Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 50: Chapter 50

NADIA'S POV:
When I woke up this morning I never expected to have all of this laid out in front of me. Jasper and I have spent years of Christmases together and he has never done anything as thoughtful for me as this. All Jasper and I would do is see each other on Christmas Eve and give each other our gifts, then have sex, and then one of us would leave to go home. We never spent time with each other's families over the holidays, nor did we spend any time together at all.
I deserved much more than that now that I think about it.
I blow out a breath to try and get rid of the thoughts of Jasper. Today is supposed to be happy so I don't want the memories of him clouding up my happiness.
I woke up in a lot of pain from last night and Corey was right there when I woke up. I could hardly bring myself to look at him as the memories from last night hit me like a truck. His hands all over my body and him making sure I'm okay as he pushes himself into me.
I didn't know what to expect when he told me to get up but I never would've thought the whole house would be decorated for Christmas with a meal for us cooking in the oven.
Ed comes into the living room with Will behind him and Lily and I almost squeal in excitement now that we can finally decorate the tree. We all know that there doesn't need to be five of us here to do it but we all have the same idea that it will be more fun and meaningful if we do it together, sort of like a family.
I consider Corey my family, not in an incest kind of way but in a way where I have grown up with him and we have seen the darkest parts of each other and still be by each other's side no matter how dark it gets. My parents and brother love Corey and do consider him part of our family. I just hope none of this changes when they find out about us.
Lily and I rush over to the box full of tree decorations, not even bothering to greet Will and we make a start by pulling a bunch of tinsel out of it. Ed goes out of the living room and comes back shortly afterwards with a plate of mince pies in hand and only now does Lily pay attention to anything other than the decorating. She prances over to Ed whilst making a grabbing motion with her hands but he shields the plate with his body. Ed gives her a pointed look and she huffs out in stubbornness.
"Hello, Will." She mutters out in fake excitement and then Ed hands her the plate and we all see the real excitement take over her body. We all laugh because we know her and Will get on but she makes everything such a big deal. Just like Corey has told me, she really does see me as some sort of role model. I look to where Corey is holding a bauble by the tree just to see him looking at me with a smirk, seeming to know exactly what I am thinking. I narrow my eyes at him and his shoulders bounce in laughter in response.
Corey bought me a barstool from the kitchen so that I can sit down whilst decorating as it will take so much energy to do and it fills me with so much contentment as he cares so deeply for me, he doesn't even think twice about doing something so small yet meaningful for me.
I sit down and ask Alexa to play some Christmas songs and the music fills the silence around us, setting the Christmas mood even more. Lily is sitting on the sofa watching us on her second or third mince pie, which she shouldn't really be eating because of her diet for training but none of us will tell her off for it since we don't really give a shit. Will and Ed work together on the back of the tree, putting up different-sized baubles and Corey stands behind where I sit on the stool and helps me decorate the front of the tree. I'm topping off the tree with some candy canes and Corey is wrapping red tinsel around so that it matches the red decorations in the rest of the house.
"Can you pass us some candy canes please?" Will's muffled voice comes from behind the tree.
"Why are you putting them on the back?" Corey questions and I see Ed's head peak from behind the tree.
"So it all looks even, Corey." He rolls his eyes, Will laughing subtly.
"Why does it all need to look even if it's at the back?" He responds, unbothered that they are both silently making fun of him.
"Do you have to question everything? You are so annoying." Ed rolls his eyes, all the humour is gone now for him.
"And you're a perfectionist." Corey bites back.
"I agree with Corey on this one," Lily speaks up with a mouthful of mince pies and I have no idea how the girl has this much of an appetite with the size of her.
"And are you going to help us? Or are you just going to sit there stuffing your face for the rest of the day?" Ed counters and she just smiles at him and we all look away in disgust as we see all the chewed-up food in her mouth.
"Gross, Lil," I tell her, causing her to close her mouth and her cheeks to redden slightly.
