Same But Different - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Darkness filled with Light
I took a deep breath in and spilled out the words that magically formed up a sentence, one sentence I thought I’d never have to say.
“I want you to eliminate me for good”
Before Dr. Nick responded, it was Jason who broke the silence with drama.
“What? No fucking way. You brought me here to do this?”
“I have to. It’s the only way”
“Bullfuckingshit. It’ll destroy Yuri. You can’t do that. Get up we are leaving right now” He commanded.
“I’m sorry Jason, if you want to leave you can, but I’m doing this whether you like it or not”
“What is it with you and Yuri, both are hella stubborn. Sasha you can’t do this”
“Watch me” I glared at Jason and turned back to face Dr. Nick “So can you help me?”
Dr. Nick stared at me for a while to see if I was serious. I was serious, I needed to give Yuri her life back and stay the hell away from her. It’s for her own good. She’ll thank me one day, I’m sure.
“I can prescribe you with a few medicines that’ll make you go away. But it only works if Yuri takes them, how are you sure she would?” Dr. Nick asked.
“That’s why I brought him along with me. He’ll convince her, I’m sure” I looked at Jason with high hopes. He shuddered. Boy, how more grumpy could he get?  I tried to look positive; I tried to look like I’m okay with this. Truth was, I was terrified.
One day I’m here and the next day I vanish? But isn’t that how life works? One day you’re living and then next day death comes whether you like it or not. I’ve had my time in the world sharing a body with someone extraordinary like Yuri. True, we had our differences but Yuri would always be my star.
“Are you allergic to anything?” Dr. Nick scribbled down something on his prescription pad.
“No, not that I know of” I shook my head.
“I need a CT scan and a MRI” He said before giving me the prescription. “I’ve never seen a case like this before. I want to see the scan, so I’ll give you this only if in return you promise me a CT scan and a MRI today”
“You’re stubborn” I murmured after collecting the prescription from his hands.
“Gee, I wonder where he learned that from” Jason spat out sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at his comment.
The following hour required me to stay still while Dr. Nick figuratively picked my brain. He wanted to see the magic he said. But what was the magic? Nothing about my existence had anything to do with magic or science. I always left it up to fate. Fate would show me why I existed but I was wrong. Fate only showed me all the reasons not to exist.
Dr. Nick told us to wait until he got the scan results back. But I didn’t want to hear how extraordinary Yuri’s brain was to create something like me. He made me sound like an object and it made me despise myself a lot more than I already did. I was told to wait in the waiting room by Jason. To my surprise he offered to buy the medicines that Dr. Nick prescribed. I guess this was it, once I take the medicines I would be gone and Yuri would get to live her life. I’ll be able to save at least one from getting destroyed.
“What are you doing here?” I snapped back into reality only to find Belle standing in front of me.
Uh Oh.
“I came here . . .” I began but she didn’t let me finish my sentence.
“If you’re here to talk to me about what happened, I don’t want to hear it” It was nice that Belle now knew to separate both me and Yuri. I don’t know how she does it but she never cease to amaze me.
“Your brother wanted me to get a scan. He was excited when I let him take the scan. I’m here for the results”
“Are you okay?” Her concern was unavoidable. She even reached out her hands to touch me but then she put them away.
“I’m fine” I told her bluntly. If she knew the real reason why I was here, she’d probably try to stop me but I don’t want anyone else to know other than Jason. I saw Jason open the door and walk towards us, so I gave him an expression which he fortunately understood. He carefully put the medicines in his pocket and walked up to us.
“Hey Belle” Jason greeted.
“Since when did you two become friends?” she asked rudely. Jason ignored her. We three waited until Dr. Nick was back. He looked at us from a far then signaled us to come inside his office. I looked at Belle, who didn’t bother asking if it was okay for her to tag along. She did, and a part of me needed her there.
Jason closed the door behind him, and I sat down on the chair. Dr. Nick sighed as he kept the scans on the table. Belle spoke first.
“Is . . . something wrong, Nick?”
Nick looked at me first then at Belle.
“Can I talk to Sasha privately?” His voice turned firm and cold. Jason looked at Belle while Belle stared at Nick.
“No way in hell we’re leaving this room” Belle said stubbornly to which Jason agreed. I smiled at their support but what I needed right now was for Dr. Nick to spill whatever’s in those results.
“How bad are the results?” I managed to ask.
He sighed again. That bad? Really? I wondered what was wrong.
“Sasha, I afraid Yuri has a tumor in her brain” He broke the news. I felt all the strands of hair in my body come up, I felt the shock and goose bumps. I stared at him expecting him to laugh and say he was just kidding but he buried his face in his hands like he was helpless. Belle came forward and pressed my hand while Jason just stormed out of the room angrily.
“You can fix it; tell me you can fix this, right?” I asked quickly.
