Shattered - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

From the tone in his voice you could hear his reaction of shock, "a break?"
He took my cheeks in his hands making me have eye contact with him as we spoke about my comment, "I'm pretty sure you heard me right."
For a second he looked scared at my suggestion, "w-what? Why? Where is this coming from Alina?"
"Look at us Nathan," I look up to him straight in the eyes, moving back once again with my back hitting the wall this time.
"What do you mean look at us?" The confusion his his face struck a few chords, was he that unaware of our behaviour with each other? Perpetually having disputes with each other about priorities.
Sometimes it amazes me just how clueless our partner's can be, "we've been fighting over and over again that it's going to soon start affecting Leo."
Nathan makes the current circumstances seem like a minor issue. "Okay? We just work through it and talk about it together."
"I don't think it's working anymore, every time we try to work things out, it always ends up with us screaming at each other in full rage." Our relationship was going to be toxic if we kept going on like this without resolving any of the given conflicts.
He leads me to the living room where our couch was, sitting right in front of me preparing to talk "what can I do to make things better then? What do you want to do with us?"
"I want us to be able to solve our arguments without leaving tension between each other and to change some ways, but— we haven't even been able to do that."
He straightens himself up, "what do you want to change baby?"
I just want my husband to be with me instead of running off to work... "I want you to keep your promise when you make one." Well, that was one part of it.
"I'm going to work on that, I never meant to start breaking them..." a moment of silence passes by.
"You're turn," I pass the right to talk, to him, we were taking turns.
"I want you to understand that my project I'm working on is important." He doesn't have to repeatedly tell me persistently, between the both of us he showed conspicuous ambition to finish it before a very short time frame.
"I do understand, I just don't understand how you could break promises so easily," we needed him to know that his broken promises leaves open scars all over.
"Alina, you seem to not actually understand, if you did then you wouldn't even ask why I did what I did," we're basically going down a broken road, our ways of living have already changed and even if we fight sometimes I'll never let go of him.
Not again.
It's hard in this situation...
"How can you say that?" It wasn't fair that it sounded like it was my fault for not understanding. "I'm not the one that went in our child's room apologizing one minute then the next second leave him at school only to be let down. Do you even feel the slightest bit guilty about what you've done?"
He furrows his brow at me, "of course I do, if I didn't then I wouldn't be apologizing about not being here today again."
"You're an asshole today." That's what I've wanted to say to him since we've gotten home.
"I deserve that..." he scratches the back of his head in embarrassment.
"At least tell me your meeting went well," I insist on him telling me.
I know I should be angry but I can't, being angry at someone forever isn't what I do best. Sitting down, just listening to someone and understanding is what I try to do instead of jumping to conclusion. Although Nathan is pulling these stunts, he still deserved to be heard, sometimes other people's opinions are different which is okay.
"It actually went really well, the designer Jacque had gave me a bunch of ideas for the place. This should be the last draw, I'm going to change my ways for you and Leo, I'm sorry for not keeping my promise. Tomorrow will be a new blank slate for the two of us and I'll be here with you, I promise you, I'm making up for the previous days." Even if we are mad at each other, in my mind without him I would suffer because at the end of the night we always try to make amends.
"We might make mistakes, but let's not try to repeat them over and over again Nathan, I will forgive you, but you can't keep doing this if we are in your life." This was the perfect moment to point things out to him even though we just fought not too long ago.
"I know Alina, this shouldn't happen again and I'll try my best to not let it occur once more. Just please cut me some slack? I've been working really hard on this and just want it to turn out perfect for when the time comes to open it for business." His eyes turn away avoiding my own as if he was scared to tell me, I know that he is the most hard working woman that I've ever seen in my life. Always surpassing all the limits to be greater, sometimes he was a perfectionist, well, most of the time which came with it's perks and downsides.
Nathan can't help himself with it, which I respect about him, he is able to get things done when he has his mind set on it and I am so proud of him.
I just don't want him to make a habit of not showing up when it counts the most, if this prolonges then Leo will picture his family to not really be close to one another throughout his life, I personally don't want to implant in his brain that we aren't emotionally close or will barely keep our promises. This was setting a bad example for him, when he commits to something he needs to live up to his words that sealed the commitment.
"You still have to apologize to Leo for what you've done today and let me tell you that he wasn't happy at all," our son was very upset with him, frowning most of the time that he wasn't facing me.
"I will," he says.
"Oh!" Suddenly remembering that I need his help, "come help me," I take his hand to lead him outside.
Slipping on some shoes quickly and using my keys to unlock my vehicle, "where are we going?"
"I bought some toys for Leo today, I need help bringing them in." I tell him realizing that's we had gotten a lot if I was asking for assistance to bring them in.
We went to my car, I made my way to the front the driver's side to pop the trunk for us to get to them, "did you pick and pay for them?"
I laugh sheepishly, "well, it was actually Leo who picker them, but yes, I payed for those toys."
His eyes go wide, "why so many?"
It felt embarrassing a little that we my car's trunk was filled with just children's toys. "I was just trying to cheer up your son, it's just a one time thing, he isn't going to get as many toys like this again."
