Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 73: Chapter 73

NADIA'S POV:
Corey slept round again last night and this time we didn't have to hide it from my family. My dad and Willem are still uncomfortable with the idea of us being together so we didn't make it obvious that he was staying. I have made an agreement with my mum that I won't have sex with him under this roof, at least not until my brother and dad come around.
After Willem and Corey's usual morning run, joined by Nathan this time, they all left for college. They were offered to have the day off to train and get ready for the match tonight but they decided they needed to not think about the game as much as they could because it will save them getting too into their heads.
When they left it gave me some motivation to do some work of my own so I managed to sit at my desk for five minutes before returning to my bed to do it. I managed to get through quite a few pages but then my brain fog started to hit so I ended up falling asleep.
My mum woke me up about half an hour ago with some food for me and I have been unable to sleep ever since as I have a looming headache. I couldn't finish the soup she made for me as my mind can't focus on the act and I have been trying for twenty minutes.
I groan as I would love to eat this as it smells so delicious but I put it on the floor instead, trying to find something else to occupy my time. I take the pages of work off my lap and place it on the other side of the bed so I can lie down to try and sleep.
"Hey Siri," I call out, wincing at how loud my voice seems. "Play some rain sounds."
My speaker sets to life, playing the peaceful sound and I close my eyes, waiting for sleep to overtake me. I can't seem to get my brain to shut off enough to fall asleep even though I am so shattered. It's weird that the one thing I need to do, I can't- it's like my body has gone into a fight or flight mode in regards to sleep.
I toss and turn for what seems like hours but when I look at the clock It's only been a couple of minutes. It's a lonely time being stuck in your room and only having yourself as company.
I hope that Corey decides to pay me a little visit after his match tonight and celebrate his win with me, instead of going out with my brother and the rest of his teammates. I glance back at the clock again and realise that it's time for the game so I grab my phone from under my pillow and send both my brother and Corey a good luck message. They don't need my luck in the slightest but I want to be supportive of them nonetheless.
I look around my room trying to find something I can do to occupy my time but I can't come up with anything. I unlock my phone and ring my mum, who answers on the third ring.
"Do you need something, sweet?" My mum questions me and I shake my head but remember she can't see me.
"Can you and dad come and keep me company? I feel like shit but I can't relax?" I explain, hoping that they aren't busy.
"Your father is at the game dear and I am about to go to book club," She explains and my heart drops in rejection a little. "I can skip out on it this week if you'd like me to? Or you can come with me?"
"No mum, it's okay. I'll find something to do." I try my best to assure her but I don't sound too convinced.
I would love it if she could skip going because I want to spend time with my mother but I don't want her to miss out on one of the nights a week she most looks forward to. My mum spends all her time in the world looking after me, the least I could do is suck my own misery up for a few hours just so she can be a normal woman for a change.
I bet all the women in the book club feel so sorry for her because she has a daughter who relies solely on her still at my age.
"Are you sure, sweet? I don't mind missing it." She asks me again but I would rather her not miss this, regardless of how I feel.
"No, I'm sure, thank you though."
"Have you sorted Archie's bear out yet?" She asks after a few moments of silence and all my feelings from last night are bought back.
"No." I tell her in a small voice.
"Maybe you could fix that?" She suggests, hope behind her tone of voice."My sewing kit is in the biscuit tin underneath my bed."
"I hope I don't find your vibrator there." I joke, remembering she covered for me and Corey to Willem all those weeks ago.
"Ha ha, no, you won't find Sandra Bollocks anywhere under my bed." She confirms with a laugh but she is the only one laughing.
"Sandra Bollocks?" I question, absolutely mortified. "You and dad really need to start acting your age."
"And you, my sweet daughter, need to lighten up once in a while." She jokes but her comment tugged at something deep within me.
"I'm going to go fix the bear now mum," I break the silence. "Have fun at book club."
I hang up the phone before I hear her reply because my mood has been tampered with. I don't know why her comment hurt me as much as it did but it just reminded me that everyone would have so much more fun in their lives if I wasn't in it. It makes me feel as though even Archie would look elsewhere for friendship if he was still here.
I try my best to shake the thoughts away and I sneak into my parents bedroom in an attempt to find this sewing kit. I open the drawer under their bed and find all sorts of bits and bobs, including some of mine and Willem's baby teeth.
"She is so fucking weird." I say out loud to myself, shaking my head as I put the box back down, only to pick the biscuit tin up shortly after.
