Same But Different - Chapter 57: Chapter 57

I held my breath in for a second and consumed in the air that surrounded me. This situation could end well or very bad, but I knew it had to be done. It had been more than a week since I was back but I hadn’t heard anything from Belle. A part of me wanted to ignore that, but then again a part of me wanted to at least say hi and thank her for being so supportive to Yuri during the whole tumor situation. I would be lying if I said Yuri is fine with me doing this, but I needed to clear the air between me and Belle so that I could move on.
I needed to start over, and I wanted a clean break.
I stood in front of Belle’s house, and waited after ringing the doorbell. Yuri had warned me about Whitney and Belle. She also warned me not to go and meet Belle, because she was insecure which I find hilariously cute.
Belle opened the door, and just stared at me. She took one good look, knowing it was me I predicted she’d slam the door at my face but she didn’t. She was calm and collected. After taking a pause, she began.
“I didn’t think I would ever see you again” Her voice was firm.
“I didn’t think you would want to” I chuckled a bit. I noticed how much she had changed within months, she looked really different, and I think if I am not wrong she was wearing makeup.
“Well it’s never good to just assume things” Instead of inviting me in, she came out of the house so we could chat in her yard.
“Lesson learned” I smiled. I honestly didn’t want to this conversation to be awkward, but why did it feel like it was getting there?
“How have you been?” Belle asked quietly.
“I’ve been home almost all the time. I am doing okay. How about you? How have you been?” I didn’t want to tell her why I was home all the time. I figured the best thing I could do right now was not to bring Yuri up. I stared at her, wanting to apologize but I couldn’t bring myself up to it, not right away anyway.
“Honestly,  . . .  I was broken when you left; I don’t even know how I feel now that you’re back. I am glad you’re okay and you made your way back. I guess I’m doing okay, much better” Belle attempted to smile. I knew I had to apologize to her and I knew I had to do it now.
“Belle . . . I just want to say that I am really sorr- . . .” I began but it seemed like I was interrupted by the cold ass bitch.
“Don’t you dare apologize to her!” Whitney yelled. I swear to god, this bitch is like a bad case of diarrhea, her shit is all over the place and she’s unstoppable.
“Please, stay out of this. And do it while I ask nicely” I responded with a cold stare.
“I am not scared of you, . . . Sasha” Whitney folded her arms and grinned as color drains from my face. My reaction must’ve been huge for Belle to apologize way earlier than I could.
“I am sorry, I had to tell her. Couldn’t lie to my girlfriend” Belle replied taking Whitney in her arms and kissing her. I couldn’t just stand there or go, I knew I had to finish what I started.
“So as I was saying . . .” I began again but Whitney interrupted me, again. If only there was a 12 hour period where all crimes were legalized like in the movie ‘The Purge’, I would kill this bitch first and burn her body and the sad part is that would be her punishment for just kissing Yuri.
“Now now, let’s calm down, shall we?” I heard Yuri’s whisper softly echoing in my mind.
“You broke her heart! You tore her apart and now you just want to simply say ‘I’m sorry’? Do you think ‘I’m sorry’ is going to fix how messed up she got? You don’t deserve to be forgiven for swaying her, using her” Whitney laid it on me like I was worse than a pedophile.
“Belle . . .” I ignored Whitney and went on.
“You still don’t get it, do you? I barely know you, but you are coward. You really are!” Whitney spat out the words.
“Okay, don’t talk to me as if you haven’t met me before? My fist has met your face before and right now my fist is really missing your face again. And also while you walk away, remember everything I said if I ever find you in front of my face again.” I shot back at Whitney. I literally barked at her until she made a frown and left us alone.
I looked at Belle who was quiet the entire time. I wanted to comfort her but it was not my place and me being nice is always mistook for something else.
“I’m sorry Belle” I came straight to the point no more beating around the bush. “I truly am. At one point I honestly did have feelings for you and overtime Yuri taught me how to get over those feelings and somewhere along those lines I fell out of love with you, and fell in love with her. I never ever meant to hurt you. I never meant to always leave you hanging. I never meant to not return gesture to your feelings. And I know me always putting Yuri first hurt you the most. It was natural back then as it is now.”
