Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 31: Chapter 31

COREY'S POV:
Nadia rushed out of the room a little while ago and I'm tempted to go and search for her, but I don't want to make my worry for her obvious to the rest of the table. I'm looking at the door Nadia exited out of whilst also taking bites out of my food. I went for a burger because after the game we had tonight I deserve to treat myself.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and I look towards where it came from and see Willem looking at me with a big grin on his face. "Are you thinking about taking Claudia into the bathroom again?"
"What? No." I quickly deny, swallowing down my bite of burger.
"I'm sure." He smirks.
One thing that I hate about Willem is him assuming he knows everything and will have his own thoughts as to what's going on, even when I tell him they aren't right. You can tell he's Nadia's sister, they both can be stubborn bastards when they feel like it.
"Is everything all right for you all?" Claudia asks the table, looking at Nadia's empty spot, then looking at me with a smirk. "Will she be coming back?"
"Yes." I snap at her, narrowing my eyes in a silent order for her to behave. I regret even letting that girl's lips touch me.
"Calm down, Corey. Your sexual frustration is showing." Willem leans in towards me to whisper.
"Fuck off."
"If you need to invite her back to the bathroom I understand, I'll cover you if they start to wonder why you've been gone so long."
"Seriously, Willem, cut it out." I bite back at him through gritted teeth.
In Willem's mind all my problems are pinned on my lack of sex life, when that is the furthest thing from the truth. My irritation currently is due to the worry I am feeling about his sister, who is most likely in the bathroom because she feels like shit and is too proud to say. It seems like Willem didn't even notice she was here in the first place so he isn't noticing her missing presence. Or, he could be being an even bigger dick because he's worried about her as well, which would make more sense.
He likes to put on a brave face in front of the other guys when it comes to his sister. He doesn't want them knowing what's up with her fully because he doesn't want their questions as they are questions he can't answer.
None of the doctors seem to care about her because this isn't cancer.
Claudia goes to turn away from the table but Jasper puts his hand up, stopping her in her tracks. "I'd like another beer."
"Don't you think you've had enough?" She suggests after taking one look at him half slumped over the table.
"No."
"Okay, I'll bring another over shortly." She leaves with a small, friendly smile.
I'm the captain of this team so I have a duty to make sure that all the players are in their best shape but there's nothing we can do for Jasper because he doesn't want to change himself. When he sees that he has an issue with how much he drinks sometimes then he will want to change for himself. The lads and I, and even coach Grayson have tried to tell him to settle it down but we can never win because he's blinded by his own ways.
He doesn't see the problem, so in his eyes there isn't one.
We don't stop him from playing like we should do either because he's too much of a good player to pass us, he does help us win.
The table has this awkward energy when Claudia leaves to get Jasper's drink because we all know what each other is thinking but can't say it out loud as we are in his presence. It's hard to talk about the elephant in the room when that elephant is sitting on the same table as us.
"That was a close one wasn't it? I think we need to start training more instead of smoking in Logan's shed." Nathan speaks through the silence, which I'm thankful for because I was starting to feel way more awkward that I'm capable of feeling.
"It was, the way Corey missed that goal was a real touch." Liam adds with a chuckle, half joking.
I tune them out as I look back towards the doors Nadia walked out of and notice that Willem is looking there too. His gaze keeps going from the doors to his watch, checking how long she's been gone.
"I'm going to go and see if she's okay for you." I whisper into his ear as he takes a sip of his lemonade.
"I can go myself." He responds, putting his glass down.
"Trust me, less questions will be asked if I go and look for her. I'll just say I'm going to the bathroom." I tell him and he nods his head in agreement, letting me go and look for his sister.
I am worried about Nadia as she has been gone for a while, I just hope I didn't make it too obvious to him.
"I'm going for a leak." I announce to the table and none of them pay me any attention as I walk off in the direction of the bathroom. I saw the way Jasper's eyes narrowed at me when I got up as I think he knows.
What I don't understand is if Jasper knows then why is't he telling Willem about it? He could be keeping it to himself for a number of different reasons but Nadia's happiness isn't one of them. It could be because in his head if he leaves Nadia alone then she will go back to him, or simply just because he doesn't have enough evidence of what's going on yet.
