Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 30: Chapter 30

NADIA'S POV:
As soon as I felt the vibration of my phone I knew it wouldn't have been good news. I read the text from Corey saying that he wanted me there and immediately got up to put my shoes on. I've had an okay day today. My day has consisted of sleeping off yesterday's scream. It took a lot out of me and I don't even really remember it happening. One moment I was screaming and the next I woke up in my bed. It felt like a nightmare honestly, just like everything else lately.
I wouldn't be going to the ice rink if I wasn't already dressed as that is just another thing that will make me feel like shit, but I had a doctor's appointment to get some blood tests so I'm basically ready to go.
I text Corey back saying that I will be there as soon as I can. I would love to say that I'm going there just because my brother needs me there but that would be a lie. I know Corey was lying when he sent that text anyway, Willem always manages by himself so he would never ask for me. I'll pretend to be the concerned sister though, if that's the act he wants to keep up.
I run my brush through my hair and make my way downstairs. My mum is already standing at the front door ready to take me as she knew I would end up going.
"Are you ready sweet?" She asks me and I nod, walking out the door with my mum following behind and I notice that she didn't shout goodbye to dad.
"Is dad out?" I ask her as we get in the car and she shakes her head in response.
"Nope." Is all she says and I grow curious.
"Why didn't you say bye? You always say bye?" I question her, nervous that they are fighting.
My mum and I are really close, we are almost like best friends so she would always come into my room to tell me when her and dad have been fighting. Now that she is not telling me this it makes it feel like they are arguing about me and she's not saying anything because she doesn't want to make me feel bad or hurt my feelings.
"We still aren't talking after last night, okay?" She snaps. "Sorry. I'm just stressed."
I don't reply as I don't know what to say. I know that I was being invasive but she didn't have to snap at me like that. If this wasn't now then she would've happily told me so I know that she thinks this is my fault. My illness is ruining not only me, but everything around me as well.
I get she is stressed and I understand it is because of me but there's nothing I could do. If I could make it all disappear then I would but I don't even have any answers at what this is so how can I even understand how to make it go away. I check my phone to see if I have a response from Corey and I don't so my brain automatically assumes that he's changed his mind.
We sit in silence and I imagine we will be for the rest of the journey to the rink. I'm glad it's winter as it's already dark so I can search the sky for Archie. The night sky is void of stars tonight and I can't help but wonder where he is. He always comes to me in my times of need so he must think I can do this tonight and I believe I can. I have to be my own star shining in the darkness tonight.
I hate that I base how much I believe in myself over a dead person but I can't help it, it brings me comfort in a way.
The silence is beginning to consume me so I end up getting deep in my own head, way more than I should be getting. As I look at the empty black sky, I see the moon. I've always felt a connection to it in some way and as I look at it now I realise so many other people do too. The moon I'm looking at right now is the same one that every human in existence has seen. The same moon has guided people all throughout history. Someone centuries ago could've been standing in the exact same spot my car is in right now and looked at the moon from here.
Everything on earth really is under the same moon and it's so comforting to me, yet so eerie. The moon has seen things that no one has ever seen, it holds many secrets but no matter how much I miss Archie, how far apart I feel from everyone closest to me, I know that it will be okay because we are under the same moon.
We get to the rink and I reluctantly stop my thoughts and staring at the sky to get out of the car. "Thanks for bringing me. I'll get Willem to give me a lift back."
My mum nods and watches me as I walk slowly inside. She may be mad at me or whatever but that doesn't stop her from being concerned about me. I'm glad when I get inside because I can cling to the building's walls to make it easier for me to walk along.
I put my noise cancelling earmuffs on that my brother bought me just in case I did want to come to one of his games and walk inside the ice rink. The noise of the room immediately rushes to me as the chill air wraps around me in a blanket.
I look at the scoreboard and see that the last quarter started five minutes ago, so I am not too late. We are winning but not by much, which is unusual for us. I walk to the family seats and take a seat in my usual spot, ignoring the way all the parents are looking at me questioningly. I know what's going through their heads, they'll be looking me up and down to try and see what's wrong with me. They'll also be saying I look healthy because I have clothes on or that I have a bit of colour in my cheeks so I must be faking it.
