Shattered - Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Things took a very fast pace turn for Luc after things happened, "I want to apologize to Nathan, he cut me out completely and I can't blame him. One day I hope that we'll be able to confront each other and talk about it." He tells me what he wants to do, "wait," he looks at me, "is that Nathan's kid?"
I chuckle, "yes it is, and he is incredible."
His face turns into confusion trying to do all the calculations, "what? How is that possible? He is in kin.. you were pregnant when you got kicked out?!"
"Shhh, the whole world doesn't need to know." I tell him sternly.
"Sorry, just, no, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I ruined a family," he grabs each side of his head raising his arms trying to process all of it. "When did you guys get back together?"
"Just this year..." enough about me now, no need to relive those moments, "tell me about your wife. Did you tell her what happened?"
"Surprisingly yes, I had to, even though it was hard she understood me and accepted that past. Also, it was kind of what my doctors recommended me in therapy, she stayed by me for so long that it surprises me that she would stay with a person that's so messed up..."
The look in Luc's eyes was filled with regret, pain and hurt. Such a foreign feeling crept on me... all these factors that made him the way he was before and mainly Sarah. She was so close to me that I told her all the things that were to roam my mind, asking her to not tell Nathan my secret outings to buy materials for his gifts, even way before his birthday, she probably was creating these pile of lies to feed to him.
I don't even know anymore... if somebody asked me how I was going to react if Luc ever made an appearance was that I would be full of anger and hatred. Sadly, I was just mentally exhausted to even be angry, only one person was going to feel my anger.
"Look Luc, it was nice seeing you, but these memories don't go away and they still hurt." I tell him not trying to sound mean.
"I understand Alina, I just had to get this off my chest, it's been five years, me not being able to apologize." It's been a long time, I get it!
"Thanks, now I have to go Luc."
He nods in understanding, "see you around!" Luc calls as I walk away to the entrance of the school.
As soon as my shoes reach the side walk of the school, the bell rings letting all the little kids come to the front to wait for their parents. A swarm of children pushing through the doors to come outside excited for their parent until my little boy's face appears in my view as he talks to his friends instead of paying attention. Then his friends run off to their parents and Leo looks around for a few seconds before seeing me, "hi baby!" I wave to him as he runs up and hugs my legs causing me to loose balance, everyday he seemed to get stronger and stronger by the minute.
His smile was so big that it was going to be heartbreaking to tell him Nathan couldn't come today, "where's daddy?" He asks confused looking around trying to see if Nathan was hiding behind the wall, car or something.
Kissing his forehead, I told him calmly, "daddy wasn't able to come today, maybe tomorrow...." letting him down was the worst thing to do.
Leo looked down to the ground his whole demeanour changing instantly, he let go of my hand dropping them to his sides until the sight of the outcome was now coming forth to be released. His tiny soft lips began to quiver, yet he was still resisting showing his sadness, Leo tried to hide the tears that were bound to fall from his eyes and the scrunching of his face gave away the whole emotion.
Standing in front of him myself was so sad, I crouched down to his level giving him an overwhelming hug just to soothe him as his body began to shake uncontrollably from the sobs. How could you do this to a child? That was my only question.
Nathan is going to hear a shit load from me tonight because.
Pulling away after thinking of how to cheer him up, "how about we go to the toy store, the how does burger and fries for dinner sound? I'll even get you a milkshake today!" My voice came out sweet and a little higher pitch trying to sound happy for him.
He nods his head, "even a new animal toy?" Leo chimes in which causes me to giggle.
"Even a new animal toy!" Hopefully it will take him out of his sadness for a little, deep down the feeling of being let down had a bigger impact that I understood.
Nathan broke a promise to our own son, for what? He better tell me what's more important then Leo? What was so urgent that he couldn't even push it off just for an hour?
He could of come pick Leo up with me at the pick up time, bring us back home after just sparing an hour and go back to work to finish whatever he had to do. Nathan had a choice, you always have a choice whether you like it or not. The thrill of working hard like in the past have died down, we have a family now where our priorities need to change.
After hugging Leo so hard not wanting to let go of my child, we made our departure to the toy store to get him some new toys.
The store didn't seem too busy today, compare to every other time there would be swarms of people in and out of here.
There was a small car track that almost went every where in the store, barricaded off from people to prevent the kids from touching it and ruining the track. "Look mommy!" Leo points to the train track I was already looking at, it seemed to be attracting some kids with the light up wheels that had blue, red, purple, green, basically every colour that was flashing in them. This could be a fun thing for him to do, "can we get this?" He already read my mind, the box on the shelf said on the description that it had way more pieces then I assumed. It would be great!
"Yes we can, mommy even thinks it's cool, how about we grab it on the way out and look for other toys right now too?" I suggest instead of lugging this huge box around while looking at every other toy.
"Okay, let's go look at the animal toys." He grabs my hand to lead me to the back of the store where the toys he was looking for were.
