Short Stories - Chapter 4: Chapter 4

As it turned out, four days was a long time.
After just one of those days, Ethan cracked. He wanted to talk to Michael, and he couldn't quite wait until Saturday.
So he sent a text. Which turned into a lot of texts. An hour's worth, to be specific.
The same happened on Thursday, and then Friday, and by Saturday, Ethan was way too excited to see his new friend again than any nineteen year-old boy should be.
"Why hello, sir," Michael greeted, feigning a surprisingly convincing British accent, when the two met in the parking lot of the hotel where he was staying—it was owned by family friends, and they were kind enough let him stay in a room at a highly reduced cost as long as he helped out around the place.
"It's quite lovely to see you," Ethan said, playing along with a little bow and a—much worse—Englishman impersonation.
"The pleasure is mine, really." Michael smiled. "To the carnival?"
"To the carnival."
Michael tried not to show it during the car ride, but he was really damn nervous about this little outing, for multiple reasons. Mostly because Ethan was the only person going that he actually knew, and his awkward ass was bound to turn into a shy fool in a group of strangers.
Reason number two: Ethan himself. This whole ordeal was insane. It was as if Michael was one of those dumb characters in a horror movie—the one that, when told not to open the closet because there was something dangerous inside, instantly ran to open the closet.
"Hey, you okay?" Ethan turned to him at a red light, having noticed his silence and felt the waves of distress rolling off of him.
"Hm? Yeah, I'm good," Michael said. "A little nervous, but good."
"Don't be nervous. They're gonna love you," Ethan reassured.
"I don't know about that."
Ethan smiled the kind of smile that could instantly make anyone feel better. "I do."
The carnival was a lot bigger than Michael had imagined.
He'd been expecting something along the lines of the county fair back home.
This was nothing like the county fair.
It was all bright lights and tall rides and big crowds. It was so colorful, it was almost hard to look at, but also really hard to look away from. Michael wasn't sure whether to be fascinated or intimidated.
"Ethan!"
Both Michael and Ethan turned around at the shrill cry of a girl who was practically running towards them. She tackled Ethan in a hug, her blue hair flying behind her.
Ethan yelped in surprise and barely caught her when she jumped him. "Katie!" He gasped, sounding as surprised as Michael felt. So that was Katie.
Bad breakup, huh?
Ethan put her down, and Michael took the chance to look at her. She was tall, Asian, and—unsurprisingly—stunning.
"How are you?" She asked, her hands on his biceps. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."
"I'm okay," Ethan said, and Michael could tell he was struggling to keep the tightness out of his voice. "This is Michael, he's—"
"Hi Michael!" Katie said with a big, infectious smile. She held out a hand. "My name's Katie. Ethan and I go way back."
Yeah, so do we, Michael wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. "It's nice to meet you," he said instead.
"This is my—" she glanced around, then rolled her eyes. "I swear, I can't keep tabs on that boy for two minutes." She turned back to Michael with that same beaming smile. "Well, my friend Garret's here somewhere, but he disappears whenever I don't put a leash on him. You can't miss him, though; he exudes token white boy. Just look out for Vineyard Vines and Sperries."
Despite himself, Michael laughed. "Will do," he said, saluting dutifully.
"Think I found him," Ethan said, pointing over Katie's shoulders. "And he found everyone else."
Sure enough, there was a group of college kids—Michael counted five—standing not too far away and beckoning the three of them over. And in that group, he definitely spotted the Vineyard Vines logo. He felt his anxiety growing as Ethan led him over, but he was met with an array of smiles that didn't seem anything but friendly.
"Quick-fire introductions," Ethan said. "Everyone, this is Michael. He's awesome. Michael, this is Gabriella," he pointed to a short Hispanic girl with a lip ring, "But call her Gabby, 'cause that's a mouthful. That's Donavan, or Donny 'cause that's also a mouthful." He pointed this time to a tall black guy wearing a shirt that had the periodic table on it. "Laeli," a girl that looked like Moana, "Bobbie," a mixed girl with big, curly hair, "and out favorite model for White-Boy Apparel, Garret."