I don't want to have made her feel embarrassed so I give her an apologetic look but it goes ignored as she isn't even looking. I try to rid my head of any guilt whilst also trying to ignore all of my symptoms threatening to let loose and pass Will and Ed the box of candy canes as we don't need anymore on our side.
Corey watches me as I do it and I give him a small smile as I reach into the box again, only to pull out the mistletoe that usually goes in our front doorway. My mum and dad are very thorough about where they keep their decorations to make sure they are all in the right place so Corey must've put it in this box whilst he was getting all the decorations out of the attic.
"Oh, look," Corey whispers in fake surprise and I can't help but smile at him. He thinks he is being so subtle but he really is the most obvious guy in the world.
"Oh look, indeed," I repeat, smirking at him.
He moves to stand behind me again and he spins the barstool so that I'm facing him and I feel myself go all hot because we haven't really ever been able to be affectionate to each other in front of other people.
He takes the mistletoe out of my hand and holds it above his head, looking down at me with a coy smile.
"Rule is you have to kiss whoever is standing under the mistletoe." He mentions and I morph my face into mock understanding. We keep our voices low as we talk so that everyone else in the room can't hear our rare display of public affection.
"Well we can't break the rules, can we?" I smile up at him but it quickly dies down. "The only issue is I can't reach you."
I could stand up but I am so exhausted from putting up all the candy canes that I don't want to risk my legs giving out from under me. I don't want to end up ruining this amazing day Corey has planned due to how I'm feeling as I won't be messing the day up for just Corey, but for his siblings and Will as well so I will try to do as little as possible today. Putting the candy canes up is enough for me, the others can do the rest.
"Well, we will have to change that." Corey bends down in front of me so that our faces are level. He keeps one hand in the air to keep the mistletoe above our heads and brings the other hand to the side of my face, tucking the hair there behind my ear with a delicate touch.
"This is much better," I tell him.
"Mm, is it?" He says softly, bringing his lips closer to mine and when they touch I feel the instant electricity go through me that I always have when kissing him. I'm thankful that the music is playing so loud that it can drown out some of the sounds of what is going on. He deepens the kiss and I smile into his lips, feeling him smile back and he bites my lip in hunger. I open my eyes, shocked as he seems to forget his surroundings and I look towards Lily, where she is watching us from the sofa with wide eyes yet a massive smile on her face.
I'm glad his siblings are happy for us because my brother definitely won't be. It's nice to know we have support coming from somewhere.
"I'm stuffed," Lily announces, realising that I now feel vulnerable and cutting mine and Corey's kiss short.
"That's hardly surprising, Lil, you have eaten your whole body weight in mince pies after a whole Christmas dinner." Ed peaks from behind the tree, seemingly done with the decorations at the back now. Will follows, almost tripping over the now-empty box on the way out.
"Easy," Ed holds him up to steady him and looks to Corey, who has only just stood up and has still said nothing. "Give us a kiss.."
Corey swallows heavily and looks at me longingly and I can make out what he is trying to tell me. We will go back to that later, his eyes tell me. He looks back toward his brother and throws the mistletoe towards the two of them and Will holds it up, giving Ed a loving kiss on his mouth followed by a couple more, until Ed bursts out laughing in embarrassment.
It's nice to see how free those two can be together, not caring what anyone thinks of them. When they are together, they are in their own little bubble of love and they cherish that. What they have together is something really incredible, it's refreshing to see a young relationship like that these days.
"We missed one decoration," Lily announces.
"We didn't miss a thing." Corey counters.
"The star at the top." She gets up off the sofa and rummages in the box, handing me the star once she's found it.
I look to Corey who wraps his arms around me and pulls me up so I can reach the top of the tree. I place the star at the top, making my best attempt at trying to make it straight.
"That's perfect," Corey whispers in my ear as he brings me down to the stool.
Corey, Ed, and Will all join Lily on the sofa and they all look like a real family here. I leave the room, telling them I'm going to the bathroom but I go into one of the drawers in the hallway to get the camera so I can take some Polaroid pictures of them all together.
