Shattered - Chapter 52: Chapter 52

It's been half an hour since the doctors have come out and told me about a slight complication in the procedure which unfortunately they informed someone who was so anxious that most of the words were blocked out when they had spoken to me.
What is happening? Is dad okay? What is the complication? Only an hour ago one of the residents of whoever came to tell me that things were going well. With the very unexplained complication, it left me alone in my thoughts trapped in this downward spiral of the worst and no matter how much effort I personally put into thinking about another topic like my dad would say. It's okay to be scared honey, you just can't let these things take over your life. Does his words of wisdom apply to now?
Why hasn't anyone come to talk to me? I'm stressed, scared, tired, angry all at the same time. Stressed and scared for him, tired from constantly being awake before my father wakes up so I would be the first thing he see's when he awakes. Angry at all the doctors leaving me in the dark about what the hell is going on.
It's just like films we see playing out where the love ones are being left aside without any clue as to what is happening. I'm sitting on the chair in his room where they allowed me to say because when he is done they will trolley him back to rest. My fidgeting has gotten worse the moment he left the room and looking out the window all I see are family members enjoying the outdoors together all safe and healthy. A part of me was jealous that me and my dad have been so far apart for years, we barely got time to see each other in person but one thing I know is that every time we would get the chance to spend time with one another it would be the best time ever.
Pacing around the large room to just try and get ahold of myself or relieve my stress from the very little exercise I'm doing. I love the way my dad would make my emotional pain go away because he understood me, the way he encouraged me to keep moving forward in my lowest point, the way he told me to fuck it all and be happy. He was my escape from all my sins and heavy past.
All I remember is how he picked me up countless of times when we were stuck in the household, he put my fallen pieces back at six years old and he was so kind. My dad loved me so much that he went through so much to try and keep me safe from the toxic atmosphere. I could see why Reina was jealous of me, it was because unlike me she was cold, verbally hurt people and was so conceited.
That household.
The one where my mother had nourished me and watched me grow unwillingly, never putting me first like my dad had done. He never asked me for anything when we left, fixing my broken heart and never once left me voluntarily.
Look where I am now.
Being raised by one powerful, brave, strong man who had a series of inner battles with himself. The one thing that my father did the best was teach me that there is always another chance that comes, it's only if you seize it then it will flourish to glory.
Which also lead me to take a leap of faith, to agree to see Nathan again when I just wanted to abandon things because of the embarrassment I felt.
My father was a beautiful man that many have taken for advantage. My dad was the best thing my mother could've had if you asked me. It sounds like a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth that has to be said.
There was a day where my dad almost hurt himself badly in a painful way.
"Rick, you always put your time in Alina! Open your fucking eyes asshole, we have two daughters and one of them will make it somewhere. That one is not Alina!" My mother screams at my dad from the top of the stairs, my young self hid behind the wall eavesdropping and could care less as long as I knew for a fact that my dad was okay.
"You can't say that because she isn't your favourite daughter! You have neglected her the day you said we disowned her which is completely false on my part. What have you become? You're a monster." My dad spits out angrily.
"Asshole!" I heard her scream until there was a yelp from the top of the stairs and the next moment my dad was at the end of the staircase groaning in pain.
"Daddy!" I scream.
That was the day I found out that he would do anything to keep me safe. Go through great lengths to keep me happy and seeing him on the ground in my mind brought the memories back to life.
Coming back soon? I text Nathan.
It's busy today, and also the little guy ran into Amelia. He texts me back immediately.
Is Luc there? -Alina
Thank god fucking no, only her mom. Gave her your number which made it convenient instead of having to talk to him. -Nathan
Make sure you be nice. -Alina
Yeah, yeah whatever. How are you doing there? -Nathan
I'm really anxious, but I think it's just me being me. So without that, everything seems great so far. -Alina
That's great babe, we'll be back very soon. Try to get your minds off of things, love you. -Nathan
Love you too! -Alina
Our short conversation made me smile to myself for no reason, with Leo seeing Amelia he could spend hours playing with her without stopping. I still think it's crazy how he met her and out of all places it would be at school, that is what got me shocked.
She was so cute and them together was adorable! It was amazing to see a little girl want to play with all the boys which was most of their friend group.
"Mrs. Peterson?" The assisting doctor appears.
Anxious to hear what she has to say I approach her, "what's going on?"
"You're dad is now stable and everything is going well so far," I let out the breath that I was holding in and relief filled me. That was good news.
The nice lady left to go back to assist while I was alone in the room, "foodie goodie." Nathan says when coming into the room which makes me face him. "How's things with Rick?"