I watch him play around the store trying out the different toys in attempt to narrow down the things that I'll get him. With my mind wandering somewhere else making it difficult to focus. Constantly, a loophole in my brain that I got sucked into is dragging me down, an indecisive woman trying to make a choice but is still straining the mind to choose between the complex options.
What am I going to do with Nathan?
I want to yell at him for letting Leo down, this is selfish for me to say, but he's letting me down too...
He didn't come home to pick me up either, he is tossing me to the side to work, our lives aren't the same as before as I like to remind myself, yet we are still gripping on to whatever ounce is left of this relationship.
I should've called him again, try again, over and over until he called me back after birth. Maybe— he just doesn't have an emotional connection to Leo since he missed the beginning, Nathan is not setting a priority for Leo to have the best life he can get. I feel like I'm the only one doing this, yes, he pays for the house, but I am referring to the emotional part of our son's life.
I am so confused right now that I feel so hopeless in this situation. What am I going to do?
If we leave Leo will be upset, it can really hurt a child mentally when the parents are separated and the fact that I'm still in love with Nathan— it will leave me heartbroken.
If we stay, my little boy will get to have his perfect life with both of us around together... although there might be more fights.
Our trust between each other has been damaged.
It's been into a million pieces right before our very own eyes.
These toys that Leo are going to get, they will create joy that will most likely last for probably a few days or maybe even hours, the happiness that comes from love with be able to stay within him forever if he is surrounded by it properly.
I don't want him to be surrounded by toxic love...
My emotions are scattered all over the place, not knowing exactly how to feel with this curve ball.
Just me picturing how Nathan and me would of planned for Leo's arrival if he even knew from the start. It wasn't just that he wasn't there, memories of us together were supposed to be created and as time flies by we seem to be drifting farther apart then both of us expected.
"Mommy can we get all of these?" Leo takes me out of my thoughts pointing towards a pile in front of me that I didn't realize he created.
Today, I was feeling sympathetic just wanting him to be happy before Nathan appear's, "yes we can, are you done picking out then?"
He puts his little index finger on his mouth pretending to think, "well, mommy, I can get more if you want...?" Leo laughs.
It catches me off guard, but soon I burst out laughing, "nice try baby, now, how about we go pay and go get some dinner?"
"Burger and fries!" Was all Leo said excitedly exclaiming it.
Out of nowhere a dark figure moves that I catch from the corner of my eye which made me turned around with a bad feeling, when looking I see someone scrambling towards the direction of the exit but I was able to get a quick glimpse of their face. Jack? What the hell is he doing here, that man is so creepy that it makes my heart race in a bad way around him. I just want to leave right away now, this is all too much in one day and I don't feel safe in this environment anymore.
Before going to the cashier, me and Leo go back to the front of the store to get the car toy that we originally planned to get, making sure he got the bigger box with more tracks and cars. The workers in the store stared at us like we were crazy, "you guys sure have a lot of toys!" She comment and smiles at Leo.
My son tilts his head back laughing and giggling from the huge pile we got, probably would of been smart to check the prices for these but Leo deserved to be spoiled today. It's not like everyday that he would get whatever he desires from me, he is limited, also not allowed to always get what he wants. "He's the one shopping instead of me," I joke with her.
The cashier laughs, "seems as the kids get older they do the more shopping then us. My daughter does that."
I can't help but chuckle, "now I know what I am in for," she finishes with the bags then hands them to us and Leo insists on helping me.
We head out the car placing the items in the trunk after I opened it, we get in to head off to a restaurant that sells our favourite burger and fries.
Me and Leo go in sitting down at the table after ordering what we wanted, "how are you liking school now Leo? Is it fun?"
A smile grows on his face, "yes it is! Jonathan, Kyle and Amelia want to have a play date, can we please have one?" He asks me.
It would be a good idea if I'm able to meet the parents as well if I ever want to drop him off for play dates. My mind would be more at ease if I knew the kids' parents before trusting them with my son, that's okay right?
Do other parents do this..?
"We can do it at our house, you can play with them on the trampoline, waterslide, in the pool or—" I suggest to him until being cut off.
"Nerf guns too mommy?" Since when do kindergarteners even play with those, this generation has changed so much.
"We will see about that" I tell him not crushing that thought just yet.
"Mommy? Why isn't daddy here with us again?" His tone was now softer, his face looking gloomier and the atmosphere of joy was now expiring on his part.
"Daddy was busy with more work today then he expected, maybe he'll be able to pick you up tommorow." I explain Nathan's resoning to him.
His lips start to tremble just like earlier trying to not cry in front of me, "b-b-but he promised me today," he chokes out letting some tears fall along and I go around the table to hug him and smother kisses all over his face.
"I'm sorry baby, but I will always pick you up no matter what, me and you forever." I give him a soft smile sticking my pinky out, "and I pinky promise that."
