Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 56: Chapter 56

NADIA'S POV:
We arrive at the hospital, or at least I think it's the hospital because I can't exactly see where we are as my head is still plastered to the window with my eyes closed and I can't seem to muster up enough energy to open them just yet. I tried to sleep on the way here but I feel like my body is in somewhat of a trance.
Corey has been worried sick and I know he has and I want nothing more than to be able to reassure him that everything is fine, but I simply can't. I fear that there is something awful happening to me this time and that this is the thing that will finally kill me off.
It's like the universe is trying to kill me in the most debilitating and time-consuming way as if to put me through the worst before it actually kills me. I know it's stupid to think that but I can never get a break and I keep getting thrown a million different illnesses in such a short period of time that it feels like there is some higher power trying to overtake my life.
If it does eventually kill me, at least I'll be with Archie again.
I didn't even notice that Corey got out of the car until he opens my car door and is holding out a hand to help me get out. I take his hand and it feels cold in my clammy one but I ignore it, tightly clasping his hand in mine so I have enough strength to stand up. He helps me up and guides me to the wheelchair that's situated next to his car and I'm confused as to when he had the time to even get one from the main entrance.
Am I really that dissociated from everything that's going on around me?
He pushes me to the accident and emergency department and I feel insecure all of a sudden about how difficult it may be for him to push me. I know he is strong because of all of his hockey training but I can't help but feel like I am overweight with having doctors telling me for the last few months that all the issues I have now are because of my weight.
I know it's stupid because I used to be an athlete and I have hardly been eating recently but it's hard not to believe what they are saying when they are saying it to me every chance they get.
I managed to open my eyes sometime in the short journey to the entrance and I want to close them again because of how bright the department is but I refuse, only squinting them so I am still able to see.
I take one look around the waiting area as he pushes me towards the reception desk and I want to cry even more because of how busy it is. I didn't think it would be so busy as it is so close to Christmas but I guess the NHS truly never get a break. This is why I hate coming to A&E because the waiting times are always dreadful, even when you are dying in the plastic seats. I would never judge the wait times because I know that they are stretched for staff and have a lot of patients to see in a day but when you have to wait hours to even get some pain relief after asking more than once and you're screaming in pain then it does seem to be a bit much.
I might have to ask my parents if we can put me down the private healthcare route because maybe then I will be having necessary tests on me done and what is wrong with me may be found. The only reason I haven't asked them yet is because I can only imagine how much money it would be, especially with the endless issues I seem to have.
I seemed to block out everything Corey said to the reception lady and I am being pushed into another room right away. Panic seems to fill my body as this has never happened to me before and only happens when something is an emergency.
I look up to Corey, who is pushing my wheelchair and he gives my shoulder a firm squeeze in comfort. I can't help but feel as though everyone in the waiting room is staring at me, wondering what is wrong because I am being seen to straight away, or they are probably sitting there annoyed at me because I am being seen before them when I have only just got here and they have been waiting for hours.
We get lead into a room and it has a bed, with a nurse waiting for me by the computer.
"Hello, Nadia? What seems to be the issue with you today?" He asks and I try to open
my mouth tp reply to him but it comes out as a cry more than anything. I look to Corey for assistance and he nods his head at me before replying to the nurse who is being very patient with me.
"I was asleep and I woke up to noise in the bathroom and Nadia was in there being violently sick and holding her stomach," He begins explaining and pauses to take a breath as the memories flash before his eyes. "She's really hot and clammy to the touch and when she stood up there was blood gushing down her legs, it was pretty terrifying."
"Okay, has the blood stopped now?" The nurse turns to me now, keeping a stoic expression on his face.
I nod in reply still unable to talk to him. I think the blood has stopped at least, I don't feel like I'm bleeding anymore but they'll be able to be sure of that when they check me over.
Hopefully it's nothing too serious and I can go home with some more painkillers to settle the pain in my stomach.
I'm not expecting them to treat me or even find anything wrong with me at all because that's what I'm used to. I have all these symptoms and yet not one person can find out the cause. I have no hope that things will be much different here, even though I had blood pouring out of me.
"Do you have any pain, Nadia?" The nurse asks me, pulling me out of my own thoughts and to where I need to be.
I nod again, even though it is obvious I am in pain as I am crying and I am wincing every now and then when I get a flare up of it.
"What does the pain feel like?" He asks and I sigh.
"Painful." I respond vaguely, not knowing how else I am supposed to describe pain other than it being painful.
"I get that but is it a stabbing sensation or more like a cramping?" He gives me more detail on how to answer.
"It's constantly cramping but then it flares up and it's more like a stabbing." I explain, using all the energy I have to answer his questions.
"I'm going to do your observations and then have a feel of your stomach if that's okay?" He informs me on what is going to happen and I nod, I will let him do anything ot me at this point as long as it helps me to feel even a little bit better.