I go back into the living room and they all have their feet on the footrest, looking comfy as they all debate on which Christmas movie they should watch.
"I say we watch Elf. You have to watch that when it's Christmas, it's like the law." Corey argues his point to his siblings and Will.
"I've seen that film so many times it's boring," Lily whines. "Let's watch Die Hard."
"We aren't doing that." Ed inputs at the same time Will says that he agrees. It's an equal split down the middle on what they want to watch. I stay silent, bringing the camera up to my eye and taking their picture as they all look at each other with heated gazes as they argue. I bring the camera up again but focus it just on Corey this time and snap the shot just as he looks up at me with a smile. I take the Polaroid out, shake it a few times and leave it with the other one for them to process.
"What do you think, Nads?" Corey asks me, coming to stand behind me and wrapping his arms around me.
"Don't touch her, it'll sway her vote." Lily points to him and I feel his body move behind me as he laughs.
"She doesn't need swaying, Lil, Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie so Elf wins by default," Ed tells her pointedly.
"What do you mean it's not a Christmas movie?" She raises her voice slightly and I feel a sharp twinge in the front of my head. "It takes place during Christmas so therefore, it is a Christmas movie."
"It takes place during Christmas but it has no Christmas themes, it's just action," I tell her and she frowns at me.
"You're supposed to be on my side," She pouts as Corey unwraps his arms from around me. "What happened to girls sticking together?"
"I'm just saying it's not a Christmas film, Lil," I say apologetically. "Let's watch home alone, everyone loves home alone."
They all mutter their agreements and I turn to see where Corey went but he has the camera up to his face and a shit-eating grin on his face as he snaps a photo of my surprised face.
"That is going to look horrible, bin that," I order, trying to take it out of his hand as he shakes it.
"I don't think so, sweetheart." He half smirks at me, putting it in his pocket where it is left to develop.
I take my revenge and take the Polaroid I took of him off the table and put it in my phone case, but not before looking at it intently first. He looks so at peace, I don't think I have ever seen him like this before. He looks truly content, as if he has no struggles and just enjoying his time here with me and his family.
The way he's looking at me in the Polaroid fills me with something I can't quite describe. His eyes look soft yet they are filled with so much and his smile could light up the whole room. When I see Corey it makes me cheerier but when he smiles it feels like something else entirely.
"I'm exhausted," Lily announces, interrupting the movie and bringing Corey and me out of our own little world.
"Of course, you would be after all the food you've eaten." Will pipes up and Lily gasps before throwing the cushion she was leaning on at him with some force, sending him backwards.
Ed bursts out laughing as Will throws it back to Lily, but not with so much force and Corey takes this time to ask me a question in a whisper, "Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah, of course, I just need to stay sat down for a bit." I lie, keeping my voice low so the others can't hear us and also knowing that he will see right through it.
"Sweetheart." He urges, raising his eyebrows at me in concern.
"Okay, I feel like shit. I need to have a nap." I tell him honestly, hoping he can't see the way I am struggling to keep my eyes open even sitting on a stool. I've been feeling awful since about ten minutes into the meal and I've been trying so hard not to show the effect it's having on me. When I woke up I told myself I wouldn't nap in an effort not to ruin everything but my head is getting too heavy and my arms and legs are starting to go all numb and tingling at my lack of energy.
"Let's get you up to bed, yeah?" I nod at him, looking towards the sofa where they are all paying no attention to us whatsoever. "They won't notice, come on."
Corey takes my arm as support and he guides me upstairs, taking extra time to get up the stairs for me. I really need to stop thinking that everyone has their eyes on me all the time. People don't look for me in rooms anymore, people don't talk to me anymore and Corey and his siblings are the only ones to actually pay attention to me for me and ignore everything else that's going on with me. I seem to forget just how invisible I am, just like this illness.