He giggles in between his sniffles, "Mommy that is what babies do." Leo laughs which makes me feel better that he isn't as upset as he was a few minutes ago.
"What? Who told you that?" I say in a state of unbelief that he would think that. I've been doing pinky promises since my childhood as well for some reason. "Pinky promises are cool." I argue with him in a joking manner and he laughs again.
"Okay mommy, only with you." He gives into the action.
"Only with me," my smile reappears on my face seeing him happier.
Nathan's POV.
Me and Larissa made it back to the office putting all files together in the proper folder going over some missed details that one us of either had heard and thinking of questions to ask Jacque any. It was quiet in the building with some lights turn off, soon I'll be able to go home after locking up.
"Nathan..? How are things with you and Alina?" She asks trying to create some conversation to fill this silence.
"After today, well I'll probably get an ear full from her tonight and a good lecture. Everything's really fragile right now between us, I have to figure out a way to make things up with her and Leo."
"That's nice, Erik is I going to be angry that I was out late too and not at home spending some time with him." She tells me looking straight into my eyes with her blue globes.
Quickly averting our eyes, it got kind of awkward, since we've never had made eye contact like that before together.
She understands me more then a lot of people like Alina, it's nice having a good friend like this around to give me advice on how to proceed. We both finally finish up putting away all the files and folder back where they belong, as we turned off the lights and head downstairs to my car.
When driving it was quiet right after she gave me the address to her house, "how does Alina feel about this new hotel of yours?"
I let out a sharp breath while my eyes are still on the road, "she is not too happy about it and is angry for me not picking up Leo with her."
"Leo is lucky with even one parent picking him up, I don't think he needs two there constantly and Alina should understand you have work priorities as well. I mean— she married you right? Didn't she know in advance what your life is like?" Larissa points out a good point.
"I know, she doesn't see it like that though, I get she wants me to come pick Leo up with her but I just need to get this hotel under wrap. When et it comes to opening it is much more complicated and stressful, but once it is opened to the public we will be fine." I tell her trying to convince her it's all under control.
"Sometimes I don't understand why you have to justify your decision, it's not like you're walking out on your son again. You're just busy right now and Alina doesn't know anything about running a business with the hard work that comes with it as well. She shouldn't overreact." She was telling her opinion but I didn't know what to think of it.
We finally pulled up in front of the address, after she gets out she thanks me with a goodbye added at the end as well. Suddenly her phone caught my eye, it was one the seat, she probably forgot it. Right as I was about the call her back she goes into the house, shit, I try to run her phone out and knock on the door quickly she open's it with tears in her eyes. With a piece of paper in her hand.
Looking behind her there was glass broken on the floor as her tears ran down her face with trembling lips, she shows me the piece of paper that says 'I'm sorry Larissa, I don't want kids now and it's probably not what you signed up for. Find someone who can give you what I can't, I love you... -Erik'
She starts to cry, doing what I know to do like I do with Alina, I comfort her stepping into the house and turning on all the other lights as she closed the door.
Larissa sits on the couch as I follow her and out of nowhere she leans into my chest sobbing. "I d-didn't want h-him to leave." She chokes back on her tears trying to process things.
"Shhh," I try to sooth her calmly while stroking her back, "I know, I'm sorry you have to go through this tonight and the timing is inconvenient. He's just an asshole who can't man up to tell you face to face, it's good that this happened, because now you know he isn't worth it and I guarantee you that you'll find the perfect guy. This is most likely a sign to tell you that maybe another better man will be coming." Is it back that I believe in 'if it's meant to be, it will be'?
She keeps crying out as I let her pour out her emotions, "W-we were supposed to work t-things our tonight like you suggested to me to do with him and he just packs up and leaves while leaving me a stupid note."
"I promise you that one day you'll find the best suited man for you that will be more then a wimp Erik is and he will treat you the way you deserve."
"I'm sorry that you're here instead of going home," she apologizes.
"It's okay, I don't mind, we're close friends and that's what we do right?" I tell her, "now how about you lay down and I'll clean up this mess?"
"You don't have to—" she obliges but I insist.
"It's okay, get some rest, I'll take care of this." She nods then lies down on the couch after taking her shoes off.
The house is a mess with what seems to be like beer bottles smashed onto the ground of her house, it's was everywhere and she was in no condition to be doing this in her state. I thought that it would be nice of me to help her out like she always does for me when it comes to Alina.
Going to her kitchen to grab the broom and a dust pan to sweep the broken pieces and place them in the garbage before she gets hurt from them. As I do that I observe her house, there are picture frames in the dining room with the pictures of people from the company during the Christmas party, some photos with her and some friends and her and who I assume to be Erik.
I also found some picture of me with her and some colleagues which I don't even remember taking with them, it was probably so long ago that it slipped from my mind since we barely had any parties at work since Alina left.
There was no motivation in the company on my part.