Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 77: Chapter 77

COREY'S POV:
It's been a long few days, I've been doing nothing other than trying to get to know my sister and building my skills up on the ice. I have still been brushing coach off as I am still so angry at him. Natalie has been begging me to speak to him but that relationship is one that I can put in the back of my mind for now. I want to focus on the good in my life and right now that is Nadia and my newly found sister, who I have come to learn is a fucking incredible person.
Yesterday after my hockey training, where I brushed coach off every time he tried to speak to me, she picked me up alongside Ed and Lily and treated us to a meal at the diner, where we were greeted by Nadia. Nadia's reaction to the whole thing was as expected, shocked and then disappointed at how much was kept from us all throughout our lives. She is happy that my parents seem to be taking care of us much better than before and that they are starting to pay her much more attention, even though she won't admit this part.
Whilst we were having dinner yesterday Natalie told us more about her life. She has been working her arse off in university to get to where she is now. She is working as an apprentice lawyer in a firm about an hour away, she dreams to open her own firm one day and has said to Nadia that if she ever needs to sue anyone about her medical neglect then she knows where to find her.
Natalie told us in detail about how she decided she wanted to be a lawyer and that was when she first found all the letters from our parents that were hidden under her adoptive parents bed. She said she wanted to be the reason people can get their true story heard and help bring families back together and to be able to give people the justice they deserve. My heart swelled when I heard what she has been doing with her life because I knew she was always destined for greatness and there was a moment in time where she was a little girl, who was unsure if she would even be able to have a future at all.
Natalie has fit right into this family, as she has taken the place that was always meant for her. She has been coming to ours everyday for dinner and she has even been helping us all to look after my mum- and dad even though she has no relationship with him by blood but she says that he is still her father to him. We were later told by dad that her real father had taken his own life not long after dad's accident. My father believes that the pressure of being a hockey star got to him, like it gets to a lot of people but my mum believes it's because the guilt of my dad's accident consumed him daily up until the day he died.
Nadia has been spending more time with my family and also getting to know Natalie and my parents. She feels a little on edge being around coach as she knows him and Mark talk and she hasn't spoken to Mark since she last saw him, but he has soon made her warm up to him. My siblings and her have been getting on superb and her parents have invited us all to round to theirs for dinner today, Natalie included and my mother is stressing about it.
My father has been invited but my mum doesn't want him to go. She thinks that it will be too much for him, especially considering alcohol might be involved. Nadia knows everything as I've told her so she has reassured us all that she will make sure there will be no alcohol on that table, or even in the house at all by tonight. Willem will keep it in his room, which is good for me because if I ever need a break then I can go up to his room to take a swig out of a bottle.
When I told them about everything with my dad they were both surprised and gave me the biggest hug, reassuring me that they will be here for me all throughout my dads treatment. I am yet to tell them about my mum's diagnosis as I don't want Nadia to feel as though that's the only reason I'm with her when that's the furthest thing from the truth.
"I can't find my earrings," My mum shrieks from the other side of the landing. "Someone help me find my earrings!"
"They are right here, love, settle down." My dad says to her, and she seems to calm down slightly.
Ignoring all the commotion outside, I turn back towards my mirror and look at my outfit. Nadia told me to dress how I wanted and so I decided to wear jeans and a nice shirt but as soon as I walked downstairs, my mum turned me away, telling me to rethink my choice of trousers. I changed into a nice pair of trousers, keeping the same shirt I had on. I can't understand why I'm so nervous as I have had many dinners with her family but it all seems like it would be different now as this will be our first official dinner as her boyfriend- where they know I'm her boyfriend.
It means so much more to us now when we do things together with each other's families because I want to be a part of her family and she mine. It gives us a sense of hope for our future to be included so deeply in the other family and gives a glimpse into the future of us having our own family one day.
Although Nadia will never admit it, she will be a wonderful mother one day. She won't just be a good mum, she will be an extraordinary one, a mum who teaches everything to her child without putting any added pressure onto them. She will protect that child so nothing bad can ever happen to it like it did with her. But I know that no matter how much she wants to be a mum, deep down she is terrified of the idea as she is so scared that this condition she has could possibly be passed down to our child. We would both love that child no matter what condition they're born with but the thought of them having to suffer makes a lump form in my throat.
Hopefully if she even does want children one day it will be with me, but if not then I will support her and watch her grow from the sidelines.
"Come on then kids!" Mum shouts from downstairs.
