Same But Different - Chapter 47: Chapter 47

Belle’s POV
Doing The Right Thing
You know how sometimes you feel like there is a fine line between love and hate. And when you stand in the middle of it, you lose all sense of the feelings until you feel numb inside. I always believed love is stronger than hate. Think about Beauty and Beast for a second, didn’t love beat hate? But I am still stuck in the middle. How’s that fair?
It wasn’t the time to complain, I know. But right now there isn’t a single person who would understand what I’m feeling. I still love her; I still do even after she told me she doesn’t. Even after I learnt that she is going to die. The one I love is going to die, and it still hasn’t hit me yet. I am still drowning myself over the fact that she rejected me. Does that make me a bad person?
I guess so.
Why am I not crying over the fact that she’s dying? Why are these tears flowing down my cheeks the result of rejection? Maybe I haven’t gotten enough closure, or maybe I have hope that Sasha would survive this.
On the other hand, it was Yuri who had the tumor and the one suffering is both her and Sasha. I don’t know how I feel about Yuri at this point. I feel sad for her, but then there’s this strong feeling of hatred towards her. Does THAT make me a bad person?
I think so.
Why am I talking to myself? I thought again while sitting on the swing. The last time I came here, I was with Sasha. I had given her an option to leave Yuri for good, but that day she chose to protect Yuri. I don’t wish Yuri any harm, I just wished it was me but that’s the least of the problems right now. Why couldn’t I get that? Why can’t I still understand? Is something mentally really wrong with me? Or am I just a horrible friend?
Maybe.
Normally sitting here, I was always able to forget all my worries but I couldn’t. I couldn’t face rejection. I couldn’t face reality. I was just loser Belle and will always be her. I’ve cried a million times in front of Nick to save her, but there is nothing even my most talented brother can do, if it out of his power. Time was running out, and all I feel is not anxiety but numbness.
“Belle?” My little bubble was burst by an unknown voice that echoed behind me.
“Whitney?” I questioned while staring at her face. I knew it was her but why on earth was she talking to me?
“I had a feeling that was you. I recognized the hair from behind but then there were no glasses, so I was a bit confused there for a second” Whitney walked beside me and sat on the opposite swing.
“What do you want?” I rolled my eyes as I asked. Every time I see this girl, I remember the video of Sasha and her kissing that went viral and it boils my blood.
“I just wanted to ask you where Yuri is. She hasn’t shown up for school and I saw Mrs. Williams drop by the school to talk to the principal and she looked very upset. You must know what’s going on” Her face stayed still and serious throughout her words.
“Why on earth do you care where Yuri is? Are you asking me this, so you can spread false rumor across the school?” I crossed my arms and decided instantly not to tell her. Yuri wouldn’t want the school to know about this, and neither would Sasha. Time to be a good friend.
“If I was spreading false rumors I wouldn’t have bothered to ask, now would I? I am just curious, that’s all. I hope she’s doing alright. I’ve been meaning to talk to her for a while now and she just disappears right after yelling that she’s a lesbian at the cafeteria. I have a feeling something is going on.”
“Why do you even care, Whitney? Everything you did after being popular has shown nothing but that you are full of poison and evil. Why on earth are you saying that you care about someone who is your rival and expect me to believe that all this is else nothing but sincerity” I threw my hands in the air and stood up.
“I have feelings for her . . .” Whitney murmured quietly.
“Huh?” I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly but I think Whitney just said that she likes Yuri.
“I have feelings for Yuri, okay? One truth to another, where is she?”
“Since when?” I blurted out. Obviously it didn’t matter but some part of me found me being curious.
“Really? We’re doing this?”
“Oh hell yes! We are doing this” I sat back on the swing.
The next few minutes I waited as words flew out from Whitney’s lips and touched my ears. If life had taught me anything, it was just that Love isn’t about being a coward. Ironically, I wasn’t the coward in my situation, Sasha always was. But when it came down to Yuri, Sasha wasn’t the coward.
Although Right now I would feel like a coward if I hadn’t told Whitney about Yuri’s situation but I would’ve felt like a bitch if I hadn’t told her while she could’ve confessed to Yuri before it was too late. It was still too late, but I guess there isn’t a specific time to tell the person you like or love them. There’s never a right time, there’s always a right circumstance. I explained the situation to Whitney, but leaving Sasha out of it. I believed it was the right thing to do and from now onwards I wanted to do the right thing.