I focus my gaze onto the ice and immediately spot out Corey. He's fast on the ice and he can move around players with ease but tonight it seems almost like he's got something on his mind. Mark always told me that I'm not allowed to skate if my mind isn't clear and I imagine coach Grayson has similar rules as it can be incredibly dangerous, especially in hockey.
I look at my brother and see him doing as well as he usually does and I feel a smile creep it's way on my face, he usually doesn't do great in situations where he is under a bunch of pressure so i'm proud of him.
I want to with everything inside of me to look towards Jasper but I refuse, I suspect he is probably the reason for Corey's stand-offish behaviour.
I'm thankful Willem bought me these ear muffs because everytime the puck goes into the goal, or even close to it the road erupts into cheers and chants. it's loud even with these on and when i remember how loud it is without them i start to get a headache just at the thought.
Corey passes to Jasper after some hesitation and Jasper skates up the ice towards the goal. Corey slides through, becoming open but Jasper makes a shot for it and gets it in.
I look towards Jasper's parents, who are a couple seats away from me, and see them both with a massive smile on their faces clearly proud of their son. Jasper isn't usually the scorer, Corey is so to see him score with the help from no one on his team must be nice.
I feel nothing towards the guy now, not even anger. it's like he simply doesn't exist in my life anymore.
Corey shakes his head and looks up to the stand and I offer him a smile and a quick wave to show him my encouragement that he needed so badly. He stops on the ice in shock for a second before skating again, with a stupid grin forming. His cheeks were already flushed from exercising in the cold but I'd like to imagine I saw them turn an even deeper shade of pink.
They start with the puck and Corey seems to be a lot more loose now, he's skating more free and openly. He starts passing to his teammates more and they all open themselves up to be able to receive passes.
The game continues and it goes well, we have the majority of the possession and have scored a few goals. The other team have managed to slip a few in as well but not many that would scare the guys. Even though I'm sitting down, my legs are in agony because of the energy it's taking being here. I sit through it though, I can't leave before I've even said hello.
The whistle goes and the crowd erupts into cheers once again. I only have enough energy to clap lightly but I am so incredibly happy that they have made it through to the semi-finals. I knew they would but the fact they did it is incredible. I really do see them holding that trophy again at the end of this season. This year is incredibly important too because they are at the age where scouts are going to be seeking them out for colleges and places for them on their teams in the long run.
I get up as I don't want to be in the hockey crowds after a win, they are always extremely rowdy and I don't want to risk being pushed over as I won't be able to get back up and that will be embarrassing. I take my ear muffs off and place them in my bag as I don't want to run into anyone with them because then questions will be asked and looks of pity will be received.
"Nadia, can we talk to you?" Jasper's mum asks, coming behind me as I stand.
"I really have to go." I reply, walking away from her in a hurry.
I feel guilty being so cold with her because she is not her son and is not responsible for his actions but it kills me everytime I look at her. When I see her I see how happy I once was in life, I had my future all planned out and she was going to be the woman I called my mother in law. I had to get out of there, it felt like the room was closing in as soon as she spoke to me.
The players get off the ice and make their way to their locker rooms and I follow. There's a bunch of girls waiting outside the room and I laugh to myself as they are probably here wanting to get with one of the players. I spot Cole's girlfriend off to the side and I go to join her.
"It makes me laugh every time." I tell her as I approach.
"What?" She looks to see what I'm looking at. "Oh god. I know. They are here every time there's a game you would think they would learn by now." The guys show them no attention. When they have a win they would rather spend time together to celebrate it than spending it with a random girl.
I slide down the wall so I can sit on the floor as my legs are starting to feel numb and I don't want to lose my balance. Cole's girlfriend, Emily follows my movements and I smile at her. She probably thinks I'm a freak because I'm smiling at her but it's nice she is sitting with me, even if she doesn't know why.