I open it to double check I have the right thing and head back to my room, picking up the bear from my shelf on the way to my bed.
I get all the things I need out and try my best to put the thread through the eye of the needle and struggle because my hands decided to have a case of the shakes today.
Once I finally manage to do it I place it down beside me and pick up the bear to inspect it. Memories flood through me because having this bear opened is like it's able to attack me with all the memories it holds.
Archie had this bear all throughout his childhood and held onto it up until he died. He was precious over this bear and didn't like it going out of the one place he kept it. He would kill me if he was here to find out that it had been ripped open. After he died, his parents gave it to me as they knew that Archie would want me to have it. They told me at his funeral that the bear would be in safe hands, little did they know that two years down the line it will be ripped because of a petty little argument that didn't even have anything to do with Archie.
I focus on my rain noise and start sewing the bear back together, trying my best to make it look like it originally did. I am not the best at being creative, only really knowing how to paint but that was something that just came naturally to me, alongside my skating.
As I sew the bear I realise that it's like my life- It almost feels as though my body is being held together by a needle and thread.
I finish up and cut my thread and wobble the bear to see if it's secure enough and I am happy with my results. It's like that never even happened so I need to try and erase it from my memory so that I can stop wondering how disappointed Archie would be in me.
I breathe and let Archie linger in my thoughts and I try my hardest not to allow the sadness to overtake me. I think about his voice and how it hasn't been spoken in years, but it still dances in my mind everyday.
My phone rings, cutting my memories of Archie short thankfully, as I felt myself tearing up, and I answer it before checking to see who it is, hearing Willem's voice on the other end of the line.
"Nadia..." He speaks, voice breathy and sounding slightly panicked, causing me to sit up straight in bed.
"You lost?" I ask, worry seeping through my words.
"No, the game's not finished yet." He tells me and my confusion grows.
"Then why are you calling me? You should be on the ice."
"Look Nads, it's Corey..."
"What happened?" I slowly stand up from my bed as my anxiety grows. I knew I should've been at the game tonight. Corey wanted me to come but I declined as I just wanted to have a night to myself and not make my symptoms worse in the process. I suppose this is what happens when I decide to be selfish for a change.
"He got knocked in the game." He informs me and a gasp erupts from my throat.
"What?" I begin, walking around in circles in my room as I try to process what he is telling me. "Is he okay? He can still play the game tonight, right?"
"He's been taken to hospital. The paramedics say he has a concussion so they want to keep him overnight to keep an eye on him." He tells me and my worry calms down slightly as it is nothing serious. A concussion is still bad but I am just glad he hasn't torn a ligament or something, so at least he can skate again.
"I'll meet you at the hospital?" I ask him the rhetorical question before hanging up.
I don't bother getting changed into clothes as turning up in my pyjamas won't hurt anyone and I can't say I care as I will be there to support Corey. I can't imagine how he will feel when he comes back to himself as this will be a knock to his ego. Whenever I had falls when performing, or even practising, it felt as though the whole world stopped spinning and I was the cause.
I grab my bear from Corey and also get my crutches and bring them with me as I don't trust myself enough not to use them. My legs are shaky and I can feel my muscles grow weaker the more my anxiety grows.
I also decide against driving and opt for booking an uber instead. which came surprisingly quick for match night, but then again the game isn't even over yet.
Once I arrive at the hospital I head to the A&E department, which brings back a whole load of unwanted memories. I hobble to the desk, ignoring all the stares from the patients that are wondering what's wrong with my legs and ask them to let me in to see Corey. Willem told me that he will get a bed pretty quickly as he came in with the ambulance and they have a separate A&E department for those patients.
"May I ask what your relation to the patient is?" The receptionist asks me, tone cold and I can only assume it's because she's tired from the hours she has to work and because she has to deal with more than enough rude people everyday.
"I'm his girlfriend." I inform her, with it feeling weird to finally say outloud to someone that is not my brother or parents.
I hear gasps from behind me and I look to see a group of girls glaring daggers at me. I also notice their gazes drift from my face and trail down my body to my crutches and I can see the judgement behind their eyes.
I ignore them and turn back around to see the receptionist looking at me sympathetically. She must understand what it is like to be in my situation as this is something she has to deal with on the daily.
She doesn't voice her reply to me but she scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to me, not wanting the girls behind me to know the room Corey is in.
"Thank you." I mouth and I receive a smile back. I like her, although she has had a long draining day, she still manages to put a smile on her face for other people. She reminds me of myself in that sense.
