Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 63: Chapter 63

COREY'S POV:
I have been non stop thinking about Nadia since she first texted me the outcome of her appointment. She has chronic fatigue syndrome, a chronic illness which makes her feel like she is being imprisoned in her own body and it won't ever go away.
I can't say that I know fully what she is going through or feeling because I don't have a chronic illness, but I can empathise with her situation and I can understand the basics of how it affects her. I know someone with fibromyalgia and that person is very close to me so I see how something like that affects them and it's similar to how Nadia's illness affects her, it's like she has to run a marathon whilst also battling the flu at the same time.
It's an awful disease and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, although I wouldn't mind Jasper suddenly developing it, however harsh that may sound.
I have been wanting to call her, or even text her but I can't bring myself to do it as I want her to go about this her way. She has just had probably the worst news of her life and is battling between her feelings for me and her relationship with her brother. I know if I was in her situation I would choose her in a heartbeat but this is Nadia we are talking about and there is no one she loves more than her own brother, not even Archie came close to the love she has for Willem.
Guilt suddenly rushes all through me again but I shake it away when I remember that I am not the issue. There is nothing wrong with me making Nadia happy or vice versa, the issue is Willem's reaction to us. Granted, we did lie to him but that's besides the point, it's not like we didn't want to tell him it just sort of slipped our mind time and time again.
I wonder how Nadia is doing, I really wish I could see her to hold her and comfort her as she deals with this.
"Meloche," Coach Graysons loud voice makes me jump slightly. "Focus."
I look around at my surroundings and I remember that I am on the ice training for the semi finals that are in a few days. I really need to be on the ball but thoughts of Nadia keep seeping through my mind. I feel guilty as all my team are trying so hard to win this but I am the one that keeps fucking things up for them as Nadia seems to be the only thing on my mind these days. To them it probably seems like I don't give a fuck but right now I just want to be there comforting my girl.
Training was a blast today though, we bumped a few heads and we all brushed up on our techniques so I would say we are ready to win this thing, I just need to get my head out of my own arse long enough for us to actually be able to do so.
"Sorry, Coach." I voice my apologies and he sighs, looking around to the other guys. I look at Willem to try and catch his eye but he immediately breaks eye contact. I know in his heart he knows Nadia and I are right for eachother, he just needs to stop the war with his head about it and he needs to get over the fact we lied to him, which he is valid in taking so long to get over.
I still want to be with her after all so the sooner he gets over it the better so I can stop feeling so damn guilty about it.
"Look," Coach sighs, not seeming to like where this conversation is going. "I know today is a hard day for everyone and you all did really well despite that so why don't you all clear off and have the rest of the day off.
"Why is today a hard day?" I ask and everyone on the rink turns to look at me with a bewildered expression.
"It's been two years since Archie died." Willem is the one to answer my question and he says it with so much hostility in his voice that it takes me back ever so slightly.
"Oh." Is all I can manage to say.
"Yeah, oh." Coach agrees, looking and sounding disappointed in me for not remembering. I honestly would've remembered if I wasn't so stressed about this shit with Nadia but really that shouldn't be an excuse at all because Willem is dealing with a lot more and he still remembered what day it was today.
Shit, Nadia is going to be struggling even more today. I will make a detour to my house and go via hers, just to see how she is holding up with everything but I will disguise it as just wanting to see her.
I can't believe it's been two years already. Time goes too slow when you lose someone close to you. When he first died it felt like the whole word stopped but I had to keep living everyday without him. Everyday just went by, dragging out but now the days just sort of blend into one, going fast so it is hard to keep track of how long it's been. I knew it had been a while but I had no idea it's been two years.
"Go on then you lot," Coach orders us and we all make our way glumly to the changing room and showers. I wait behind a bit, allowing everyone else to exit the ice before me and coach grabs my shoulder, stopping me from following them out.