We sit here, talking about the game until the boys start to come out of the locker room. Cole comes out first and Emily stands up as soon as she sees him, planting a kiss on his lips in congratulations.
Cole smiles into the kiss and the girls who were waiting grimace and look Emily up and down. The both of them break apart their kiss and walk off by themselves with no one in mind but each other.
I want what they have, the all consuming love. They have such a beautiful relationship where they are completely mesmerised by each other no matter what.
Willem walks out now, with Nathan and Logan clinging to his sides. "Hey, Noddy. Long time no see." Logan says, giving me a quick hug.
"Hey, Lo. Have you been okay?" I ask him and he looks me up and down before replying.
"Yeah. What about you? You don't look great," He observes and Nathan giggles behind him. "What?"
"That's not how you win over a newly single lady, man." Nathan laughs and Willem jabs him in the shoulder.
"That's my sister." Willem groans. He hates when the guys speak about this with me and they know that, that's why they do it. I find it absolutely hilarious when other people give Willem shit so I gladly stand by and watch it happen but if it did everything go too far i'll be there to tell them to fuck off alongside him.
Logan and Nathan start bickering between themselves and the locker room door opens with Corey walking out of it a few moments later. I feel my stomach flip and my chest go tight at the sight of him.
He has the type of eyes you get lost in and I have gone missing. He still has a look of shock on his face and I'm sure my expression mirrors his.
"What the fuck is up with you two?" Willem asks, bringing me and Corey back to the moment.
"Nothing. I'm just shocked to see her here, considering everything." Corey responds, giving me a small smile when Willem turns to look at me.
"What's with the cut on your nose?" I ask Corey and he grins, shaking his head.
"Not for you to know sweetheart." He replies, walking off to follow all the other guys.
Willem states after Corey and looks back at me, rolling his eyes. "You're coming with us." He says now, grabbing my arm and linking it with his so he can help me walk to the car.
After every game the guys go to the restaurant around the corner so they can have a meal together in celebration because they win all the time pretty much. A loss is very uncommon for them, they are all a bunch of incredible players.
I know that Willem is only inviting me because he wants me to be out of the house for longer than half an hour and I need to have some sort of social life. I don't think he actually wants me to be there because he has only invited me out with him a handful of times. Not even Cole's girlfriend comes to these things when Cole actually shows up to them.
I don't object to Willems' order as he takes me to the car, I just stay quiet and focus on each step so I can try my hardest to ignore the pain pounding in my legs and head. I don't want to go physically but I know that I need to do this for myself and Willem. Also, I literally don't have a choice because I don't have my car with me to take me back home and I don't want to bother my parents whilst they are still mad at me.
Willem needs to know that i'm doing okay because if he thinks i'm not it'll cause him to worry. If he worries then he can't play to the best of his ability and I don't want to ruin any chance of a future in ice hockey for him.
When Willem and I reach his car Corey is there waiting for us. "Finally." He says, rolling his eyes playfully.
"Watch it." Willem snaps, not noticing his sarcasm and Corey holds out his hands in a playful way and I giggle.
Corey opens the back door and as I go to make my way there he sits down in the backseat. I thought he was opening the back door for me because every time all three of us have been in this car together I have always been the one in the backseat because of Corey's need to be in the front.
He's changing the way he does his activities to fit around me, he's really letting me in.
Corey puts his hand on the window beside me as if he was expecting me to rest my head there, which i was going too. I rest my head on his palm and close my eyes, neither of us caring if Willem notices the interaction because we both just want me to be comfortable. I also want to feel Corey's touch, I've missed it and I've not long been without it.
We get to the pub and Corey waits to see if I'm awake before he moves his hands away from the window. Willem walks round to the passenger side door and opens it for me, holding his hand out for me to pull myself up with.
"Do you want it?" Willem asks me and I immediately shake my head, knowing what he is talking about. "You sure?"
