Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 54: Chapter 54

COREY'S POV:
We finally arrive at my house, which seemingly took much longer than usual due to how silent the car ride was. Usually, I would be listening to music or talking to someone enough to drown out how slow the journey goes but this time all I could hear was the sound of the engine running and my breaks creaking as I press them.
I should really get them checked out but it's just finding the time. Now that I am not responsible for looking after Nadia, I need to get back to training and we have a session tomorrow. I need as much sleep as Nadia does tonight as I need to be on my top performance on the ice tonight so that coach doesn't have my head on his dinner table tomorrow.
I park the car up on my driveway and Nadia doesn't move, just carries on staring ahead of her as if she is going through a war of thoughts in her mind. I say her name lightly and she is still unresponsive, making me think she is in some sort of trance or something. I wave my hand in front of her face and she finally registers that I'm trying to get her attention. Her eyes widen slightly and then they repeatedly blink, as if there is an image at the front of them that she is trying to get rid of. I wish they had chips you could put into people's brains so that you can see the world the way other people do because I want to know what Nadia sees and how grey her world truly is.
I also want to see how I look from her perspective because that thought terrifies me.
I shake my head, now being the one to get rid of my thoughts and get out of the car, walking over to Nadia's side as she doesn't make an attempt to open it.
I won't tell her this but I heard quiet sniffles coming from her on the journey here. I'm unsure whether it is from the betrayal of the people closest to her or because she is in pain or simply just because her life is one massive shit show.
It's like she is a tiger in a cage at the zoo, stuck in the same place, unable to get out and living life the same, all day every day. Outlookers don't know how that tiger feels, they just want to see a tiger in real life, much like how people around Nadia don't get the tournament she lives with every day and just care about when they are going to see her next.
She is certainly as strong as a tiger.
I open the door for her and she takes my hand as she pulls herself up from the seat and once she's adjusted herself to standing she doesn't take her hand out of mine, making me feel all warm inside.
I sincerely hate the effect she has on me. Can I not go back to seeing her as annoying and in the way all the time?
She waits for me to close the door before walking towards the house, allowing me to open the door for her. My front door leads you straight to the living room, so we are immediately greeted by a half-asleep Ed and Will on the sofa. Lily is probably upstairs in her room asleep because she has training first thing tomorrow as it's getting close to the start of sectionals.
Ed and Will grow more alert at the sight of Nadia with me with tear-stained cheeks and tangled hair.
"Hello, Nadia?" Ed says questioningly and Nadia says nothing, just replaces the frown on her face with a large smile in greeting and then goes back to her original expression. Ed and Will look at me with furrowed eyebrows and I so badly want to go over there and wipe that look off their faces because Nadia doesn't need to see that they are worried about her, it makes her feel worse.
I shake my head at them, dismissing their questions. They can ask me if she's okay later and not when she is standing right here. They both nod in response, understanding my warning and they go back to focusing on the TV in front of them, trying their hardest not to look back at us as we make our way up the staircase.
I hold Nadia's waist as she walks up, taking one step at a time and going as steady as I can. I hear the slight wince in her throat every time she lifts a leg to reach the next step. I want to look at my brother and Will but I don't want Nadia to feel even more self-conscious than I'm sure she is right now.
Our stairs are pretty steep so I will make a note in my head to apologise to her for that when we get in my room.
We reach the top of the stairs and she pauses as she is unsure which room is mine. "The one at the end of the corridor on the left," I inform her and she makes her way over there and I stay behind. "Make yourself comfy, i'll be there in a second."
I walk over to my sisters room, which is next to mine, and knock, waiting for an answer.
"Yes?" She questions when she answers and she is holding her whole bed in her arms.
"Are you moving out?" I ask her, looking at the duvet and pillows in her grasp.
"No, I'm going downstairs to watch a movie with Ed and Will if you must know. We are ordering a Chinese" She answers, readjusting the pillows under her arm.
"Where was my invite to family night?" I ask, pretending to be offended and she rolls her eyes at me.
"You've been too busy with Nadia." She tells me and I don't say anything in reply because she isn't wrong. I love my siblings but somehow I want to be spending all my time with Nadia.