“Sasha . . . you don’t have to. . .” Belle began.
“I want to tell you everything, you were my first friend. We were best friends. I could trust you; I could rely on you and honestly I guess I may have taken advantage cause of it. I dragged you into battles between a host and an alter. I couldn’t make up my mind when you were so sure about what you wanted. It was complicated, honestly it was. But you have to know I am sorry about it. You must know that I never intended to hurt you like that.” I felt the weight lift over my shoulders as I apologized to Belle.
“It’s fine. I’m okay. I’ve moved past it now. I am happy with Whitney. She was there when I needed someone. I needed someone to just hold me and tell me it was going to be alright. I needed that person to be you for some unknown infuriating reason. I believed us to be something, I thought we were something but there was never a label on it. I knew dealing with Yuri was troublesome, but I was blindly in love with you, Sasha” Belle shook a bit as she spoke out. We needed to have this conversation; I needed to give her closure.
Belle continued. “After you left, I tried remembering you as an old lover who just passed away. I tried to ignore the fact that you chose Yuri over me again, and that you’d do it again and again without a hesitation. But when you came back I knew I had to face the truth. I guess maybe I was a little paranoid when it came to you.” She chuckled a bit. “The reason why I didn’t go see you is because I’ve learnt to let go of it. I just needed you out of my system and whatever I and Whitney have going on here is helping me to do that.”
“I am glad you found someone you finally can rely on” I replied.
“I know Whitney can be a little annoying” Belle responded.
“A little? Exaggerating much? She’ll a little over the top I think”
“You’re in no position to judge, heartbreaker” Belle stuck out her tongue and laughed a little. I felt better to have talked to her about how I felt. It needed to be said and old wounds needed to be healed.
“Well, I had that coming, I guess” I chuckled a bit.
“I hope you find happiness with her. And I hope she puts you first as you’ve always put her” Belle leaned in and gave me a small peck on my cheeks. She was kind and forgiving. She was strong, I could’ve sworn the old Belle would’ve cried but this girl was willful and tough.
“Thanks Belle. I appreciate you hearing me out”
“And I appreciate you coming out from the dead to apologize to me”
“Anytime” I whispered slowly as I watched her walk back inside the house. Belle had definitely changed a lot overtime and it was for the good. I remembered the old Belle, with the glasses and always trying to do Yuri’s homework for her. Those memories were to stay, and now new memories were to be created. I knew it was the mature thing to do. Apologizing to Belle helped me redeem myself, it has helped me to forgive myself too. And with Yuri by my side, I’ve begun to accept myself.
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“What’s up Haynes?” I yelled at Jason who jumped at the sound of my voice. After leaving Belle’s house I was feeling much better, I had cleared the air between us and now I guess I can start over my life with Yuri without any bad blood between others, excluding Whitney of course.
“Hey, let me guess . . . Sasha?” He lifted his eyes brows as I frowned. “Sasha it is”
“Why did you jump like a scared cat when I called your name?” I nudged him while he attempted to ignore me. I walked side by side with Jason wondering where he was going all suited up. Something was clearly up with him, only if I knew what. ”Where’s your car?”
“At home, I’m walking today” He said quietly.
“Why?”
“It’s more gentlemanly; look I’m meeting up with Paige, okay. So leave me alone.” He fixed his tie slowly as he walked. I kept following him like a stray animal.
“You really like this girl, don’t you?” I asked him curiously. It’s not every day you see Jason Haynes falling in love.
“I already passed that stage, I think I’m falling in love with her” He lifted a rose from his pocket and kept staring at it.
“Whoa Jason, really? She’s not even your type!” I blurted out bluntly. It was difficult to wrap my mind around those two.
“You are not the one to talk, besides what do you think my type is?” Jason replied. He had a point. There is literally no one in the planet who can wrap their minds thinking about me dating Yuri.
“You like hot messes, from what Yuri told me, Paige seems like a straight forward upfront church going kind of girl”
“I don’t care about that. I like everything about her, just not the part where she has to hide from her father to come to meet me. I’ve never dated a girl while hiding from everybody. So you can see why I’m panicking.” Jason stated. He was honestly serious about this girl.
“No I don’t get it. Why are you panicking?” I looked at him taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself.
