Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 80: Chapter 80

This is a 4 part update! please make sure you read this one first! x
NADIA'S POV:
Maddy's routine finishes and I wish I could say how horrible she was up there but she was perfect, with no fault what so ever. Looking back at it now, it seems as though that routine was made for her more than it was made for me, which depresses the fuck out of me.
She exits the ice and her mum greets her, whispering something to Maddy and they both look my way, glaring at me. Maddy stalks over to me, perfectly fine and she doesn't show even a hint of being out of breath.
"How did I do out there?" She asks me, towering over me in my chair, making me feel smaller than I already feel compared to her.
"I was waiting for you to fall and slice your hand open." I admit, feeling no shame in wanting that to happen. She deserves to have some pain happen to her for a change so she can know what it feels like to be in my situation.
"It's a shame I didn't then, isn't its it?" She mocks me.
"What happened to you?" I ask the girl who I have considered my best friend for most of my life.
"What happened, Nadia, was that someone finally stopped treating you like the sun shines out of your arse." She clarifies, looking towards her mum, who is watching us with a venomous expression. It's not hard to see where she has turned out like this from when her mum spoke to me like that. I'm just confused as they were both so lovely to me to my face.
"I thought you were my friend." I pour my heart out to her, showing her emotion for the first time in a long time and I see her crumble a little, but she soon picks up this stone cold act again.
"I was but then you just completely ignored me and how I felt," She tells me, expecting me to know what she is talking about. My confused expression must show because she carries on speaking, "You completely ignored how I felt about Jasper and you kept going back to him."
"You never told me," I point out as the lights dim and the players come out of their locker rooms and onto the ice for the final third. "How was I supposed to know if you never even told me?"
'You should've just noticed that I was in love with him too," She bites back, both of us ignoring the game that's about to start. "I did keep putting hints out to you."
"How am I supposed to believe you were in love with my boyfriend? I always thought to myself that my best friend wouldn't do something like that." I admit, feeling this brick wall between us crack. "You should've just told me."
"How could I?"
"Because after what happened to Archie, we needed to be there for each other and that starts by being honest with one another." I tell her, seeing her face fall at the mention of our late friend.
"True." Is all she says, looking everywhere but at me now.
"Were you ever really my friend?" I ask her, wanting to know if any of our memories together were the truth and not built on a lie. It would destroy me even more if it was all a lie because of the fact I let her hold me at Archie's funeral, when I couldn't bear to be touched by anyone. She was the only person who had any real idea of what I was feeling and she decided to still do me dirty like this.
"Yes." She admits, looking like she would rather not have been honest about it.
"Then why didn't you just speak to me? Instead of practically taking over my life?" I ask her, pleading to know the answer.
"Taking over your life is a tad dramatic, don't you think?" She laughs right in my face. "There you go again, thinking everything is about you."
"I'm not-"
"I have to see if Jasper is okay." She cuts me off, looking around the arena to see if she can find him and we both notice him stalking towards us at the same time.
As he walks over I think about the conversation we have just had and how she thinks I am making everything about me. I'm not meaning to at all, but in my head it's like she went from being the closest person to me to basically being me. We were completely separate people before and I guess we still are, she is who I once was and I am this new person completely. Although, we might've been similar before because now that I think about it I never knew her at all.
"Hi baby, how are you doing?" She rushes up to him and rubs his arms in an attempt to comfort him affectionately but he brushes her off, not accepting it.
He sets his eyes on me and I attempt to look away but he is already heading towards me. I panic internally because I don't particularly want to have a conversation with my ex boyfriend and this girl.
"Let's get you in the locker rooms, yeah? I can see how knackered you are and it's loud as fuck in here." He talks in a hushed voice to me and I can barely hear him over the screaming fans to the side of us.
"I don't think Maddy will be too impressed with that, Jasp." I suggest, looking to where she is on her way over here.
"Between you and me, I don't give a fuck what she has to say and I've told you this," He replies back, getting behind me ready to push me away. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now now, but you can trust me."
We go past Maddy and she grabs Jasper's arm on the way so he comes to a stop, "What do you want?"
"Why don't you come back to mine? I'll look after you with your poorly leg." She says quietly, looking at me through the side of her eye to make sure I can't hear what's being said, but I definitely can.
"Fuck off, will you? Leave me alone and Nadia whilst you're at it." He rolls his eyes, brushing past her, leaving her standing there with a furious look on her face as her mother comes to console her.
Maddy shouts something back to us but her voice is too muffled within the crowd to be able to hear her, so we carry on making our way to the locker rooms, where the noise immediately dims and my head clears for the first time tonight.
Jasper telling me that I can trust him makes me laugh to myself as he is really expecting me to after he went off with Maddy when we were still together. I don't care if they didn't do anything sexual together, it's the fact they both felt the need to be together behind my back, without telling me first. It doesn't help that Maddy made it seem like they were sleeping together so it's really her word over his and I never thought I'd ever say this but his word is more trustworthy than hers now.
"What's up with you?" He asks me as he takes a seat on the bench in front of where he parked my chair.
"I was just laughing at you and Maddy." I admit and I see him immediately get defensive.
"What's funny about that? How many times do I have to tell you that nothing happened?" He speaks up, pulling off his jersey and I don't even feel the need to look down at his toned body because I have lost any ounce of attraction for this man since being with Corey.
"You could tell me a million more times Jasper, but I still wouldn't believe you. Both of your actions suggest that you did it," I state, pointing out the obvious. "It hurts me more that you didn't tell me she was doing the showcase more than getting off with her though to be honest."
"Ouch," He says sarcastically, holding his hand against his heart and I laugh as he looks a lot like the boy who I first fell in love with when he's like this. "I honestly didn't know she was doing the showcase, she never mentioned it."
