Same But Different - Chapter 68: Chapter 68

Belle's POV
"You can do this" I whispered to the reflection staring back at me. I kept my compact powder away, took a deep breath and settled my thoughts. The blue suit complimented my red lipstick, and my curls bounced as I walked towards the entrance of the art gallery. Months of hard work had finally paid off and I had a feeling things were finally going to get better.
As usual, my cellphone rang again for the third time and this time I decided to pick it up.
"For the love of god Belle, pick up when I call. I was worried sick!" Jason yelled.
"Gosh Jason, don't you get tired of parenting everyone?"
"Well, someone has to make sure everyone is doing okay. Besides, today is your big day! I just wanted to . . . . what? Paige? Wait .. hold on . . WE just wanted to say we are very proud of you. Good luck and sorry for not being there with you, Kaiden won't stop crying and I don't think I've slept in months. WE hope you understand"
"It's alright guys. I miss Kaiden already. Did he like the gift I sent?"
"Yeah . . about that. I gave him a lot of toys; race cars, dinosaur teddy bears. I even tried entertaining him with a drone once but due to technical difficulties meaning my wife, I stopped doing that. Point is, Kaiden doesn't like any of those toys BUT the stupid thing you gave him. Which brings me to the other question I've been meaning to ask you. Why did you gift my son, a BARBIE doll, Belle?"
"What? Barbie's are cute! You should play with one" I smirked while pacing around the hall. Barbie's are indeed cute. I grew up with many different kinds of toys and never differentiated which toy was for which gender. I thought it best Kaiden grew up that way as well.
"I have tried taking it away from him, but he cries. He's very attached to it. And I'm very attached to my sleep. So I guess . . . it works out" Jason concluded.
"You know, I'd never have thought it, but you make an amazing father. I am so proud of you Jason" I say and there is a long pause. "Okay before this gets awkward, I'm hanging up".
I can already hear sniffles on the other end of the phone "Awww Belle, you know how much .."
I cut the line before he begins his long ass speech. Not today Haynes. I need to keep my shit together today. It's not my style to get emotional with Haynes. We became who we are by being so hard on each other anyway.
Keeping the phone inside my pocket, I made my way to the stall that was decorated with blue flowers. I decided my theme to represent Sasha, I mean Louisa, because it was she, who inspired me to become an artist. It was because of her, I went to Paris and focused only on art as a distraction. The distraction grew on me, and I have made something out of myself. I walked inside the stall and I could already see people staring at my drawings.
I was supposed to wear an identification card so people would know these were my drawings. I began browsing the different paintings that were hung. Even though the stall was dedicated to Sasha, these paintings were not. These paintings were inspired by Whitney.
I felt a wave of change in my mood by the thought of her. It was true, we had broken up after many countless fights. It was not the kind of relationship I was ready to fight for till the very end. At some point, I knew we were just drifting apart. I needed someone who could love me as if I am the moon and sun in their lives. I was ready to move in with her if that's what she wanted but she could never figure out what she wanted. She couldn't even figure out if I was who she wanted.
I am much more than that. I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who would be happy just by spending time with me. I deserve someone who keeps their promises. I deserve someone who wouldn't make me cry every night. I deserve someone who would not cheat on me with another guy just because they aren't really sure if they are fully lesbian or Bisexual.
It's been a while since we had broken up, but I often think about her and wonder if she had found who she was looking for. Because clearly, it wasn't me.
I put my thoughts to a halt and decided to reach for my identification card. But as I pulled it out, my hand got knocked over and it fell on to the floor.
"Oh holy fuck, I'm sorry!" A girl yelled and helps me pick it up. She doesn't look at the card and hands it over to me.
"It's okay" I say and stare at the girl with glasses, straight blonde hair, and sneakers and don't get me started on her tattoo sleeve.
"I'm sorry, err . . . I actually have to go buy this painting before some asshole takes it." She points at the painting behind her and turns to face it.
"That one is not for sale" I march behind her and say.
"You're joking, right? I saw this painting from two stalls up front and ran to buy it and it is not for sale? Just my fucking luck!" She stomps her foot on the floor. Based on her look, one would assume she wouldn't have such a foul mouth but then again, it was debatable.