I walk past the girls who are still glaring at me and the brunette amongst them puts her hand over her mouth and whispers something under her breath.
"Problem?" I ask, finally building enough courage for once to be able to defend myself.
"No," The brunette girl lies, her friends looking between us with worried looks. "I'm just wondering how the captain of the hockey team would date someone like you."
"And what do you mean someone like me?" I ask, fury building up inside me.
"Someone who can't walk." She mocks, imitating me as she limps when trying to walk.
"Emily." The girls hiss at their friend and I want to cry but I don't let the tears form as I don't want to give her that satisfaction. I am more bothered about seeing Corey right now so I will cry about it later.
"I may not be able to walk, but I am still the one he wants." I scoff, looking her up and down before heading to where my person is waiting for me.
I am taken aback by that interaction as I have had people stare, I have had people ask me what's wrong but never have I had someone belittle me so much in front of other people. The girl copying me just confirms all the deepest fears I have about myself and how others see me. I will never be seen as worthy enough for someone like Corey as he is athletic and a sports star in the making and I am a girl with a stick, who gets made fun of for being with him.
I know that the guys on the team won't say a bad word about me and I appreciate that as they are all like brothers to me, minus Jasper, but that doesn't mean the hockey fans won't be so nice about it. The girls certainly aren't.
I breathe my feelings down before I enter the room and I find a dazed Corey talking to the nurse who is checking her blood pressure.
"She is the greatest thing I ever did see." He babbles on about something and the nurse laughs at him.
The door closes behind me and they both look up.
"Baby," He beams, holding his chest with hi shands. "I was just talking about you."
"I bet you were." I smile at him and my heart melts because even though he is not feeling himself, he still looks as gorgeous as ever. In sickness and in health comes to my mind because Corey has been there for me during every little thing I have battled since becoming sick and I want to be there for him for all of his moments too. I could be doing anything right now, such as relaxing like I need to, but there is nowhere I would rather be but here with him.
"Look how dreamy," He continues grinning at me and he taps the bed next to him. "Come here you."
He moves over the bed for me and I nest myself in next to him, nuzzling my head into his chest and he strokes my hair, causing goosebumps to form on my shoulders at the innocent touch.
"What happened?" I ask him after a bout of silence, wanting to know if he is okay as I can't handle not knowing any longer.
"Just had a fall and hit my head," He shrugs, not seeming bothered. "I'll be as good as new in a couple of days."
"You better be, I need my hockey star back." I ruffle his hair slightly and we go back to silence, with only the sound of the machines beeping around us. It's not an awkward silence but it's comfortable. I would rather be in silence with him than for him to strain himself to talk to me because I know what that feels like and it's not nice.
Corey has been around me for all of my health downfalls, showing me that he loves me regardless of what happens to me so I want to show the same to him too. I want to prove to him that he is it for me regardless of if he has a future being a hockey star or not as that's not what I see him as, like most of the girls in our area. It was hard growing up to see people want my brother and Corey for someone they could use as fame and money because that's never why I wanted either of them. I just never expected the one to prove to Corey what love is would be me.
"How are you feeling?" I ask him the only thing I care about as the match and his hockey future aren't important to me until I know that he's okay.
"My head hurts but I'm okay." He smiles at me and tightens his arm around my waist.
I don't know how long we lay there until the door opens but I am pretty sure we both fell asleep. We are both groggy when my brother walks in, followed by the rest of the team and to my surprise, my ex boyfriend as well.
"You fucking idiot man, how are you feeling?" Willem rushes in, eyeing us cuddling on the bed before moving past it again. He is getting used to us being together now and I appreciate it.
"Like shit but better now Nads is here." He smiles at my brother and his face falls slightly at the openness of Corey before moving onto something else.
"We won the game without you," Nathan chimes in, holding a big box of chocolates. "I think we need a new captain."
"Oh yeah? And who's that going to be?" Cole questions, snatching the chocolates out of Nathan's hands, who then snatches them back off him. "Hands off."
"No." Nathan refuses, clinging to them.
"Mate, give them to Corey," Logan orders him but Nathan refuses, wanting the chocolate.
"We will get you some chocolate afterwards mate." Jasper says now, patting Nathan on the back and I just stare at them all in shock. I want to leave them to it but I want to spend time with Corey and he has his arm tight around me so it's not like I could go anywhere if I wanted to anyway.
"Fine, but I want one as big as that." Nathan agrees, setting the chocolates on the bed next to Corey before crossing his arms.