"And how do you expect me to believe you?" I ask him, rolling my eyes.
"Because I would've told you to get back at you, you know how much of a dick I was being-"
"Yeah, I do." I interrupt him.
"But I want to say again how sorry I am about it. I was just a but hurt little boy because I could see you were becoming your own person without me and I wasn't ready to let you go." He admits, and with the look in his eyes, I know he isn't lying to me.
I think even if he was lying, I wouldn't care as this period of my life with him is now over and I've already moved on from the hurt it caused me.
"And you decided because you were hurt to run off to be with Maddy?" I question him, not because I care but because I'm nosey and want to know the details.
"I was only ever friends with her and I think you still know that deep down, but I stopped being friends with her when I realised how evil she was," He begins, taking a pause to take a breath. "I didn't mind at first that you thought we were together because I wanted to see you hurt but I soon realised I shouldn't have done that because you were already going through way too much."
"Thanks?" I say, not really sure of what I should say to that. "I have to ask though, why did you start on Corey a few weeks ago?"
I remember back when Corey told me what happened and how Jasper pushed him against the wall because of a conversation about me. Corey didn't really go into detail about it in an effort not to hurt my feelings, but in my mind it is something bad so now that Jasper is in an open and honest mood he can tell me this as well.
Jasper stops getting changed when I ask him this question and he sighs, looking as though he doesn't want to tell me, but I soften my gaze towards him and he rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to answer. "I did It because I wanted to test him."
"Test him about what?" I question him again, liking this new side of Jasper where he decides it's good to tell me what's going on in his head.
Jasper goes into a big long speech about why he started on Corey and how it was because he wanted to see if Corey truly cared about me, which he soon proved. I don't know how I feel about Jasper doing that because I'm unsure of his intentions behind it, it would make more sense for him to do something like that if he wasn't a complete dick to me whilst we were together.
He has a weird way of showing me he cares, he always has.
He lets me know that Corey is very protective of me and he will let no person, man or woman speak a word about me whether it be good or bad. My heart swells at the thought of Corey defending my honour and all of this weirdly means so much more coming from my ex boyfriend. Jasper used to hate the thought of another guy being in my radar so to have his approval of Corey and to make sure he's worthy of me makes me sort of happy.
Not that I care what Jasper thinks.
Apparently, Maddy has been praying on my downfall for a while and if I believed in that shit, I would blame her for the fact I am now chronically ill. Jasper informs me that Maddy also had a habit of going behind my back and texted him in a flirtatious way. Whenever we were at parties or a function together, she would always try it on with him when I was looking the other way.
I knew she had a crush on one of the boys on the team but I had no idea it would be my boyfriend.
Jasper says that he never reciprocated any of it, and only decided to play along with it when me and him broke up, so I can't exactly be mad as we weren't together, but I can still be mad at her for going behind my back and breaking my trust.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I question him after he is done with his rambling and I attempt to stand out of my chair as I have no idea what to do with the emotion that's just taken over me.
"Sit down," He orders me, knowing that it would be a bad idea for me to move out of this chair. "I didn't want to hurt you and if I'm being honest, I sort of liked the attention."
"The attention?" I gasp, dumfounded by this admission.
"It's fucked, I know and I know I am a terrible person for it."
"I won't argue with that one." I deadpan, rolling my eyes, but not at him as it's to myself for putting up with this behaviour from him for so long.
"All I'm trying to say is that I never deserved you and you were always destined for something so much more than this life," He leans forward, kissing me one the forehead, like he always used to do, and I don't flinch at the action like I thought I would.
"I love you, I always will, you were my greatest friend for a long point in time," He whispers to the skin of my forehead and pulls back. "Thank you for all the years and memories together. They were a blast for the most part."
I stay quiet, only smiling as a response because I don't know what to say. The way he speaks now seems so final and like I'm never going to see him again and the thought terrifies me. I am feeling so many conflicting emotions that it's hard to gauge what I'm truly feeling. Half of me still hates him because he left me when I needed him most and he let me believe that I was incapable of being loved whilst poorly, but the second half says I just need to move on now and let the thoughts of Jasper disappear so they become a distant memory.
I find it hard to let go of people, especially from someone who is as close to me as Jasper was so it will hurt when it happens, which will be right now by the sounds of his speech. All of what he has said today is stuff I have heard before from him but having the extra confirmation makes it feel so much more real.
"I got a diagnosis, by the way." I decide to open up to him and he seems genuinely intrigued. "Chronic fatigue syndrome, there's no cure."
"So, you weren't being crazy or attention seeking then?" He asks, repeating his own names he called me in a sad tone.
"No, I wasn't." I conform, just as sadly.
This is where mine and Jasper's story ends, when we leave this room we will turn the page and we will have nothing more left to say to one another. Goodbye is so final and yet he will still occupy so much of my head and chest because he was part of my life for so long and when I think about my memories with Archie, a lot of them consist of him too.
"I'll be seeing you, Nads." He sighs as he leaves the room and I watch as the door closes behind him as he goes out to watch the rest of the game for the very little time that's left. I suck in a deep breath and swallow the lump that's formed in my throat in an effort to stop any emotion from bubbling up inside of me.
Any hatred I felt for anyone just evaporated and now I feel like I can think clearly about everything. It won't be the last time I see Japer, but it was the last time we feel for one another.
I turn on the TV so I can watch what's going on too, thankful that watching it through a screen comes with the ability to control the volume. I watch as the camera pans to Jasper for a second so they can show the audience he is okay and I think back to our conversation in here and how he didn't mentions or even look at my chair once.
Maybe he really has changed.