I let out a long breath and check over myself once more, noticing a black eye forming from a hit I earned from Cole boxing in the gym after college yesterday.
I feel oddly uncomfortable dressing up smart to go to Nadia's place as it's something I've never done before. I feel like I have to impress her but I don't want to be anything other than myself around her. I feel butterflies rise in my stomach at the thought of seeing how lovely she will look tonight.
There are two knocks on my door and before I even have the chance to answer it's swung open and my sister, Natalie waltzes in as if we have never been parted at all and this is what she's always been supposed to do.
She is only my half sister but I don't understand why people use the term 'half' so religiously as to me, she is simply just my sister. The only half she is to me is the other half of my soul, just like Ed and Lily are.
"What? Just because you missed out on doing this when you were a teenager, doesn't mean you can do it now." I huff as she walks further into my room and sits on the bed. She simply laughs in response and I go back to looking at myself in contempt.
"Didn't you hear mum? We have to go." She asks me but I continue staring at my reflection, not taking in the way I look anymore. "What's the matter? If you want to ask me if your shirt matches your trousers then yes they do."
I shake my head, indicating to her that she's got it all wrong. "Then what's the matter, Corey?" I stay quiet, closing my eyes to take them off myself as I can't bear the sight of me anymore. "I'm here now, I want you to be able to talk to me about this kind of thing, especially as it's something we've never been able to do before now."
"I just don't feel right." I mumble and she comes to stand beside me now, causing me to open my eyes and look at her through the mirror.
"How come?" She questions and as I'm thinking about my answer I take my time to look over her outfit, and she is in a green sequin dress that shows off more than I want to see. I take my eyes off the dress as I don't want to look anymore and also because I don't want her to think I'm weird.
"You look so nice and that style really suits you, but me?" I begin, gesturing down at myself. "I just feel like a fake."
"A fake? You've worn fancy shirts plenty of times, mum has shown me the pictures." She asks me, confused and looks me up and down, as if trying to find the same issues on me that I see in myself.
"It's not about the clothes," I say with a hint of sadness. "It's about the fact I feel as though I'll never be good enough for that girl. I can't even tell her I love her for fucks sake."
"And you think telling her you love her is the only thing she cares about?" She asks me and I shrug my shoulders in response, causing her to continue speaking again.
"No, but that's not the point." I tell her, growing frustrated. I wish that I didn't have to explain my feelings to anyone ever and instead, they can just travel into my brain and know how I'm feeling off the bat.
"Then what is the point?" She questions, looking deeply into my eyes now as if she will be able to read the answers out of me.
"Come on you two, we are going to be late." My mum shouts from downstairs, interrupting our conversation.
"I just want to be able to tell her. I feel like I'm letting her down by not being strong enough to," I admit, before sorting my hair out once more, my curls deciding to play up. "Are you sure I look okay?"
"Of course you look good, you are my brother after all, you have to get your looks from somewhere," Natalie jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood before turning serious again. "She loves you, man. Grayson is much older than I am and he understands me and loves me as it comes in many shapes and forms. She isn't going to run for the hills just because you aren't ready to tell her those three words just yet. I have seen how you look at eachother, it is clear as day how you both feel about each other, so if you both can't see it with how you look into eachothers eyes then you're both oblivious to life itself."
"And how do we look at eachother?" I ask, picking up the sunflowers I bought for Nadia and the roses I bought for her mum.
"Like you're looking at the stars." She smiles before walking out with me following closely behind her.
"Quicky, your mother is driving me insane. I'm going to get back on the bottle if I have to deal with her stress any longer." My dad rushes us out the door to the car and he locks up.
I get in coach's car as there isn't enough room for Natalie and I in my parents car so he offered to give us a lift there. He was invited to the meal as he is my sister's fiancé but he thought it would be best for her to have this for just herself as he already knows everyone fully.
Not only am I looking forward to having this next step with Nadia, I am also ready for Willem to meet Natalie. He has been begging me since we found out who she was that he needed to meet her and has even made jokes that he will pull the same card Nadia and I did, which earned him a joking slap to the face.
Willem is the closest and really the only thing I have ever had to a friend and so his opinion on things matters to me and I really neglected our friendship until now, so I am taking my time with things so that I can do it right by him.
He has been nothing but open with me and I in return shut him out and fell in love with his sister, who he tried so hard to protect from the world and people like me. After tonight is over I am going to get him alone so that I can explain my backstory to him and give him some much needed answers as to why I am the way I am.