"Corey, what's going on?" He asks me and I feel tears forming from the sheer amount of stress I'm under and trying to act like I'm okay is adding another load of pressure onto me.
"Nothing really, I'm just shattered from college work and training." I lie.
"So you being shattered is the reason you and Willem can't make more than a second's worth of eye contact with each other?" He sees right through my lie and I laugh at how good he is at telling.
"I fucked Nadia." I blurt out, wanting to be able to tell at least someone and his eyes widen in surprise.
"Well, that's certainly one way to put it." He laughs, patting me on the shoulder.
"You don't seem surprised?" I query.
"No, I'm not," He admits with a smile as he reminisces. "I've always seen the way you looked at her, I don't think you even noticed yourself when you did it but I must say, I am surprised Willem didn't catch onto anything weird."
"Ignorance is bliss." I say, trying to act cool about the fact he can see right into me.
"Go on then lad, get changed," Coach tells me, practically pushing me off the ice. "But please remember not to get into your head whilst you're playing, that is your biggest weakness."
I know that getting too in my head is my biggest weakness because it happens too much now. Before I could just push everything aside and forget about life when I was on the ice, using hockey as my scapegoat, but now since falling for Nadia she is the only thing occupying my head. I was once a calm and collected guy when it came to my feelings but now I worry and overthink, always wondering about how she is doing and what she's feeling.
I nod at him in reply and rush off the ice, putting my blade guards on and hobble my way over to the changing rooms where everyone else is in the showers, aside from Willem and a few others who are getting changed, waiting to have their showers when they get home.
I decide against having a shower and head straight towards my locker and Willem is by his, which is next to mine, which creates an awkward tension around us as it fills the room.
"Grayson basically told me to focus more when we train, he thinks that I have a lot on my mind." I speak to Willem in an attempt to make conversation with him.
All Willem does is continue staring into his locker, wrapping up his knuckles as Noah lobbed a puck at it. He ignores my attempt completely and then walks off with his towel in hand, having a shower here for the first time ever. The few guys that are in here eyes widen at the sight of Willem carrying a towel and they turn to me almost simultaneously and I shrug my shoulders.
"He's having a shower..." Logan speaks up and I nod.
"Points for the spot man." I bounce back, trying to steer the conversation away from any questions they might want to ask but it falls flat.
"What did you do?" Liam asks and I shrug, not wanting to respond.
"Didn't you hear? He shagged Nadia." Jasper chimes into the conversation to my dread and to be honest, I didn't have any idea he was even in here.
"What?" They all ask in shock and I have never wanted to die more than I do in this moment.
"Do you get off on this? Her pain?" I ask him and he laughs at my anger.
"So you're saying it was a painful experience for her to sleep with you?" He counters and I want to ram my fist down his throat just to shut him up for good.
"You know what I mean." I tell him, stepping closer to him now, thankfully fully clothed so it won't look too weird.
"How sad are you to pine over a girl and lose your best friend in the process." Jasper comments and I don't even feel angry as I know he is just projecting his insecurities onto me.
"How sad are you to have a girlfriend who did nothing but love you and ruin it by sleeping with her best friend." I bite back, loving watching him grow angrier and angrier.
"Is she really worth it?" He asks me and at this comment I feel myself growing more frustrated.
"Well she seems worth it enough for you to keep pining after her," I retort back to him and his face grows red in embarrassment at the laughter coming from the other guys in the room. I look up to where Willem walked off to moments before and see a shadow standing against the wall and I know it's Willem, it couldn't be anyone else. "But for your information, yes, she is."
I said this knowing that Willem could hear me, yes but I really did mean it. She does mean the world to me and anyone who had any sense would be able to tell that she does, it's just that I have a really hard time admitting stuff like that outloud, let alone to someone else. I wanted to admit it to someone else how I feel about her but I also wanted Willem to be there to hear it so he can understand at least a little bit how much I feel for his sister.
