Shattered Dreams [EDITING] - Chapter 83: Chapter 83

This is a 4 part update, please make sure you read chapters 80,81 & 82 first! x
NADIA'S POV:
"What's going on here?" Corey's voice chimes in, waking both me and his mum up. We turn to each other, laughing again because we are so similar.
"I'll go and wait out in the car." Corey's mum offers, taking the pizza box and car keys off Corey.
"Why didn't you tell me your mum has fibromyalgia?" I ask Corey as we get to his room, lying on my bed to regain some of the lost energy.
"Because I didn't want you to think of yourself as a charity case, or too much for me," He confirms my thoughts. "Did you have fun seeing Jasper?"
"That's what I was going to mention next actually," I begin, getting ready to explain what actually happened. "He wheeled me away from Maddy hounding me and then explained everything. We spoke and I don't think we will be speaking again from the way we left things."
"How did you leave things?" He questions me now, very intrigued in this conversation.
"It was just a goodbye, but it was very final, you know?"
"Yeah," He agrees, his eyes turning soft again now. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I'm glad of the closure to be honest. Are you mad at me?" Insecurity seeps its way into me at the thought of him being mad at me over this as I genuinely didn't do anything wrong and the last thing I want is for him to be upset at me for something I didn't mean to happen.
"I could never be mad at you, even if I tried." He sighs in defeat.
"Oh, before I forget," I spring up from lying down on the bed and sit with my legs crossed now, trying to lighten the mood. "When were you going to tell me about your offer?"
"When I decided what I was going to do with it." He answers honestly. I know that this should be solely his decision, but this is something we should at least speak about first.
"Why are you even thinking about it?" I scoff, me voicing my opinion very clearly. "You would be stupid to turn down this offer."
"I know, but I want to be here for you," He tells me, causing me to look at him with a bewildered expression. "You know, on the days where you really need me."
"Weren't you the one telling me that you don't want me to be reliant on you?" I laugh at him, hoping it will make him feel stupid for even thinking like this. "You can't hold off on what you want to do because of me."
"I wasn't even sure if I wanted to carry on with this until a few weeks ago." He comments, making a valid point.
"It was a lapse of judgement. You have always wanted to do this, and you still do, so go for it." I order him, trying to offer him some positive advice.
"What if you need me?" He asks me and it seems like he is looking for every opportunity not to go through with this.
"I have my family here, Corey, I'll be waiting for you when you get back," I comfort him, putting my hand in his on his lap. "The least you can do it give it a try, if you don't like it, you can always come back."
"I'm scared." He admits, confirming that it was much more than him just leaving me.
"What do you have to be scared of, baby?" I ask him, using the nickname he uses for me often.
"That I won't be good enough." He admits and I want to call him stupid but his anxiety is so valid.
The thing with being a sportsperson is that you always have to be better than the time you were before. With figure skating, I would always be competing with myself to get to where I needed to be and it was exhausting. We have constant opinions from the public and it wares you down, if Corey goes into the big leagues then he will be scrutinised by much more than just family and friends, the whole world will be looking at him.
"You are the best person for the job, and I'm saying this knowing my brother is on the same team." I put in the picture for him and he nods his reply, not coming up with much more than that so I move past it, not wanting to linger over the subject for longer than he wants to talk about it.
I have many insecurities about Corey going away and playing in big leagues but I can't voice them as this may change his decision entirely. There is a tiny, selfish part of me that would love him to stay, but I would not be able to cope with the fact that I will be keeping him from his dream. I will learn to live without him being next to me everyday, it's not like he will be gone forever.
Even then, I can cope with forever, as I've had to do it before.
"Don't we have a wedding to get to?" Corey asks, thankfully breaking the silence before I do.
"Yes, I can't believe how fast it's come around." I mention, as Corey gets on his knees to buckle my heels back up.
"Are you sure on the heels? You haven't got your chair." He makes a note of and I shrug, brushing him off, causing him to roll his eyes.