"They said that he is stable and things are going well so far."
"Leo, you can sit here and eat." I point to the chair beside the table to make it easier for him.
Letting Leo sit down with my phone and his headphones to watch a movie while he eats, me and Nathan sit beside him to eat as well. Dividing the food up for us to eat and it tasted delicious, the food satisfied me. "What did Amelia and Leo do while you were waiting?"
"They both played, talked loudly and whatever kids do." He shrugs his shoulders. "The little girl is adorable," he admits.
"I know, she is such a cute little girl."
"About the Dubai trip, I'm thinking of booking it for a week to maybe three weeks, depending on my scheduling. Do you think you can book off work?" We start to discuss about a possible trip for the near future.
"I think I can do work from Dubai, I'll just have to bring some things and you have your laptop right?" My work was easy by interacting with my clients and filing paperwork of cases.
"I can request for someone to create a work setup for you for when we get there, last year I bought a house there to make it easier for work." He tells me something he has done when we weren't back together.
"You have a house there?"
"It's not as big as the one here, it's just a little smaller." Not as big huh? The house we are all living in now is humongous and we definitely could downgrade, it was so big that it could fit at least a million people.
"You've gone back and forth to Dubai?"
"No, I just bought it before we are starting the work in his buildings. It was to be prepared in advance," he tells me while rubbing my arm and pulling me closer to his warm body.
"I'm excited to see it," I tell him.
"You should be, I think you'll love it and you'll enjoy it there. You'll get to meet Mr. Amari's family and get to go tour for a little while, just you, me and Leo." He smiles.
"Oh! You just reminded me, when my dad is finished recovering from surgery he wants to go on vacation with us." My dad spoke to me of how he wants to spend more time with us and that a vacation together would be a great idea.
"Now where do you both want to go?" The question will have millions of answers mainly from my part, since there are places that I have never been to.
"That's really hard, I want to go everywhere. Italy has great historical locations, same as France also, I read about Antoni Gaudi and his architecture in Barcelona, Spain which would be beautiful to visit, there are too many places to go!" It was getting me excited to name off all the places that have been in my mind and it would be difficult to bring Leo to visit historical buildings considering kids want to play. There are too many places that are so beautiful which would be amazing to visit, I've loved the history of how the beauties were made.
"We should think of just one to plan for now and see if we're able to fit more in and still spend some time at home for the summer to let Leo enjoy."
"His birthday is coming up," I tell his changing the topic randomly.
"Really?"
"He's going to be five years old on April twenty-fourth."
"That's coming up soon, and then Amelia's birthday is on May third?" He asks me, "why didn't you send invites out yet?"
"It's early Nathan, I didn't send invitation until it was one week or two prior to the date for his previous parties." Explaining to him why I didn't act on it.
"Then why did Luc and his wife send out Amelia's?" He asks me which leaves me questioning for a second then to me making my own conclusion.
"Probably to prepare parents that it is going to be at a lake house, let them mentally prepare to send their kids— Nathan I have no idea. You go ask her mom and Luc." I laughs finding it ridiculous that I was answering the question when it was probably a false answer.
"Lake house, three weeks until then and that means little man's birthday." He has a look on his face which was incomprehensible.
"Yes? You're point..?" What is he implying, this was the one moment that I wasn't able to understand what he was trying to say silently without actually verbalisons it.
"It's going to be his fifth birthday!"
"I just said that," I giggle at his repeated phrase.
"It's going to be his first birthday with me and I want to throw him the best party at our house. Imagine his friends from school, our close family friends, we could rent out ponies, some of those fun fair rides they set up every year, bring in a frozen yogurt machine. God, I've always wanted one of those." He stares off probably in his imagination realm.
"Don't you think, uh, that's a little much? It's also expensive for all of that." It was scary just speaking to him about this and I couldn't tell if he was actually being serious or joking.
"Babe, you're talking to a billionaire for one and the second is that this will be the best birthday party he has ever gotten."
"You are now insane, even the thought you would be paying, I still feel guilty that you will be paying for it when it should be half and half."
He chuckles, "don't worry, it wouldn't even make a dent in my bank account."
"Okay, whatever you say Mr. Billionaire," I mock him.
"Don't mock me, you're the one that married this Billionaire which makes you Mrs. Billionaire."
Turning to look at him directly in the eyes to scowl at him, "you made me."
"What do you mean? You decided to give me a shower in coffee the first time I decided to give that coffee shop a try—" he defends himself.
"Wait, hold your horses. You didn't even let me finish Nathan." Trying to get him to stop talking and listen.