"Corey!" Natalie and coach both call out to me, shaking me out of my thoughts.
"When did we get here?" I ask, genuinely confused as the drive only seemed like a couple of minutes.
"I know shortcuts." Coach smirks and I make a note to ask him the route so I can get to Nads quicker.
I get out of the car when I notice Natalie turn in her seat to face him to kiss him and that is something I'm still not yet used to seeing, so I can understand Willem's protesting whenever I decide to show Nadia a slight bit of affection in front of him.
My dad pulls onto the driveway now and my mum looks shocked to find us by the car waiting for them. "When the fuck did you overtake us? You better not be speeding with two of my children in the car."
He answers back to her but I tune his reply out as there are no thoughts in my head, other than seeing Nadia. "Breathe," Natalie whispers in my ear, offering me a comforting hand on my back as we walk to the door. "Tell her tonight."
I'll try.
"Come on in." Samantha tells us all when she opens the door to us. My mum and hers go into a conversation and Richard finds my dad to converse with him and I am left following behind as Willem and Nadia are nowhere to be seen.
"I hope Samantha is as good of a cook as you've been telling us she is for years." Ed teases, coming to stand next to me.
"Oh you'll want to be around here for dinner every night. Why do you think I was around here more than at home?" I smirk, knowing mum can hear me.
"Watch your mouth, I can hear you." My mum calls from the other room in a warning tone, before going back to her conversation with Samantha and we make our way into the dining room to join them.
"Hello, Corey," She greets me with a kiss on the cheek.
"These are for you." I smile, basically shoving the roses in her face. She looks surprised as this is completely out of character for me but she accepts with her big, bright smile.
"Thank you, love. Richard, get me a vase for these lovely roses please," She calls out to her husband.
I sigh as I really don't know what I'm doing here. I have never even been a boyfriend before let alone be at the stage where you are meeting each other's family. It's different in this situation as I have met Nadia's family and I'm very fucking close to them it's just that I feel like I need to be a different and better version of myself so they will see me as someone worthy of being with their daughter.
"Just be yourself," She whispers to me before turning to my three siblings. "Ed, Lily. Oh, and you must be Natalie. I've heard so much about you."
Natalie gets pulled into a hug and is shown to her seat and I follow behind, making my way to my usual spot at the table.
We all sit and wait for Nadia and Willem to make their entrance and I'm growing more concerned the longer it takes. I look towards Samantha, silently questioning her if Nadia is okay and she just shrugs, seeming to not know anything about why they aren't here.
I'm about to get up to leave when they both giggle their way through the door. My heart swells at the sight of them being the same as before Willem found out about us.
"There's my girl," I stand up to greet her, not caring that I am being this affectionate in front of both of our families and only caring that she is here, with me. "I've been waiting to see you."
"Hey, C," She replies with a toothy smile before kissing me deeply. In this moment and we aren't even in her dining room, we are somewhere else entirely. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too. So much that I got you these flowers." I smirk as I watch her face light up.
"These are beautiful." She smiles at the fake sunflowers. I would've loved to have been able to give her real ones but they aren't in season yet and I know she would appreciate a fake kind of her favourite flowers that she can keep forever.
"Almost as beautiful as you." I wink, subtly pinching her bum as she takes the lead to head to our seats.
I look her up and down and she looks stunning, even from behind. She is wearing a plaid short skirt with a tightly fitted cropped blouse and I thank the heavens that my brother is gay because she looks a treat and I want her to be for my eyes only.
I am not the territorial type as other men are allowed to notice how gorgeous she is and it'll only be a problem when they try and do something about it. Tonight is mine and her night and I don't want anyone or anything ruining it for us.
"She's fucking gorgeous." Natalie mouths, fanning herself with her hand and I look towards Lily who is staring at Nadia open mouthed but then she looks down at her own outfit before shifting uncomfortably.
"I know" I mouth back, trying to ignore the pain that came with seeing my little sister compare herself to my girlfriend.
"Help yourselves, everyone." Samantha orders the table and we all tuck into the hunters chicken she has made for us.
"Mmm, this is delicious. I have forgotten how amazing your cooking actually was. It's been a while." My dad comments, not looking uncomfortable, which I'm surprised about.
I put the table conversation to the back of my mind and I turn towards Nadia. "The stars would be so proud to know their atoms created someone like you."