“I am going to ask her father if he’ll allow Paige to date me” Jason cleared his throat. I stared at him in disbelief almost as if he had just joked with me.
“Are you out of your damn mind?!” I yelled out on the street. I didn’t care who was looking. What Jason was about to do was ridiculous. I wished Yuri was here to kick him, punch him in the face and put some sense into him.
“Does it matter?”
“Whoa dude, hold up. . . let’s think this through for a second, shall we?” I tried to reason with him. Was he drunk? Or on drugs? He was definitely high, he has to be high to keep saying this.
“There’s nothing to think through. Paige doesn’t think I’m sincere about this relationship. She thinks I’m that same old Jason Haynes, but I’ve changed. You know how I’ve changed” It was true, I admit I have seen how much Jason has changed within an year. Seeing him man up to his relationship was also proof of how much he has changed.
“I do, but can’t you just date her? Why do you want to involve her father into this? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And if he says no and forbids her from meeting you, you’ll miss the only chance that you had of meeting her in the first place.” I tried to explain him the easier way. But it seemed like Jason didn’t have any interest of hearing otherwise. He was determined and he had made up his mind.
“I want to do this right. . .”
“I know that you do, you don’t need to tell her father just to prove to her that you’re a worthy pick” I responded.
“Is that why Yuri hasn’t told Mrs. Williams about you yet?” Jason asked, trying to prove a point.
“With us, it’s different.” My mind came to that conclusion. Of course it was different with us. If Yuri told her mom about us, she’d probably freak out. Which is why we’ve never had that conversation yet. And I don’t think Yuri even wanted to have that conversation yet.
“How is it different? Don’t you love Yuri? If you do, wouldn’t you want to be accepted by her family as you, but not by pretending to be Yuri? The day when you ask Yuri to marry you, is that when you want Yuri to finally tell Mrs. Williams about you? Do you think she’ll welcome you with open arms that day or do you think if you tell her now, it’ll get easier later when the relationship goes to a point of a proposal?” Jason asked again. It bugged me where Jason was going with this. Of course I had thought about a life with Yuri, but I haven’t thought about involving anyone else, I was afraid of being not accepted by others.
“I umm . . . never thought that far ahead”
“Well I can see myself with this girl years and years ahead, so I need to start getting the approval of her father now, so I can work myself up into the future”
“Wow Haynes, never thought there will be a day when you’d beat me at love” I felt pathetic and defeated by Jason at this point.
“I am falling in love, and I am not giving up on her.  Think about what I said. You and Yuri deserve to be with one another. Which is why, I think it’s time to just close your eyes and tell the world you’re dating. Who cares what others think? At the end of the day you’re not dating them. At the end of the day you both are happy together”
“I’ll think about it” I replied silently. I knew I was going to think about it, in fact that would be the only thing I would think about from this point towards. Thanks a lot Jason!
“Anyways, we’re here. I am going to go and have a long talk with her father now. Wish me luck” Jason squeezed my hands before walking towards the church.
“Good luck Haynes! Oh oh what kind of flowers do you like?” My question put a halt in his steps. He turned around to face me with a confused look on his face.
“Huh, flowers?”
“Oh you know, for your funeral, I was wondering if you wanted flowers?” I laughed at my own joke, while Jason gave me a huge frown.
“Sometimes I don’t know whose more worse, you or Yuri?”
“Good luck Haynes, go get her!” He turned around and walked towards the church deciding his destiny while I stood there wondering about mine.
As if being a lesbian in this generation wasn’t hard enough, falling in love with an alter was worse. Even if Yuri’s mom agrees to our relationship, Yuri will still have to face the world. We still had to face the world.
How could we do that, how do we get others to understand how we feel for each other?
Was that necessary?
Did others need to know, did others need to accept us?
Why are we hungry for approval anyways?
We had each other. I loved her and she loved me. And yes, I’ve thought about asking her to marry me one day. But I’ve never thought about the consequences that laid ahead. Jason was right about one thing. If I wanted Yuri’s mom’s approval, now was the time to start. She needs to see how well I can take care of Yuri. How much I can and will love Yuri. And that I was and still am always ready to give my life for her.