He starts by taking my blood pressure and then puts a device on my finger that I assume is to measure my heartrate. He says my blood pressure is a little low, but nothing to be too concerned about as I have lost some blood. He takes my temperature and that's a little high, indicating that I could have some sort of infection. He gets needles out ready to take my bloods and I swallow hard, not looking forward to this part.
"You look like you're dreading this, are you afraid of needles?" He asks me and I shake my head.
"She's like trying to get blood out of a stone," Corey speaks up for me and the doctor laughs before replacing the needle with a smaller one, which I am glad about.
"I'm going to take your blood and put a canular in case you need it for any reason," He explains as he steralises my arm ready for the needle. "Sharp scratch."
The needle goes into my arm and I don't flinch as nothing could be as bad as what I'm feeling in my abdomen. I also don't flinch because the sharpness of it kind of felt good, it helped ease me in a way
"Wow, you're the first person to actually get blood out of her first try," Corey comments from behind me and I look to my arm to see if this is true and I see that I do in fact have blood filling up the little pots after only one poke.
"It's many years of practice," He says, putting the canular in my arm now. "Can you lie on the bed for me?"
I sigh, not wanting to get out of the chair at all but I know I have to. Corey wheels me closer to the bed helping me to stand up and I try my hardest not to scream out in pain at the action.
"Can you show me where the pain is?" He asks me once I am settled and have my top lifted up for him.
I point to where it is, pointing towards my right side and then show him it's going up my rib. He presses down right in the spot I told him where it hurts and i squeal, tears immediately falling out of my eyes as I cry at the pain. Corey looks hopeless standing across the room so he rushes to my side to hold my hand and I squeeze it tight with every inch of pain I get when the nurse pushes into my stomach.
"Does it hurt this side?" The devil nurse asks, pressing into my left side and I shake my head. "Any back pain?"
"Yeah," I tell him and he nods his head.
"I'll take you to a room and you can wait a bit more comfortably in there until a doctor is able to see you." He tells me and Corey helps me into the wheelchair once again. I hope he knows just how bad he is at keeping how he is feeling from his face. I can read how worried he is like a book.
"Do you have any idea how long we will have to wait?" Corey asks as we get shown to our room and the doors are glass, making it not private at all. The room is right outside the doctor's station so we can see everything that's going on and most of them are standing around talking, having a drink of coffee. They are entitled to their breaks and everything but can they please sort me out before having a drink, I want to feel better.
"Considering her symptoms I don't think the wait will be too long." He replies and I must admit it makes me a little panicky again.
I lie on the bed and it is much more comfortable than the one I was on before and certainly more comfortable than having to sit and wait in the reception waiting room. I keep my eyes open and watch the person in the room opposite get inspected. The doctor presses down on the woman's side and she opens her mouth to say something and I assume It's something that shouldn't be repeated.
"Why do they do that?" I ask Corey, not caring that I am wasting my energy on talking to him. He helps me take my mind off the pain, he's comforting in that sense.
"Why do who do what?" He asks me, confused as to what I'm going on about.
"Doctor's when you tell them you're in pain, they jab right where it hurts most," I explain.
"I know but I guess it's so they can feel for what is wrong." He says the logical answer and I huff, growing silent again as I wanted to have a conversation about how annoying it is when they do that.
A nurse rushes in with a bag of fluid in her hands and she starts hooking it up to my canular, without even telling me what it is. My eyes go wide as I begin to panic because I have a hard time trusting doctors these days so I have no idea what they are putting into my body.
"What's this?" Corey seems to notice my inner panic as he is the one to ask this as he puts an affectionate hand on my leg from where he sits on the chair next to me.
"This is just a paracetamol IV so it will hopefully calm down your pain." The nurse responds, making sure the drip machine is on and working properly before leaving the room.
"What happened to communicating with your patients?" I say under my breath after she closes the glass doors.
"Yeah, I know. You'd think they would tell people what they are putting into their bodies." Corey agrees, not sounding pleased.
I roll over onto my side as the pain is starting to increase again and I am dreading how long the wait will actually be until I see a doctor.
What if this is something really serious and I am just being left alone in this room to wither away?
"You can go now by the way, I'll get my brother to pick me up once I've been treated," I say to Corey and he just stares at me blankly so I carry on. "Thank you for bringing me, I really appreciate it."
He continues to stare at me in that funny way as if I have grown two heads and I start to feel insecure about myself so I cover my face with my hands, hiding from his weird looks. He peels my hands away and places them in his own, holding them tight so I don't pry them away.
"Never say that shit to me again, sweetheart," He comments and I am so confused as to how any of what I said was bad. "If you think I am leaving you alone whilst you are in this state, you are strongly mistaken."
"I know but you need to sleep, Corey." I plead with him.
"Sleep is the least of my worries when it comes to you, Nads, you're my priority." He tells me, rubbing my hands with his thumbs.
"I know, I just feel guilty because you have done so much for me already." I reply, trying not to get too emotional because of the pain consuming me.
"I'm not even going to respond to that." He says, rolling his eyes at me.
"How long is this going to take?" I call out in agony, my eyes tearing up as the paracetamol doesn't seem to be doing anything and the pain only seems to be intensifying.