It might take him a while to get that evidence though; it's hard to have proof of something you're not even sure exists.
I walk past the bar, where Claudia is standing serving customers and pouring their drinks, and I don't miss the quick rise of her chest as I make eye contact with her. I carry on walking whilst still looking in her direction and see the hope light up in her eyes, thinking that this is me asking her to come to the bathroom with me again.
She finishes serving the customers and begins making her way around the bar. She looks up at me and I shake my head at her in rejection, causing her cheeks to turn pink in embarrassment. I check the table to see if any of my teammates saw that and see Willem looking between Claudia and I whilst laughing and I can't help but let out a quick snort too. Claudia looks in the direction of the table to see what I'm laughing at and she quickly looks away, going back behind the bar to pretend that none of that ever happened I assume.
I shake my head and carry on walking through the doors and see no sign of Nadia so she must still be in the bathroom. I'm hungry and my burger is going cold but I'll wait here however long it takes her to feel okay enough to come out.
Tonight must be so overwhelming for her as she actually left the house
I wait out here, pacing backwards and forwards for what seems like forever when the bathroom door finally opens. I immediately look up to see if it's Nadia coming out and I'm met with her bloodshot eyes. She stops in her steps as she notices I'm leaning on the wall in front of her and quickly attempts to wipe at her eyes to hide the fact she has been crying.
"Were you crying?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.
"No," Is all she responds with before trying to walk past me again but I put my hand on her shoulder before she can walk out of the door, stopping her footsteps and I see the slight relief in her face. "Corey, I need to go back in there. I've been gone for ages."
"No."
"No?" She queries and I nod. "What do you mean no?"
"I mean no. We are leaving." I tell her, putting my hand on her cheek but she slaps it away.
"I need to stay." She asserts, taking a shaky step back from me.
"What the fuck do you have to stay for?"
"Willem. He asked me to come."
"Don't be daft, you and I both know he didn't ask you here for him." I tell her bluntly.
She looks away from me, avoiding eye contact and nods. I know her better than she thinks I do because I know that every second longer we are standing here is a step closer for her to pass out completely.
She said to me that she needed to stay, not that she wanted to and I know for a fact she didn't want to come here in the first place. She's a people pleaser and will go out of her way for anyone but herself, she doesn't like showing when she is in pain even when it is killing her on the inside.
I aspire to be as strong as this girl one day.
She winces slightly and moves backwards again so that her back is on the wall for her to lean on but immediately covers any indication she's in pain in her face, hiding her real self from me yet again.
I walk up to her and she still refuses to look at me so I kiss her on the forehead to silently tell her I'm here for her. "Don't ever hide your pain from me, Nadia. Don't be ashamed of something you didn't ask for, or something you have no control over."
"I'm tired, Corey." She admits, looking up at me now with tear filled eyes.
"I know sweetheart, yet here you are living despite that," I kiss her forehead again, causing her to let out a long breath. "I want you to be honest with me now. Do you want to go?"
"Yes," She nods, putting her arms around my neck for balance. "I never wanted to come in the first place. I just wanted to be normal for a night, celebrate the win with you guys but I guess I can't even do that."
"Hey, look at me," but she doesn't, so I lift her head with my hand so she's looking at me. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. You're doing the best you can given your situation and I understand that."
Something flashes in her eyes and she nods in understanding. I guess no one has ever said something like that to her before because it shocked her. What's probably shocking her the most is that it's coming from me, but I seem to be a massive softy when it comes to this girl.
"I'm in so much pain." She cries out and I crouch down, hooking my arms around her knees and lifting her up so her legs are wrapped around my waist with her arms around my neck.
"We should get you home then shouldn't we?" I ask her and she nods into the crook of my neck.
I was going to have one drink with the others in celebration but I decided against it because Nadia tagged along with us. I knew that she would need to come home and even though one drink doesn't get me drunk, or even tipsy, I wanted to be fully sober for her to be able to drive her home.
The door opens and Nadia and I both freeze as we don't want people we know seeing us like this in a random hallway because that's when it makes it suspicious. We both relax again when we see that a random person from the bar comes in and they pay no attention to us as they slip into the toilets.
I hope whoever they are that they are having a better night than Nadia and I tonight.
