Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 2: Chapter 2

NADIA'S POV:
I was woken up by a tickling sensation on my face. Looking at my bedside table my clock tells me that it's eight o'clock. My dog, Ellie, wakes me up at the same time every morning so that I can get up and get ready for college. My parents decided it would be a good idea to get Bella just under two years ago and she has been a sort of therapy animal for us all. She is always there for me when I need her as a certain person can no longer be here anymore.
Ellie is a cockapoo and she is lively as fuck, but we both are so it gets interesting when I take her on walks when I have the time. When we first spoke about getting a dog my brother didn't want anything to do with it, nor did he want it. But, when we went to pick her up he immediately fell in love and what he said didn't last long. Ellie has been a therapy dog for him too as he lost Archie as well. Willem never speaks about him, I know it hurts him but I don't bring it up because I'm afraid he will crack.
Despite Ellie waking me up, I don't have college today as I have a doctor's appointment about my tonsillitis. Bella doesn't know this because she's a dog so she sticks to her own routine. I don't mind, I have to be up for the appointment anyway. I study health and social care at college as I would like to become an end of life nurse when I'm older. I was torn between being a children's nurse and an end of life nurse as I feel the need to help people. I want to be there for the patients and their close family and friends when the time comes for them. I want to try and make it as painless as possible for them all, considering the circumstances.
The course is so stressful as you have to write assignments all the time and it does impact my mental health a lot. But my teachers have been a lot more lenient with me this year, which I am thankful for. When the amount of college work I have to do increases it's a wonder how I will actually get any of the work done as there is so much of it on top of all the training.
One foot after the other, I drag my aching legs out of bed and run myself a bath as I didn't have a chance to clean myself last night. I decide it's best to have a bath instead of a shower due to my body not being strong enough to stand for that long at the moment and I feel like I will definitely end up passing out if I have to stand up in a shower. I brush my teeth whilst running the water and fill the bath up with some lavender bath salt to try and reduce the nagging in my muscles.
I've always found baths more relaxing than showers, as you get to lie down and chill, using products like bubble bath and bath bombs. You can also use bath salts to help soothe your muscles better. After training on most days I end up having to have ice baths to calm my muscles down. Training is very hard on the body as you have to do the same moves over and over again all while falling over onto the hard ice as you try and perfect those moves. I can't count the number of times I have cut myself accidentally with the blade and how many broken bones I have had because of this sport.
Falling over is scary, but the thought of not being able to skate again because of a fall is even scarier.
After I bathe myself, I get dressed in simple black leggings and a pale blue hoodie. I never actually wear anything other than a bra under my hoodies as for some reason, it's even more comfortable. Wearing t-shirts under hoodies just makes it feel too tight for me, and I like my space in hoodies so I go against wearing them. However, in winter it's not comfortable at all.
Groaning, I head downstairs and grab an apple as a quick meal as there is only an hour and a half until my appointment and to have a bit more much-needed energy for the day. I head out of the door, making sure to be quiet whilst doing it as my parents are not awake yet, they never are as they both work from home.
My mum is an author, she writes fantasy novels and has built up quite a big fanbase of readers over the years. I've read a few of them and not to be biassed or anything, but they are some of the greatest books I have ever read. I love reading but I'm not much of a fantasy reader, but her books have given me hope that I may like other fantasy books in the future. Regardless of my dads past in ice hockey, he is a graphic designer. I don't know how to explain his job other than that he draws things for people and they pay him for it. That's how my parents met actually. He was hired to design the cover of one of my mum's first novels "A ruin of nightmares", they fell in love and he's been designing hers and other peoples covers ever since.
They are always so affectionate with each other, it makes me sick. I am glad they are happy though, they deserve that after everything they both have been through. They tell everyone their story, about how my mum was struggling to find a publisher, and how my dad was struggling to find work as his company was struggling. They found each other and essentially saved one another, however cringe that is I am happy for them. They are the best parents in the world.
"Nadia Marsh?" My name is called by my doctor. I get up off the chair, feeling the ache in my muscles as I do so and follow him to the examination room. He gestures with his hand towards the chair and I take a seat, hearing the squeak of the seat as I do so. That's what I hate about doctors, they always have noisy seats and it sounds like I fart every time I sit in one of their chairs.
"It was the chair," I say quietly, and he chuckles like I wasn't the first person to say that exact same thing today.
"What seems to be the issue today? Your records show that you were here two weeks ago with tonsillitis," I nod my head in reply, not wanting to speak as it hurts too much to speak at the moment. I am bad with pain so I don't want to speak unless it is absolutely necessary. He looks to me in an understanding way, he knows I am not being rude- I am sick, he deals with hundreds of people like me daily. "Are your tonsils still the issue?" I nod again and he makes me open my mouth and say 'ahhhh' over and over again.