"What is it that you like about this painting?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Are you saying you don't like it? I mean come on, look at it! It's fucking beautiful! There's definitely a story here" She says and her eyes are gleaming with excitement.
"What kind of story?"
"Okay, umm let's see. So the shadow is a chick and she's holding a black heart right? I mean, that's what everyone sees, right? But look at the heart, there's a speck of red in it still. So I'm going to assume, the girl has been through some tough ass times. And maybe everything that has happened has made her lose herself, resulting her red heart to grow darker and darker but still, she has some of herself left in her and she's holding her heart so close because she's afraid . . ."
"She might lose herself completely" I quietly finished her sentence, astonished. How can someone read into all that from just one painting?
"Yeah, exactly! It is not much use of colors but it doesn't need to be colorful to make people understand the pain behind the drawing. And I like pain, the beauty of it. It's raw and fresh." I stared at this girl as she went on explaining my painting as if she knew me. This particular painting was not for sale because I didn't want it to be. It was the painting I drew the night Whitney and I broke up. I spent the entire week drawing this, bawling my eyes out. This painting felt too personal for me to sell, but I hung it as a reminder to move forward.
"Why would you want to buy a painting that showcases a lot of pain? Most people like to hang paintings in their homes to brighten up the space" I remarked as she gets lost in my painting again.
"Well then maybe you forgot that sometimes pain brings pleasure as well." She lifts her eyebrows and smirks at me. Suddenly I feel a chill down my spine, trying to comprehend what she's getting at. I am definitely curious about her. She smiles shyly and puts her hand in her jacket pocket.
"I just realized I have been talking nonstop and haven't introduced myself yet. Hi, I'm Alex" She smiles at me and my gay radar breaks with uncertainty.
"Belle" I managed to say.
"Good thing you aren't Annabelle, cause that would give me scary doll vibes. I've dated Annabelle's before. And trust me, not worth the sex" She laughs.
"So you don't like scary movies?" I ask feeling my cheeks turn red.
"Oh I love them. There is a new scary movie out at the theaters. We should maybe go sometime?" She tucks her hair back and asks casually.
"I would like that a lot." I smile but this time; for the first time in a long time, I gave her my flirty smile.
"Great! It's a date then. You're very pretty btw. I've wanted to say that ever since I bumped into you accidentally. Please don't mind my straightforwardness. I like to tell it as it is" She says pridefully and I find myself blushing. For a second I forget I am standing in my own gallery and I have things to do. I give her my card, so she would have my number.
I can't stand the way she is looking at me like she's going to eat me. For a few seconds, we stare at each other, unable to break the silence. Is it just me or it's getting a little hot in here?
"Umm I think I should be . . ." I begin.
"Yeah, I got your cell number, right here so I'll call you" She turns around and walks away. I begin to look at my paintings and try to gather myself from the undeniable sexual vibes I just received. It probably must be all in my head, I figured since I don't remember the last time I had sex.
After selling almost all the paintings, I got out of the stall to make a quick call to Jason to tell him the good news. But I got a text as soon as I opened my phone.
"Imagine my surprise when I found out who the owner of the painting is"
I smiled. So she had finally figured it out. I reply quickly. "I needed an unbiased opinion and I'm glad you liked the painting"
"I knew there was something about you and now I think I'm hooked!"
"Haha is that so?"
"I'm still at the art gallery, I'm coming back to stall"
I wait for her to come back and she did. Her playful smile made me smirk harder.
"You liar, I should spank you" She says playfully and gives me a small hug. I could feel her hands slide on my back, giving me the tingles.
"I'm usually a bad liar but I think I did a good job" I reply, finally placing my identification card on my suit. We walk out of the art gallery, and it is already dark outside.
"I should drop you home; a painter of your talent must not go home alone" She remarks grabbing my waist.
"Fine, if you insist. I like being treated like a princess." Why am I being such a girl? I wondered as I sat down in her car.
"Well with me, please keep in mind that you will be treated like a queen" She squeezes my thighs and I can barely contain myself. She leans forward and I flinch, she smirks while reaching out for my seat belt. She takes the seat belt and gently locks me in. She places her other hand on my thighs and rubs it while I tilt my head back and close my eyes.
She leans in even more and whispers "All you have to say is stop, and I will wait to do this in the right order which is literally after three/four/five dates? Your call."