He pulls the duvet off the bed so I can get in and the instant relief my body feels when it hits the mattress is indescribable. It's also hard though because when I am not moving around and doing anything I have nothing to do to take my mind off the pain, I have to lie in silence, soaking in my own pain and misery.
"Thank you," I tell him softly and he puts the duvet over me, tucking me in so that I can feel even comfier.
"Always, sweetheart." He kisses me lightly on the forehead, before walking out the door and pulling it too slightly.
"Wait, Corey," I shout and he peaks his head round through the crack of the door. "Can you wake me up when the movie is over? I don't want to sleep my way through this day."
All he does is nod in reply and blow me another kiss, before leaving me to go back to join his family and Will. It's a good thing for him that I need a quick sleep because it gives him time to spend with them without the worry of having to give me attention at the same time as they have only just gotten so close again. Also, if I am down where he can see my face and read how I'm responding to the pain then he will be thinking about me and how much he hates seeing me like this rather than focussing on being happy with his family for a change.
I hope they all have a nice time together before closing my eyes and letting myself sleep, ignoring the pain as much as I can.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Corey sticks to his word and he wakes me up when the movie is over. I don't know how long the movie has been over but it's now dark outside and the house seems eerily quiet.
"What time is it?" I ask him, not being bothered to look at what time my clock says on my nightstand.
"About seven," He responds with a shrug as if it's no big deal. "I know you said to wake you up in an hour but you clearly needed the sleep if you didn't wake up yourself."
"But I wanted to spend time with you today," I whine, crossing my arms over my chest like a child when I sit up.
"And you still can," He gets my hair brush and begins brushing out my hair for me. "But you can't argue that you needed that sleep."
I stay silent because he's right, I can't argue that and I won't say it out loud but I am grateful he didn't wake me up when I told him to because I will be moody and cranky for being woken up. I have always loved my hair being played with so as Corey brushes my hair gently I feel my eyes begin to flutter close again so I sit myself further away from him on the bed.
"Exactly," He boasts smugly before pulling the duvet off me, indicating that I need to get up. "Now, do you fancy some hot chocolate?" I ignore the nagging in my legs and get up off the bed because there is nothing more I love than hot chocolate and Corey laughs at my sudden burst of energy. "Now I know how to make you move, offer you hot chocolate or throw a spider at you."
"If you put a spider even in the same room as me, we are over," I tell him sternly and he laughs again, putting his arm around my shoulders to help guide me downstairs.
"Go and make the hot chocolate, I just need to get something from my room," I tell him, suddenly remembering something and he gives me a questioning look.
"Do you want me to get it?" He offers but I shut him down, basically pushing him down the stairs to make the hot chocolate.
I grab the box from my room with great difficulty due to the pain and because I left it under my bed. I go back downstairs and wait on the sitting chair next to the Christmas tree for him and when he walks in the room the scent of chocolate fills the room and only now do I realise that it's empty from everyone that was here earlier. "Thank you. Where did everyone go?"
"They went home a couple of hours ago, Lily raided your parent's wine cupboard and got drunk from two glasses of wine." He explains, chuckling at the memory.
The drink is topped with whipped cream and a flake and as I try to lick the cream from the top it gets all around my mouth so I have to lick it off. "Attractive," Corey smirks and my cheeks redden as I laugh from embarrassment.
"Did you have a nice time today?" I ask him out of curiosity.
"I did, it didn't go exactly how I imagined it in my head but It was perfect." He answers, taking a sip of his drink.
"It really was. Thank you for doing it." I mention and put my cup on the coffee table.
"What's that?" He asks me, nodding towards the box in my lap.
"I was going to give you this closer to Christmas but I feel like today is the perfect time to do it," I hand the box over to him. "Don't get too excited it's not much."
He puts his own cup down and opens the box quickly as if he can't wait to see what's inside. His eyes light up when he moves the tissue paper out of the way. He pulls out a pink bear that is almost identical to the one he won me at the fair all those years ago, just in a smaller size.