"Ahhh-" I stop when I start coughing due to the pain, my throat is feeling even more scratchy now.
"Okay, it does look a mess in there. I will give you a stronger course of antibiotics than last time and see if that clears it, which I'm sure it will. This one is for ten days and you take them two times a day an hour before or two hours after eating. If your symptoms still persist after the full course, then please do come back." He says whilst handing me my prescription slip.
My mind is starting to feel fuzzy and my hands are starting to tingle. I need to get my prescription as soon as possible because if I stay here any longer I feel as though I won't make it to the chemist, even though it is only across the road. I say a quick 'thank you' to the doctor before I head off to go and pick the prescription up.
Whilst in line waiting for my antibiotics, my phone buzzes in my pocket.
Maddy: Hey, are you feeling better? We are still on for today right?
Shit, I completely forgot that I was supposed to be meeting her for brunch. I am not feeling any better whatsoever, but I can't cancel this close to our meeting time again. If I did, that would make me a bad friend. I will have to pretend to be okay for the next few hours like I seem to be doing a lot lately. So, what's the harm in doing it again for a couple more?
Me: Yeah hey. I'm just picking something up and then I'll be there, I've missed hanging out with you.
Maddy and I are really close, we have one of those friendships where you don't have to talk to each other constantly to remain as close as you once were. We can go days without talking to each other. The upside to friendships like ours though is that we are always there for each other when one of us really needs it. When the shit with Archie went down, we became distant because it hurt us both but we soon realised that we had to be an anchor for each other. We hardly ever argue as well because we aren't talking to each other constantly. One of the reasons why other skaters call us inseparable is because we have never argued once in all the years we have known each other; not even over competitions.
The only reason I managed to survive the amount of grief I felt with Archie was because of Maddy, I will forever be grateful for her.
Around twenty minutes later with my prescription in hand, I'm walking towards the cafe and checking my phone just in case she messaged me saying she left because she got bored of waiting but there is nothing there.
I decide to walk into the cafe and the memories slap me around the face instantly. This used to be our meeting spot every Saturday with Jasper and Archie after we had finished with training. Saturday was all of our cheat days, so we all splurged on pancakes with syrup together. Those were honestly simpler times, I wish we could go back.
Our group used to be inseparable until everything with Archie happened. He left a hole in all of our hearts, nothing is the same without him here. Archie and I were the closest out of us all, even when I started dating Jasper. He was my best friend. I call Maddy my best friend now because she is, but no one would ever be able to replace Archie- it's impossible.
The four of us always skated together for fun, not knowing how little time we had left together. We felt infinite in those moments.
"Hey girl, I missed you. What's wrong? You look like shit." Maddy instantly questions whilst hugging me close to her.
She is one of those people who is always open and honest with you, it is a good quality to have but also a really shit one; she ends up hurting people's feelings without even meaning to. I am forever apologising to people for her because she doesn't see what she says wrong. I've grown used to her personality, it's just the way she is. She has never failed to tell me when I look tired and that I should wear more make-up to cover my 'suitcase-sized bags'. I appreciate the sentiment, although it is annoying, I know when I look like shit I don't need her to tell me that.
"I'm still fighting tonsillitis at the moment, I literally just got here from the doctors. I can't stay long either I'm afraid, I will have to go back to bed and sleep for a little while," I decide to be open and honest with her, I don't want to force myself to stay any longer than I have too, my body has been begging me to go back to bed ever since I sat in the doctor's chair. Maddy's eyes flickered with an unreadable emotion, maybe worry?
I don't have time to question her about this though as the waitress comes to take our orders. We both opt for the full English breakfast with a cup of tea. Having pancakes together is another thing we can't do without Archie here. It's bad enough coming here without him in the first place.
"How was the game last night? I heard from the grapevine that we won." I ask her to fill the silence looming over us. I didn't mention that Jasper was the one to tell me about the game as I promised her that I was done with him for good this time, even though my heart isn't done with him at all.
Maddy seems to think that mine and Jasper's relationship is toxic. I don't think it is. Even though I tell her most things that go down between him and I, she is still only an outsider in our relationship so she doesn't have any clue about what it is really like. Plus the fact that what she hears is biased as fuck; when we are in an argument I am forever complaining about him so she only hears about the relationship from my point of view. It means something though because she will protect me from anything toxic with everything she has if it ever came down to that.
"We won of course," She rolls her eyes playfully. "The other team didn't have a chance really, as per usual." She flashes me a smile and carries on talking, going into detail about the game and who scored what goals and when.
I am hardly listening to her though, shutting her voice out as my head is starting to feel heavy again. I feel so out of it right now, I didn't even notice that the waitress came back out with our breakfasts. I decide to just try and shut her out completely, it does not seem to work for very long.
"Nads, are you even listening to me? You have been so distant lately," After a brief pause, she exhales through her mouth, "Is this all to do with the anniversary coming up?"