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“No! You can’t tell Sasha about this!” I complained to Jason who stood in front of me outside Yuri’s ward.
“Listen Yuri may be one of the 3 percent to survive, we’ve got to give this a shot” Jason tried to explained as I shook my head. I stared at the ground having the same feeling I had before. Numb:
“Sasha will be gone!” I whimpered.
“Sasha would be gone, one way or another. We could save one of them. We could get Yuri back!”
“Why is Yuri on board with this? How could she just kill Sasha off like this?” There I go again, my brain must’ve been working half way since all I seem to care about is Sasha’s well-being. Even Mrs. Williams and Nick was okay with this but I somehow couldn’t stomach this in.
“Yuri doesn’t know that if she survives the operation, Sasha would be gone. I sort of omitted that little part. I was thinking we could discuss it with Sasha” Jason replied guiltily.
“Sasha would agree within a heartbeat. She’ll be ready to die for Yuri. How is that fair?! I am going to talk to my brother!” I tried to push my way through Jason’s chest but he didn’t budge.
“Your brother said he can’t do anything else. Belle, I know there’s history between you and Sasha but right now I need you to focus on Yuri. You’ve known her before you knew Sasha. You met Sasha because of Yuri. They always say that the brain is a mystery, it created the perfect companion for Yuri. Listen, everyone has someone to vent all this craziness on. Yuri has Sasha, Mrs. Williams has that professor who’s with her all the time. But me, I need you to hold my hand right now. Because this brave mask that I put on, may fall anytime and if I can’t be show Yuri a straight face, she’ll lose hope. She needs my help, she needs my support and I can give it to her as long as I don’t lose my mind. So Belle, could you be my rock? Can you for the love of god just calm down and think this straight and logically? Could you do that for me?” I stared at Jason not realizing g how much stress he was under. His eyes were red, almost as if he hasn’t gotten a goodnight sleep.
“Okaay, I guess I could do that” I whispered.
“Thank you!”
“I get it, I know it’s tough trying to be tough in this situation. I guess I really do get carried away with Sasha. I’ve been a mess ever since Yuri apologized, I don’t know how I feel and I keep feeling numb inside. Like someone with no feelings, reality still hasn’t hit me yet” I sobbed out loud. Tears poured out of me but I still felt empty inside.
“You vent on me and I’ll vent you on you. All what we needed was each other. And what Yuri needs is everyone and so does Sasha.” Jason gave me a small hug and let go quickly. It was weird how things were turning out but it made me feel a little better.
So now what?” I crossed my arms and waited for his reply.
“Now we wait for Sasha to show up”
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I watched Sasha’s face was Jason told her about the operation, at first she thought she’d make it too but when she understood she’ll be gone, I could tell she was disappointed. She didn’t look sad, or nor did she cry. She was just the bravest girl I’ve ever met. Her bravery makes me want to cry.
“Oh” Sasha paused for a second “If Yuri survives, I die and if Yuri dies, I still die”
Jason and I nod slowly in unison. Jason stared at me looking for help. I held his hand slowly and pressed it a little harder. I knew he was trying not to cry but as for me, my feelings never hide under the shadows. They always find a way to sneak out. I burst out crying and hugged Sasha as tightly as I could. I wasn’t ready to let go of my first love. It sucked when I lost her to Yuri but it sucked more when I am losing her to death.
“It’s okay, she’s better off without me anyway” Sasha tried to be positive, but how many times can how many lies fix everything?
“If Yuri knows about this, I don’t think she will agree to do the operation” I knew what her answer would be, I knew how selfless she was. And although I adored her for it, right now I wished she could be selfish. I wished she could have a flaw in her to make me close to hating her.
“I know which is why we won’t be telling her. Just tell her I’m on board and that I love her” But no. This is how Sasha is; this is the kind of person you’d treasure for life. Although unknowingly or unintentionally Sasha had hurt me, I knew she has always told me the truth. She always believed in the good of people. She has changed, defended and loved Yuri. She is an amazing person and that’s why it’s so hard.
I’m not in the middle of love and hate. I’m not above it or below it; truth is I am nowhere near it. Sasha inspired me but also killed a piece of me. Day after tomorrow is the day I’ll lose Sasha but hopefully gain Yuri. It was time to do the right thing, it was time to not complain but appreciate.