"It looks just like yours." He comments, his lips rising up into a smile.
"I did say we would have a bear family. We may as well start early." I reminisce and he laughs at the memory, his eyes not leaving mine.
"I love it, thank you." He gives me a soft kiss on my lips and gets up. "That reminds me, I have something for you as well."
I know it is a crap gift but it is one that comes with a lot of meaning and I was excited to give it to him, but also nervous because I didn't know what he would think. The bear he won me means so much to me as it was the first time that I really saw the real Corey as he was just a stupid kid back then who hid behind a character, just like everyone else at that age.
Corey walks back into the room with an envelope in his hand and my heartbeat increases slightly in intrigue.
"Give." I outstretch my hand and he laughs at my excitement before putting the envelope in my hand.
"Don't get too excited, it's not much." He repeats my words from earlier.
"I'm sure I'll love it either way," I confirm, pulling out the contents of the letter, and leaving the other thing in there for now. I'm confused about what it is at first but I see the words, 'star certificate' written across the top. "I don't understand."
"Read it," He orders me and so I do. I read that he bought me a star and named it after me. I feel my eyes start to get blurry as the emotions start pooling around inside of me. "I was going to get one with Archie's name on but I remembered there is already a star out there for him so I got one in your name because, Nads, you are one to me."
I have no words, I am speechless and I feel like I could burst out crying at any minute. This is the greatest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever got me and it means even more coming from Corey.
"You have always loved the stars and you compared yourself to one yesterday so I knew that it was the perfect thing to give you," He explains and I can't stop looking at the sheet of paper. "I got this before last night though. But, If you turn to the next sheet you can see what star is you."
I turn it over to the other page and see the star he named after me, I see my star. It's beautiful, it's brighter than any star I would've imagined as myself but it is so incredibly beautiful.
"I know how you feel in this world, Nadia, so I wanted to make sure that you have an escape to go to whenever life overwhelms you," He sits closer to me now, wiping some of the tears from under my eyes. "Just think of you as this star, and remember you can get through anything."
"Wow. Thank you, Corey, thank you." I could repeat this over and over to him but it still wouldn't tell him how grateful I am for this gift. I always look to the stars in need of an escape and now I feel more connected to them. I hope my star is somewhere near where Archie is, so I can be with him too.
"Now look at the next thing." He suggests and I hope it isn't something that will make my heart beat out of my chest like this gift almost did.
I reach into the envelope again and pull out whatever it is in there and see it's a necklace. "Is this a necklace of the star?" I ask him but my own question is answered when I see that it's a star sign constellation.
"It's the cancer start sign." He informs me just as I realise that it is myself and I can't control the way tears fall out of my eyes this time.
"It's Archie's star sign," I speak through my sobs, finding it difficult to settle my breathing and Corey offers a comforting hand on my leg.
He takes the necklace out of my hand and instructs me to lift my hair up so he can put it on me. I don't turn around so he can see what he is doing, I stay facing him so I can look at him. He has a cute concentrated face as he sticks out his tongue slightly.
I will wear this necklace at all times so I always have Arhcie with me and I will frame the picture of the star and the certificate and put it on the ceiling above my bed so I can look at it when I need an escape from the pain.
He finishes putting the necklace on then pulls the red Christmas blanket over us and he puts his arm around me. I get myself comfy by resting my head on his legs and closing my eyes to try and fight off the tears again. He puts on the tv and I could fall asleep again right here in his company.
"Thank you," I whisper up at him.
"Shh." He tells me, giving me head scratches.
As he scratches my head I put my hand on the necklace and fiddle with it just to feel Archie. I can't get over how thoughtful this man really is and I can't say it surprises me at all.
My whole life I have been a dreamer. It's always been my dream to skate, but Corey is my dream now. What I have with Corey allows me to be me without question and I pray that he feels the same way about me. He leaves starlight on my skin every time he touches me and I want him to become all of my tomorrows.
I love him, I really do.