"Don't stay up too late you have training in the morning." I warn her, even though it past that point hours ago but i'll let her off as our parents aren't here. If they were here then they would take away every device she owns to make sure that she gets to sleep on time and has enough of it, little do they know that she stays up half the night reading her romance novels.
"I won't, but what did you want?" She asks me and I had completely forgot to ask her what I was supposed to.
"Can I borrow some of your clothes for tomorrow?" I ask her and she looks at me suspiciously.
"What makes you think you'll be able to fit in my clothes?" She queries, sounding completely serious so I end up sighing.
"Not for me, dickhead," I laugh at her and then continue. "It's for Nadia, she's sleeping here tonight and she's got nothing with her."
"Oh she is?" My siser smirks and I either want to slap her or throw up at the mischief in her eyes.
"Fuck off, can she borrow some or not?" I rush out, getting impatient now because I want to get Nadia comfortable and get her anything she needs.
"Yeah, just grab whatever, I want my takeaway." She says, pushing past me to go downstairs.
"Order me a chicken chow mein and some sweet and sour chicken balls," I shout down the corridor to her. "Oh, also some egg fried rice."
My stomach growls in acceptance as I say what I want to eat and I realise that I'm still hungry, even after the massive meal we had today.
"Fuck off." She shouts in response and I laugh because I know she will order it for me anyway.
I go into her room and I feel uncomfortable that I am about to go through my sisters drawers but she did give me full permission to. I open the top drawer and immediately close it as I am met with her knickers and bras. I make a disgusted face and mutter under my breath, trying to forget what the fuck I have just seen and open the middle drawer, which contains an endless supply of leggings. I take a black pair out and open the next one, taking out the first t-shirt that I can find. Nadia and my sister are practically the same size so this will do.
I go back to my room and find Nadia leaning against the wall, holding her side. "Why don't you lie down?" I ask her and she completely blanks me.
I walk up to her steadily so that I don't startle her and she only registers I'm in the room when I am right in front of her. "Lie down." I repeat and she nods her head at me.
I put my arm around her waist and guide her towards the bed, taking it slow so that she can be in as little pain as possible with each step. When we get basically throws herself onto the bed and stays half on it and half off. She stays unmoving so I ask her, "Do you want me to give you a hand?" She doesn't say anything in response, only
giving a grunt in reply.
I lift her legs up and place them on the bed, trying to make it as gentle as possible for her.
"Thank you." She hums out when her legs hit the mattress.
"You know I'd do anything for you." I tell her and she gives me a small smile, even though I know it's taking all the energy out of her to do so.
"Now that you say that, can you get me some painkillers?" She asks me and I'm reminded that she is still wearing my t-shirt from last night. I know she hasn't had chance to change but the fact she is still in my clothes makes feel all mushy inside.
"I'll see what I can find, I think we only have paracetamol in though." I tell her, knowing that paracetamol doesn't seem to do anything to ease her symptoms anymore.
"It's better than nothing." She shrugs, turning over in bed with a loud wince this time. I want nothing more than to crawl in bed with her and hold her until my body blocks out all the pain being dealt to her.
I nod and leave her be as i go on the search for some medication for her. I know that my mum keeps all kinds of medication in her room so that's the first place I look and I freeze when I open the door as I didn't expect to see my mother lying in her bed watching TV.
"Mum, I didn't know you were back." I say nervously, searching around the room for any sign of my dad.
"Your father dropped me back earlier today as I wasn't feeling very well." She informs me, sounding exhausted.
"Did you have a nice time? Where is he?" I ask her a series of questions, growing nervous at her answer because I have Nadia here.
"You could say that, yes and he's gone to his parent's house for the weekend to help them move house," She tells me and my heart rate slows down at this information. "Why are you in here? You never come in here."
"I was just going to look for some paracetamol," I tell her, trying my hardest to ignore the last part of her words.
I hardly ever step foot in this room because it depresses the hell out of me. It's a reminder of everything I have lost, such as my sister and even my mum in a way. The bright woman I once knew has turned into this one filled with pain and darkness who now lies on the bed in front of me.
