Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 45: Chapter 45

COREY'S POV:
I have been sitting downstairs on the sofa for a few hours now, feeling sorry for myself. Nadia wouldn't talk to me when everyone left because I was cold towards her when I got here.
I didn't mean to be like that, I just didn't know how to act around her in front of her family. I didn't want to be too different towards her than what I usually am but then Willem would end up questioning it.
I sigh and make my way upstairs to check on her. She has probably been asleep this whole time because I know for a fact she hasn't been sleeping great lately. I open her door quietly and see her sleeping frame with hair sprawled all over her pillow. I walk in, checking that she still has water left in case she needs it and I just look down at her.
It would be really awkward if she were to wake up right now.
I look at her and how peaceful she looks and tuck her messy hair behind her ear as I know how much she hates waking up with messy hair because it is a nightmare for her to brush. I kiss her delicately on her forehead and something inside of me switches, feeling like everything is finally falling into place.
I love this girl. I think that I always have but it's all clicking to me now because of how peacefully beautiful she looks in front of me. I take a step back away from the bed as I feel so overwhelmed with all the feelings consuming me. I've always been attracted to her but I've also known she would grow into someone even more beautiful, and she has.
I feel the air around me suddenly become thick, making it difficult for me to breathe, so I leave her room, closing the door behind me in an effort to put as much distance between us as I can.
I release a long breath when I get downstairs as I feel like I can finally breathe clearly again. I feel myself beginning to get hungry and I know that Nadia wouldn't have had anything to eat all day so I look in their kitchen for what I can make for us. I rarely cook when I am at home as my brother usually does the cooking, so I have a feeling that whatever I am going to make won't taste the best. I would order something in but I feel guilty for using Samantha's card and I need to keep on my meal restrictions due to training.
I boil the kettle and find some pasta and sauce so I can make that, as it is fairly simple to do. You can hardly ever go wrong with pasta, but I am the type to. I once made pasta a couple of months back because I was starving and everyone else went out to eat without me as it was a late training day, so I made myself pasta. I ended up forgetting that the pasta was in the saucepot and so I didn't stir it so it caused it all to be stuck to the bottom of the pan when I finally remembered I had it in there.
I sit on the sofa and send a text to Willem asking if they have got there safely yet but he doesn't send a reply straight away, so he is probably fast asleep. I'm confused as to why they decided to go away now, since Nadia is recovering from surgery and all. I'm not complaining because it means that I get to have some time alone with her without the watchful eyes of her brother. I don't know why they are going away or where they are going, I just hope that it is somewhere Nadia wouldn't have loved to go to. I know how much she feels left out now and this couldn't have helped so if she ever decides to come downstairs and talk to me, I will try and help her forget about them leaving her here when she is in a vulnerable state.
I put my legs up and lie on the sofa, closing my eyes slightly, basking in the silence. My house is never quiet as I have two siblings who tend to make a racket when they are in their rooms. My sister plays her music as she reads and she doesn't know what the word quiet means and Ed likes to have sex with his boyfriend multiple times a day.
It's disgusting to listen to so we have to make noise around the house, or go out in an effort not to have to listen to it. But, I can't blame the guy.
"Why do you have your dirty shoes on our sofa?" I shoot my eyes open as Nadia's weak voice startles me as I didn't hear her come downstairs. I look at her and see her with a crutch, telling me all that I need to know about how she's feeling so I won't ask her.
"It's more comfortable having my feet up." I flash her a grin, causing her to roll her eyes in response.
"You can put your feet up, just take your shoes off." She orders, walking up to me and pushing my legs off the sofa when I don't make a move to take them off.
"Are you going to take them off for me as well, sweetheart?" I ask, cocking my head to the side and she narrows her eyes at me.
"You can get to fuck." She grunts, making me let out an amused chuckle and her face lights up. I love watching her reaction to the things I do. Her face is so expressive without her even realising it. She cannot hide how she is feeling no matter how hard she tries to and I pretend not to notice, but I always know. I can read her like a book, a book where I open her up, she takes me to another place entirely.
Nadia knows she is good looking, she has been told it all of her life by multiple people around her and people have been openly jealous about it with her, but she doesn't realise how truly beautiful she is. She smiles and the room lights up, she laughs and it sounds like a perfect harmony to my ears. That girl can just give me a simple look and I will feel my insides crumble completely. Looking into her eyes steals all my words away.
I've always noticed everything about her, whenever she would cut her hair slightly or when she would buy some new clothes, I just acted like I didn't. It's hard not to notice little things about someone you've been paying so much attention to for all these years. No one makes sense to me, no one else but Nadia.