Nadia rests her head on me and I walk back into the bar and see everyone at the table laughing at each other and generally having a good time together. It's moments like these where I see how replaceable I am in some people's lives, even though I am their captain. Nadia feels that much more strongly than I do of course, no one even notices that she is begging to be found.
Willem looks up when he notices me approaching with Nadia in my arms and his smile is quickly replaced by a frown. He gets out of his seat and rushes over to us, causing all the guys at the table to look this way and once they too notice Nadia they come over and make a fuss about it. Jasper stays at the table with his drink in hand as he watches with an unreadable expression. For Nadia's sake I'd like to think that he is wanting to come over and check on her.
"Nads, are you okay?" Willem asks, palming the sweaty hair out of her face.
She groans, sinking herself further into me as if she is trying to get under my skin. "Too bright." She mumbles into my skin.
"Okay, we can go." Willem says, trying to get her arms off of me but she won't budge.
He looks at me with the concern he has only ever shown me when it comes to Nadia, but now isn't afraid to let his concern show and I don't even think he realises he's doing it. The guys look at Willem and his distress and immediately turn worried themselves , grouping around me to try and get a look at her.
"Is she okay?" They all speak out, concern in their voices and Willem curses at himself under his breath.
"She's fine, just had too much to drink." I lie, covering the side of her face as much as I can with the hoof of my jumper.
"She's been drinking? I didn't see her drink." Nathan inputs with a crease etched in between his eyebrows.
"Please just sit down guys." Willem begs them all, rubbing at his eyes in distress.
"Has she been like this the whole time?" I hear Liam ask as they all walk off.
When we are alone again, I walk Nadia out of the room with Willem following behind me so we can speak in private. He stares at me for a few moments in defeat and I swear I see wetness form in his eyes. I hate that I'm lying to him about what's going on between me and his sister but he won't be able to handle information like that right now. Nadia is vulnerable and he would see this as me trying to use that to my advantage, even though that's not the case at all, but as it's Willem he won't listen to the truth in this scenario.
"It's okay, Will. I'll take her home, you go back inside and have some fun." I offer and he shakes his head.
"How can I have fun when she's like this?" He queries, his attention solely on Nadia.
"Well you can't take her, you've had something to drink, I haven't so I can take her home. Plus she won't let go of me," l explain, letting Nadia go at the waist to show Willem that she has her grip on me.
"I suppose you're right," He agrees hesitantly. "But you'll need my car so I'm coming with you."
"Just give me the keys, they'll be asking more questions if you come with me too."
I tell him this because it's true and I want him to stay out so he can take his mind off his sister for a little while. She's in good hands and can handle herself fine, she has done for this long. It's also because I want to be the one to take care of her. She doesn't want to show the true extent of what she's going through to her brother as it will hurt him but she can show more of herself to me because she has no idea that it does hurt me.
I'd rather her use me as an outlet and me be in emotional pain than her be all alone throughout all of this.
'Okay, fine." He grunts, passing me the keys as he gives Nadia a quick kiss on the side of her head and she wakes up slightly at the contact.
Willem takes a deep breath to compose himself before walking back into the restaurant, where the guys are all waiting for answers from him I'm sure. I walk outside with Nadia still in my arms and make my way to Willem's car. I need to start bringing my car to these places just in case something like this happens, I'm just lucky that Willem's parents have me included on his car insurance.
I set Nadia down in the passenger seat. I was going to put her in the back so she could have her legs up and be more comfortable but with her next to me I can keep a better eye on her. I curse under my breath when I realise I forgot to pay for my food so I lock the door and run back inside, reaching in my pocket for my wallet.
I walk to the table and Willem stands, "Oh god, what's happened?"
"Nothing, she's asleep in the car. I just forgot to pay, that's all." I reassure him, pulling out two twenties and putting them down on the table.
"Your food wasn't that much." Willem observes, handing me back one of the notes.
"Pay for Nadia's with it." I shrug and turn around to leave again but feel Willem put his hand on my arm so I turn around again.
"Thank you, C." He says, looking deep into my eyes.
"It's no bother." I nod and turn away, breaking eye contact. The way Willem was looking at me was full of love and admiration for his friend and I couldn't cope with that. I'm not being a good friend to him for hiding how I feel about Nadia from him and I'm certainly not a good friend for pursuing her. I would stop things with her if I could, but I am in far too deep it hurts.