It's been nearly two years since the accident and if I'm being honest, it probably is the reason I've been feeling so shit recently. It seems as though my body is punishing me for being alive without him. "Yeah that's probably it, it's taking a lot out of me." I say honestly and Maddy doesn't reply. I don't try to fill the silence anymore as I am too fatigued to do anything other than trying to focus on lifting the fork to and from my mouth.
The rest of the meal was spent without speaking, with us only hearing the background noises of people chatting and the clatter of cutlery on our plates. It feels as though someone has turned the volume button up just for my ears, It's getting too loud. I rest my forehead in my hands as my head feels heavy. I close my eyes as the lights are starting to feel too bright in here but it doesn't work.
As Maddy gets up to go to the toilet, I pull out my phone to text my brother asking to see if he can pick me up to take me home. Like he always does, he replies almost straight away saying that he will be here in five minutes as he was on this side of town anyway.
When Maddy comes back to the table, I stand up slowly so I can hug her, "I am so sorry but I have to go, I can't be out anymore. Once I get past this fucking infection we need to get together again properly." I say into her chest and when I pull back to look at her face, the same worry that was there before is etched onto her face.
I'm worried too- I never knew tonsillitis could make you feel so shit.
Maddy wipes the emotion off of her face and says. "No, that's fine girl. No need to apologise. Say hi to your parents for me, I miss them." Her voice grew gentle as if she was trying not to startle me with the sound of her voice.
Just like Corey and Willem, Maddy and I used to go around each other's houses constantly. Archie would be there too; we never seem to go to each other's houses as often now. After the anniversary is passed, we should really try to go back to normal- I miss how everything used to be.
I put some money on the table, enough to cover both mine and Maddy's bill, and then rush outside ignoring the protest in my body for doing so. My brother's car is right outside, thank god because now I don't have to stand around and wait when my legs are feeling like this. The closer I walk towards his car, the sooner I realise that the passenger seat is occupied already. I should've known, of course he isn't alone.
With Corey in the fucking front seat, I am stuck in the backseat. I hate sitting in the back of cars, my legs are always squished up. It doesn't help that Corey has his seat as far back as he possibly can because he's 'way too fuckin' tall'. He does it to annoy me on purpose, I swear.
"Can you just move your seat forward at least just a little bit?" I snap, not being in the mood for anything else today. Corey just snickers in a reply then reluctantly moves his seat forward, leaving me with a little more breathing room for my legs. They ache so fucking much and I don't understand why. All I have done today really is sit down and walk for a total of five minutes.
"You okay there, Nadia? You seem a bit groggy today, or is it that time of the month?" Corey asks in mock sympathy, using my full name instead of my nickname as he always seems to do.
I roll my eyes because yes, anytime a girl is slightly mardy or too tired to deal with a man's bullshit that means she is on her period. If my legs didn't hurt so much I would kick the back of his chair because he really thinks he has the audacity.
I look in the rearview mirror just in time to see Willem roll his eyes at the two of us, clearly as fed up as I am with the bickering between his friend and I.
"Just shut the fuck up for once, no one wants to hear you talk," I say to the seat in front of me, then turn towards my brother, "Drive please, I want to go to bed." They both give me an exaggerated salute and Willem puts the car in drive. Finally, we are fucking leaving.
I rest my head back against the headrest and I meet Corey's eyes in the rearview mirror. When he sees me narrow my eyes at him, he smirks at me before turning back towards my brother to continue their conversation.
Fucking prick.
Willem and I get along really well considering we are siblings. He is one year older than me so we grew up playing together and we have the same hobbies and interests so that makes it easier for us to get along. We both love the ice too, when I wanted to start figure skating my parents got my brother into skating too so he could become an ice hockey player, just like my dad. Willem and I tend to travel to our training sessions together most of the time as it saves on petrol and we just like to keep each other company, even though he brings Corey along with us it is still nice to spend all this time with him.
Although we have always been very close, we got closer when Archie passed away. Archie was on the hockey team as well and was Willem's friend too. Willem and I grieved with one another and kept his memory alive together as best as we could. After Archie died, we took it upon ourselves to retire his jersey number so no one could ever replace him. Archie loved his jersey number and the position he played in, he will forever be number 71. Corey was also close friends with Archie too and he took his death pretty hard; like what happened to our group, the hockey team distanced themselves from each other a bit as well.
It really did impact us all a lot.
I didn't even realise I fell asleep until I feel a tap on my shoulder, I squint my eyes open and look around my surroundings. It's now dark outside and there is another teammate in the car, Nathan is his name. "What the fuck? I thought we were going home?" I snap to my brother, genuinely caught off guard to be asleep around these guys. I know they won't do anything bad to me. I've known them my whole life and my brother is here for god's sake, but that doesn't mean I don't trust them to not have drawn a moustache on my face or something like that.