"Everyone wants one as big as mine." Corey smiles proudly, looking at me and my cheeks go red.
"No, I think he meant the chocolate, Corey." I confirm, coughing in an attempt to get rid of the awkwardness in the air.
I glare at Nathan for putting the chocolates right next to that area even though it wasn't his fault but he is the only one I can blame.
Willem goes into detail about how they still won the game and it had a lot to do with how they were already so ahead anyway.
"You're through to the finals?" I ask my brother.
"We are." He smiles back and I rush up to him to give him a hug, ignoring the protest in my body, and he twirls me around in excitement.
"Get off, she's here to see me." Corey groans, voice still groggy and he pulls me back to the bed by my waist, which I am thankful for as my legs hurt way too much.
"No one likes a clinger, Corey.' Jasper is the one to say and I feel awkward that the boy I spent so long being in love with is now watching me and my new boyfriend be all cuddly together.
"Hey Jasper," Jasper looks back at Corey now. "Fuck off."
Jasper scowls but I grab Corey's hand and he seems to melt into the touch, evaporating all his previous anger. Jasper was joking, even I knew that but Corey is on high alert right now because he isn't fully with it because of his bang on the head.
"I really love you, you know?" Corey tells me and my eyes go wide and I hear gasps from around me.
Nathan however, bursts out laughing.
I have no idea how to respond to Corey as this isn't something we have said to each other before. We knew that we both felt this way for each other but it's a whole different step admitting it out loud to the other.
I want to act how he wants me to react but I can't, not in front of everyone else and especially not in front of my brother, so I just continue staring at him. Corey stays smiling at me and I want to cry because I hate to feel as though I have let him down. I know he won't remember even telling me this but I will always remember this as the first time he said those three words to me.
"Who knew that Corey would say that to anyone ever." Nathan says, still laughing to himself. I stay silent, hating all the attention that's on this topic.
Sensing I'm uncomfortable, Willem speaks up, "He's said it to me."
They all start talking amongst themselves and Corey is still looking at me with a wide smile. If I didn't know he had a concussion I would be pretty freaked out with him looking at me like this.
"You're really special to me." He tells me, ignoring everyone else around him again.
"You're special to me too, C" I whisper my reply, not wanting the others to hear me being vulnerable with him.
"You make me go all crazy here," He points to his chest and smiles. "And here." He gives me a mischievous smirk as he points to his crotch and I feel my cheeks burn. Laughs surround us and I muster up the strength to look at my brother who is looking at Corey mortified. Corey stays smiling at me, not realising what the hell he has just said.
"That's lovely Corey." I reply, still feeling flustered.
"Yeah Cap, really romantic." Liam laughs and all the other boys, excluding my brother, laugh along with him.
"I don't think Willem wants to hear about the deflowering of his sister." Cole says, causing me to let out a loud groan into my hands.
Please someone make this stop.
I stay hidden behind my hands, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, not even Corey. I can't even be mad at him because it's not his fault he's acting this way.
"I did that years ago." Jasper adds into the conversation and I take my hands off my eyes just so I can glare daggers at him.
"She's a star isn't she?" Corey asks him and Jasper nods his agreement.
I want to cry because Jasper should not be egging this conversation on as Corey isn't in the right state of mind and I don't want this to affect his friendship with my brother. I'm also annoyed as I can't be mad at Corey as he has a fucking concussion.
"You both got there before me?" Nathan jokes, trying to lighten the boiling anger radiating off Willem.
"If you all don't shut up then you will join Corey in that hospital bed and it will be for much worse than a concussion." My brother raises his voice, not wanting to hear anymore and I'm glad about it because it was starting to make me uncomfortable.
This is what I mean about feeling invisible; I am being spoken about as if I am not in the room at all. Corey is the only one who's paid me any attention. He has all his teammates who just won the semi-finals here and still he only has eyes for me.
I want to shout at him for talking about our sex life in front of my brother and ex boyfriend but it all sizzles down when I look at him because how could I be mad at that face?
"I'd agree with that." I look sympathetically at my brother and he just shakes his head at me, dismissing it, clearly not mad with the interaction between myself and Corey.
"Come here," Corey tells me, tapping the side of the bed again so I cuddle up to him again and he looks back at his teammates. "We have some training to do then."
"Yeah," Liam agrees. "I think we've got it in the bag."
"We will have it in the bag if my good luck charm decides to come to the game for once." Corey jokes, gently pinching my side and I let out a yelp.