All Corey does is offer me comforting rubs along my body because there is seriously nothing else he can do. "I'm going to ask them how long it'll be, I can't bare to see you in this much pain."
If he thinks he can't bare seeing me in this much pain then he should actually try being the one baring the pain.
He gets up to go speak to someone but just as he reaches the door a doctor appears at the nurses station, picking up someones notes and I can only pray that they are mine. Corey stays back a little to check whether this doctor is for me and sure enough, the doctor turns around and comes into our room.
I breathe out a sigh of relief in between trying to breathe through the pain. "It's Nadia, right?"
I nod my head and he begins asking me questions about my symptoms and any other health issues I have. He even asks when my last period was, which I don't see how that could be relevant but I answer it anyway. He examines my stomach, agreeing that it's tender on the right side where the pain is.
"One good thing is we know it's not your appendix because you had that out years ago," He begins, looking through his computer to find something. "Hmm, your blood tests appear to be normal so there is no sign of infection there."
I feel myself get defeated again. I genuinely feel as though I am about to die and yet they are saying that I have no infection I have a fever and blood poured out of me when I stood up. How could there be nothing going on?
I am starting to feel like I am imagining everything that is happening to me, am I really going mentally insane like the doctors keep pushing me to believe I am?
"Do you think it could be your period?" The doctor asks me and he suddenly doesn't seem so nice anymore.
"No, I don't think so," I tell him and explain why. I usually have really heavy periods where it pours out of me but this does not seem like that at all. I can't say I have ever thrown up or had a fever because of my period so I am going to push for this to be looked into. I don't want to end up dying because of internal bleeding or something because of their medical negligence.
"You're right," He begins, typing something on his computer as he speaks.
"Due to your other symptoms, I think we need to do more testing, I'm going to book you in for an ultrasound to have a look around."
I sigh in relief that he is actually going to run some tests so the answer to this can be found out. I know he won't find out my whole diagnosis but to have one thing crossed off the list would be a massive achievement.
"I don't think she is pregnant," Corey speaks up and the doctor and I look at him like he is an idiot, which he is.
"No, she's not," The doctor tries to cover up his laugh. "Let me try and get a slot sorted for you."
The doctor leaves and I get comfortable on the bed again, letting the paracetamol work its magic. It's weird how the paracetamol doesn't work for my everyday pain but works for something like this. I might try and have a little sleep as A&E never seem to rush with getting tests done but hopefully, since I was rushed into this room I will be somewhat of a priority.
"He was a bit rude," Corey states and I look at him with a baffled expression.
"How?"
"He laughed at a valid thing I said," He answers and I can't help the laugh that escapes me. "Don't you start, Nads."
"You bringing up pregnancy was hardly valid." I inform him.
"I thought ultrasounds are for looking at babies." He shrugs his shoulders, acting as if it is a common thing to think ultrasounds are only for pregnancies.
"Yeah and they are to look at your other insides too, you can see pretty much everything in there on them," I explain to him and he bites his lip.
"Well in my head they are just for pregnancies." He says, sounding agitated now. He hates getting things wrong.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, they are for pregnancies only." I apologise and a new man walks in pushing an empty wheelchair in front of him.
"Nadia Marsh?" The man asks and I nod in response. "I'm here to take you to the ultrasound department."
Corey stands up, helping me stand up off the bed and sit down in the wheelchair. I forgot how bad the pain was when lying down so the movement made me wince again. "It'll take about ten minutes."
He wheels me to where we need to be and Corey follows closely behind us, looking around the hospital walls like a lost puppy. I lie on the bed and the sonographer introduces herself before squirting the gel onto my stomach and holy fuck it's cold.
I watch the screen as she moves the device across my stomach, trying my hardest to ignore the pain, and it all looks like blobs on the screen to me. It always amazes me how these doctors can look at something that is completely unidentifiable to the natural eye and know exactly what it is and what is abnormal about it.
She goes lower down my abdomen and I wince at the pressure as she presses in. I focus on the woman and Corey's hand in mine that he offered to me a few seconds ago. I study her face, trying to see if she will show any sense of shock on there from her findings. She keeps a neutral expression the whole time, I hate how professional they can be sometimes.
The sonographer clicks a few buttons on the machine and then puts the ultrasound down. "All done here. The porter will wheel you back to your room and the doctor will be with you shortly to discuss the results."
I wipe the gel off my stomach and try not to overthink about what she just said. I have never had an ultrasound before but I'm sure most of them tell you when everything is fine so the fact she hasn't is beginning to worry me. I shake the thoughts from my head and breathe as I sit in the wheelchair and as I'm being wheeled back to my room.
We wait for what feels like hours as the doctor reviews the results of my ultrasound and I am about to get Corey to ask them how long it'll be when my doctor walks in "Hello again, Nadia, how are you feeling?"
"Shit." I deadpan and the doctor laughs.
"We need to get you ready for surgery." The doctor says and everything inside of me freezes.