOU RUINED MY LIFE AND I WILL RUIN YOURS!”
The letters were written with Yuri’s red lipstick that was on the study table. I had a bad feeling in my gut. This was serious, this was a threat. All I could do was stare horrifyingly at the mirror.
And I could hear Yuri scream in my head.“You should have killed him when you had the chance!”