"We were but then you fell asleep and we didn't want to wake you." He shrugs his shoulders as if him leaving me to sleep in the car meant nothing. Normally I would've had no issue at all sleeping in the car but now my body is weaker than it usually is so it hurts to be sat up for so long.
Now that I am awake he puts the car into drive and sets off again. Hopefully this time we will actually go home. He doesn't know that my body hurts more than usual so there is no point getting mad at him for it. I will just have to ask him to be sure to wake me up next time. I don't even know how long I have been out or what they were doing in this time, they better not have gotten a McDonald's without me.
After only half listening to the conversation between Nathan, Corey and Willem, we arrive home. I get out of the car as quickly as I can as I just want to go to bed and back to sleep, comfortably this time. I wave goodbye to my brother and Nathan and give Corey a vulgar gesture as a way to say goodbye. I see him laugh to himself as my brother drives away.
I let myself into the house and the smell of food fills my nostrils, which will probably be something healthy like a chicken salad as my parents rarely let us break the strict diets that our coaches set. I am thankful that they are stern with it because if they weren't then all Willem and I would do is eat junk food all the time. My stomach grumbles as I smell the food, so I decide to eat before going back to bed.
I give my mum a kiss on her cheek before sitting down and helping myself to a serving of food, which I don't feel like eating at all but I'm hungry so I'll force it down. "Where's your brother?" My dad asks me once I've loaded my food onto my plate.
"I don't know." I swallow the food in my mouth. "He was with Corey and Nathan so I assume he is at one of their houses." I shrug and my mother lifts her eyes up from her plate to study me.
She does this every time Corey is around or every time he is mentioned as she thinks I'm affected drastically that me and him aren't as close anymore. She thinks we don't talk much anymore because something romantic went down between us, even though it didn't and never would. No matter how many times I deny it, she just thinks I get defensive about it and doesn't believe me. My mums only flaw is that she doesn't fucking listen. If she could write a romance book about Corey and I I'm sure she would. I pick at my food, not wanting to eat anymore as my stomach is starting to hurt.
"How was the doctor's appointment?" My dad asks after taking a sip of his beer, trying to stir the conversation away from Corey.
He also hates it when my mum acts like this when Corey is mentioned because he knows she is just being stupid and it's her writer brain making up a story that isn't even there. Plus the fact he is obsessed with Jasper, they literally act like best friends whenever he comes around. I used to have to pry him away from my dad just so we could spend some time together. It was so annoying, but it was nice to know my dad actually approved of my relationship with him. My brother isn't very happy about the relationship, neither is my mum but if I decided I wanted to get back together with him they would all be supportive of it.
"He gave me another round of antibiotics. This might sound weird, but I really don't think it's tonsillitis anymore. I-I don't know." Speaking suddenly feels even harder to do, my spine feels like it's being stretched out and my fingers are numb and tingling.
What is happening to me?
My worry for the sudden change in my symptoms must have shown on my face as my dad asks, "What's wrong sweet?"
Sweet has been my nickname ever since I was three years old. On Halloween, my dad had taken me to go trick or treating and we both dressed as characters from Charlie and the chocolate factory. My dad was Willy Wonka and I was an oompa loompa. That's not why he calls me 'sweet' though, he calls me it because I cried when all of my sweets fell into a puddle. What can I say, I was a greedy little shit. I don't eat many sweets now for obvious reasons but I miss the taste of them. Maybe if I ate some they would make me feel better.
I'm eighteen now and I still love it when he calls me by my nickname, it makes me feel like a helpless little kid again. It makes me feel loved.
I lean my head on the table, not doing it carefully due to the sudden migraine that was making it hard for me to hold my head up any longer. I can only cry in reply to my dad's question, as that was all I could muster up enough energy for. Everything hurts, and I feel like I'm dying. Of course, It was at this very moment that my brother decided to come in the room saying he left his hockey jersey here. This is so embarrassing. Corey and Nathan better not be standing there because then I really would die.
Why is tonsillitis making me feel like this? I ask myself for what seems like the tenth time today.
"Carry your sister upstairs please, I'm going to run her a bath." My mum says to Willem and a few seconds later, I feel strong arms lift me up bridal style. I wince as it feels like I am being scolded by a hot iron. Willem walks slowly up the stairs being careful not to cause me any more pain. I feel a tear slip out of my eye, from the pain and because Willem is such a good brother to me.
Once we are in my room, he settles me down on my bed and doesn't bother to pull my covers up around me as I am having a bath in a few minutes. He brushes the sweaty hair out of my face, "I have to go to practice now, Dia." He says softly and kisses me on the forehead causing my eyelids to flutter closed so I don't think I will be having my bath anymore.
The last thing I heard before sleep overtook me was a few hushed voices downstairs and the slam of the front door.