Garret shot Ethan a dirty look. Poor Michael was pretty much lost, already having forgotten half of the names. The one that looked like a Moana—Laeli—laughed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, hun," she said. "I don't remember most of them, either."
Michael laughed, and so did the rest of them, and a small bit of his anxiety faded.
The group bought their wrist bands and started spontaneously going on whatever ride they came across. They all seemed pretty nice, and they made sure Michael was never left out or anything, but he still hung a bit closer to Ethan, walking at his side and sitting next to him on rides and talking to him the most. However, he noticed that Katie was never too far away, either, and sometimes it felt like they were fighting for Ethan's attention.
In the group of eight, everyone interacted with everyone, but there were obvious pairs, too. Michael and Ethan, Katie and Garret—when she wasn't batting her eyes at Ethan, that is. Donny and Laeli were all over each other all the time, and not in a friendly type of way. And it became pretty clear early on that Gabriella and Bobbie were dating, which made Michael kind of confused about Ethan.
They were a cool group overall. Michael was having more fun than he'd thought he would.
Until they came across the teacup ride.
Now, Michael wasn't the biggest fan of amusement park rides in the first place, whether they were rollercoasters or mere trolley rides. He would go on them regardless, because he wasn't about to be that bitch, but he drew the line at anything that spun.
"Hey, I'm gonna pass on this one," he said, immediately feeling embarrassed when seven pairs of eyes turned to him quizzically.
"Aw, come on," Gabby coaxed. "This one's not that bad. The one we just went on was, like, twenty-seven times worse."
"Why twenty-seven?" Donny inquired.
"Because I fuckin' said so, D-Dog."
"It's fine, really," Michael said, waving his hands dismissively. "I'll just wait here."
"I'll wait with you," Ethan offered, and Michael instantly felt guilty.
"You don't have to—"
"Hush," Ethan cut him off. "I'm waiting with you, and if you don't let me, you're racist."
Donovan squinted. "You're both white . . ."
"I thought you really liked the teacups," Katie said, a small frown on her lips.
"Yeah, well, I guess I like M-Boy here a little bit more," Ethan said, slinging an arm over Michael's shoulders.
"I would rather ride those cups of death for the rest of my life than ever hear you call me that fratty bullshit again," Michael said dryly, and Ethan just laughed.
While the others got in line for the ride, Ethan and Michael sat down on the curb, and for a short moment, there was silence between them.
Then a lady rushed past, her wedges pounding against the floor as she talked furiously on the phone with one hand, holding a sippy-cup in the other, which she waved around frantically.
"Poor thing," Ethan chuckled as she passed. "Probably lost her kid."
"Definitely lost her kid," Michael agreed. "And she just realized that she's missing a PTA meeting and that she forgot to buy the juice boxes for little Tommy's soccer game."
Ethan leaned his head back and laughed—a real, hearty laugh that made Michael feel way too proud of himself. "Funny boy," he said, bumping Michael's shoulder with his playfully. "And what about him?" He zeroed in on a businessman who was standing with a hot-pink stroller near the entrance to the teacup ride, holding a crying baby in one arm, looking absolutely livid, and talking angrily on a Bluetooth phone. As they watched, he violently kicked the innocent stroller, sending it crashing to the ground.
"Hmm," Michael mused. "His third wife dragged him here—It'll be fun, Rob—but she's going on all the rides while he has to stand outside with the step-kid wishing he was with his twenty year-old mistress, and he's so pissed off that he's firing one of his workers right now to let off steam."
For the next twenty minutes, they sat and people-watched, their stories growing more and more ridiculous as they went on. The conversation was giving Ethan a strange sense of deja-vu, but he loved it, because Michael was laughing, and he had just about the most stunning laugh known to mankind.
The sun was just beginning to set when Ethan's friends reappeared, and their next destination was the Tunnel of Love. Which was an experience on its own, because Michael and Ethan sat in the compartment behind Donny and Laeli, and those two stayed true to the ride's name.
