Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 40: Chapter 40

COREY'S POV:
"You need to hurry up, or we are going to get caught," I say as we walk towards Nadia's house. "Right, that's it."
I know that she can't walk very fast and that it's hurting her so after I say those words I'm lifting her up over my shoulder in a smooth motion, as if she's a teddy bear. "Corey, what the hell?" She lets out a laugh and I cover her mouth so that she doesn't make too much noise that it draws attention to us. I don't want anyone else to know what we have, I want to live in this moment with just the two of us.
Me and my girl.
"Shh Nadia, you'll get us caught." I whisper playfully and she lets out a small giggle and my insides turn to mush.
Liking someone so much is such a weird feeling, it's like it alters your brain completely. Everything that girl does is something I notice. She feels completely alone in what she's going through and utterly invisible, but little does she know that I see her even when no one else can.
The girl comes off as strong but I know that when she's alone she's crying out to the darkness in pain and wondering why this is happening to her. Something I think about a lot is why. Why do bad things happen to good people, people who have a promising future and live a happy life. No one deserves to go through what that girl is going through but Nadia is the one person who deserves it the least out of everyone. She's worked so hard to get to the position she is in today but now it all seems pointless.
Everyone tells her that she should just carry on with her skating but I understand her and I know she physically and mentally can't. Alongside my mother, she is the strongest person I know and it baffles me how everyday she can put a smile on her face to pretend to be the old her.
Nadia is a damaged person but she knows how to fucking love and she inspires me everyday to do better, to be better.
I walk us into the house, knowing that her parents will be in bed by now and close the door behind us quietly. They have given up waiting for Willem to come home as they have been so tired lately and I can't help but feel that Nadia is blaming it on herself.
"Willem won't be back for a while, I think he's with Ava." I smirk and she gags at the thought of what her brother could be up to right now.
"That's disgusting." She comments, starting to release her grip on me so she can jump down, but I tighten my hold on her so she can't move and then I carry her upstairs to her room.
When we get to her room I lay her down on the bed so she's comfortable and kiss her on the forehead before I make a move to leave. I don't particularly want to leave but I know that if I stay now I will never want to go.
"Do you think I should forgive Maddy and Jasper?" She asks, making me stop my stride out the door.
"It seems you forgave Jasper when you slept with him the other day," I comment, making a joke so she hopefully cracks a smile but she just frowns at me. "Too soon?"
"Too soon," She repeats, still scowling at me. "And it wasn't even the slightest bit funny."
I wasn't close with Maddy when Nadia was friends with her but I would always spend time with her because she would always be wherever Nadia was and wherever Nadia was, Willem was. Maddy always did rub me the wrong way but I never said anything about it to Nadia and only brought it up with Willem a few times and he shut me down. Maddy would always be smiley and friendly to people in front of their faces but as soon as they turned away you could see the way she judged others.
When I think back to one time where we were all in a restaurant and Jasper was drinking a lot more than usual there Maddy would look at Jasper with worried eyes. Maddy would speak to Nadia and her eyes would wander towards Jasper right in front of Nadia but she was always too blind to see it. Maddy was worried when Jasper had one too many pints but when Nadia had her whole life ruined and is in great pain everyday she shows no sign of even caring. It's like Maddy was just friends with Nadia so that she could be closer to Jasper and that is fucked.
"I don't think you should to be honest with you." I tell her and I see a little relief in her expression before she quickly covers it up.
"Thank you. I wasn't sure if I was being too harsh on them because Maddy keeps texting me but I ignore her. Jasper and I agreed we were over and that he wouldn't try anymore." She explains to me and I feel relieved to know that Jasper isn't texting her still because I know she is weak when it comes to him. I can't blame her for it and if she did choose to go back to him after they slept together then it would hurt me deeply but I would understand it.
"You want my honest opinion?" I ask her and she nods.
"Always." She whispers, looking up at me.
"I don't think you are being harsh enough," She begins to speak but I cut over her so I can finish my sentence. "Think about it. You trusted both of them for years and were close to them and they went behind your back in the worst possible way. You just wanted your friends and they went against that and if Willem did something like that to me, it would kill me."
"Aren't you doing the same thing to him though? Going behind his back." She counters and I release a long sigh.