I smile at her and spread my legs so that she would have more access. She bites my lips first and then melts into my mouth, and I could feel her tongue piercing, giving me goosebumps. Her hands slowly says hi to my delicates and I moan endlessly in the car.
"Fuck, this is so hot, moan for me Belle"
"Just . . for the record, I'm usually not like this . . ."
"Same"
I never thought the backseat of anyone's car would be comfortable for my back as I rested, unable to catch a breath. Alex was on top of me, smirking as if she has won a lottery. She kisses me again and I go insane. I wanted more of her but I knew this was the end. I had to cut ties with her. I cannot possibly start another relationship with meaningless sex. It's what got me into this mess in the first place.
"I umm want you to know . . . that I'm not looking for a fling. I'm the all in relationship kind of girl" I decided to say.
"Hmm good to know" Alex hums and bites me on the neck. Why does that have to feel so good?
"I . . . we shouldn't meet again. I have done this before and this is what drove me insane the last time around. I'm sorry I can't . . ." I stuttered as I picked up my clothes and put them on. I quickly get out of the car realizing that there is no way I could possibly continue this.
"Hey . . . no. Please don't leave" Alex grabbed my hand softly and it took me back to that night when I begged Whitney to stay. There were too many unresolved feelings I needed to deal with. And walking out on Alex would be the best thing I could possibly do for myself.
"I'm sorry. I just can't go through this again . . . I hope you understand"
"Okay, okay Belle I'll understand but you can't deny this connection we have"
"I won't. I'm just not ready yet"
"Call me when you are . . . I have this uncontrollable urge to kiss you . . . to touch you, and if by any chance we see each other again; I will kiss you . . . hard." She gives me one last naughty smirk before letting go of my hand. She definitely has a weird talent of making every conversation hot and steamy.
I walked out to the main road to get into a taxi. I didn't want her to drop me home, because I knew I'll let her spend the night with me and this whole thing will start off as meaningless sex. A part of me hoped to see her again, but another part of me just wanted to heal from the pain Whitney had caused.
The taxi ride back to my new apartment was fast and for the most part, I couldn't help feel anything but alone. At least Sammy will be happy to see me. I walked inside my apartment and just as predicted Sammy runs to me and wagging his tail in delight.
"Yes, I missed you too" I laughed. Throwing my bag on the couch, I walked towards the kitchen table to grab an apple. Taking a bit from the apple made me miss Nick. He used to make the 'an apple a day keeps him away' joke every time.
The rest of the night I tossed and turned on the bed wondering if I made the right call. I took my phone and dialed the number.
"Hello? Belle?"
"Yes hi, I'm so sorry to call you at this hour" So I called my therapist. Sue me.
"Belle, it's 3 in the morning" Quinn replies. I didn't want to call him but this couldn't wait.
"I'm sorry Quinn, I need your help" I replied.
"Is this about Whitney? Was she there at your art convention?" He asked.
"No, not really. I umm nevermind. It's not important"
"If it wasn't important, you wouldn't be calling me in the middle of the night"
"Yeah but I think I should sit on this for a while"
"Sure, if it's sorted I'd like to go back to sleep. Goodnight Belle"
"Night, Quinn"
Maybe I'm thinking too much. But I was right, I can't keep on making hasty decisions so quickly without thinking. I need to sit on this for a while and if I feel like I'm ready, or if I know what is it that I want, I'll decide then. I'm just not sure what is it that I want yet.
One week, seven days, a hundred and forty minutes and eight seconds later.
"So?" Quinn sits his chair and waits for me to answer while I rest my head on his comfortable couch, throwing his stress ball up in the air. I have been visiting him ever since my break up and he has been very helpful so far. I have definitely moved on from Whitney, but the pain that I carry in my heart along with all the insecurities still float inside my head.
"So what?"
"Do you still feel the same way about this girl you met at the convention?" He lifted his eyebrows in curiosity.
"It's not like I love her, okay. It's just that I'm scared to put myself out there and she seemed like the type . . ."
"Type to what? What did we talk about jumping into conclusions?"
"But she has a foul mouth and she . . . I mean we did things, on the day we first met"
"Yeah, but you did those things with her as well. Maybe she would think you are the type . . ."