Dr. Nick took the x-rayed scan of Yuri’s brain and switched on the white light to explain it a little better so that I would understand. How was I supposed to understand this? Everything changed within a blink of an eye!
“Look at this” He pointed to a dark faded spot on the right side of Yuri’s brain. “That’s the tumor and it’s on a spot that’s inoperable. It’s too risky to operate and remove it. If I don’t operate on her, she dies. If I do, she still dies” Dr. Nick sighed. “I’m so sorry Sasha”
“Find another way! Yuri can’t die!” I yelled as I slammed my fist on the table. Belle hugged me from behind and tried to control me.
“Nick, there has to be a way” Belle cried.
“I’m sorry Belle but there isn’t anything I can do. She has at least a month or so”
A month? Yuri has one month to live?
“What about the disorder? Does the disorder have anything to do with the tumor?” I asked him.
“No, Yuri has Dissociative Personality Disorder. The tumor makes your case rare. It was the reason why you both were able to communicate well with each other and hear each other’s thoughts, express feelings” Dr. Nick let out a small breath before he continued. “Sasha, I strongly advise you to not take those medications. It may worsen Yuri’s state”
I got out of the room and found Jason throwing away the medicines into the trash. I didn’t object, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. No words were able to escape from my lips.
“You wanted to vanish, didn’t you?” Belle nagged.
I looked at her but I couldn’t reply. I couldn’t express what I was feeling. I didn’t know what she was feeling either. But one thing I knew was that I wasn’t going anywhere. Belle didn’t ask any more questions; instead she hugged me tightly as tears slid down her cheeks. Life was unfair and the three of us now agreed to it.
-                                                                 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Are you going to tell her?” Belle asked me as we walked home.
“I don’t know”
“No offense Belle, but I think we should show another doctor” Jason suggested.
“None taken, I think so too” Belle agreed with him.
“You heard Nick, it’s a tumor and it’s inoperable. It’s incurable.” I murmured as I walked lifelessly on the side of the road.
“There has to be a way” Jason stressed.
“It’s my fault; I should’ve known the signs. All those headaches, if I’d caught it at an early stage, the tumor wouldn’t have grown so big. It’s my entire fault” I broke down. I’ve tried to protect Yuri all my life and this just proves how much of a lame job I’ve been doing so far.
“Don’t ever blame yourself. You couldn’t have known. Yuri or you never looked sick” Belle hugged me again. We three were heartbroken, and helpless.
“What do I tell her mom?” My voice cracked as I let it out as a whisper. I couldn’t handle telling Mrs. Williams that her only child had a brain tumor that was inoperable and that she has one month to live.
“We have to tell her. She usually comes home at night, so we better be prepared. We three will tell her together but after you tell Yuri” Jason replied.
“Oh god, this can’t be happening” I cried out. Just a while ago I was about to eliminate myself for the benefit of the future but it seemed like the worst thing to do now. I swore to be Yuri’s shield of protection but I couldn’t stay on my word. My knees felt weak and the only way I was able to walk home was by the support of Jason and Belle.
I wasn’t taking this news calmly, instead I felt like it was literally wounding me. I had ignored all the signs. All those headaches and the constant hunger. I didn’t even bother to go to the hospital and check it out. I had failed Yuri as her alter.
Leaving them both on the couch, I went upstairs to my room to find the camera. I had to tell her first, I was afraid but Yuri needed to know about her illness. About OUR illness. Whatever happens, I’ll carry half of her pain, I’ll make her less sufferable. I’ll still protect her to death. But I didn’t want to think about Yuri dying, my mind was more concerned about how she’ll live.
I turned on the camera but before I could press record, I felt dizzy. I felt the darkness surround me and the energy in my body being stripped away. Before I knew it, I was on the ground barely breathing with my eyes shut tightly.
-                                                                               - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Darkness had swallowed me. I was awake but I was somewhere else. It was dark, whenever I was. I wasn’t dead, I knew that but I felt different. I heard footsteps getting closer. I wasn’t alone; someone else was here with me.
“Sasha?” Yuri appeared in front me. What’s happening?
“Yuri! Where are we?” She walked towards me and grabbed my hand. I could feel her, I could touch her and I could talk to her. How on earth is this happening?
“You’re unconscious” Yuri reminded me. Her face looking so worried. I realized that I was still unconscious but I couldn’t make sense of the moment I was having right now. Being unconscious had finally led me to meet Yuri. Her brain sure has plans in store for her.
“How is this possible?” I pressed her hand tightly.
“I don’t know” She replied gazing into me. “You look different” Her response took me back. I touched my face but I couldn’t still see how I looked like.
“Yuri, I have something to tell you” I blurt out.
What better time to tell your host that she has a brain tumor when you’re physically face to face with her inside her head?
I frowned at the thought but I decided to go along with it. I took a deep breath, and looked at her. I wasn’t afraid anymore. Even through the darkness, she was full of light. Before I could say anything else Yuri grabbed me and kissed me. Hard.