Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

COREY'S POV:
Willem and I have been playing playstation for the last two hours and now he is starting to become restless. He dropped his sister off at the ice rink before he came round mine so that she could have a little skate for the first time in a few weeks as she hasn't been in due to feeling like shit, and to have a talk with her coach about god knows what.
She probably needs to speak to him about her lack of attending her training sessions, I would be annoyed with it as well if I was her coach. I'm not blaming her and saying it's her fault she's not attending by any means, but our coaches have one job. That one job being to train us to be the best possible skaters we can be and to push us to get there all whilst telling us off when we don't turn up. Our training is important, we need to do it daily in order to keep our abilities.
Practice makes perfect after all.
It's normal to be close to your coaches, Mark and Nadia are extremely close because he has been her coach ever since she was like five and she has grown up with him as her coach so he has been very lenient with her. But, a few weeks without turning up to training is a bit excessive no matter what it is you have going on. The only time it is really acceptable is when you have been injured, like breaking a bone, and it's clear Nadia hasn't done that.
Willem keeps picking up his phone every two minutes to check to see if Nadia has messaged him about picking her up and it's getting on my nerves. I know that he cares about her and wants to protect her but it's really putting a damper on the mood of the day. Not to sound territorial and jealous but we are supposed to be having our own time like we usually do this time of the day, if Nadia really needed anything she could get her boyfriend to pick her up from the rink or something, he has his own car that he is allowed to use whenever he likes.
"Why don't you just call her or go there and check on her?" I make the suggestion because it seems like the logical answer for him to stop worrying so much.
Even though I complain about their brother-sister relationship, I admire it as I have never seen siblings love each other as much as those two do and I have never had anything like that with any of my siblings. Nadia and Willem love eachother so deeply it makes me feel sick. Sick because they are disgusting and because I am envious, I want a relationship like that with at least one person in my family.
But, we can't all have everything.
I know that Willem cares about her more than he cares about himself and if he was faced with a choice then he would choose her in a heartbeat, every single time. I would never be mad about that, she is his family- even more so than his parents are. But, his life has been so surrounded around her recently as she has been diagnosed with depression.
I'm not sure if I am supposed to know about her diagnosis because she and I aren't close and it's not like she had much of a choice in telling everyone about it when she did. Willem just needs to let loose and stop worrying for five fucking minutes. She is on the ice right now as we speak, that's her favourite place so I'm sure she's fine- happy even, she needs to let loose too and the ice will give her that.
I won't tell Willem to stop acting like this though, being brother and sister means that they are there for eachother when no one else can be.
"I don't want to go over there and be the overprotective big brother that she hates me being so much. What if she is having fun and I go over there and ruin it?" He says slowly.
Although we are best friends, It's not often that Willem and I get emotional and deep with one another. We have one of those friendships where we only open up to each other when we really need to, when everything gets far too loud in our minds and we can't deal with the emotions alone anymore. It means so much more like this somehow.
We also don't want to bother each other with our own issues when we know the other is going through stuff too as we don't want to add any extra pressure onto each other. We are all each other have at the end of the day. We aren't that close with the other guys on the team, so we stick to ourselves as much as we can and as much as we can get away with.
Having too many friends is overwhelming, I like our little dynamic that we have going on.
For me, opening up doesn't make me feel any stronger, doesn't make me feel brave and it doesn't separate my mental struggles from my reality. The more I open up about something that's bothering me to someone, the more I want to shrink back into myself and take back ever saying anything at all. I feel weak constantly, my dad tells me I should grow up and be a man, but my mind is a scary place.
I doubt I will ever allow myself to open up to someone fully. If I do, I will only end up scaring them off so I will keep the mask that I am always putting on.
There is nothing as scary as telling someone the deepest parts of your soul.
"Well, you're obviously worried about her and I'm sure that she would rather you being the overbearing big brother than you not caring about her at all," I say to change my train of thought and continue, "Why are you even worried anyway? She'll be fine, she's been skating her whole life. If she has an issue she has a phone so she would text you or call you about it." I offer, not meaning to sound like too much of an arrogant son of a bitch or anything.