"Proceed, do tell," he gestures with his hand and sighs.
"I meant that you made me fall in love with you so deeply that I couldn't bear to lose you, you're my magnet... just the way you were so aligned in life, perfect family, everything I've ever wanted, the way you were kind to me, the way you looked concerned to me and all of you." I smile, "you were perfect to me."
"I'm glad I married you," he kisses me softly which makes me smile against his lips.
"You're lucky I chose to," giggling as we pull away.
"Alina, you're really trying to confuse me and repeating this is going to start getting old, but
I'm going to ask this again." It was hilarious because he seemed so done at this point, "what do you mean?"
"I actually almost, uhm, you see..." this was something that was embarrassment.
"No I don't see, just tell me, it can't be that bad." At least now it wasn't.
"I almost left you at the altar..."
"What?" His eyes get so big, "not what I was expecting at all, and why the fuck were you going to leave me?"
"You know.. fear..." trying to say it nonchalantly.
"Fear? Fear of what? I thought you were happy."
"I was happy, it's nothing about you personally, it's about your whole family."
"My family? What did they do now?" He makes it sound like they were repeating history which made me curious, but pushing that back aside.
"It's just the picture of your family... I grew up in such a broken home that it made me scared, I didn't know if I'd be able to meet your expectations. I loved you so much that I was thinking of leaving for you to find someone, just a little more put together, but my selfish side chose you." I avert my eyes, "Nathan, you literally have the perfect family in my eyes, both your parents are together, they love each other, your siblings don't actually want you dead, you grew up with the opportunity to do what you want. I was disowned and didn't have much, being with you meant that I wasn't bringing any assets into our relationship. Leaving you would of done you a favour because I felt like you had to lug me around since we were together for a long time..."
"That is completely wrong Alina, I proposed to you because I knew that I wanted to have a life with you, a family, and grow old. I couldn't give two shits about your background, I fell in love with your personality and obviously your looks were a plus. You were so down to earth a change from my world which made me more drawn to you, if I had saw the past you I would of told her to get up and walk her ass down the aisle. Also, I think that the experiences you went through shaped you into this amazing person, learning from the evil queen herself."
"Evil queen?" I ask smirking.
"Your mother, not the point, but you were able to tell what was right and wrong when these things happened. That's takes a lot for someone to admit they are in the wrong."
"You know, I just seem to love you more and more when you tell me these?"
"Good, you should." He gloats.
For the next hours we sat and talked about whatever came about, he told me how his work was starting to get busy which I understood. He notified me in advance which was all I needed to know, we were changing and he was starting to tell me and incorporate me into his life once again.
We spoke about the possibility of another child which unfortunately didn't last very long when every second I would just picture me on a hospital bed cry when Leo was coming prematurely. Soon we'll be able to get through a long conversation about it and be able to move on.
Nathan was being understandable about it and in the end it made our bond stronger, the effort he was putting in was very noticeable. Sometimes he would take a short moment to think and reply calmly, slowly getting the hang of communicating with each other.
Using a topic to put both of us in a more comfortable setting was Leo's birthday, we weren't really sure if we should do a theme. It will be easier to discuss this with our little man, although, unfortunately he is asleep on the chair which makes his body seem so tiny and blocking out the noise with the headphones that still played his movie.
He was tired from school just playing the majority of his day, barely stopping to take a break. An energetic child at school and a tired one at home, that's what you get when you send your child to school. They lose the baby fat on them, they mature faster, and don't take breaks for anything. Play, play, play is how they put it.
Me and Nathan rearranged the chair for it to face the large panel windows to watch the sunset resembling a painted portrait, the red and orange hues of the sky as the sun touches the horizon with the complimentary colour blue. The cold colours slightly fading into the scenery going through the process until it is night time, the crowd of people outside dying down as the atmosphere turns to a dark navy blue.
As we waited patiently just staring outside or at the blank wall, we made sure to keep each other company during the wait. Nathan also brought his laptop in order to get some work done when nothing was happening. "Did you get much work done?"
"Yes I did, which means that I can take some time off."
"More time with us?"
"More time with you guys baby," he smiles back taking my hands which making me happy inside. "Are you cold? Your hands are freezing, jeez," Nathan comments surprised from the cold feeling which contradicted his temperature.
When you're so worried about someone you love you forget about yourself, whether your cold, hurt or sad. "No I'm not cold, don't worry." I sort of lie not wanting to make this a bigger deal then it was but he decided to take off his suit coat and lay it over me. Already warm from when he wore it and it did make me feel better, why do hospitals always have to blast the air conditioning?