"Yes but I'm not telling him because I know he can't handle that sort of news right now, not because it's something I want to keep a secret from him," I reply, scratching my head in thought. "Now stop turning this on me, we are speaking about you."
"You're there for everyone, Corey, but who is there for you?" She whispers and her words linger, hitting me deep.
"You." I reply straight away, causing pink to appear on her cheeks as she begins to get shy. I love the way I can see the effect I have on her, it makes me feel good to know that I am making her feel at least a little better.
"Shut up," She rolls her eyes. "Is Willem ever there for you?"
"Of course he is," I answer in a harsh tone and I feel bad immediately. "Shit, I'm sorry sweetheart."
"It's okay." She reassures me and I think back to what she said to try and find a reason as to why I got so annoyed at it quickly. Willem is always there for me and before Nadia and I were this close he would be the only person I could go to with some things. I still feel terribly alone sometimes though because I don't open up to him like I should.
My mindset is that if I open up too much then they will think I am way too emotional but if I don't open up at all people will think I am cold. I know that people who know me think I am cold but I just have a tough outer shell and once people get to know me they will see me more as myself and not the person I pretend to be. I am a big softy around Nadia as she is the one person I can completely open myself up to, just like I am for her.
"Why are you thinking about Maddy and Jasper anyway?" I query her to get myself out of my own head.
"I just feel like they are better people than I am and that they deserve better than how I'm treating them." She explains and I don't think that even she believes the words coming out of her mouth.
"Stop doing that, it's not going to work." I tell her.
"What?"
"You putting them above yourself over and over again isn't going to change the way they treat you, sweetheart." I offer and she nods, knowing I'm right.
"I know, I just wish everything could be different." She sighs, throwing her head back down on the pillow.
"I will let you sleep now. I'll be in Willem's room waiting for him if you need me." I inform her, bending down to kiss her on the cheek and her eyes flutter shut.
I don't want to leave her but I know that she needs her rest, she has a big day tomorrow. I know she is scared about the surgery not working but I also know how much hope she has that it will. She has so much hope because this surgery really is her only option at this point.
If I could take away all the pain and suffering from her then I would in a heartbeat, I would put her over myself always.
I head to WIllem's room, which is just opposite Nadia's, and wait for him there. Nadia is lucky that Willem and I rode separately today and is even more lucky that he decided not to come straight home otherwise we would've been caught. This whole thing with Nadia is the one conversation I do not want to have with Willem.
When I go into people's rooms for the first time I have an urge to look around as this is their personal space and you can tell a lot about a person by their room. I never do it because that is an invasion of privacy but it doesn't stop me from wanting to. I have never had to look at Willem's room anyway, I have known the guy since I was a kid so there isn't really anything I don't know about him.
I am playing on Willem's Xbox when I get a text from him asking to pick him up and I must admit that I am slightly confused as to why he can't bring himself home, but being the best friend I am, I go anyway.
I get him to send me the address of Ava's house and when he sends it to me I walk across the landing, opening Nadia's door so I can check on her. There she lies awake, staring at the ceiling with tears in her eyes and I want nothing more than to go in there and wrap her in my arms in an effort to protect her from everything bad that the universe keeps throwing her way.
"I used to be happy, you know?" She sniffles into the darkness, knowing I am at her door and I swear I feel a piece of my heart break. Out of all the things she has said to me, hearing her say that she used to be happy made my heart ache for her the most.
Her eyes close again and the protective part of me wants to stay but the logical part is telling me that I need to leave her alone. She doesn't like being seen by anyone when she is feeling this vulnerable and I need to respect that. I also need to go and pick Willem up.
I get in the car and follow the directions to the other side of town, ending up at an old looking rundown house. I knew that this area didn't have a very good reputation but I didn't know it was this bad because I have never been in it. I have been avoiding it until now. I leave the engine on and I'm about to send Willem a text to tell him I have arrived but then I spot him sprinting towards the car in an effort to get out of the pouring rain.
"Drive," Willem shouts as soon as he gets in the car but I just stare at him dumbfounded. "Drive!"
I put the car into park and immediately drive down the road, thankful that there were no cars coming either way because I didn't look. I look in my rearview mirror and see a man running out of Ava's house with an angry expression in his face. I put my foot down on the accelerator so we speed off, with him unable to follow us.
"What the fuck did you do?" I ask breathlessly, turning onto the promenade of the beach so we can chill here for a little bit.