He chuckles, "you sure it wasn't you who wanted them?" To be honest some kids toys were entertaining, as in the building process of some toys like blocks or puzzling pieces.
I smile, "of course not, also I kind of owe Leo some nerf guns for his play date he wants to have..."
"Those toy guns?" He laughs, "since when are you okay with toys such as those?" Nathan found it amusing that I had agreed, not by will, but because I lost the stupid deal that I thought would be easy to win.
"We made a deal, and I lost, nothing to it." I tell him shortly walking back into the house after grabbing a bunch of bags that took up both hands.
"A deal?" He laughs out again, "how could you possibly lose a deal with a little kid like him?"
We enter the house lowering our voices, I closed the door behind us making sure to lock it and putting the keys back onto the shelf. "Let's just say, bowling is not in my specialty," the memories of tonight come back to me.
The thought of me throwing the ball into the other lane beside us and Leo laughing hysterically at me, me not hitting any pins except for the one on the edges. I swear that track was broken!
"Bowling? How hard can that—" I cut him off not wanting to hear more.
"Do not ask me that," I raise my hand silencing him, "because if it was that easy I wouldn't have lost and I wouldn't be telling you that I have to buy a bunch of nerf guns for our son and his friends."
Nathan just stared at me trying to muffle his laughter from my situation, the two of us dropped the bags in the living room for Leo to come down to in the morning.
"Next you guys decide to take a trip to a bowling centre, I want to come."
"If you come next time, whatever you do, I strongly suggest not making a deal with him when it comes to bowling, because somehow it will play out for our son but not me." There shouldn't be anymore deals made if we were to go, we are not risking it again.
"I think you mean, you shouldn't be making any deals when it comes to bowling. You must really suck." He jokes with me which earns him a playful slap on his shoulder.
"It was just not playing out in my favour, I'm not that bad," considering my ball went into somebody else's lane, I was really bad but I wasn't going to confess to him. "I'm going to go upstairs to get ready for bed, you coming?"
"Right behind you baby," he follows me up the stairs.
When we both got into the room I grabbed some clothes and undergarments to take a nice shower to relax my body a little bit from today. As I took a shower Nathan went to change and get ready for bed himself, deciding to shave his beard that was starting to grow out a little too long for his liking.
The water running on my skin felt nice relieving some of the tensions in my muscles, walking out I changed into some pyjamas and brushed my teeth. When finishing up I went out to join Nathan in bed taking the place right beside him, hopefully tomorrow will be better then today and that Leo wouldn't hold a grudge. I wasn't sure who he inherited some of his habits since we were rarely given that type of situation.
Snuggling up beside him as he rubbed my back gently, these night haven't been the best, I've been exhausted from the restless nights that have been happening and I just lay in bed awake.
"I'm sorry I'm not perfect," I look up to him confused as to where this was coming from.
"Nathan, nobody is perfect, the definition of perfect is everywhere. The perfect person is someone who tries to be the best version of themselves even if they make mistakes." I lift my hand to place it on his cheek turning him to towards me, under the light his eyes looked more dimmed then usual.
"I keep letting you down Alina, I— it's just hard for me, I went from working to now taking care of you guys and my schedule is having to be altered. I'm letting you guys down everyday even though it hasn't been a week yet..." he sounded pretty upset with himself right now and I think that I was finally getting through to him.
"Baby, look at me," I tell him which he obey's, "nothing is wrong with you, we just have to plan better, this is going to take a little time to adjust to, I don't expect you to be the best at it right off the bat. I'm sorry for making you feel this way, I just get angry and carried away when Leo isn't put first..."
"What? You're an amazing mom, that's how it should be..." he smiles at me, "how about we have a picnic this weekend after your doctors appointment or go to the beach as a family?"
The fact that he is putting effort to make things better warms my heart making me admire him all over again since the first time we went. Looking up at him, I lean in to kiss him slowly on his soft lips, "I'd love that," no matter how hard I try I can never seem to stay angry at Nathan. My weakness is him. If anything were to happen to him, I wouldn't be able to live, if he lived far away it would be fine but knowing that the world took him away from me would kill me.
I wouldn't be able to breath.
Getting back on track would be an uphill battle with no result...
I get scared all of the time just thinking of the future, will we stay together? I hope we will but what does he think..?
All I know is that change is inevitable.
What we do with the given circumstances will take you down a path which will lead to good or bad.
Nathan always tells me that change is investable but growth is optional...
He runs his fingers gently in my hair as he repositioned himself to hover over me, sometimes I feel like we are teenagers making out. From what I can tell, Nathan was taking this slowly considering our arguments that ensued during the past few days of trying to balance family time and his work time.
Gently moving his fingers up and down my waist then slipping it steadily into my pants as he ran his fingers over my panties that covered the folds of my opening. My body was already starting to tremble at his teasing, "do you want to do this..?" He asks me shyly removing his lips from mine.
"Yes, I want it too..." for some reason I still got embarrassed whenever answering that question he always asked before we would have sex. Thankfully the room was still dark enough that he couldn't visually see the crimson red shade in my cheeks.