A little bit after we heard the door to the room open quietly with footsteps, making me and Nathan turn around to see my dad's surgeon and a few members of his surgical team. My first instinct is to jolt up and stride over to him anxiously ready to hear subsequently from the procedure.
"How is he? Is he in recovery now? Will he be moved here?" I ask excitedly to the doctor who was capable of doing wonders.
The doctor standing in front of me removes his surgeon cap and looks devastated, his uneasiness was also giving me a sense of foreboding. What's going on? Is dad done? Why isn't he saying anything to me?
"Doctor, what's going on?" I ask getting scared by the minute. Trepidation creeping up on me as the possibilities start coming to mind.
"Mrs. Peterson, I think you should take a seat." My doctors surgeon suggests to me, but I was only getting angry. From the corner of my eye I saw Nathan get up slowly putting his device away.
"I don't want to, now tell me where's my dad." I snap at the man who was just trying to be considerate, but my emotions were getting the best of me.
"Mrs. Peterson, we are deeply sorry to inform you that Mr. Rick Carson has passed away at eight nineteen PM." The team of surgeons are being sympathetic with me and the look of devastation on their faces make it all seem true, my heart keeps beating faster and pounding against my chest. My dad told me, he said that he would be fine... There's a pain in my heart that was impossible to describe, a throbbing sensations as I try to comprehend the situation.
"I'm sorry, I-I think I heard you wrong.. can you please repeat it?" Nathan lays a hand on my should and I feel his presence from behind. He was right by me for this which made me feel good in the sense of our relationship.
"He didn't make it Mrs. Peterson, we are sorry for your loss and our condolences to you..." he repeats and the moment he recites the information makes me choke on my sob. He lying. He has to be lying. He's not telling me the truth!
"No..no..no! H-h-he can't be gone, m-my dad can't be g-gone." I say to myself as everyone looks at me and luckily Leo is sleeping with headphones on and we played music to drain out the hospital noises. "You said he was stable and things were going okay! Y-you told me that he was good! H-h-he said he would be fine..." I scream at them not purposely and sob uncontrollably and drop to the floor as Nathan envelops me in his hold allowing me to cry hysterically in his arms from the emotional pain and loss of today. How did we go from speaking and laughing only a few hours ago to the feeling of loss in a short period of time?
It was my emotions which made me scream at them because if I wasn't feeling this type of invisible pain then I would of spoken politely to them. "I'm here baby," Nathan whispers to me to try and calm me down but it barely does anything to assist the matter.
"You lied.. to me..." my words weren't even clear for them to hear. Yet, the doctors still stood in front of me giving me a moment of silence to respect my father.
"Mrs. Peterson," the doctor starts being composed, "your father asked us to do one thing if he didn't make it, we went over the risks with him and he understood. Mr. Carson asked us to read this letter to you that he asked us to write." He tells me then whispers to one of the team members who pulls out a piece of paper.
It doesn't make me stop crying and it makes me cry louder, the other people in the hospital most likely don't appreciate but I'm not thinking straight. The person who pulls out the letter to begin, "dear my baby girl... they are most likely reading this to you because I have left this place." Even the doctors voice shakes, he takes a short moment to recover them continues. "You have always been an extraordinary girl with the purest heart I've ever seen. Love is only one feeling that I feel deeply for you that cannot be put into words in my opinion, my love for you is something that no one will understand. I've watched you grow up into this woman who makes me proud no matter what. I'm sorry that I made it sound like I was going to be okay, I knew the risks and repercussions, but I wanted to try to get as much time with you and your new family as I could. This procedure was my risk, yet it has failed me. I've tried to tell you in person most of the things that needed to be said so this letter would be as long..." even the doctors were tearing up which was unprofessional but it made me feel a connection to their emotional sides. "There's a big brown box in mine and Skye's house with things I've left for you guys, she is busy right now preparing it for you since I've already spoken to her about this and she has come to terms with this possibility. Please take care of her while I watch you all from above, don't cry over me, move on, have an amazing life because hell you deserve it." I chuckle a little through my tears. "All that's left to say is that your daddy loves you way to much, my heart aches thinking that from now on I'll be away from you physically, but I'll always be around. Keep on fighting honey bear, daddy loves you..."
Honey bear.
My inspiration for the song that I sang to Leo, once they finished they give us some time to be alone. The time on the floor consisted of me only crying into Nathan's chest as he held me tight in his arms.
"Why d-did my dad have to l-leave me?" It was hard to speak while hiccuping every second.
Why does everyone have to leave me?