Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

COREY'S POV:
"Right, I'm off." I announce to no one in particular, I'm not even sure who is in.
"Wait." My sister, Lily, calls from the living room and she walks out into the hallway hopping as she tries to put one of her shoes on.
"You can sit down." I deadpan and she sighs as she sits down on the floor to put her shoe on in a more effective way.
"I just didn't want you to leave without me." She mutters and stands back up once she's finished.
"I wouldn't have if you told me you wanted to come." I tell her and she frowns slightly but quickly recovers.
"You and Ed both told me that you would take me and I knew that the both of you would forget, you always do." She mentions and I feel a little sting in my stomach at that comment.
The thing about me and my siblings is that we have always been close but not in the sense we talk to each other and spend time with each other, but instead in the sense that we all experience the same thing with our parents. We all know what it's like to deal with our dad when he's drunk and our mum when she is having a bad day so it brings us closer because at least we have someone other than ourselves to experience it with.
Ever since I have been getting closer with Nadia I have been trying to make more of an effort with my brother and sister as I want to be the brother that they need and deserve. My big brother, Ed and I have started to talk more about what's going on in our lives and sports, which is easy for both of us to bond over. Ed isn't an ice hockey player like me but instead plays football for the local team but scouts from bigger teams are looking at him because he has a real shot at making it big. He has been doing football longer than I have been doing hockey. When he first learnt how to walk, the first thing he did was walk over to a football we had in our back garden.
It is a bit more difficult trying to find things to talk about with Lily as she is a girl and is younger than both Ed and I but that doesn't stop us from trying. Lily is a figure skater and has heard about what is happening with Nadia but she is too polite to ask me what is really going on with her no matter how much I know she wants to know. Lily is talented and I think she will be the one to make our family proud. She is younger than us and yet has accumulated far more achievements than we have in our careers.
"You guys coming then or what?" Ed huffs as he walks down the stairs, heading straight out the door. Lily and I give eachother a look and smile at each other in disbelief. Ed has always been moody, I don't think that will change no matter how close we all get.
We head to Ed's car and he drives us to the fair, we all speak about our days and Ed goes into great detail about the argument he is having with his boyfriend, Will, which will definitely be fine the moment they see each other again tonight.
Despite my dad being a mean drunk half the time, he was incredibly supportive when Ed came out to everyone. I have always admired my big brother but when he came out as gay at the age of fourteen to a dad he was sure would disown him made me look up to him even more.
I'm glad that I am closer with Nadia because it helped me realise I need to be there for my siblings. Where would Nadia be if she didn't have Willem? She wouldn't be able to cope and would be all alone in her illness. I don't want my brother or sister to ever feel alone when they go through something so I am making that change in our relationship. There is one unspoken thing in our relationships and that is our sister, Natalie. I don't think Lily remembers her so she isn't any wiser but Ed and I do and we have refused to talk about it, it hurts too much.
We have a sister out in the world who we know nothing about. How can we know nothing about a girl who we share the same blood with?
The closer I get to them makes me realise what I have been missing all this time and that there is nothing quite like a sibling relationship, it is a special bond that people are lucky to have. I would do anything for Ed and Lily, I've been in their life since I was in a cradle and I will be there until I'm in my grave and even still after that.
I also really need my siblings because if Willem ever finds out about Nadia and I, then he will never speak to me ever again and I need some friends. I don't like being alone.
We arrive at the fair and it looks beautiful as all the lights from rides light up the sky. The fair comes every year in winter as part of the winter wonderland we have and even though it is basically the same every year, we enjoy it each time. There's a rainbow ferris wheel and rides that go upside down, but my personal favourite ride is the waltzers, even though it makes me feel sick.
As soon as we park, Lily is rushing us all out of the car in an excited state as she has never been to this before, our parents never let her as she was too young and Ed and I refused to let her come with us as we were with friends.
"Can we go to the stalls first? I want to win a bear." Lily mentions but before we can answer she is taking off and we do nothing but follow her. It's nice seeing her this happy, it's something I haven't seen from her since she was a kid.
Ed and I follow Lily to the stall and I see him staring at the food trucks longingly. "We can get some food after." I tell him and he releases a deep breath but doesn't argue with me on it.
Lily is talking to the worker behind the stall and I put some money in his hand so she can have a go. She has to throw darts on balloons and pop them in order to win. Knowing Lily, she won't win but it will be nice to see her have fun.
"It's nice being somewhat of a family again, isn't it?" Ed mentions softly as we watch Lily's face light up as she pops a balloon.
"It is. I'm sorry I have always been so distant."