"What's that smell?" Nadia suddenly says, breaking our intense eye contact and I jump out of the sofa, cursing myself out loud as I do so.
"Fuck my life." I rush over to the kitchen and straight to the pot that is bubbling dramatically with water. If I could make this all go away before Nadia saw then I would but she is right behind me, following me with her crutches. I squint my eyes closed, as if that would make all of this go away and I hear Nadia's beautiful laugh coming from behind me and it instantly helps me feel like less of a dickhead because at least I made her laugh.
"Quick, turn it off." She shouts as the foamy water starts overflowing. I do as she says and turn off the hob, almost burning myself in the process as I don't get along well with electric cookers. I seem to always forget that they will be hot because they don't look like they should be.
"Well this isn't edible." I mutter, feeling embarrassed but she gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, lightening my mood completely with a single touch. My cheek feels bare as soon as her lips leave my skin and I want nothing more than to pull her into my chest and breathe her in all night.
"Get more pasta," She orders and I do so, giving it to her as she is the one in charge of cooking now. She puts water in the kettle and we wait for it to boil, putting music on in the background so we aren't doing it in silence. "How do you even manage to burn pasta?"
"Easy mistake to make," I shrug, pulling a strand of hair out of her ponytail. "Besides, that's what you're here for."
"Yeah, lucky you." She mutters under her breath and I pretend not to hear it.
I get a barstool from the breakfast table and put it in front of the cooker so that she can take a seat to rest her legs, whilst also tending to the pasta. She takes a seat on the stool without me having to ask and with no complaints and the relief is evident on her face. She sends me a look to say a silent thank you and she carries on stirring the pasta. I take her crutches from her and lean them by the door so that they don't get in the way.
"Can you get me the colander?" She asks and I look at her gormlessly, not knowing where on earth that would be in this kitchen. She rolls her eyes and points towards one of the cupboards under the kitchen island. I bend down in it, reaching out the colander and passing it to her. As I am about to close the cupboard door, I notice a pink, frilly apron and take it out subtly. I put it over my shoulders, wrapping it around my waist and I feel sexy, but if any of the guys were to see me now then I would never hear the end of it.
Nadia makes an attempt to lift the full pot but she grunts in pain, unable to do it. I move to hear aid as fast as I can and silently replace her hands with mine on the handle, hearing her exhale in relief when she lets go
"Fuck, that was heavy," She breathes, rubbing at her arms slightly, as if to ease the ache growing there. "Over the sink."
"I do know how to use kitchen utensils, you know?" I inform her, not being a big fan of her lack of confidence in me.
"Considering the shit show you made early, can you hardly blame me for thinking otherwise?" She asks and I stay silent because she is right so I can't argue my case. "What the fuck are you wearing?"
"You don't like it?" I ask her, my tone filled with humour as I twirl around for her. She covers her eyes and starts fanning herself with her hands as she pretends to be affected by my display in my sexy apron.
"Oh, I love it." She smirks, taking her hands off her eyes so she can look me up and down again.
"Here's the sauce." I tell her, changing the conversation to get my attention away from the way she just looked at me with heat in her eyes.
"Thanks." She says, her cheeks turning pink.
I watch as she mixes the sauce in with the pasta, putting significantly more food in my bowl than hers. She hands both to me, nodding her head towards the table, so I put them down there whilst she leaves the room with her crutches.
Whilst she's gone I get two forks and pour us some water out so we have something to wash our food down with. Nadia comes back in the room with a single sunflower in hand, putting it in the vase in the middle of the table, which makes me smile.
"How romantic," I flash her a grin and she looks down, trying to hide her smile from me. I reach over, lifting her chin up so she's looking at me again. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" She queries, picking up her fork.
"Hide from me."
She doesn't say anything back to me, she just starts chewing on her pasta, wincing when she swallows it. "You okay?"
"Yeah, it's just sore," She confirms, sipping on her water every time she swallows. "I would've had a harder time eating it if you were the one cooking."
"Piss off, Nadia. I can't be good at everything." I shove a fork full of food in my mouth, emphasising my mood.
"Apparently not." She sighs, resting her head in her hand.
She did really well when she was cooking, using the little energy she had to help me and I'm really proud of her for being able to do that. I won't tell her that though, I don't want to draw attention to her not feeling great when she would rather hide it. Regardless, I'm sure she knows how proud of her I am without me having to say it, the way I look at her should be able to tell her enough.
"This is technically our first date." She comments, her voice low and raspy.
"No." I reply.
"No? What do you mean no?" She narrows her eyes at me.
"The lantern festival was our first date," I tell her, seeing the crease between her eyebrows vanish. "Even if you didn't know it at the time."