There is a knock at the door, cutting our laughter short and the nurse from earlier comes in. "I didn't expect you to still be here," She says looking at me, before looking towards Corey. "I've come to do your observations again."
"That's our cue. See you later Cap." Zak sighs, giving Corey a pat on the shoulder before heading towards the door.
As the other boys are saying bye to Corey I attempt to untangle myself from his grip so I can leave again but he wants me to stay here, causing butterflies to build up in my belly.
"I'm going to need you to move for a second." The nurse says to me and I sit up in Corey's bed so that she can get to his arm to take his blood pressure.
"Bye mate, feel better soon." Nathan comes up to Corey now and stands there for a while after he spoke.
"What are you waiting for? It's my turn." Willem hisses, shoving Nathan out of the way but he doesn't budge.
"Yes you can have them." Corey says between giggles and Nathan jumps at the opportunity before rushing out the door with his chocolate in hand.
"He is a fat bastard," Willem laughs, shaking his head at his friend. "See you both later."
"Bye." Corey and I say in unison and Willem gives me a kiss on the top of my head before moving towards the door.
The nurse looks at the interaction between me and Willem strangely before going to check Corey's temperature and my brother stops at the door. "I didn't see it before but you two really are suited for each other."
"Thank you." I smile at my brother and I really appreciate him saying this. For months all I have ever wanted was for him to feel this way and we kept it from him because we knew he wouldn't see it like this. For him to finally see how much we care and love each other it means the world. He is finally completely okay with us and I am proud of him for being able to step up and be supportive of us both in this situation, regardless of how much it hurt him to find out the way that he did.
"Yeah," Corey speaks up as the nurse leaves the room without a word. "Thanks for finally seeing what we have been telling you for months."
"If you weren't all concussed I would hit you for that." Willem replies, glaring at him.
"Shame that." Corey grins, knowing what he is doing.
"Looks like someone is starting to feel better." I announce, going back to my previous position by his side.
"I can see that," Willem agrees, shaking his head. "But Corey, as much as I don't care that you are with my sister now. If you talk to me about your sex life again, I will kill you."
"Noted." Corey's eyes widen, knowing that Willem is not full of shit.
Willem walks out the room and I close my eyes, trying my best to ignore the pain in my body from being in such a small, uncomfortable bed. I want to be strong for Corey and to try my hardest not to make this about me as he is the one that needs me right now.
"If I could get out of this bed so that you could be comfortable, I would, sweetheart." Corey tells me, noticing that I'm uncomfortable.
"I know." I reach up and stroke his cheek, bringing his face closer to mine so I can kiss him.
I understand better why Corey is the way he is sometimes and why he feels the need to be overbearing when I have a flare up. When you watch someone you love in pain it sets off alarm bells in your mind and you want to do anything you can to stop them from hurting but knowing you can't.
Corey's situation will pass but that doesn't stop me from feeling useless at not being able to help him so I can't imagine how it makes him feel when the thing I have is incurable completely.
"What actually happened out there?" I ask him, wanting to know what knocked him off his form as Corey isn't usually one to get distracted on the ice.
"I was looking for you." He tells me honestly now, looking into my eyes. He then proceeds to go into detail about what happened and how he was looking for me in the crowd and it distracted him when the puck was passed to him and so he didn't realise he had it until he was knocked down by the opposition.
"I'm sorry. I really wanted to be there," I say, feeling guilty that he had to go through that because of me. "Everything I touch gets ruined."
"Are you saying I'm ruined, Nadia Marsh?" He asks me, mocking a shocked expression.
"You know what I mean."
"I do but I don't want to hear it," He puts his fingers on my lips to shut me up from speaking anymore. "You are not this broken girl you make yourself out to be and you are not damaging everything you make contact with."
I appreciate him telling me this as it's something I've had installed in my own head for the past god knows how long. I know how much Corey cares about me but there is still a small nagging somewhere inside of me that keeps telling me he is only with me to try and fix me. Having him tell me that I'm not a broken girl fills me with so much reassurance that it makes it easy to push those negative thoughts away.
At least I can beat something.
I don't reply to him as I can see his eyes starting to drift closed. I play with his hair to try and get him to sleep quicker so he can be more comfortable and I just hope that he feels at least a bit better when he wakes up.
I try to manoeuvre myself without waking him up so that I can pick my bag up from the chair. I use my crutch that's at the side of the bed to pick up the handle of my bag and pass it to myself, opening it up to get the bear I packed out.
I nestle myself between Corey's arm and chest once more and I tuck the bear between us, like he did weeks ago for me.