Corey looks between us questioningly but doesn't ask. Willem keeps one of my crutches in the back of his car, just in case he takes me anywhere and I need them whilst we are out. My parents have them kept in theirs too. The thought that they have done that is nice and I will need them at some point but that doesn't mean I want to use them.
When I use a walking aid to get about I feel like all eyes are on me. I want people to see me for me and not see the walking aid first. People avoid me in the street, walk past me whilst staring at me and some people even bump into me without a care in the world. What I use to help me walk doesn't define the type of person I am, so I don't know what they have to stare at me. My body is fragile on the outside, anyone can see that but I am strong on the inside, stronger than anyone could even imagine seeing.
We walk into the restaurant , Willem holding me up and Corey walking very close by my other side so he's there to catch me if my legs give way. It's the small things like this that they do for me that makes me smile. Big things are a way to make you happy but that never happens to me so I have to notice the small things. The small things pile on top of eachother, creating a big thing. For example, if Corey was to do numerous small things for me instead of doing one big thing then that would mean more to me.
It's consistency that I need and I never received that from Jasper.
We get into the restaurant and I'm glad to see that they haven't sat down yet so I can take a seat that's easy to get out of in case I need to leave in a hurry.
"You go sit down, Corey and I will get your drink for you." Willem suggests, helping me to the table before walking off to the bar to join his teammates.
I take a seat at their usual booth, on one of the chairs facing the booth seats so that I have better support for my back. I rest my head in my arms on top of the table whilst I wait for everyone else to sit down. I need to save as much energy as I can if I am going to make it through this meal alive.
"Hey, Noddy." Everyone says as they begin taking seats at the table and I freeze when I see Jasper making his way towards here. I haven't seen him this close since everything happened and I wasn't planning on seeing him any time soon.
I move to get up but I decide against it as soon as my muscles cry out in agony. Jasper smiles at me as he approaches the booth and pulls out the chair on my right, wanting to sit next to me. I offer no reaction, not wanting to give away to him how much his presence makes me sick and terrifies me all at the same time.
Corey and Willem approach the table now, with Corey holding my drink in his hand and placing it on the table. Willem nods to Corey before sitting down on my left and Corey goes behind Jasper's chair, pulling it out as if he weighs nothing.
"Move," Corey says bluntly and Jasper makes no movement, he just smirks at Corey's anger towards him. "Now."
"Get away from my sister, Jasper." Willem says, standing up now to join Corey behind him.
"I don't think I will." Jasper states, taking a sip of his drink which probably has some sort of alcohol in it.
"I guess I'll move you myself then." Corey releases a breath before grabbing the collar of Jaspers shirt, pulling him out the chair and pushing him out of the way. Corey sits in the seat next to me, with Willem sitting back down on my other side.
"I'm going to fucking-"
"Fucking what? Shut your fucking mouth and leave her alone. Let's just celebrate this win," Corey orders like the captain he is, raising up his glass and Jasper surprisingly shuts up. "To the Puck Flyers making it to the semi-final."
"To the Puck Flyers." Everyone repeats after him, even I do and I'm not even on the team.
"Jasper shouldn't even be here, he's hardly a team player." Willem leans his head towards us so that only me and Corey can hear him.
The waitress comes up to our table with a notepad and begins taking our orders. I go for the chicken soup as it's only small and won't take too much time and energy to eat. I can't help but notice the way she's looking at me with distaste as she looks between Corey and I.
Does she know? Is she thinking how healthy I look? Is she thinking that Corey shouldn't be with a girl who can hardly walk?
I didn't even notice that my leg started bouncing up and down until I feel Corey place tighten his hand around my leg, stopping the movements.
He calms me in many ways that it's starting to become terrifying to me.
"Who was that?" I whisper to Corey and he looks to where I'm staring at the waitress.
"The waitress?"
"Yeah, she was looking at us all funny." I respond, getting agitated he's not giving me a straight answer.
I can see the war going on behind Corey's eyes on whether he wants to tell me the truth or not. He knows that I know something is up so it would be pointless to lie to me. I would find out eventually, I'd find a way.