He holds out his hand for me to take, leading me out of his room and I follow. He opens his sisters room and I stay in the landing to give Lily her privacy and shortly after he comes out with a pair of flat red pumps. Without a word, he puts them in my handbag before taking over with the carrying for it. I smile to myself at how big his heart is but I also feel a little sad at all our lost time together.
I wish this was the Corey I grew up with because maybe then we would be able to be in a different stage of our relationship now but I can't help but think everything happens for a reason.
If someone asked me if I would go through my life exactly the same again to get to where I am today, I would tell them yes because here is right where I want to be. With Corey.
"My dad is coming tonight I think." He blurts out when we park up at the venue, seeming unsettled as he is playing with the bottom of his tie.
"How are you feeling?" I ask, peeping my head between the two from seats as his mum is in the passenger seat. She said she will be okay in the back, but I would rather me suffer from the pain than her. It is her daughter's wedding reception after all.
"Nervous." Shocking.
"He will be a changed man, Corey." His mum measures him, putting her hand on top of his to stop him fidgeting.
"I hope you're right." He gets out the car and opens my door for me, taking my hand to help me out but he doesn't let go. He leads me around to the passenger side then helps his mum out, who is struggling a lot more than she's letting on.
I think people with chronic illnesses have a secret understanding of each other as I can notice the look currently in her eyes when I don't think Corey can. Her eyes are alert and fully there but they seem distant, without their usual spark so it's easy to see she is too exhausted and in pain to be here.
My eyes will be mirroring the same look.
His mum looks at me, noticing me look at her and she nods her head in understanding. "No wheelchair tonight?"
"No, I didn't want the attention." I reply honestly because what can I hide form her, when this is all stuff she feels herself.
"Yeah because you look fucking gorgeous and I want the men to keep their eyes to themselves." Corey butts into the conversation, adding a lighthearted touch to it.
"And she will take all the attention off Natalie, when it's her wedding." His mum joins in, laughing along and I join in with their laughter too, feeling glad to just be able to be myself and have some fun.
"Thank you so much for coming!" Natalie practically squeals as we walk into the reception, giving her mum a big hug before turning to me. "You look absolutely stunning, as usual."
"Yes, thank you for coming on such short notice." Coach Grayson says, sounding more formal than his wife and gives me a kiss on the cheek. It's only then when I notice that Mark is standing next to him. My eyes widen and I freeze, not knowing if I want to run and hide, or act like the bigger person.
Corey must notice me tense up as he pinches my side, silently telling me to stay in place. "Hello, Nadia."
"Hi, Mark," I reply sharply. "Surprise seeing you here."
"Obviously I would invite him, he's the second best coach after me." Coach Grayson laughs, but no one else joins in as we all understand the underlying tension in this conversation.
"Can we talk?" He leans into my ear, keeping the conversation as private as he can but we both know they can all still hear, so I nod my head, not wanting to seem like a complete bitch.
We step away from the others on the pretence that we are getting a round of drinks. "I just want to say that I'm so fucking sorry for the way I, and the rest of the skaters treated you." He rushes out, probably so he can apologise before I start shouting at him.
Little does he know that I have no energy for shouting anymore.
"It's not like you to swear Mark," I laugh, remembering how anal he was about everything when I used to skate for him. He isn't impressed with my comment though as he gives me a warning look. "I appreciate your apology but honestly it's not needed."
"It most certainly is," He gently snaps. "The way I spoke to you was awful. And for me to say that it was because you didn't want to do your exams? Absolutely disgusting to you and for that I'm so sorry."
I think back to how I felt when I came back from the rink that day and I was heartbroken. This whole illness has been a constant war, but it wasn't just with myself, it was with other people too. The hardest part about this illness isn't the pain, fatigue or not being able to move some days, it's the fact that I will never fully be believed even when I have a diagnosis.
It just all fucking sucks.
"I can't say I blame you though, it is what it looked like," I admit, becoming more understanding now that I think back to it. "What you said to me was just what everyone else was thinking."