"Oh my god," Michael breathed the first time he heard something from up ahead. "They're not . . ." He was glad the tunnel was dark, or Ethan would see how red he was.
Ethan bit down on his knuckles to muffle his snickers. "I think they really, really are."
There was a loud, shamelessly sexual groaning noise, and Ethan smacked Michael's knee, bending over in silent laughter. Michael, who'd never really perfected the silent laugh, had to lean his head into Ethan's shoulder as to not make noise.
Then Ethan went, "Oh, Donny!" And Michael just about lost it, slapping a hand over Ethan's mouth and trying to cover up his laughter with a series of coughs.
"Just like that, Donny!" Ethan said into Michael's hand.
"Shut the fuck up!" Michael gasped, and Ethan lost his facade to a fit of laughs. They were practically laying on each other now, holding each other up and trying—with little success—to stay quiet.
When the ride was over and everyone had met again at the exit, Ethan turned to the happy couple—who looked like they'd been doing exactly what they'd been doing—and asked, "How was the ride?" Which made Michael burst into giggles, and he had to hide his face in Ethan's shoulder again.
Next up: the Ferris Wheel. Eight people weren't really meant to fit into one compartment, but they made it happen, which left Ethan and Michael pressed up against each other and very conscious of it.
When the wheel paused at the top, Michael glanced down at the rest of the carnival, which was only a hodgepodge of people and lights below them. "I love this," he said, half to himself. "Feels like flying."
Ethan was finding it really hard to look at anything other than Michael, because he was staring around in wonder, smiling in a way that told Ethan he didn't even know he was smiling, and the moonlight was hitting his face perfectly, making him glow and making his eyes look bluer than ever. His brown hair fell messily over his forehead, one lock curling in the wrong direction and seriously tempting Ethan to reach out and fix it, even if just for an excuse to touch him.
"You know," Ethan said, leaning over to speak into Michael's ear. "The one thing I don't like about the city is that you can never see the stars at night. Too many lights."
Michael pulled his eyes away from the carnival to look at Ethan. That smile never left. "Back home, the stars are the lights."
"You always say back home," said Ethan. "Where is home, exactly?"
"Il—ndiana. I'm from Indiana."
When they got off the Ferris Wheel, everyone was getting sleepy, so they started making their way out of the park. It would have been a quick exit, had Ethan not stopped at every other game in attempt after attempt to win something.
Michael figured he was trying to impress Katie. She'd been working hard for his attention all night, and it seemed to Michael that he didn't mind too much. So maybe they'd get back together.
However, when Ethan finally won something on the ring-toss, he handed the big stuffed bunny to Michael, not Katie. Michael was pretty sure Katie was even more surprised than he was.
"You better love that thing right," Ethan said, grinning. "I think I've lost a good twenty bucks tonight trying to get something you can bring back with you to Indiana."
Michael hugged the stuffed animal close. "I've always wanted a child," he joked. "I'm gonna cherish this guy."
They continued on out of the carnival, and when Michael made one little comment about feeling tired, Ethan took it upon himself to give him a piggy-back ride all the way back to his car.
It was safe to say that Michael was really, really confused. He didn't know what to make of all the laughing and touching and—dare he say it—flirting. He really liked it, though. Which was beyond dangerous.
"You know, I don't think I've had enough of you yet," Bobbie said to Michael, slinging an arm around his shoulders, as they all stood at Ethan's car saying goodnight. "Garret's throwing a party at his dad's house on Friday. You should come."
Knowing that he'd left a good impression made Michael all kinds of happy, because he'd never really been good in social outings. "I wish I could," he said honestly. "But I'm leaving on Tuesday."
"Aw, no!" Katie said, and he couldn't help but think she sounded insincere. But then again, maybe that was just his petty brain trying to conjure up some valid reason to dislike her.