Maybe the real reason why Willem doesn't always come to me with his problems is because I never know what to say when I need to comfort people. I never received any sort of comfort growing up with my parents so I tend to say shit how it is, not caring what people's reactions may be because at the end of the day, honesty is the best policy. I'm not going to sugar coat things just because it may be easier for them to digest what I am saying, if they need to hear something then I will tell them. But, if he didn't appreciate my honesty then he would tell me outright and wouldn't be opening up to me right now.
If Nadia had a problem with going to the rink, she would have said so. She is always complaining about every little thing, so she wouldn't be afraid to say no to her mother when she suggested she go skating. I know she misses skating, I would too if I haven't skated in weeks so maybe this is something she needs to make her mental health even just a little bit better.
For skaters, being on the ice feels like the cool air wraps around you in a comforting way, making you forget every little thing.
"I'm not worried about her skating," He scoffs as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm worried about her falling or passing out, you know her legs aren't great right now."
Yeah, whenever he talks about Nadia's issues, I kind of tune it out. It's a dick move on my part, but when you are listening to the same story over and over again you begin to get bored and uninterested. I am not bored or uninterested with it, it's just hard to listen to as I have to hear my dad complain enough.
However, I do ask him everyday how she is coping with it and shit, so it's not like I don't care completely.
"Maybe the exercise will do her legs good?" I suggest in an uncertain tone, I don't know what the fuck to say.
"Bro." He shakes his head at me and I shrug, confused as to why he is getting arsey at me, I'm trying my best to ease his anxiety a little but I obviously keep saying the wrong thing.
Willem and I have never argued in the whole decade we have been friends. We have never gone a day without talking to each other or seeing each other, even when we have been sick. Like I said, we are all each other have friendship wise. We can't choose our blood relatives but we can choose who we hold closer than blood. We do have rows and moments where we get pissed at one another but that is normal in any friendship and is normal when I am always saying shit that doesn't help situations.
I need to learn to be more serious.
"I'm just trying to be optimistic, maybe the cool air from the rink will help clear whatever is going on in her mind." It's a shitty suggestion again but I am trying my hardest to help, maybe I should just not speak. I'm shitty at comforting people when they need it. It's never been something I had to do growing up, Willem is the only friend I have and I am not close with my siblings.
Plus, I'm a guy so I always say the wrong things.
Willem stays silent and I silently curse at myself. I am going to take a course on how to be a better friend or some shit. It's a wonder why he is still putting up with me to be honest, hopefully he knows I am not trying to be a dick. It just comes naturally to me, which isn't surprising considering who my father is.
"Come on, let's go take a look." I say and chuck him his car keys, causing him to give me a bewildered look. I only suggested going with him so that he can forgive me for whatever it is I said that he didn't like. Plus, I am genuinely curious about how she is. As much as we don't really get along anymore, she is still my best friend's sister.
How am I supposed to know what to say to him? So, I will just go along with him to do whatever he needs to do, that's still supporting him in a more efficient way than using my words. I don't make a habit of listening to every detail of his sister's life as it mostly consists of her and Jasper and I don't want to hear about that.
No, it's not jealousy because would I be jealous of their relationship?
I don't want to hear about them because it is boring to put it bluntly. They break up every few months and it's a constant cycle, they never learn. It's been like this for the past four years and It's exhausting just being around them.
Once we walk into the rink we spot Nadia's coach Mark, sitting by the ice on the bench watching his skaters train on the ice. Nadia isn't there. Willem notices she isn't there the same time I do and looks at me with wide eyes before rushing over to Mark, almost tripping over in the process.
"Woah, easy there. What's got you in such a rush?" He asks us when we approach, not taking his eyes off the skater in the middle.
"Where is Nadia?" I ask Mark, as Willem is too anxiety struck to say anything right now.
Willem has bad anxiety problems, he gets himself worked up about something before he even knows the situation. Just like now, he is assuming the worst about where Nadia is, even though she is probably just taking a piss or something. He says his anxiety isn't a big deal, but the guy punches shit when he gets stressed.