Jasper says nothing in reply as he knows now that he is being completely irrational. He knows that there is no point arguing with me as there is no chance in hell he will get Nadia back, she doesn't want him and he doesn't even want her. She told me about their encounter in her room and what they said to each other. He either wanted to try one last time or to see if I was really worthy of being with that girl. I never will be good enough for Nadia, but I will try my damn hardest to be the man Jasper needed to be for her and I will fight with everything in me to have that girl by my side for as long as I live.
I walk out of the lockers, ignoring them all and head out of the arena to make my way back to my car. I didn't pass Willem on the way out so he must've left in a bit of a hurry as one second he was there and the other he was gone.
I am about to start my car up when I hear a knock at my window, which startles me slightly. I look up and I'm faced with a panic stricken Willem, who looks like he doesn't know what to do. I roll the window down and he immediately starts spewing his words out and I can't understand what he's saying but all I heard was Nadia's name.
If something has happened to that girl then I don't know what I would do.
"Nadia what? What about her?" I ask Willem in my now panicked state that mimics his.
"She's run away from the house," Willem talks slower this time but his words are still rushed. "She didn't tell anyone where she was going, nor is she answering her phone."
"Don't you have her location on?" I ask him, wondering if he has thought to use that yet.
"I'm not stupid," He says, sounding offended. "I've already checked. She has turned it off this time."
My eyes widen as his words set in and I run my hands through my hair, not knowing what else to do with them.
"Can you please try her?" He practically pleads and if he started getting down on his hands and knees in front of me I wouldn't be surprised. "You seem to get through to her in a way that none of us can."
Nod my head at him and pull out my phone. Nadia is the first name in my contacts because I have her pinned and I don't miss the way Willem's eyes widen at the small detail. I click her name and listen to the ringing. We are both alert and ready to speak to her when she answers the phone as the pair of us are expecting her to pick up this call as she will speak to me even when she doesn't want to speak to anyone at all.
The dial keeps ringing and ringing until it eventually stops.
Willem and I both look at eachother, his face pale and eyes wide and I'm sure my expression is mimicking his. "What if something has happened to her?"
"I'm sure it's nothing, she is probably asleep in her car somewhere, you know what she's like." I tell him, in an attempt to stop him panicking further and thinkin of the worst case scenario.
"Do you remember the last time she ran away from home?" He scoffs, growing angry at me again. "She ended up in the middle of the road and she could've been run over just like that."
"I know." I reply.
"She could've ended up like him." Willem almost cries and I'm glad he didn't because if he did then I would not be able to contain myself in the slightest.
"But she won't, she knows better than that now if his death has taught her anything." I try to reassure him again and he seems to be taking in what I'm saying.
"Wait..." I say, speaking my thoughts as I think them. "It's Archie's death anniversary today."
"Yeah, I know, so she's extra sensitive today which is why we need to find her as soon as possible." Willem replies, not knowing where I'm going with this.
"There are only two places she relates with Archie..." I begin and Willem cuts me off as he has a light bulb moment in his head.
"The roof," He blurts out and I know he will feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner and will hate me for the fact that I know his sister better than he does. "Wait? What's the second?"
"This old abandoned house thing." I tell him, not wanting to go into detail to him about it as it's not my story to tell, that's for Nadia to open up to people about as it's her's and Archie's Place. The one place that was just theirs, alongside the roof. I'm grateful that she was able to share this part of their friendship with me.
"How do you know about that and I don't?" He crosses his arms as he speaks.
"I don't know? She just showed me one time," I answer honestly. Willem's face morphs into something I can't decipher.
"You go to the roof and I'll go to the other place."
Willem looks as though he is about to argue with me but he decides against it and nods his head, rushing off to his own car. I drive mine straight away and head towards the house, where I have a strong suspicion she will be. Everyone who knows her would assume she went to the roof and she knows that so she would go somewhere that only she knows about. She must've forgotten that I know about this place too.