I do consider the lantern festival with Nadia our first date because it was the first time I really took her somewhere and it was meaningful to the both of us, obviously more so for her. That was the first time since I've seen Nadia truly at peace since she started feeling this way. Yes, she was in pain and exhausted, but she didn't let that stop her from enjoying the time we had there together. She let go of her dreams of skating and started looking at something new. She took off the rose tinted glasses she was wearing and decided to see her life as it truly was, as depressing as it is.
"Look who the romantic is now," She giggles, coughing slightly after doing so.
She pushes her bowl in front of her, having had enough and she goes to the freezer, taking out an ice lolly. "I am starving but I can't have anything solid apparently, it hurts too much."
"What if I made you a bowl of warm custard or something?" I ask her and her face morphs into disgust.
"Fuck no, I'd rather starve. I can handle the taste of it, just not the texture. I hate that it's both somewhat solid and liquid at the same time." She explains, putting the ice lolly in her mouth and my mouth waters at the thought of having one, but I can't as it has too much sugar in it.
She observes her fork and then looks at the way I'm holding mine as I now eat the rest of the pasta that was in her bowl. I am a big guy, who trains a lot and I feel ravenous all the time because of it. Looking at it, I have no idea how Willem managed to get out of training to go away, he must've fed the coach a pretty convincing lie. As his captain, I am pissed at him for ditching the team, but as his best friend, I am happy he gets to be out of the house for a bit.
"You eat your pasta weirdly." Nadia makes a comment and I stop what I am doing, chewing my food included.
"What?" I choke out through a mouthful of food. "No I don't. I eat it how I eat everything else."
"You eat it with the curve of the fork facing down," She observes, painting towards the fork that is in fact facing down in my hand. "You're supposed to eat it with it facing upwards."
"I didn't know there was a set criteria you needed to meet to eat your pasta." I comment, putting more pasta in my mouth, with the curve still facing downwards.
"You're a criminal. Next you'll be telling me you eat with your fork in your right hand." She scoffs, putting her head on the table.
"And you are dramatic." I tell her and she huffs out in agreement.
"Are you not going to tell me how good I am at cooking?" She asks, lifting her head up off the table to go back to her ice lolly.
"Your cooking was great, dear, truly." I mock, sounding like an old man who has a housewife.
"Thanks." She replies sarcastically with a slight tilt of the head and narrowed eyes.
I love that we can be like this around each other. That we can pretend to hate each other and be mad but in the end, we both know that we still care for one another on this incredibly deep level. Nadia has gone so long thinking to herself she wants nothing more than to disappear, but in reality all she needed was for me to find her in her darkness.
"Do you think we will always have this?" She questions me, turning serious now as I see her face grow more tired.
"I'd like to think so," I respond, immediately knowing what she is talking about. "When Willem finds out, he will come around eventually. Him being mad at us won't change what we feel for eachother."
"And what do you feel for me?" She asks, sounding the most vulnerable I have ever heard her.
Nadia puts on this big front, showing everyone that she is the strongest girl and can take on everything that the world throws at her and people really believe her when she puts on that show, going along with every little lie she is telling them. Not me though, I know how she truly feels as you never fully know how damaged someone is until you start falling in love with them.
I'm about to tell her this when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I put it on do not disturb when I got here so whoever it is, it must be something they think is important to notify me for. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see my dad's name flash on the screen, telling me to call him immediately.
"Who's that?" Nadia asks curiously, maybe with a hint of jealousy.
"My dad. Bear with me." I tell her and she nods. I get out of my seat, picking the dirty dishes up and leave to stand in the kitchen, hopefully where I am not in earshot of Nadia. I don't want her to see how strained my relationship with my dad actually is. I call my dad and he picks up on the first ring, obviously waiting by his phone for my call as he knew I would call him as soon as he texted.
"Where are you?" He asks, sounding calm and I put my phone on loud speaker so I can wash up whilst talking to him.
"At Willem's." I inform him, hoping he doesn't ask me to come home because that willem be an awkward conversation and one that I don't want to have with him.
"When Willem isn't there?" He asks and I am about to question him on how he knows but he starts talking again. "Your mother told me that you've been given the thrilling task of looking after Nadia whilst the three of them are away."
"I have." I reply, confused as to where this conversation is heading.
"How irresponsible of them. Just after she's had her surgery as well." He mutters, as if he gives a shit.
"I don't mind." I tell him honestly.
"I know that," I imagine him rolling his eyes on the other side of the phone. "But I don't want you seeing her again after this. She's not good for you."
"I'm nineteen, dad, you can't decide what I can and can't do anymore." I tell him sternly.
"I know I can't but I can advise you on what I think is right for my own son," He begins, his voice growing angry. "If you stay with her then you won't be able to focus on hockey completely."