He has even punched me before but that was my fault which is hardly surprising as I made a snarky little comment when we saw Nadia walk into the doctors a few years ago. We were walking back to his from a party, hungover as fuck and he was getting stressed because he thought she was really sick and that's why she was hiding going there but then we saw Jasper get out of the car and follow her in. He started getting into his head because she didn't tell him but was telling Jasper. So, I made a comment saying she is probably no big deal and she might just be pregnant and then he punched me. It wasn't hard or anything, it was just to shut me up and he was hungover so he couldn't deal with my shit. Like I said, I deserved it. He was stressed and I should have been there for him instead of trying to lighten the mood with a shitty comment.
Nadia told her brother when she got home why she was there, she wasn't ready to tell him unless it was certain as she didn't want him to worry, which is exactly what happened anyway. She had a pregnancy scare but it turned out it was just a false positive which we all released a breath over.
My comment wasn't far from the truth then, but that's not the point.
"I thought she went home, she went into the changing rooms to take her skates off. Why? Did she not make it home?" He asks us, worry in his voice and he finally turns his head to look at us now as the concern seeps into him.
"No she didn't, I was supposed to pick her up." Willem replies, and starts playing with his hands. When he plays with his hands it's a visible sign that his anxiety is consuming him.
"Did she come out of the changing rooms?" I add.
"I didn't see her. But then again I was paying attention to my skater's. I'm sorry, I should've kept an eye on her, especially with how she is feeling at the moment." He winces out, with guilt sprawled on his face.
He says 'my skaters' as if Nadia isn't one of his skaters. Did something happen?
If something did happen then that will affect Nadia massively. She revolves her whole life around skating and will be broken without it. She feels closer to Archie when she skates because that's how they met and her not skating will break something inside of her. In these past few weeks I've noticed her slowly becoming a different person, the light inside her is slowly dying without her going on the ice. It's breaking my heart to see but there is nothing I can do about it.
She doesn't know who she is without skating, I know this as I feel the same way. If I ever lost my hockey career, I have no idea what I would do. I don't have a back-up plan as ice hockey is what my parents have wanted me to do my whole life.
"Are you coming then or what?" My thoughts are cut short when Willem speaks. I nod and follow him into the changing rooms without saying a word.
We knock a few times before we enter, not wanting to walk in on anyone half naked. We may be pricks but we aren't disgusting. We hear no commotion inside so we assume it's clear and walk in, not prepared for what scene we would find there at all.
We can hear the running water of the shower running so we head over to where the showers are within the room. The heat of the room suddenly hits us, causing us to step back a little. Steam is coated in the room, making our breathing a little clearer.
If you could see completely into the shower, we wouldn't have come in there but the shower walls cover any private areas that may be exposed so we don't feel bad about walking in as we wouldn't have seen anything anyway. We are worried about Nadia, that's all that matters right now.
Once our eyes have adjusted we notice that there is no one in the shower.
What the fuck? If this is about to turn into a scene out of a horror movie, I am leaving.
Willem turns the shower off and then we look around the room. We head to where the benches are round the back of it, speaking up again in case someone is in there who didn't hear us enter.
After hearing no response we walk in to see Nadia there lying on the bench fast asleep, how long has she been here like this? Willem and I rush over to her to try and wake her up by repeatedly tapping her face lightly.
She stirs and her eyes open and then shut immediately as she hisses in pain. I head over to the door and turn the light switch off, assuming it was the lights that were hurting her.
"Dia," Willem says softly. She hesitantly opens her eyes again then proceeds to look around the room then to Willem and I. Her eyes look blank and her face shows visible confusion. "What are you doing?"
She looks really fucking high, but I don't fancy getting punched again so I won't say anything. But seriously, I know she isn't high and she's just tired. She hasn't trained in weeks so I imagine today was tiring for her.
"I was lying down for a little while as I was waiting for my shower to heat up, and I guess I fell asleep." She shrugs, not looking us in the eyes. Willem turns to me, hiding his face from Nadia and showing me that he is barely able to continue holding his tears in.
He loves her so much. But I am starting to wonder if there is something going on with her that he hasn't told me, or I haven't listened too.
Shit, I am such a bad friend.
I give Willem a questioning look and he shakes his head at me as if to say he will tell me what he is thinking later on. So, it is something he hasn't told me and with the way he is hesitant to touch Nadia, it is something she doesn't know either.
