Shattered - Chapter 18: Chapter 18

It's noon right now and I have no idea where my two boys went, they were just outside playing together and biking. I was sitting on the porch reading my book that I've recently just started, it was so interesting that time flew by quickly.
Nathan has been enjoying his weekends off mainly because of Leo, they would spend a lot of time together which always resulted in them being happy throughout the rest of the day. We've been hanging out outside since nine in the morning, it is now one in the afternoon but they did go in for lunch. Then they both came straight back outside to resume their play time. Where did they go now?
I walk off the porch near the driveway to look around if they are there, the big shed on the side of the house was open and both of them were watching Nathan's men carry a box from the garage. I narrow my eyes curious as to what they are doing, "what are you boys up to?"
"Mommy! Daddy is going to set up a water slide!" My son explained full of excitement.
"You got a waterslide?" I asked looking at Nathan with wide eyes in disbelief, of course he di, Nathan always had the best childhood and it wouldn't be surprising if he did the same for his child.
"It's just a waterslide, nothing bad, we're going to set it up in the backyard. We'll meet you in the back?"
"Just a waterslide? Normal kids don't get a waterslide, they get pencils, crayons, puzzles, toys and electronics. Not a water park in their backyard." I chuckle.
"First time for everything right?" He smirks.
I made my way to the backyard to the plain field of healthy grass, his men didn't need to move anything because there were many acres left of land. Ben was ordering everybody around while Nathan and Leo went to get changed into their bathing suits. Leo came out in his navy blue swimming shorts and Nathan was wearing black swimming trunks, both of them shirtless.
They started bringing out brand new water toys that were still packages and ready to try them out. Great, now they have water guns. I should of predicted that this was coming, they'd love to have a nice water fight in this heat outdoors. The sight of the joyful duo really made me happy, causing a smile to form on my face. With all that happened today was a fun day, no one is going to ruin it no matter what, because it is just my family having some quality time.
They retrieved two bins from inside to fill them up with water to pass time while they wait for the air pump and the men to set everything up. Nathan helps fill up Leo's water gun first as I watch from the comfort of a chair which was placed in front of the gigantic soon to be inflated waterslide. Leo gets a head start and starts shooting Nathan before he could finish filling up his own water gun.
"Haha mommy! I sprayed daddy." He tells me with pure joy written all over his face, as soon as that happens his eyes go wide and turned around quickly.
"I got you back buddy," Nathan and Leo both burst out giggling.
"Be careful not to get me wet, I'm going to put your soccer ball away." I say getting up to grab it, when I walked towards the toy bin to put it in I heard a bunch of whispers from the two of them. "What are you two whispering about?" I arched my eyebrow at them.
"Nothing Mommy." Leo chimes in holding his water gun directed at me and I can already think of what he wants to do.
"Don't you dare spray me Leo Matthew Peterson, if not you'll be in big trouble." I tell him sternly using his full name to emphasis the seriousness, but in a slight jokingly manner. He always had Nathan's last name because I thought it'd be weird to give him my last name, he had the right to keep his last name. Although I used his full name and he doesn't seem to be backing down, the plan is not to get wet at all and I'd be more then happy to keep it like that.
Both of them just give each other a glare smiling suspiciously. Out of nowhere, Leo starts spraying me making me scream, "Leo cut it out." I yell.
"Go daddy, now!" Those two little- agh! Now what? Out of nowhere, I feel myself being picked up and thrown over somebody's shoulder then realizing it was Nathan.
"Nathan what are you doing?" I yell continuously smacking his back, "I swear to god Nathan, let me-" I was soon cut off when jumped into the deep end of the swimming pool and we both went under the water. Quickly going up to the surface staying afloat with Nathan there smiling and Leo dying of laughter. "You guys are so dead. Look. Now my clothes are all wet," looking around, Nathan's men were all laughing as well.
Rapidly getting out, I go to grab a water gun and start spraying both of them like crazy. "Oh it's on." Nathan says and teams up with Leo, we ended up playing until the water slide was inflated for Leo and then to play with. Nathan has been acting like a kid with our son enjoying everything we do which was adorable, he was secretly excited for the waterslide too.
Right when his men finish Leo went to look at the climbing part of the inflatable to go and slide down after, he looked pretty scared. "Mommy, that's too high."
"It's okay baby, you'll be fine. Look there are handles for you so you don't fall."
"Can you do it with me mommy?"
"I can't Leo, I am to big for this." I say wanting, also not really wanting to go.
Out of nowhere, Nathan comes in, "somebody didn't read the label on this." He says pointing at the little sticker on the blowup slide that was spraying water onto the slide part.
It said that it's able to hold even four adults, great. What an asshole. "Okay, okay I'll go." I sigh defeatedly and Nathan just laughs. He's the one who put me in this position in the first place.
Me and Leo both climb up the water slide and make it to the top, "are you ready?" He nods his head and we both descend while getting sprayed by the shooting water. Jeez the water that was spraying was cold.
"Let's do it again!"
"Haha, Leo you can go with your dad. Mommy is done right now." His face turns into a frown when I decline, "we can do this another time again. Next time I'll go with you okay?"
He smiles at me and run's back to the waterslide going up by himself, it's a good way for him to burn his energy at least instead of him being so addicted to electronics. Leo just never took a very big interested in it, he wasn't being pulled into it like other people and now he just spends his time outdoors for fun. The only form of electronics is either his iPad or the tv.
Nathan walks up to me wrapping a fresh warm towel around my shivering body, "we should get ready to leave soon, maybe another hour then we can get ready."
"Yeah, just let him have some fun with the waterslide for a few more minutes." I say kissing him on the lips, he hugs me and leaves a kiss on my head. "I'm going to pack up Leo's things before we leave and get dressed."
"Spend some time outside with us right now, look," he places my chair near the end of the waterslide so I would have a full view of both of them. "Stay here with us for now."
"Okay, okay."
What am I going to do? I seem to find myself rethinking every minute of this, will I be able to stay like this? A downside to an overthinking brain is that you even have to overthink your happiness, let's say there is a decision to be made... I would think of everything which would help all the pros and cons be laid in front of my very eyes.
I know that I am making a choice of moving back here, but is that what I really want..? Once it happens it will be extremely difficult to back out especially thinking about Leo's wellbeing. He is just a kid and being separated from his father figure could lead to a bunch of mental health issues which I've experienced firsthand and wouldn't wish that for him.
I guess the only cons that are making me hesitant in taking this action is that I don't want to be emotionally hurt again, I think that I won't be able to take it and my body will shut down and maybe for good...
I love them both so so much... without a doubt but shouldn't I be doing what makes me happy? Should I leave Nathan again and just have shared custody?
If only somebody could give me answers or tell me what to do, it would take a huge weight off my chest. Just something to guide me to my happiness at the end of my own tunnel for once. Hearing them giggle makes me so happy, a small tears drizzles down my cheeks as I observe the both of them feeding off positively from each other.