seven souls seven sins - Chapter 39: Chapter 39

Natasha's pov:
I just got off the phone with Seb and Flynn when I hear a knock coming from my door. "Come in!" I call out to whoever's there. Xander walks into the room. Ugh what could he want now? "Well?" I ask not knowing what he's doing here.
"I'm still pissed about earlier by the way." he mentions as he sits down on my bed. "Ew what are you doing get off." I say and try kicking him off with my legs. He tries to defend himself but I pull the ultimate younger sibling defence tactic. I roll onto my back and perch my legs up high. I begin kicking my legs in a bicycle motion whilst Xander tries to get to me.
I let a little laugh slip from my mouth.
He grins in satisfaction. I use all my strength and push him off of me. I pant in success. "What do you want?" I repeat again kinda out of breath. "Can a brother not want to spend time with his sister?" He replies as he arches one brow.
Xander wants to spend time with me? I'm not quite sure I'm ready to forgive him just yet but it's nice to see him make an effort to replenish our relationship. "Yeah, but you're different Xander. Now spill already, what do you want?" I question him again. Hopefully he'll actually answer this time.
"I just wanna check up on you and Harper." He finally admits. Nico? What could Xander want to know about us? I remember that I actually wanted to discuss something with Xander. I didn't want to talk about it with anyone else because they wouldn't understand.
"I actually have something to ask you.." I lead on.
"What is it?" He says intrigued and I get closer to him. We sit cross legged across from each other on my fluffy bed.
I wipe a strand of hair out of my face and ask "You know when you have girls over right?" I begin. He nods his head positively. I continue "Have you uh- ever had a strange feeling down in your stomach when you're with them?" He goes quiet. Shit, have I made things awkward again?
I watch him swallow his saliva.
He stares deep into my eyes. "Fluttering?" He sighs out loud. I nod my head to his response. "You hit the nail right in the head." I establish. "I have, but only with one girl, nobody could ever replace her." He admits and looks down. "She moved away when I turned 11. Her parents had to take that stupid job abroad. I haven't seen her since."
My heart sympathises with him.
"I'm sure you'll see her again, it's only a matter of time." I assure him. It was crazy how we weren't at each other's throats and that we were actually having a meaningful conversation. "Yea, it just so happens that everyone I love moves away from me." He sulks. Wait, was he also talking about me?
He loved me?
My heart melts at his words. I bring his hands to mine and hold them dearly. "Not everyone." I gaze upon his cyan iris. I swear I spotted a small smile on his face before it quickly disappeared. "Back to the fluttering feeling.." He starts again. I start to blush when I picture Nico's perfect smile.
He makes me feel things that I haven't felt before.
"Do you get that feeling with Nico?" He asks as his demeanour completely changed. I nod my head and try to hide the rosy tint on my cheeks, but it's no use. I could sense Xander's jaw clench and unclench in an unorderly fashion. "Since you've felt it before, do you know what it is?"
"Butterflies." He mutters.
"It feels like butterflies." He repeats again. I nod to show my understanding and murmur an "Ohhhhh." I guess that makes sense with all the fluttering going on down there. "It feels strange." I admit. "I only feel it when I'm with him." I add. He nods and demands harshly "You need to kill them."
What? Kill them?
"What do you mean?" I ask confused. "Squash them, drown them, do whatever it takes to get rid of them." He states. Huh? Just a mere moment ago we were discussing a heartfelt moment and now he's gone and turned it all around. "You just can't have them, not with him."
"He's a bad person Nat. Don't make the same mistakes that we did." He warns me.
"What do you mean mistakes? What did he do?" I'm so utterly confused.
"He's a fucking asshole, that's what he is." He states, ignoring my questions.
"No he's not! He's actually really sweet when you get to know him properly." I defend Nico. "Oh believe me, we knew him. Then he fucked us over. You don't know the real version of him." Xander scoffs.
"The person that you think you know is just a facade. I'm warning you now Nat. It's for your own good." He strongly declared.
"How do you know what's for my own good? I can decide that myself." I defend back. He doesn't get to say anything. Nico isn't like that, he's different.