"It's alright, we both were. She's being good to you?" He asks and I turn to look at him confused.
"Lily? Yeah of course she is." I reply, moving my feet around in the dirt.
"No, Nadia."
"How do you know about that?" I narrow my eyes at him and stop moving my feet.
"I'm your big brother, I know everything." He smiles at me.
"Please don't tell Willem." I plead.
"He doesn't know?" He asks and when I shake my head his eyes widen a little. "Shit, okay. I won't say a thing."
Ed pretends to zip his mouth closed and throw away the key as Lily comes back with a small teddy in her hands. "I knew I would be able to do it. You had no faith in me." She says, pointing at me with a frown.
"I did." I hold my hands up in defence.
"That's why you gave him much more money than needed?" She remarks and I snap my mouth shut because she caught me, causing her to let out a laugh. "That's what I thought."
"You still have five more shots, if you wanted to try and win another prize?" The guy from the stall calls over to us and I instinctively walk towards the stall.
I pick up the darts and throw them to the balloons, popping all five of them consecutively. It's a good thing that I practise darts whenever I hang out in Logan's shed.
"Nice!" The man shouts in excitement. "You got all five in a row so you can choose one of these bears." He points towards the oversized bears that are at the top of the stall and I immediately know which one to pick.There is a big pink bear that looks almost identical to the one I won years ago that I gave to Nadia.
I know I will be seeing Nadia later as Willem let me know that she was definitely coming. I haven't seen her since she told me she wanted to speak to me about something. I had full intention to go back there but I got caught up in things and it was too late as I needed to come here. I'll try and get a moment or two alone with her so she can talk to me, I just hope she has had enough rest today to be able to enjoy herself tonight.
I have no idea what she wants to talk to me about but it has been on a constant loop in my mind. I am slightly worried that she wants to end what is happening between us because she has been pretty distant since she said she wanted to talk. I try to give her not answering my texts the benefit of the doubt because I know how much she needs to sleep, but it doesn't stop the anxiety flooding through me.
The man passes me the bear with a smirk on his face, knowing I am getting it for a girl, and I turn around to go back to LIly and Ed. "Wow, that's a small bear." Ed says sarcastically.
"Can we swap?" Lily's eyes go wide when she looks at the pink bear in my hand. I look towards her but my gaze goes to the food trucks behind where she is standing and I see Nadia and Willem standing up. He is trying to pass her the crutches but she won't take them, it's like she is frozen. I'm glad she has bought them out with her though as she does need them and usually refuses to bring them out because she has too much pride.
She acts as if needing to use walking aids is a bad thing because I, nor anyone else will see her differently when she uses them. Obviously I can't understand what goes through her head as I have never had to use them so I will support her decision whenever she wants to use them and not push her to when she doesn't want to.
"No," I tell her and she frowns, crossing her arms over her chest to try and get me to budge. "That won't work on me."
"Why?"
"Yeah, why?" Ed adds, and I glare at him, causing him to bark out a laugh. My gaze returns to Nadia and Willem and I can see them walking over here, both with sad looks on their faces.
"What's going on?" Lily asks, looking between Ed and I with a frown. Her gaze then follows mine to where I am watching Nadia and Willem slowly make their way over here. "Oh, I see."
"What?" I snap at her.
"You want to give the bear to Willem." She assumes and I start to question why I wanted to rekindle my relationship with her in the first place. I look to Ed for some help but he is holding his hand over his mouth, shaking in laughter.
"No, Lily. It's not for WIllem." I tell her and I want to push those words right back in my mouth.
"Oh my god, it's for Nadia?" She squeals, jumping up and down and Ed stops laughing now to help me try and calm her down.
"Lily, shut up. If Willem finds out he will kill Corey and you don't want your big brother to die do you?" Ed asks her to which Lily just raises her eyebrows. "Stupid question?"
"Stupid question." Lily repeats.
"What the fuck Lily?" I gasp.
"I'm joking. I won't say a word." She assures me with a smile. I know how much she likes Nadia so she must be really happy. She has always looked up to Nadia as a skater as she said she wants to be as good as Nadia one day and I am sure Nadia can agree that Lily certainly has the potential to go really far in her skating career.
Will appears from behind Ed and gives him a kiss on the lips just as Nadia and Willem arrive and I want nothing more than to be able to kiss Nadia in front of everyone and show everyone that she is mine.
"Hey, Will." I say to him and he nods back in greeting, focussing his attention back on Ed and a flutter of jealousy runs through me because I just want to be able to hold Nadia in public.
Lily walks over to Ed and Will as she is nervous now Nadia is here and I go over to Willem and Nadia to say hello, but also so I can be closer to her. I feel awkward around her as I don't know how to act around her in front of her brother, I just offer her a smile as a greeting.
