Shattered - Chapter 3: Chapter 3

During the drive Leo was quiet until he popped a question, "mommy where is my daddy?" He asks which catches me of guard. This topic was still a sensitive topic that jabbed at my still healing wounds. Yes, this question has came up before, but now it's starting to get more frequent and my responses were running low. I can't bare to break his heart about his father knowing he wouldn't want him or anything to do with me.
"Uhm," I stutter, "your daddy just needs a break from mommy, one day your daddy will come baby. Just not today," I tell him, even after knowing that Nathan was never going to come back. I know soon I'll have to explain to him what happened, but right now there was no plan for me to crush his heart.
"Thomas at school always laughs at me, because my daddy didn't come to 'meet my dad' day. His dad is a doctor." Leo says, it crushes my heart that me and Nathan had to leave things the way they were, yet Leo had to suffer the outcome of it.
"Don't listen to them baby, they are just mean kids okay?" I tell him. "You know mommy will always love you right? You are the most important and precious thing that makes me happy and I love you with all my heart.
"Yes mommy I know," Leo responds with sadness evident in his eyes.
"How about I get you two scoops this time?" I offer to cheer him up and his eyes light up right away.
"Yes please!" He says all happy. "Did you know that Thomas also said his dad liked you?"
Well that is certainly not what I was expecting, "does he?" I sigh knowing that dating hasn't been in my field for years. I decided to leave it at that not adding anything.
We arrived to my favourite ice cream store, no ice cream place in the world can ever beat this, this place felt like a family hangout which always intrigued me. No place like Axel's. I got my pralines and cream ice cream, while Leo got his mint chocolate chip and cookies and cream ice cream scoops.
I lead him to eat at one of the tables outside because it was nice and sunny, the view was a popular beach that everyone from this part of town loved to hang around. We were eating together giggling with each other and laughing, seeing Leo laugh made me happy.
That's all I ever wanted for my child and maybe one day I'll have more, who knows? There are always possibilities of sperm donors... I just don't want to rely on a man who will shatter my heart again... I've always wanted a family that I've never gotten when I was younger.
Leo kept talking about animals which always made me smile because of his interests, he made me laugh about the funny things he thought about animals. He was always fascinated in things that you would never expect a child to be interested in. For example, he loved to read for some reason, actually he might have got that from me...
Both of us were enjoying our afternoon till a voice interrupted us, "Alina?" A man's voice that I would always recognize said to me, ever since that day it sent chills down my spine. I turned around to be met with Nathan's eyes.
This can't be happening, how can he be here? He never comes to this part of town what was he doing at this ice cream place? Five years and never once have I seen him in this area. "Uhm, it's been awhile Nathan, nice seeing you. I'll let you get on with your day." I say, quickly wiping Leo's mouth and getting up to leave. I have nothing to say to him after the way he hurt me emotionally... actually that's a lie, there is so much I want to tell him. Like 'hi I missed you so much and I never stopped loving you...', it was ridiculous.
"I'm sorry." He says out to me, stopping me from moving, "I know it wasn't your fault, I made the mistake. Can we talk?"
"Mommy who's that?" Leo asks and for a second I forgot he was even there. This is not good...
"Just a friend of mine baby." I tell him not showing my uneasiness.
Nathan looks at Leo intensely grasping every detail of his physique, he approaches us slowly "hey bud, what's your name?"
Oh god this was getting even worst then I thought, "my name is Leo, who are you?" My son responds curious.
"My name is Nathan, it's nice to meet you buddy." Nathan smiles at him, but there was no way that I wanted Leo to find out this way. His dad was such an intelligent man that within seconds he'd be able to put the pieces together.
"How about you go throw these napkins out and hang around here while I talk to my friend?" I ask Leo nicely trying to get him as far away from Nathan as possible for now.
"Okay mommy, I'll be right back." Leo walk off to throw our things in the garbage.
Nathan's eyes stayed glued to Leo, "you have a son..? Wow... uh, where's the father?"
"He's not in the picture, anyways what do you want Nathan?" I say with annoyance, he can't just show up and expect me to chat.
"How old is he?" Nathan asks completely ignoring my question and my heart starts to beat faster. He knew that I was hiding something because Leo looked completely like his father! Also he was also able to read me like a book. He always had been good at that.
"What do you want Nathan?" I ask again trying to differ his question.
"I want to know how old he is." He says a little more sternly trying to pry the information out of me.
I huff, "he's five years old." I tell him blankly and he hesitates before asking.
"Is he mine?" He asks and in that moment my hands were sweaty and my heart beat was so fast that it out run a horse.
"It doesn't matter, I have to go." I turn to leave but he grabs ahold of my wrist. I know that with just the slightest bit of contact I'd be completely vulnerable again in his eyes.
"He is mine, isn't he?" I avert my eyes from his tears welling up threatening to escape at any second. Nathan was able to put all the pieces together. "How could you keep him away from me?" He asks angrily.
"Last I checked you wanted nothing to do with me! You told me to never call you again, where were you that night that I called you?" I snapped, but not loud enough for Leo to hear.
"I was angry when I found you with Luc-" it was now my turn to cut him off.
"For doing something that I didn't! Did you even bother to believe me or hear me out? No you didn't you jumped to conclusions and betrayed me." I say with tears streaming down my face.
"Sarah told me something that I didn't want to believe, but when I saw you with Luc I thought... I thought it was true... I want to be in my sons life please let me..." his voice broke.
"You see, you trusted Sarah instead of trusting me. What happened to all that trust between us?" I ask.
"I've been looking for you for years, you disappeared and I wanted to apologize for everything. I want you back. Ever since that day you left, my heart broke and you left with a piece of it, I want to fix it. I want to work things out between us and start fresh where I am not so naive and blind."
"My heart when you threw me out, my face was all over news articles and people didn't want to even hire me. My life was a living hell that you put me through. You're five years late, I don't think this can be fixed." I say and he comes closer to me putting his palm on my cheek to wipe my tear, Leo behind us was completely oblivious to me and Nathan. His touch made every thought of mine disappear leaving me in peace, the touch that has been missed for five years was finally back, but it feels like he is getting off the hook too easily.
"It's not too late, let me make it up to you, this time won't be the same as the last time. I was younger, arrogant, blind, stupid for letting something like this happen. Let me prove to you that I am different. I'm not going down without a fight, I need another chance. I've always loved you and I need you." His voice cracks and it sounds like the all mighty Mr. Peterson has gone soft. "Let me make up for all these years I've missed, I want to be in my sons life. You know that I've always wanted kids, please don't keep him away from me." Nathan begs me with pain in his voice.
I let out a sharp laugh, "you've always wanted kids, but that doesn't mean you want a kid that is involved with me. Why don't you go and just get a surrogate and be happy with your life? You don't need to waste your time on us." My tears were streaming down my face like a never ending waterfall.
"I've always wanted a family with you, please, let me prove to you that I can be the man you deserve. I no longer want to be the person you hate..." Nathan eyes reared you as well, I have never seen him cry before. It broke my heart to see him like this. I never hated him in my life, I've always tried, but no matter how much I tried his heart was the other half of mine to make it complete...
"Look I'll give you my address, come by tomorrow in the morning at eight so we can discuss this." I sigh exhausted and take a pen and paper from my purse to write down my address. Without making eye contact again or saying a word, I go to get Leo and get in my car to head home. This was a lot to take in mentally yet still there was still this strong magnetic force of love I felt for Nathan.