"No, you're too blind to see that he's not the man you think he is." He finalises and storms out of my room in frustration. Also leaving me speechless in the process. Is Xander even telling the truth? Surely he's not as bad as Xander's making him out to be. Right? I'm sure that Xander just likes to exaggerate sometimes.
Yea, that's it.
I'm so confused between Xander's and my relationship together. One minute we were so-called bonding and then he turns it around within a split second. It's so annoying, he's so annoying. For a moment, I actually thought that he was maturing, I guess that I was wrong.
For a second I thought that he loved me.
I hate having false hope. I hate when people give me false hope even more. It irritates me to a point of no return. I hear another loud knock on the door. "Come innn!" I call out again. This time, Chase is the one to come in. "Dinners ready Irmã bonita." I hop out of bed and follow Chase down to the dining room.
Finally, no more room banishment.
I sit down in my usual seat and watch the two maids Helena and Lina come out with steaming hot dishes with rice and fried chicken on it. Smells heavenly. I bask in the aroma and everyone starts to eat. I have little chicken pieces add I some rice mixed together. It was really tasty.
It also filled me up.
I didn't speak to Vincent the whole time even though he was near me. I didn't speak to anyone, I liked keeping to myself at times like this. My social battery was already drained from today anyways. Chase's voice interrupts my thoughts. "Tash, and the twins, I'll be picking you all up after school and dropping you so be ready at 8. My car."
"Noted." I reply nonchalantly.
"Why?" Xander asked him with curiosity laced within his voice. "Vincent ordered a little quick stop for us." Chase replies with a mini wink. Ooh, I wonder what that could be about. When everyone looked finished with their meal, Adrien asked if I wanted to play Fifa with Xavier, Chase and him.
I glance at Vincent and he shakes his head negatively.
He's such a party pooper. "I can't sorry." I politely decline. Adrien has a confused look on his face and then it hits him. I don't want to get in the middle of whatever is gonna happen so I take my leave and scurry back to my beloved room.
Peace and quiet.
I grab my laptop and tuck myself under my bedsheets. As I snuggle into the covers, I type in a quick google search: How do I fit into my family? I click enter and watch an endless amount of links pop up instantly. I crack my knuckles and begin to search through them. Hopefully there would be answer in there.
I really need it.
I feel as if I'm not good enough for my brothers, for Vincent or Xander. They don't think that I'm mature enough. They still picture me as a kid, when I'm not. I've changed, they've changed. I'm completely different now and they have to accept that sooner rather than later.
I'm sick of being treated like this.
It's been almost a decade and everything feels different. I don't feel comfortable enough with them than I want to be. I want them to feel like family, I truly do. But I just can't. Seb and Flynn already fill that spot in my heart. I'm trying to make room for them but it's taking time.
I don't know if they have the patience for that or not.
Hence the google search. I just want to feel closer with them in the mean time. I want to be connected with them. I want them to feel like family. I want to belong with them but every step I take, it feels as if I'm taking 2 backwards. I just really want them to like me for me, not the little girl that they remember.
She's long gone.
Time Passes:
I let out a deep sigh as I find myself invested into an unfamiliar website. I just needed answers to my problem. I wanted something to help me understand what I'm doing wrong and how I can fix it. I want to bond with my biological brothers, I need to bond with my biological brothers. I check the time on the computer screen which reads 22:45.
Woah, almost three hours have flown by.
I must be really indulged into this. I flick a quick glance at my computer screen before a wave of tiredness washes over me. I yawn and mumble to myself "I'll finish later."
All I remember is reading an article that would help me with my problem before I shut my eyes close. My tiredness has officially gotten to me.
Vincent's pov:
I'm currently sat at my desk in the office. It's currently 22:40. Work has been constantly piling up over this week and I need to get it sorted. I'm trying to make ends meet but being a mafia Don is quite difficult at times. With my Princess falling sick on Wednesday to that stupid party coming up, things have been busy for me.
Sometimes it's just too much.