"I didn't do anything," He denies and I raise my eyebrows up at him. "I genuinely didn't. He came home to find me in Ava's room and he started kicking off."
"Why? She's an adult," I say and he hesitates. "Right?"
"What the fuck? Of course she is. Her dad is just very strict with her and doesn't let her do anything. Think of your dad but a hundred times worse." He explains, putting his feet up on the dashboard and it makes me think of Nadia. She is constantly putting her feet up on there when I am driving and it makes me want to scream
at her because of how dangerous it is. All it takes is one accident and she is paralysed but I can't exactly tell her not to do it because she will shout at me and I know that it helps ease her pain when she's sitting up in the car for so long.
So essentially it's a lose lose situation no matter what she does.
"Shit man, sounds tough." I say and Willem starts talking about what's going on with Ava. With the way he talks about her you can see that he really feels for the girl and I want nothing more than to be able to have conversations like this about Nadia but I know I can't.
Willem goes in detail about how they haven't had sex since the one night stand they had because they are both scared to. He's scared because he feels like she might think he's using her for sex and she's scared because of how her dad is, she doesn't want to be caught. Willem is trying for her and it's amazing to see. He deserves to be happy and in love, he's going through a lot right now and deserves some freedom.
"Why couldn't you drive yourself? Where is your car?" I ask him.
"It's in the garage at home, Ava took me to training today. What's going on with you anyway? Why have you been acting weird the past few days?" He asks me and I was kind of hoping this was the one thing he wouldn't ask me.
"I've been acting weird?" I ask, acting oblivious.
"Yeah," He confirms. "Nadia and I have been trying to figure it out. Have you met a girl"
"What? No." I immediately deny and I realise why Nadia cornered me in my car today. Willem's questioning as to why I was acting weird must've gotten into her head so she convinced herself that I had found someone else, even though no matter what that girl does to me it won't happen.
"Then what is it? You've been acting distant since the fair." He says glumly and I feel bad that hearing about Nadia affected the way I was to Willem. I just couldn't go around their house as often and have the possibility of running into Nadia because I wasn't ready to have that conversation with her yet.
"I've been spending more time with Ed and Lily actually." I state and I see Willem's eyes raise in my peripheral vision.
"You what? You're actually making an effort with them now?" He says in an over dramatic way and I roll my eyes.
"Piss off," I groan. "But yes, I am. Ever since the fair we have been doing more stuff together and I've been focused on that."
"I'm glad, you deserve some semblance of a family." He smiles at me and I smile back because he's right.
Neither of us speaks after this so Willem turns up the volume on the radio to drown out the silence between us. One of my favourite things about my friendship with Willem is that we don't have to be doing anything to enjoy each other's company. We could be sitting next to each other on the sofa, scrolling through our phones in complete silence but his presence would be there so it would make it even more fun. We speak when we want to and when we feel like it and sometimes we don't even have to speak at all because we can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking at that moment.
We arrive back at Willems' house and I don't get out of the car because I have to go home. "You're not coming in?"
"No man, I've got to get back home to my brother and sister." I reply truthfully. My dad has taken my mum to one of her hospital appointments today so Ed and I have the pleasure of keeping Lily entertained and in the house whilst they are gone.
"That's fair enough, I'll see you tomorrow or something?" Willem comments and I nod in agreement.
I watch as he walks into his house and closes the front door and I look up to Nadia's room to see that her room is pitch black so hopefully she's sleeping. I decide to send her a quick text, asking her if she is and make my way back to my house.
I get back home and Lily and Ed are on the sofa, eating popcorn and watching something on TV but both of them are on their phones. I feel bad for what my mum has to deal with sometimes because me and my siblings can be hard working when we are tired and it's not fair that we take it out on our mum, she doesn't deserve it. She tries to put on a cold exterior but we all know she's the biggest softie when it's needed. My mum has to deal with going to all these hospital appointments and looking after 3 kids all while being married to my dad and just being married to my dad must be exhausting for her.
I know that my parents love each other in some messed up kind of way but how am I supposed to know what love is if they are the only example I have of it?
I take my shoes off and join Ed and Lily on the sofa and when I do they then their phones off and become more in the moment. "What are you watching?"