"In the basket over there," She points with a nod of her head towards her chest of drawers, which has her TV playing on it. "Make sure you keep it down tonight, I don't feel too good."
"We will, we are just going to chill downstairs," I inform her as I rummage through the large pile of drugs in this basket. My mum seriously has something for everything in here but whenever you are looking for a specific something you can never find it, even though you know where it is.
"Nadia too?" She questions and I freeze my searching, scared to turn around to face her but she saves me from making an attempt to deny it because she carries on speaking. "You seriously thought I didn't know? Parents know everything, Corey."
In other words, she overheard me ask Lily to borrow some of her clothes for Nadia.
I find the paracetamol and take a strip of them out of the box as I'm certain Nadia will get through more than one dose in the night. "Do you need anything whilst I'm here?"
"No, I'm okay, just look after Nadia, okay?" She asks of me as if I wasn't going to do that already.
"Of course I will," I confirm, getting her a glass of water from her on-suite bathroom just in case she needs some more in the night. If she needs anything else then she will certainly let one of us know and we will be there to get it for her. Usually, it's my dad looking after her when she has one of her spells but he isn't here so the responsibility lands on us kids. Our household is on the flip side to any other as the kids are the ones looking after their parents. "I'll also make sure Lily actually gets some sleep tonight."
"I don't care about that," She waves a hand out in front of her and I place the glass of water on her bedside table. "As long as she gets up on time and performs on the ice well tomorrow then she can stay up as long as she likes."
My mum isn't strict at all but if my dad was here then she wouldn't be saying that at all, she would be making sure Lily was in bed at a decent hour. We all know that our mum is a massive softy and the only reason she is stern sometimes is because she feels like she has to act harshly with us in front of our dad as he is the one who cares for her the most. There is nothing more I have to say to my mum at the minute so I make my way to the door, uttering a small "Goodnight" to her.
"I want to speak to her at some point, Corey." My mum admits just as I'm about to leave and I stop in my steps.
"Why?" I question and she gives me a flat look as if to say I'm stupid.
"You know why," She confirms and I sigh because I know it's been needing to happen but I just don't want it to. I don't want it to scare Nadia. "Besides, I should get to know the girl who is sleeping under my roof."
"It's dad's roof." I remind her in an attempt to avoid the topic of conversation.
"Goodnight, Corey." She dismisses me and turns off her TV so I take that as my hint to leave and do so.
I go back to my room and find Nadia watching Glee on my TV, causing me to smile. "I see you made yourself at home."
"It's what you would've wanted," She shrugs with a smile back and looks at me seriously now. "Did you find anything?"
"Yes, I had to raid my mum's stash," I tell her, handing her two of the tablets out of the pack, and leaving the others on the side table. I open my mini fridge and try to find a water bottle within the selection of energy drinks and once I do I throw it on the bed next to her, being careful so it doesn't hit her legs at all. She doesn't move the water and opens her mouth to show me that she has already taken the tablets and I have to bite my lips to hold back the smile that is threatening to appear. Her throat certainly seems to be better even though the rest of her hasn't caught up yet. "Do you need anything else?"
"No, I just want to try and sleep, to be honest," Se tells me and I am not offended by this because I know that's what she wanted. "You should go speak to Ed and Will though to explain what happened, I know they will be worrying themselves sick down there."
"Are you okay with them knowing?" I question and she nods her head.
"Of course I am, they are your family. Go spend some time with them, I want to be alone anyway."
"Okay." Is all I say because I don't really know how else to respond. I don't particularly want her to be alone with how her headspace is at the moment and with the amount of pain she seems to be in but I ignore my own thoughts and listen to what she wants. I don't want to be overwhelming to her and it'll be nice to watch a movie with my siblings and Will, even though I will be there with them mainly for the Chinese they have ordered.
"Okay." She repeats, taking her eyes off the TV for a second to smile at me.