It made me feel happy that he always wanted to make sure I was feeling comfortable through this, taking things one thing at a time and always keeping an eye on me. For some reason it boosted my sexual gratification throughout the whole thing, and how he was so gentle for me... it drove me insane.
He pulled my pants down and my shirt while leaving me in my undergarments that he seemed to love, under the moonlight I was able to see clearly that his pupils were dilated which brought me unexplainable joy. Leisurely removing his pants with my fingers touching his bare warm skin made his bulge grow causing me to smile at what I provoked, he looked me in the eyes before moving to kiss the crook of my neck.
The tranquil gesture of just kissing me softly aroused me more then expected bringing his hand down to my panties, he removed them in such a calm and poise manner while I was already starting to feel the heat.
He unclasped the back of my bra removing it like a rehearsed action knowing what to do with me, he threw it on the ground off the bed with the rest of the pieces of clothing we had worn. As I removed his boxer briefs he helped me in the process making things easier, I now see him clearer after he spoke to me about his thoughts.
He was trying his best and I don't have the right to fault him for that.
The eyes that revealed to me the truth roamed my exposed frame causing his erection to grow bigger, he leaned down to kiss my neck in the specific spot that had me weak for him, taking his time to make his way down to my breast fondling one of them while showing the other affection by taking my nipple into his mouth. I was already starting to pant from underneath him with a sheen layer of perspiration coating my skin, he soon moved to the next side to show the same equal amount of attention to my other breast.
Our arousal was going to off the chart, he massaged my breast as I allowed him to, my hands ran through his hair gripping it hard some moments. Nathan started leaving a trail of kisses while moving to my lower region which I always kept clean and smooth, I always removed the unwanted body hair. The kisses were placed around the opening in a teasing manner, "Nathan..." his name slipped out of my mouth breathlessly.
"Fucking beautiful baby," he whispers before slipping his tongue in between my wet folds, using his lips to suck, going back and forth doing this repeatedly. Some fluids released from the opening of my feminine folds which lead him to taste me and I moved to grip the sheets of the bed gasping for air from the pleasure, Nathan made his way to my clitoris running his tongue and lips over it as he slipped his fingers into my lady parts thrusting into me until I cried from my climax. He tasted my moisture that escaped my body, then move up to kiss me once again while I was regaining my breath from my orgasm, right after this it would be my turn to make him feel this good...
After a moment of recovery from the sensation, I decided to move between his legs as he laid down beside me with his clean shaved length on full display, bending down I wrap my lips around the tip of his member licking it with my tongue the way he likes it. Little by little increasing the speed to not rush into anything, I sucked and used my hand with the right amount of pressure, removing myself and looking up at him clenching his teeth and hissing to muffle his groans. "Fuck it, I want you right now," he tackles me playfully wanting to cut straight to the deed instead of me pleasing him by myself. "I want you to feel as good with me."
He pushes me under him as he we kissed and intertwined our tongues together, Nathan deepened the kiss without letting me come up for air like this was our last time. He used one of his hand to grip one side of my waist while the other guided his top at my opening tenderly rubbing against it, "I'm ready." I tell him not being able to wait any longer.
"Okay baby," he tells me putting his tip directly at my opening and before he moved, I wrapped my arms around his neck."
Nathan's POV.
My shaft was at the entrance of her opening ready to enter whenever she gives me her consent, looking in her dilated eyes that showed me her vulnerability had me immediately hard for her. I love Alina and it will never die, I know that she has me wrapped around her finger pulling all the strings to my heart.
I always wanted to make her feel comfortable during intercourse so she could enjoy it just as much as me, I wanted to always know that she was ready and wanted it. Her response to it was the most important.
She nods to me telling me to proceed.
Taking this at a low speed in the beginning to ease her into it, my length moved swiftly into her, I was the perfect size for her fitting her just right. Her grip on my neck tightened a little bit like it always did at the start of sex, I started to thrust into her slowly as heavy breaths beginner to leave both our bodies, we found the perfect time to move with each other in sync.
Alina brought me closer to her as I was moving in and out of her gradually increasing speed with her, a few soft moans left her body as I moved at a faster pace. We both moved faster close to both of us coming undone, "Nathan..." she moaned my name sensually, causing a wild effect on me.
Now I was pounding her harder in a fast movement driving deeper inside of her just like the first day we ever made love, the first time she had gave me a part of herself and I was the special person to claim it. Her hands were now on my back gripping hard and digging her nails into my back not being able to compose herself and I loved it. How wild I made Alina feel...
I was so close to my limit, three more thrusts and the both of us were done, I slipped out of her then plunged right back into her strongly which was probably going to leave her sore for tomorrow. The last thrust pushing as deep as I could inside of her as we both moaned out loudly in pleasure, both of us climaxing, as my length spurted out my seeds into her.
Finally I collapsed beside her both of us a panting mess regaining our composure, "I love you, fuck, baby, you make me feel so good." I tell her while wrapping my arms around her to snuggle closer, "let's take a break and then I want to make love to you all over again."
She smiled tiredly at me trying to return back to normal, "I love you too."