"I can, I've been doing it for this long." I bounce back, not wanting to hear any of this because he is so full of bullshit.
"You won't get any further in your career if you are distracted, son" He states, trying to sound like he cares now. "Think about how proud your sister would be of you if you are the highest paid and most famous hockey star."
"Lily doesn't give a shit about that." I tell him, getting irritated now as he is trying to make me feel bad.
"I wasn't on about Lily," He informs me with a sigh. "And yes, your mother told me you all went asking her about her."
"Does she fucking tell you everything?" I blurt out.
"Watch your language, boy." He orders.
My dad is a dick because he knows the exact things to say to get in my head. If this was a few days ago and had no idea that we asked mum about our sister then he wouldn't throw it in my face. It's like mum tells him these things just so he can have something to manipulate his kids with. I know my dad is harsh on mum, but that doesn't mean she has to tell him every little thing that she or her kids do. There is no privacy in our home, everyone knows everything about everyone, aside from Natalie of course, as she is just a ghost in that house now.
"Look, dad. I am not going to stop things with Nadia, you can either respect that or not," I let him know. "Besides, you and mum started seeing each other when you were just starting out, so how is this any different?"
"Look at how that ended up." He scoffs and I'm not sure if he is talking about his failed career due to his injury or his relationship with my mother. I don't choose to comment on his career though because I don't want to set him off in an even worse mood than the one he's already in.
"Then stop being a dick to her." I tell him, talking about how poorly he treats mum sometimes. He does love her but he resents her for many things, such as his now non existent hockey career.
I hang up the phone before he can respond and turn it off so that I won't get any of his angry messages. I just want to enjoy this time that I have with Nadia, without any distractions now we finally get to have some time by ourselves.
I put the dishes in the dishwasher and walk back into the kitchen, where I find Nadia staring at the singular sunflower with her head in her hands. She looks about twenty seconds away from falling asleep with the way her eyes are starting to droop.
She jumps slightly as I enter the room and she stands, her legs shaking slightly in the process. I walk up to her and she holds onto my arm to steady herself. I lift her chin up with my hands, leaning in to her but she backs away with an unsteady step, leaving the room.
I am about to chase after her but I know she would rather be alone right now so I will leave her to it for a bit. She didn't look very well so I can only assume that she is going upstairs to get some rest and peace and quiet, which I will respect her privacy for.
I take off the pink apron and clean the rest of the kitchen, putting the empty packets in the bin and cleaning the rest of the utensils off and putting them into the dishwasher. I turn it on and now I don't know what to do with myself as everything is clean.
I have decided I've left it long enough as I can't bear to leave things unsaid if I have done something to upset her and it's not because she was exhausted. I take the single sunflower out of the vase and make my way to Nadia's room with it in hand, putting it with the rest of the flowers I got her. I hope that they last a while as they say that flowers given with love are the ones that last, and there was nothing but love in mind when I was giving them to her.
I look at her lying in bed, for the second time today and it just reminds me of how shitty her life is and it's not living at all but she still pushes through, surviving despite everything. In the moments where we are having fun together I forget for a little while that she is still not healthy and as soon as her expression dies down slightly, I'm worrying about her and how she's feeling.
I leave her room, not wanting to feel creepy and go to Willem's room to hopefully get some sleep.
It doesn't go down too well as I am tossing and turning for a while as I can't get the thoughts of mine and my father's conversation out of my head. I shake my head, trying to get rid of my stormy thoughts and get out of bed, to make my way back to Nadia's room. I decide that I need to be in her presence so that the bad thoughts won't linger so I will be able to finally get some sleep. She doesn't have to be awake for me to be calm, just breathing in the same air as me.
I stand over Nadia, watching how peaceful she looks again and I am convinced she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. She doesn't look in pain when she is fast asleep. I think that is why she welcomes the sleep, because she is exhausted but also so she can escape the pain for a couple of hours. Sleep is peaceful, you don't feel pain and I think that's why she makes the most of it.
I feel a lot calmer now and I am divided on whether I should go back to Willem's room or stay in here. Nadia's mum made up the spare room for me, like she always does but I don't feel comfortable sleeping in there as I'm not used to it so it will be difficult for me to sleep in.
I have this thing where when I visit somewhere new, such as a hotel bed I've never slept in before, I will always have an awful night's sleep as my body isn't conditioned into staying there yet.
I go to Nadia's wardrobe and get one of the blankets from the top of it and take the pillows off of her window seat, setting them down on the floor so I can be a bit more comfortable. I also want to stay in her room in case she needs me throughout the night. I'll be here if she needs me through anything, especially tonight.