I walk up to her, tucking her in under the duvet, being careful again and kiss her on the top of her head. She moves her head upwards, pouting her lips so that I kiss her there as well and I do so and pull away. She doesn't relax her lips so I kiss her multiple times, doing it with more force each time and only stopping when I can hear the giggle bubble up in her throat.
"Right, I'll leave you be now," I say, kissing her head again before going to the door. "If you need anything, let me know."
"Go, Corey," She orders in a lighthearted tone and I almost blurt out that I love her right here right now. My eyes widen in shock at the almost slip-up and I try my hardest to pretend it never happened. "What's that look for?"
"I need to shit," I say the first thing that's not the truth that comes to mind and it seems to work as a cover-up because she lets out a large laugh in response. "I'll see you later."
She offers me a slight wave of her hand to say bye and I rush to the bathroom, pacing back and forth in there for a few minutes so that she will think I am actually releasing my bowels. I give it another minute then flush the toilet. I'm about to leave the bathroom but I'm reminded that I need to wash my hands so that I don't seem like a completely unhygienic bastard.
I shake my head at myself because who the fuck have I turned into. I just pretended to go to the toilet just so I didn't tell the girl I'm in love with that I love her. I hear a knock at the front door and that brings me back to real-time and I dry my hands before making my way downstairs. When I reach the bottom of the staircase I am greeted by the back of Ed's head as he pays for the Chinese, the smell of it making my stomach grumble.
I sit on the sofa next to my sister, getting under her duvet as it's getting a bit colder now and she complains about my body being cold. "Aren't you an ice skater?" I ask her and I can tell by the look on her face that she wants to slap me so I decide to close my mouth and not say anything more to her.
"That's what I thought, Corey. Shut up, or I'll make Ed get the delivery driver to take your food back." She tries scaring me and it works because my mouth doesn't open until my food is on my lap.
"Thank you, I've been craving a Chinese for weeks," I tell Ed as he hands me a fork. Coach Grayson would be very disappointed in me if he could see how I've eaten this past week but he can fuck off because I have seen all the takeout burger wrappers and pizza boxes in his bin in his office.
That man is such a hypocrite.
"Is Nada coming down?" Lily asks as she chews on her food and I'm about to scold her for it but I decide against it because she was s kind enough to actually tell Ed I wanted a Chinese.
"No, she's staying upstairs because she's had a long day and evening," I explain, hoping they won't ask any further questions but knowing them, they will.
"What happened when we left?" Ed questions me and I sigh. It's not that I don't want to tell them because Nadia gave me permission, it's just that I don't want everyone to know her business.
"Her parents and Willem came home and you never will be able to guess where they have been," I say, making it sound dramatic, even though it is literally Nadia's life.
"Oh, do tell," Will says, wonder written all over his face.
I explain everything to them in as little detail as I can as there are some parts I would like to keep secret for Nadia's sake and also my own because if I repeat it then it will make me angry for her all over again. I'm surprised Willem hasn't texted me since leaving, to be honest, not even to check if we got to mine okay.
"No fucking way," Ed says in shock and everyone else's expressions mimic the same reaction.
"Yes way, so now she is staying here tonight to have some peace in her own mind," I explain, eating my Chinese now that I have stopped speaking and fuck me it tastes good.
"Poor Nadia," Will says in an upset tone and we all nod our heads.
"Yeah, I know," I reply.
"She's not had it easy in life has she?" Lily chimes into the conversation and we all agree.
"Anyway, what are we watching?" I ask curiously because I want to not think about how terrible Nadia's life is and focus on eating my takeaway.
"Die hard," Lily answers and she and Ed grin at me, causing me to roll my eyes.
"Fine, I won't protest because Ed bought me food," I tell them, weaselling my way out of paying.
"And who told you that you weren't going to be paying me back for that?" Ed protests and I just laugh.
"If you want me to stay quiet during the movie then I suggest you rethink arguing with me on this." I bribe him and he thinks about it in his head.
"Fine." He finally agrees, causing me to feel triumphant.
"It's still not a Christmas movie," I announce when they start the movie and they all glare daggers at me and I make a zipping motion with my hand and lips to show them that I won't be speaking anymore.
I'm right though, It's not a Christmas movie.