"Stop trying to make me blush in front of our families." She orders me, before turning away from me to tuck into her food and that's when I notice her eyes are swollen and red.
I tighten my grip on her lap slightly so she stops her movements and turns to look at me. "Have you been crying?" I whisper to her as quiet as I can so it gets lost in the other voices going around the table.
"No? Why?" She questions me, looking at me all funny.
"Your eyes..." I mention and she avoids my gaze so I look towards Willem, who is watching our interaction with a smirk and he turns to talk to Ed and Natalie when he notices me looking.
My ears tune into the conversations at the table and there's so much going on at once so I assume that's a good thing as no awkward silences or arguments have happened just yet.
"Dad, ask Willem if he would like any more gravy." I suggest, nudging him with my arm to spring him into action.
"Willem, would you like more gravy?" He questions him, causing Willem to turn and face him and I notice his eyes are also red and blotchy.
I glare at him and don't make any effort to hide it so he notices and he gives me a sheepish smile, before going back to his conversation and food.
Nadia is avoiding my gaze when I turn to look at her and I notice that both her and Willem have annihilated their food, eating much faster than anyone else here. I hope my dad doesn't notice the state they are in.
"You're both high?" I sneer into her ear, pretending to pick up a fork I dropped. "Without me?"
"Stop pouting, baby, it's not a good look for you." She grabs my cheeks and plants a kiss on my now pouty lips, lightning up as soon as she heard the humour behind my voice, although I am not happy with either of them right now.
They knew how much it meant to me for there not to be any alcohol here tonight and they respected that but they have both seemed to forget the part where my dad is also a struggling drug addict.
"I'm not pouting." I lie and she kisses me again, both of us completely oblivious to our surroundings.
"I'm all for this relationship now," Her dad announces, the conversations have stopped now as everyone is focussed on the pair of us. "But that doesn't mean I want any babies anytime soon."
"Speaking of babies." Willem begins and all our mouths fall open, my family included.
"Do not tell me I'm about to be a grandmother when there is no alcohol on this table." Samantha warns him, with all of us grunting our agreements.
"What the fuck? No," He dismisses the claim completely and we all can breathe again. "All I was going to say is I just don't feel comfortable seeing the relationship shit yet."
"Okay." We both agree, Nadia stiffening up beside me.
The conversation continues around the table, my mum and Samantha going back to their same old gossip. They haven't seen each other in so long and it's so nice for them to get their friendship back. My mum went off the grid, isolating herself completely from everyone when she first got sick, much like Nadia did and to see them both socialising again makes me so proud of them.
"I'm stuffed," I announce, rubbing my stomach to comfort the bloating. "Coach is going to kill me for eating all that so close to the final."
"Not if I don't let him." Natalie winks at me, earning a laugh from everyone around the table apart from Willem, who checked out of the conversation long ago.
"I'm going to head upstairs, my head is pounding. I need the rest for the final," Willem announces to the table, rubbing his head. "It's been a pleasurable evening, really."
Willem heads out the room, taking his glass of water with him and I turn to look at Nadia who looks worried about him.
"He's having troubles with his girlfriend." She tells everyone, so that they can understand more instead of thinking he is rude.
"I'm done too," I stand up from the table. "Am I okay to be excused? I want to go and speak to him."
"Go ahead son," Richard replies to me, holding his pint of coke up to me.
"Will you be okay?" I ask my dad, knowing that he is on edge from being in a public setting without being able to drink.
"Go see your friend. I'll be okay." He orders me politely, giving me a reassuring nod.
I nod back to him and follow my friend. The conversations continue on in the background as soon as I leave the room, letting me know that my presence isn't missed. Usually I would be offended when I'm not missed in a social setting but tonight I don't care. Tonight was about the joining of mine and Nadia's family because our relationship has taken the next step and how my sister is now able to join in on these things with us as a family.
Nadia's footsteps follow behind me and she takes my hand, quietly leading me upstairs without saying a word. If I didn't know any better, I would assume that she was leading me to her bed, but I know she is leading me to Willem as he isn't in a good state right now.
"He's up there," She nods to her window, knowing that I understand what she means. "Please make him feel better."
She's about to leave but I grab her arm to stop her, "How are you? You've barely looked at me all night."
"I'm fine, C, please just be with my brother right now." She asks me, giving me a small smile and I know she is lying.