I tilt my head back and groan as I recall my interaction with Princess from earlier. Was I really too harsh on her? Back at the dinner table, Adrien and I had a chat about her being banished to her room. I didn't see any problem with it until Adrien brought it up and now I'm doubting myself.
Was it too much?
It just annoyed me that she lied straight to my face. She bit her fingers when I asked her how her outing with her friend went, which indicates that she's lying. I don't know what she's hiding but my heart aches when she doesn't tell me the truth. I don't like it one bit. I just want her to trust me. Most of my secrets are out in the open.
Just not all of them.
I know that she's grown up. I know. but she'll always be my little girl. I just can't let her attend that party. I know that I was no angel but she's still a kid. She's not mature enough to partake in such activities. I love her to death and I just can't accept the fact that she's already 16.
I can't.
I didn't get to watch her grow up. I wasn't there for SO many of her milestones. I don't even know if she can ride a bike or not for fucks sake. I reach for my half empty glass of whiskey that is situated on the table. I chug it down with one last gulp and feel the burn work its way down my throat.
I place the glass down and turn off all my computer screens.
I can't do work like this. I've even received a tip earlier from an anonymous messenger in the British mafia. Apparently they're going to raid one of our warehouses on Sunday. I've already divided a team on standby incase the rumour is true. Adrien, Leo and I will be there to hopefully unmask the Don.
I'll be ready to punch the fuck out of his face.
I feel the deep effect of the whiskey on me and I let out a sigh of relief. It was only yesterday that my Princess was playing Barbies with me and now she wants to attend fucking frat boy parties. I realised that it's late and she has school tomorrow. I better go to check up on her.
I need her to get a good nights rest after the day that she had.
I leave my oak office and make my way towards her bedroom. When I first heard about her coming back, I was tempted to paint her walls pink. I'm glad I didn't though, it's clear that she isn't the same person as before. I wish she didn't leave. I wish she stayed.
I find myself outside her room. I twist open the door knob quietly not trying to make a noise.
There she is, my precious Princess.
I gently close the door behind me and step inside her white room. I watch her tiny frame curled up in the covers surrounded with many fluffy blankets. I spot a glowing screen perched up on her side. She must've fallen asleep whilst reading. I grab the laptop away from her and tuck her duvet in.
I smile while she sleeps peacefully.
I gently caress her cheek with my veiny hand. Her skin is so smooth and supple. Her long dark eyelashes soften to my touch. She does that every time she sleeps. It's adorable. With her laptop still in my other hand, I look for her desk. As I place the laptop down I make my way to turn it off and shut it down but something catches my attention.
The big bold letters on her screen illuminates brightly.
HOW TO FIT IN WITH YOUR FAMILY. I flick to her other tabs which also read: BONDING WITH BROTHERS 101, HOW TO GET YOUR SIBLINGS TO LIKE YOU, ect. As the list goes on, my heart shatters every tab. My stomach drops to a pit. I flick another glance towards my Princess.
She's still asleep, phew.
I know that I shouldn't be snooping through her search history but I can't resist. I can't believe she feels like this. Im beyond mad at myself. What have I done? This is all my fault. It's all my fault that she doesn't feel included. My baby was googling on how to fit in with us for fucks sake. She shouldn't have thought about that in the first place.
This is all my doing.
I shouldn't have been so hard on her. I should've treated her fairly compared to the twins. I'm being too harsh with her. She doesn't feel comfortable with us, she doesn't feel at home. My heart cracks at the thought that my nightmare is coming true. I frustratingly hasten my breathing. I upsettingly slam shut her laptop and realise my mistake instantly.
I hear her rustling in her bed which is enough to make me sprint towards her door. Shit, I might've been caught. I try to shut her door silently and make my way back towards my room.
I try my best to fulfil my nightly routine but all I can think about is her. My Princess. I'm just so fucking angry and disappointed with myself. I should've seen the signs. I should've let her know that I will fucking do anything for her. I should've let her play the freaking playstation with our brothers.
I could've done so much more, but I haven't.
I need to change, for her sake.
My thoughts ponder around my mind.
This was going to be a long night.