"Come on then Naddy, let's get you home." I speak up after a few moments of silence, and grab her under her arms to lift her up as she still appears too out of it to move. Willem gives me an appreciative look that I am doing this so he doesn't have too, he is too emotional to be able to carry her right now. Plus, I am stronger than him.
Nadia doesn't protest when I touch her, which is a first for her so she must really be feeling like shit. Or, she can't tell whether it's me or not. When Willem was first confiding in me about how she was feeling for the first time, he said that her skin was hot and clammy to touch and as I feel her skin now I can see what he means first hand. That girl is known for being freezing, her nickname that her coach gave her when she was younger was 'ice princess', due to her being incredible on the ice and her being cold as fuck. I think the steam from the shower may have something to do with how her skin is feeling so hot right now though.
She has definitely lost some weight, I can feel her ribs sticking out and it's hurting my arms to carry her but I will push through because she is my priority right now.
Willem rushes ahead of us, opening the car door for me so I can set Nadia in more easily. I make sure to set her down gently since she seems to be in a lot of pain, her eyebrows turn into a frown with every step I take.
Shit, I nearly bang her head on the car door as I put her in her seat, which earns me a slap on the back of my head from Willem.
"Be careful you dick." Willem hisses at me through clenched teeth.
I put her seatbelt on and sit next to her on the backseat, just in case she needs anything at all. Willem starts the car and drives home and Nadia shifts in her seat and puts her head in my lap, falling back to sleep almost straight away. I freeze because I haven't been this close to her in all my years of knowing her but I will let it slide as she's poorly.
She looks peaceful when she sleeps, she doesn't look like she's in pain. She looks like she's in complete tranquillity with the world.
I have only seen her asleep a few times before when Willem and I would have to check on her when she was younger but she looks so much different now. She has always been beautiful but she has really grown into her features now. I have an urge to play with her hair as it looks so soft but her laying on my lap is far enough for my liking.
Once we arrive at their house, Willem rushes out of the car in an attempt to get Nadia out of the car but I shake my head at him telling him that I've got her. I lift her up gently, being careful not to disturb her sleep and not wanting to nearly bang her head on the car door again. She doesn't even flinch when I move her.
Fucking hell, this girl is heavy sleeper. I could wake if a piece of paper dropped on the floor. I've always had disturbances with my sleep and so I have to take sleeping pills as I suffer from insomnia and have done ever since I was a kid.
When we walk in the house, Nadia's parents rush to the door, worried about why their daughter has taken so long. Their features are full of worry and I almost feel bad for not letting Willem go and check on her sooner.
Her parents stay silent, not wanting to ask too many questions whilst I am here, I get it. It's none of my business and they know that Nadia wouldn't want me knowing these intimate details about whatever is going on with her. I know she will be thankful that I took care of her though, it's something I will always do.
"Wait, I've got it." Willem speaks up as I walk towards the stairs.
I stop, waiting for him to come up to me so I can put Nadia in his arms. He lingers by the front door, seemingly having a silent conversation with his mum. He shakes his head and huffs out a breath before finally walking towards me.
"Thank you for bringing her home honey." Willem's mother, Samantha says and I nod at her as I am not really sure what else to say. Did they expect me not to bring her home, I do care about her no matter how much I act like I dislike her.
"I'll see you tomorrow man." Willem adds on and I nod at that too then walk out of the door.
I felt the tension in that hallway and I could've cut it with a knife. I make a note in the back of my head to mention what that look was between him and his mother when I see him tomorrow. I'm not sure if he will tell me as he hasn't mentioned it to me yet. If he wanted me to know, then he would've told me what it was after it happened like he usually does.
His parents seemed to be acting differently around me, I don't know what I did to make them act this way if it had anything to do with me at all. I know I didn't do anything that would make them change their opinions on me, they see me as much of a son as Willem. They were probably just shocked to see that I would actually take it upon myself to look after her, they must think I am heartless.
I'm being so self centred right now, of course it's nothing to do with me. Their daughter is depressed right now, of course she is their main priority and they're not even going to spare me an extra glance.
I sigh as I have to go home now and I really fucking hate it at home. At least there is a party tomorrow night so I can have some much needed fun.