"She's just some girl." He shrugs, taking a few gulps of his drink so he doesn't have to continue talking.
"Some girl you hooked up with?" I assume and he nods reluctantly. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
I know the type of person Corey is. I know that he's had multiple sexual partners, I would be stupid to think otherwise so I'm not hurt by this revelation. If anything, it makes me happy in a way. That waitress is gorgeous and so are all the other girls he's been with, and yet he still picked me to have feelings for.
"Nadia," Jasper says from across the table and I look at him finally. "Can you come and talk to me outside?"
"She's not going anywhere with you." Corey sneers with Willem grunting in agreement.
"I can talk for myself," I say to Corey, moving his hand off my leg. "I am not going anywhere with you."
Jasper stares at me for a few moments before pushing himself off the table and staggering towards the bar to get another drink.
"It's always the same with him." Logan mutters under his breath and everyone on the table nods their heads in agreement.
If Jasper doesn't get his way with things, he gets angry. If Jasper gets angry then he takes it out on everyone around him and makes it their problem too. It's hard dealing with him when he's like this so we all just tend to ignore him until he calms down. Today seems to be a good day though because he's not getting angry at us ignoring him when he usually does.
Jasper comes back with a few drinks in his hand, which are all for himself, with the waitress shortly following behind him with the first of our food. I'm not really hungry anymore but I'm still going to eat it because I don't want any attention to be on me tonight. It's about their win, but about the fact i'm sick and no one knows what the fuck is wrong with me.
The waitress, who's name tag says Claudia puts my food in front of me and I wait for everyone else's food to be on the table before I tuck in.
"Would you guys like anything else?" Claudia asks with a professional smile.
"No, thanks. We are good." Corey replies, with a mouthful of food.
"You sure you don't want to go to the bathroom for five minutes?" She quirles, walking off shaking her hips and I drop my spoon into my bowl of soup.
Everyone at the table's eyes are wide and Willem is sitting next to me laughing his head off, which causes all the other guys to join in. Jasper doesn't react, he just continues drinking as he looks at Corey through his glass with anger.
"Was she..?" Willem asks and Corey nods with his eyes squinted shut in embarrassment. "In that case I might have to take her up on the offer."
I snap my head towards Willem as he seemed to have forgotten I was here as he swallows his mouthful of food and smiles at me sheepishly.
"You are an animal."
"We are from the same pack, Nads." He laughs, pointing his fork towards me.
Claudia is around for a lot of the meal and I try to focus on anything other than that but it's hard when she's trying to make her presence known to either me to make me jealous or Corey to seduce him. I can't react though because people will get suspicious as to why I'm acting like this.
The lights in this place are too bright and my ears are starting to ring and my eyes are starting to form black splodges, making it difficult for me to see properly. Corey must notice my sudden symptoms as he searches for my hand under the table, holding my sweaty palm in his.
I feel a sudden wave of nausea hit me so I pull out my chair and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Both Willem and Corey make a move to follow me but when I hear their chairs scrape against the floor. I turn around and shake my head at them, silently pleading with them not to follow me.
I turn back around and rush to the bathroom despite the strain in my legs. I empty my stomach into the toilet bowl and once I know I'm okay, I lean my back against the toilet door to help cool myself down a little.
Despite the restaurant being quite large, there is hardly any room to breathe in there with Jasper constantly trying to talk to me and every time I ignore him he downs some of his drink. It's also hard being in such close proximity to Corey and not being able to act on my impulses to touch him because Willem is here.
I am overwhelmed in that room and I am sore all over my body, even in my fingers and I had no idea you could even get sore fingers.
I want to leave and go home to bed, preferably with Corey but I know I can't. I have no way of getting back until Willem is finished and if I leave earlier than everyone else then the attention will be on me.
I want to spend time with my brother and celebrate his win with him as he invited me out to join them. So, I will put on a brave face and walk out there with a smile and act completely normal.
If I do this, I'll be making myself feel worse but I'll be doing something for Willem, instead of myself and the thought makes me happy.