"How are you feeling?" I ask her and she shrugs, not talking to me for some reason. I don't know if it's because we are in front of Willem or because she is still being distant with me, it's hard to know with this girl.
"I'm going to say hi to Lily, I haven't seen her in so long." Nadia announces, looking down at the bear in my arms for a few seconds before walking over to the others who are now waiting in the queue for the ferris wheel.
"She isn't doing good at all, C, I don't know how to help her anymore." Willem whispers one Nadia is out of ear shot, handing me the coke that he has half drunk and I take it because I am fucking thirsty.
"What's happened?" I ask him, curious as something must be going on to make her be off with me for no reason. I definitely didn't do anything.
"I found her practically drowning herself before we came here." He admits, looking over to where Nadia is sitting on the fence as if his eyes can protect her from anything bad that comes her way. A group of guys that are also in the queue are making conversation with them and Nadia lifts her head up to laugh at something one of them just said and it makes his smile widen by a lot.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
"What the fuck? Did you take her to the hospital? Why did she do that?" I ask him several questions as my worry for her is spiking and my heartbeat is starting to increase.
"No I didn't take her, she is okay and I don't think you will like what I am about to tell you. I wasn't very happy when she first told me about it," He says with a grimace. "I'm not much of a fan of it now actually."
"Tell me."
"She slept with Jasper earlier." He spits out and I swear my legs almost give way in shock, but also hurt.
I look over to Nadia again just to see her looking over here with a worried look on her face, like she knows exactly what Willem is telling me. She sees my expression and nods to herself at something and turns away from me and speaks to that guy again and if she didn't already break a little bit of my heart before, she certainly did now. I try to wipe the expression off of my face as I don't want to show to Willem that I am hurt by this information and I try to disguise it with a shocked look.
"I have no words." Is all I can say as I feel the bile rise up to my throat at the thought of Jasper on top of my girl.
"I know, that was my exact reaction." Willem agrees, a frown still etched onto his face.
"Why did she do it? Are they back together?" I query, playing with the ears on the bear as I await to hear his answer.
I don't hate her for sleeping with him, nor am I mad at her as I don't think I could ever possibly be mad at her but I do feel like something has shifted now. Maybe this is what she was going to tell me earlier. I wish I would've stayed so I could be the one to help her feel good instead of him. There has always been this fear in the back of my mind that I was just a placeholder for Nadia until she got Jasper back and it looks like all my worst fears came true.
I do truly feel and care for this girl, I hate that I am a second option to her.
"No, thankfully. She said she did it to feel normal again. To feel like she was her old self, which honestly I get. I just hate that she had to sleep with him to try and feel that." Willem says and it restores a little bit of hope back in me.
Now that he says this I see why she did it. I can never understand how isolated she feels and sex might be a way to help her feel closer to people. I refused to have sex with her in my car and I will refuse it till I believe she is really ready to have it and she will be ready when she wants to have it for fun and not to think back to the way she was before.
"I kind of get that." I admit to Willem and he nods, also agreeing.
Willem and I watch Nadia as she gets onto the ferris wheel and we make our way over there to go join them in the carriage. I pay for mine and Willem's tickets and sit down with the bear on my lap.
I don't know what I am going to do with this bear now because I would still like to give it to her, I just wish I didn't hear what happened between Nadia and Jasper through Willem, but through her instead. The ride on the wheel is loud, as everyone is talking to each other and Will and Ed snuck some cans of beer on it but Nadia and I stay quiet, stealing longing glances at each other.
She looks guilty and she can hardly look at me but she does when I take my eyes off her and I know that as I can feel her gaze on me. Nadia has changed, I can see it in her eyes. She's not the same anymore and I don't think she will ever come back.
We get off the ferris wheel and everyone is laughing in their tipsy state and I feel burnt out. "Alright, I'm going to head off." I announce to the group who voice their protests.
"No, you have to stay, you've not even been here an hour." Willem says, hugging me around the neck with one arm.
"I know, but I have to get back for my mum." I half lie, taking his arm off of me. My mum is fine today but there is a possibility that could change so I might as well go home. I don't want to be this close to Nadia when I know she's been with someone else, it hurts.
I shoot Ed and Lily a look to tell them not to say anything and they both nod in acknowledgement. Ed throws me his keys so I can get home, Will will drop them back later on so at least I know they have a way of getting back.
I contemplate giving the bear to Nadia now but I don't, I bring it with me to the car to take home. As I cling onto this bear, I cling on to whatever parts of Nadia I have left.