Tonight she has met my eyes a grand total of like five times, indicating to me that something is wrong because usually she can't keep her eyes off me. She has gotten high with her brother, something I know doesn't happen regularly, so they both needed to find a release in life through getting high. She was limping up the stairs in a way that I could tell she was trying to hide it but failing miserably, so I can't imagine the amount of pain she's in right now if the weed isn't even helping her.
She looks fucking gorgeous but all of her energy was wasted on trying to make herself look good, when she doesn't even need to try at all.
"Willem," I call up onto the roof, watching as he quickly wipes at his cheeks in an attempt to cover up the fact he's been crying. "What's the matter, man, I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine man, I just needed a minute." He shakes his head, brushing me off as if he can just lie to my face like that.
"What did we say about no more secrets?" I ask him, causing him to laugh.
"You might want some of this." He hands me his blunt but I push it away, not wanting to stoop that low tonight.
"I don't want my father to smell it on me, I don't want to make him relapse before he's even had the chance to get clean." I explain, watching as Willem's features turn soft.
"Ah, shit, yeah, how's he coping?" He questions me, avoiding his own feelings again, just like his sister has a habit of doing.
I wish I could bang their heads together because they are the two most infuriating people I've ever met.
"Not great to be honest, although he says he's fine. We are sort of just taking his word for it so we don't stress him out too much." I tell Willem, watching as he takes another drag of his cigarette.
"That's good, man." He sighs and the silence consumes us once more. I sit on this roof without Nadia, realising that she is letting us be out here on our own in her safe space, which means that Willem really mustn't be in the right state of mind at all.
"Can you please tell me what's going on? Nadia said you and your girl had a fight but I know you both well enough to know that's not true." I tell him, reminding him of how close we are so he can realise I'm not the enemy with whatever he's feeling.
"I really was looking forward to tonight," He admits, staring off into the street. "Then you texted me saying you were all on your way and then it just hit me- my sister is sick. Tonight is the first night in a while where she's had the chance to be normal but even then she can't because all she gets reminded of is the pain, which is why I offered her a joint before you guys got here. She's sick, like really fucking sick and she probably is never going to get better and you were the one that was there for her."
"You were there for her too, it wasn't just me.' I correct, not wanting to take credit for something that's not true, especially not something like this as that boy has been the best brother ever to that girl.
"Can you let me finish?" He asks and I nod, not saying anything so he can carry on without being interrupted. "You were there for her when she needed someone most and when I found out about that I pushed you both away from each other."
"What's just happened here tonight, Willem?" I ask him and his eyes meet mine. "Our families have just had dinner together for the first time in years because your sister and I are closer and happier than ever."
"And I'm glad about that but I can't help but feel guilty that I took her one bit of happiness away whilst she's sick. It was selfish of me. I was so fucking mad that you both lied to me but the thing that made me react the way I did was the fact you were that person for her and not me."
"Willem, her love for you is unmatched," I feed into his brain. "She would be lost without you."
"You seem to not realise how much she loves you." Is all he says back to me and I'm slightly stumped on what to say back to him.
I knew when pursuing my relationship with Nadia that Willem would be mad, especially if we were to keep it from him but I had no idea he would feel like this and I don't think there's any words in the English dictionary that could make him feel better.
That's the thing with siblings, you grow with them from the day they were born and then one day they just simply aren't there anymore so it's hard to adjust. Willem wants to protect Nadia from everything but he can't do that forever as it's my job to do that now. Willem has his own life to pursue and he can't spend it all worrying about Nadia, he will have his own wife and family one day and Nadia will be just a distant relative to him, someone living a completely different life under a dissimilar roof in a separate town.
He knew this time was happening but neither of them thought it would be whilst they were still this young.
"You two are going to be best friends all the way up until you die, I know it," I croak, growing emotional that I've never had the chance to feel this way about my own siblings. "She tells me all the time how lucky she feels to be able to share a life with you."
"And me her." He smiles, and I rest my head on his shoulders, taking in the view of the stars.
"I named a star after her, you know?" I remember as I take in the view and they glare back at me through the clouds.
"Which one do you think it is?" He questions, looking up now too as he throws his burnt out cigarette on the rooftop.
"Not that one as that will be Archie, but the one next to it, waiting for Nadia when she's ready." I point to the star that's next to the brightest one in the sky. He will always be the brightest in the sky in her eyes.
"Oh, definitely," Willem agrees, looking up at his sister in star form. "What made you name one after her?"
"To show her that life is just like one." I say, not expecting him to understand.
"What?" He asks, painfully confused.
"To be a star, you must burn.'