Claudia's eyes are on me as I leave again and I look up to her and smirk, as she most definitely saw me come in here with Nadia clung to me like a sloth. She just narrows her eyes at me and shakes her head and I walk out the door, bumping into someone else as I do.
"So, you're taking her home?" Jasper questions once he's straightened out from the minor collision.
"Yes, so if you excuse me." I say, pushing past him.
"She'll come back to me, you know." He shouts out after me and I stop in my tracks because I don't doubt that for a second.
I've heard that it's impossible to forget your first love because they were your first everything and it settles something deep within you and your memories. The amount of times Jasper and Nadia have broken up just to get back together shows me that currently the statistics are not in my favour.
It pains me because even though I know she will choose him in the end, I will still put myself in that position just to experience having her.
Jasper notices my pause so he speaks out again, "She won't sleep with you right now, dude. Trust me, I've tried that."
"Fuck off, Jasper. Go back in there and drink more beer." I scoff before going back out to the car, where Nadia is still asleep in the passenger seat.
When I get in the car Nadia stirs awake at the noise, my attempt at being quiet obviously didn't work. She looks up at me and smiles slightly, sitting up more in the seat.
"Rest up, I'm taking you home." I tell her and she nods but makes no move to get comfortable again.
"I just needed a little sleep, I'm feeling a little better now after a short rest." She lies through her teeth but I don't mention it because she doesn't want me to know how shit she feels.
I turn on the radio and have it quiet so we both have something to listen to other than our own thoughts. The journey is quiet and the first time any of us speak is when we approach a road closure sign.
"Fucks sake, I honestly hate english roads they are always fucking shut."
"Watch them still not repair the potholes in the road." Nadia observes with a chuckle.
I turn the car around and take the longer route to her house, the one that takes us down the country lanes. I hate driving along country lanes as there are always idiots on the road, who like to drive round the tight corners way over the speed limit. It doesn't help.
"Stop the car." Nadia speaks out of nowhere.
"I can't." I inform her, looking around at the lack of places to park up.
"There's a bit of grass there." She points out into the distance.
I do as she says, pulling up onto the patch of grass in front of a gate and I look at her, seeing the smile on her face immediately warms up something cold inside of me. She leans towards me, placing her lips lightly against my own and her lips are cold, making me flinch but I don't care. I grab the side of her face with my hands and deepen the kiss, pausing only for a few seconds to look her in the eyes. She starts laughing, resting her forehead on mine, before beginning to kiss me again.
She unbuckles her seatbelt, and climbs over the centre console with a wince and sits herself down on my lap. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to be closer to you." She whispers, looking deep into my eyes.
She looks beautiful on my lap, even though I can hardly see her at all because of the dark outside. She warms up my lap, and she fits as if she was meant to sit here all along.
"Come closer," I tell her and she leans her head closer. "Closer."
She stops just before her lips touch mine and I grab her face and pull her closer to me so that she finally touches my lips again. Nadia has always been at arms length from me, yet I've never made the move to reach out to her until recently and having finally done that is the best feeling in the world. She tastes sweet, almost sickly and kissing her feels like I am a lonely planet and she's turning all of the darkness around me into stars.
Nadia starts toying with the bottom of my shirt, beginning to inch it upwards but I stop her movements with my hands and she stops the kiss to look at me.
"Why are you stopping me?" She asks, her tone scared.
"Because I know you don't really want to."
She isn't in the right headspace to be doing something like this at all, she is dealing with a lot of shit right now. I can't help but think that being around Jasper so much tonight has bought this on and she's trying to get him out of her system by using me. I don't want our first time to be when she's in so much pain she's wincing everytime she moves and when she's thinking about her ex boyfriend who couldn't give less of a shit about her.
I want it to be special for her.
"You don't know what I want." She defends, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Okay then, I don't want this."
"You don't want me?" She sinks back in defeat.
"Of course I want you. I want to fuck the shit out of you. Just not right now." I reassure her, kissing her on the forehead.
She smiles at me again now and I lift her up, helping her get back to the passenger seat. She puts her seatbelt back on and turns to the window, rubbing away the steam with her hands so she can see out of it and I drive away.