When I first became sick, everyone showed me sympathy and kept me in their thoughts. They checked up on me, showing that they cared. but when the illness didn't go away, they started asking questions. They started doubting me, asking why I wasn't trying harder to get better. Everyone around me is fed up of me being like this but they don't stop to think that I'm tired of being like this too. I never chose any of this.
If I could shout at Mark for giving the showcase to Maddy then I would but I am seriously over it and it wouldn't be fair to blame Mark. He had to come up with someone else when I couldn't do it anymore and anyone with a brain would know that Maddy was the next best person. It really is a shame her personality isn't as nice as her skating is.
I look around the grand room and notice all the people dotted around in here, numerous of which I have never met. The room is large, filled with whites and multiple round tables, where I notice Corey's mum going to join his dad sitting down at one. They seem to be happy enough, and his dad has a water in his glass, indicating that he is in fact a changed man. My parents, Willem and his date are sat opposite them on the same table, and Willem stands up, holding his hand out for his girlfriend to take.
They make a beautiful couple and their happiness truly shows as they dance around the dance floor as if no one is watching. I look back at mum and dad and notice that they are also looking at them with smiles on their faces, feeling the chemistry between the pair too.
Each of the round tables have a white bouquet in the centre and the only thing lighting this room are the grand crystal chandeliers having above the ballroom. The ceiling is painted, showing a repleca of the paintings by Luca Giordano that are on the ceiling in the Palazzo Medici Riccardi in Florence.
Everyone must notice my lack of concentration on the people in front of me as Corey tugs on my arm, bringing me back into the conversation. "Sorry, I was just admiring the room, it's beautiful."
"She won't be here." Mark measures me, giving em a reassuring smile and I mirror it, smiling more to myself then at him. This is the first time coming to a public event where I haven't worried about running into Maddy.
"I made sure she wasn't invited and Jasper was firmly told not to as well." Coach Grayson adds in, knowing that Mark was talking about Maddy. I'm not sure how I feel about all the coaches at the rink knowing all my business but this time, I am thankful for it as although I don't care if I see her anymore, it's not something that I actively want to happen.
"Thank you, I really appreciate it." I lie, not knowing what else to come up with as my mind starts to go hazy. I can't help but feel guilty that Maddy wasn't invite because what if someone, like Jasper, wanted her here.
"Stop it." Corey whispers into my ear and I scowl at him for being able to see right into my soul. "You look beautiful by the way."
He flashes me his devilish smile and if my head wasn't fuzzy before, it certainly is now, along with my stomach as butterflies erupt. I look up at the lights again and then close my eyes, wishing that they could turn them off. The lights are on outside and the windows are big and arches, so enough light would be able to come through.
I tighten my grip in Corey's hand and cling to him as if he is the only thing that can keep me upright. I close my eyes again, breathing in and out steadily and thank the heavens that the others are too deep in conversation to even notice me at all.
I should've brought my wheelchair, i've been standing up way too long. Like I was told earlier tonight, it isn't worth losing the energy trying to fit in with able-bodied people.
Corey however is one to notice me and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head. I want to cower away from him but he knows me too well to even try lying about it. I blocked the conversation out long ago and Corey says something to the group before tuning back to me, "Come and meet me under the stars?"
He walks away from the group, leaving me here with them and I instinctively follow slowly behind him without saying a word to the group. I walk across the marble floor past all the dancing and talking and I feel blessed to be here experiencing the love between Natalie and Coach Grayson. I have never been to a wedding before now and although I didn't see her walk down the aisle, it fills me with excitement for my own wedding because even the reception radiates happiness and glee.
I open the arched door that just closed behind him and join him outside, where I'm surprised to find it's actually quite warm out. I close the door, thankful that we can still hear the music out here without the added tune of everyone talking as it overrides my brain when there's too many noises at once, sending it into panic mode.
"This is one way to celebrate winning the season." He laughs as I join him leaning on the balcony, looking out into the acres of land.