"To what? Hook up and leave? But I'm not!"
"So what if she's not?"
"Okay, but she initiated it."
"She also told you she would stop if you told her to stop, didn't she?"
"Yeah, I didn't want her to stop, though"
"Which brings me back to my previous question. So . . .?"
"I can't call her. It hurts my pride. Maybe she isn't the one for me."
"You wouldn't know that if you don't give it a try. Look Belle, Whitney was not sure about her sexuality even when you met her. But you know for sure, this girl is interested in girls. And who cares if what she wants from you is just sex or a relationship. You're allowed to have your fun and put yourself out there"
"You're right. Maybe I should."
Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way. I'm young, I'm sexy, I think.. I should be putting myself out there. Meeting people and getting out of my shell. My very reserved lonely shell. I walked out of Quinn's office, making up my mind to definitely text Alex. But as my luck would have it, she beat me to it first. All I had gotten from her was a location and a time.
- - - - - - -
"It's okay. I look great!" I convinced myself as the elevator stopped. My velvet red coat looked almost like a dress and I was proud of my choice. It was definitely to wow Alex. A part of me was excited to see her again and another part of me was terrified at what I was going to put myself into.
I walked a little bit more until I finally saw her. And as promised she walked over and kissed me.
On the cheek.
Disappointed, I followed her into the loft where a beautiful candlelit dinner was arranged. My eyes scanned the apartment and it looked neat and tidy. She poured some wine and offered to take off my coat.
Shaking my head, I managed to say "You did all this for me?"
"Did what? This is takeout food and the candles cost 2 bucks" She smirks. "I'm surprised you came though" She replies slowly. Her long sleeved top covered her tattooed sleeve and she seemed like she was trying to be someone she was not, for me. . .
"Yeah, I couldn't . . stop thinking about you" I replied weakly, clenching my legs together.
"That's great cause I spent the entire week thinking I screwed things up" She reached out for my hand and I could feel goosebumps down my legs.
"No you didn't." I felt my cheeks turn red.
"Which is why we'll take this slow. At your pace. I won't rush you into anything. In fact, you can ask me anything you want. Quiz me if you like. Let's get to know each other" Alex grinned and raised her wine glass. I almost choked on mine. What did she mean by taking things slow?
"I . . . umm" I began but I didn't know what to say. Yes, this is what I wanted. Go on a normal date, get to know someone before the sex. But since we had already crossed that line, I wasn't expecting her to be this . . . nice. "I'm having the painting delivered here tomorrow, I figured if I'm not selling it, you should have it"
"It's a beautiful painting. Kind of reminds me of myself" She bit her lips.
"So you've been heartbroken too?" I asked frankly.
"Not really. I guess I'm often misunderstood" She gave a side smile. Her eyes locked in mine, I felt like I could drown in them.
"Why are you still wearing your coat? Take it off. Make yourself at home" Alex smiled but I shook my head again. She reached for the coat but I brushed her hand away. "Why are you – wait a minute?" I palm my face in embarrassment as she realizes what was going on. "Belle, please tell me you're not naked under that coat"
I could feel the chill down my spine and the gulp down my throat. "I err . . ." I whispered.
"Fuck! What is it that you want from me, woman?" Alex drinks up all the wine and asks.
"I'm trying to go with the flow, okay. I like you" I replied.
"Fuck, I like you too" Alex grinned while slowly slamming her fist on the table. "What do you want me to do?"
"I don't know. Just be you, I guess? Don't try to be someone you're not. I need the real you" I replied as she tries to decide what to do next.
"Cool, just so you know. You asked for it" She smirks and throws her napkin on the table. "Dinner can wait. Time for dessert"
"Oh okay, what's for dessert?" I asked curiously.
Alex takes my hand and leads me into her bed. She walks over to the cupboard and opens the door. My eyes opened wide as I see what was stacked in the cupboard. She slowly takes out four tubes of paint colors and handcuffs. "Belle, tonight I want you to know that, your body is a canvas I would love to explore"
"Oh okay" I said quietly clenching onto her bed sheet, yes it was true that this is starting out same as how it started out with Whitney. I watched Alex throw the handcuffs to the bed. Okay, maybe not the same, just a tad different.
"You can take off your coat now" Alex smirks and I melt into her bed.