"Ed is making us watch Glee." Lily rolls her eyes, but I can tell in her eyes that she is really starting to enjoy this show.
"Nadia is always raving on about this show, you know?" I say and Ed cracks a smile as Lily's reaction. Lily wants to be so much like Nadia in skating that she will try to copy little parts of Nadia's outside life too, it's kind of adorable.
"Turn it off, it's not Christmas." I groan when the glee club members are all singing around the christmas tree as they decorate it.
"No." Lily and Ed say at the same time, not taking their eyes off the TV.
"I'm so glad that I get to spend time with you guys." I mention sarcastically and they don't even try to make it subtle that they aren't listening to me so I decide to go on my phone.
It's moments like these, where it's just the three of us alone that I wish Natalie was here. I don't remember Natalie much, or her being here but I know that her presence is somewhat missing. I don't know how Lily and Ed feel about it or if they even feel anything at all but I certainly do and I wish I knew her.
I'm on my phone when I receive a text from Nadia and I begin to panic when I see that it's a voice note. I hold my phone up to my ear and keep it on a low volume so that my brother and sister don't hear on the slight chance they could be paying attention now.
"I wasn't asleep when you dropped Willem off by the way but I was kind of hoping you would come up and see me," She begins to ramble on about her operation tomorrow and my lips tug up in amusement as she has definitely had her painkillers. "Well, you better save this voice note because it will probably be the last time you hear my voice if I die in surgery."
I laugh out loud at that and both Lily and Ed turn their heads towards me in unison. I ignore them, forgetting they are here and send a voice note back, "You're not going to die getting your tonsils out, Sweetheart. Stop being dramatic. You're too pretty to die anyway."
I am still smiling when I close my phone after sending the messages and I look up to see Ed and Lily looking back at me with wide eyes.
"Sweetheart?" Ed and Lily say in unison and I shrug, not embarrassed in the slightest. I could call that girl many different names but sweetheart seems to have stuck. Her parents have called her sweet all throughout growing up so me calling her sweetheart just seems to fit.
"She's too pretty to die?" Ed says and Lily nods.
"It is true," She pipes in and we all start laughing then. "Are you two like a thing now then or what?"
"Yeah, I guess we are." I smile, this being the first time I can admit my relationship with Nadia out loud.
"Sickening," Lily cries out dramatically but I can see the smile in her eyes. "Both of my brothers are loved up, it's a sight for sore eyes,"
"Do you want the birds and the bees conversation, Lily?" I ask her and her cheeks immediately redden.
"Fuck no."
"Then shut up." I tell her and she immediately closes her mouth.
"How is she doing? After you left she wasn't in a good mood at all and she almost fell over a few times." Ed asks, turning serious.
"She's not great, but she has her surgery tomorrow so we are all hoping that gets her back to normal." I reveal. I know that Nadia's situation isn't my business to tell but I need to talk to someone about it as I can't go to Willem about my concerns for her.
"You don't seem convinced it will?" Lily adds, also concerned for Nadia.
"I'm trying to be hopeful because she and everyone else is but if there's anything I've learnt from mum is to stop being hopeful about treatments." I admit, feeling really down now.
"Maybe you should speak to mum about it?" Ed suggests and I immediately deny it.
"That will make what's happening to Nadia real." Ed and Lily both stay silent at this because they know my concern and understand it and there's nothing that they can say that will make me feel better about the situation.
"Are you planning on telling Willem about you and Nadia anytime soon?" Ed asks, trying to change the topic of conversation.
"Not anytime soon if I can help it. He's still not ready to hear about it and I kind of want to live in my little bubble I have with Nadia before it gets out into the open." I explain and both Ed and Lily promise me that they won't say a word about it to anyone, even though I already know Ed has told Will.
"I think we should start putting each other first." Lily blurts out randomly.
"You're right, we need to be close again, without it being awkward and forced." Ed agrees, turning to me.
"I'm sorry I haven't been the best brother to you guys." I apologise and they both come and sit next to me on the sofa to give me a hug.
All three of us grew up in the same way and in the same circumstances so it's easy to understand each other. We know we all love each other, it's just hard to be able to show it because we've never really received it growing up.
We talk for longer and we decide that we are going to do better with each other and no matter what our parents do or say, we will protect each other like siblings are supposed to. We all grew up in the same family tree, we don't need to start growing our own branches yet.