"I can't believe everything that's happened this year," I sigh, thinking about all that we have been through in our short amount of time together. "I'm glad it's all happened though as we wouldn't be standing here without it."
"That's true," He agrees, looking at me rather than the gardens and I take my heels off to let myself relax even further. "But I would change a few things if I could."
"Oh yeah?" I turn to face him now, feeling brave enough to fight the symptoms erupting. "And what would you change?"
"For one, you wouldn't be wearing any clothes." He smirks as I hit him in the arm but we both end up laughing anyway.
"You're crude." I comment and he shrugs, making no attempt to deny it.
The song from inside switches up and Today, Tomorrow, Forever by Elvis Presley picks up and our eyes widen before a huge smile takes over our faces.
"No fucking way, did you tell them to put this on the track list?" I ask him, completely bewildered over this song playing.
"No, I had no idea," He smiles equally as big, although I'm not convinced he's telling the truth. "Dance with me."
I hesitate because I really want to but I'm also in so much pain that I'm finding it hard to even stand up right now, let alone dance. He holds out his hand for me to take and as my brain seems to vanish whenever I'm around Corey, I take it. He guides me closer to him and he nods down to his shoes, "Stand on them."
"What? No."
"Stand on them." He orders me gently and I do. He doesn't show any reaction when I step on them , he simply just starts swaying to the music. I put my head down in his chest, inhaling his scent as he smells so fucking good and I let him guide us to the rhythm of the music as he supports my weight. If this't a metaphor to me literally relying on this man for serenity then I don't know what is.
I know he's sore from the game, I have been able to tell all night with how he's been rugged with his movements but he isn't letting that show now. He's a lot more like me with this stuff then he thinks, as he is also putting the pain to the side to give me the most he can do. I appreciate it though, as I have been wanting to dance with him all night I just haven't been sure as to how I was going to make it work.
This is perfect, us, here with our song playing in the background with the stars lighting the way for us and there is truly nowhere else I would rather be right now, or forever.
"I meant what I said earlier," He slows his movements down and I take my head out of his chest to look at him. "You really do look beautiful."
"You're not so bad yourself," I smile, stepping off his feet now and I notice his eyes relax slightly. "Archie would be proud of us for being here today."
"I know, can you imagine his reaction to everything that's happened this year?"
"Yes," I laugh, not feeling upset when thinking about him for a change. "It's the first thing I think about when anything significant happens because he usually is the first person I tell.
"I know it's not our wedding, but I wanted to give you something." He blushes and hands me an envelope.
"Are you about to gift me another star? Because one is already too much." I half joke and he stays quiet, playing with the end of his tie again.
I open the envelope and what I see inside is much better than a star. Inside there's a piece of card, which only has my name written on it but I know exactly what this means.
"You weren't ready to let go of that dream yet?" I repeat his words from all those months ago back at the lantern festival, which I have since learnt are illegal in England so I don't think that'll be happening again.
"I wrote down your name on my card because I have been dreaming of you and I together since I pretty much first laid eyes on you," He stutters, his nerves showing but I nod my reassurance for him to carry on. "I told you I wasn't ready to let it go and am I fucking glad I didn't. I can never let it go now so I'm giving it to you."
"Why are you giving it to me now?" I ask him, curious as to why he chose his sisters wedding of all places.
"Because I don't think there's any better place to tell someone you love them than at a wedding." He announces and my eyes go wide.
"What?" I ask him, my mouth still agape.
"I love you, Nadia Marsh and I am here telling you this under all the stars as I want them to be a reminder to you of our love. It shines brighter than anything else." He confesses, as if it's nothing but I can feel the pounding of his heart from here.
I look up at the glistening sky, picturing in my head Archie laughing his ass off and smile, "I love you too," I blink back the tears and he kisses me deeply, this kiss more needy than any kiss we have shared previously. "Today, tomorrow, and forever."
"Of course." He agrees, putting his arm around me as we both stare at the stars and I cuddle into him, thankful for all those nights alone where I poured my wishes out into the night sky because the stars have now caught them, bringing them to life.