"Damn," Bobbie pouted. "No more of your cute face. Bring it in, babe," she said, opening her arms for a goodbye hug. "It was so nice meeting you tonight."
"It was nice meeting you, too," Michael said sincerely as he hugged her back. A round of hugs ensued after that, at least on the girls' behalf—the boys stuck to handshakes.
Which, Ethan thought as he drove Michael home, was pretty damn stupid. No way was he going to say goodbye to this awesome person he'd stumbled across by chance with a mere handshake, or a half-hug, or any of that masculine bullshit.
So when he was stood in front of Michael's hotel room, saying those goodbyes, he wrapped said boy up in a big, real hug, because if girls could do it, boys could, too.
"Thanks for inviting me out tonight," Michael said softly. "I had a lot of fun."
Ethan smiled. "I'm glad you did. I've got a feeling I'm probably not gonna see you again, but I'm also crossing my fingers that you're gonna decide to stay a little, so I won't say goodbye yet. Just . . . Goodnight. Either way, good luck on your college-hunt, prodigy."
Michael swallowed the massive lump in his throat. "Goodnight, Ethan."
•••
Michael was royally fucked.
He was genuinely stuck between a rock and a hard place.
On one hand, he could just leave as planned. Come Tuesday, he could return his rental car and take a bus over to Stanford to continue his search for the right university. And along the way lose—for the second time—the one person with whom every interaction was always golden. Michael had ignored his inhibitions and gotten himself attached, and leaving that attachment behind would hurt like a bitch.
On the other hand, he could stay in California. See how things went from there. Which could very well lead to him having to sit back and watch as Ethan and Katie got back together. Or even if that didn't happen—if, by some magic of the Universe, Ethan felt the same way for Michael that Michael already felt for him—it could all come crashing down the moment the truth came out. Ethan would be angry at Michael for lying, of course, as any normal person would be. He'd probably hate him.
If he didn't already hate him, that was. Michael was puzzled over that whole situation, because he'd been convinced that Ethan had hated him all those years back for that kiss, but now that he'd seen him with Gabby and Bobbie, he wasn't sure at all. His mom had never actually specified what it was that Michael had done to upset him. Maybe it was something else, something he didn't even remember.
And he wasn't sure he wanted to find out. Maybe running away would be the easier option. He was pretty sure that being rejected by Ethan again would just about destroy him.
He needed to get the hell out of San Diego before that could happen.
On Tuesday evening, Michael got a text from Ethan: Wave to the stars in Indiana for me <3 - Ethan ;);)
He responded a few minutes later by saying: Guess who never actually left? - Prodigy
Which he was already regretting, but not enough to make him think so logically as to actually leave.
You're joking - Ethan ;);)
Figured I should spend more time getting to know UCSD before I go - Prodigy
Ethan was so excited, he showed up to Michael's hotel room unannounced thirty minutes later and sat through half a season of The Bachelor with him.
•••
They arrived at the party on Friday night fashionably late—or at least, that was what Ethan called showing up three hours after it had already started—and for a while they just stood near a wall of the massive house talking to each other, needing to stand close to hear themselves over the music and not minding that one bit.
They both admitted to not really being party people, so they stayed safe in their little corner, having enough fun just being together. But they were soon joined by Bobbie, who greeted Michael with a sloppy bear hug and spoke in slightly slurred words. Her equally tipsy girlfriend soon showed up, and a domino effect seemed to ensue, until they were joined by everyone in Ethan's friend circle except for Garret.
Most of them were tired and sweating from all the dancing they'd already done, so the group escaped to the kitchen to get away from the heat for a bit. There were already a few other people in there, and somehow they all ended up sitting in a big circle playing Truth or Dare.
Michael played it safe every time with truths, while Ethan was one to go for dare after dare. It was fun; nothing extraordinary, nothing Michael would keep in a memory book, but fun nonetheless. Though he and Ethan weren't drinking, there was something about being at a party surrounded by drunk people that left you feeling a bit more uncapped yourself, and the two boys found themselves talking a little louder and cursing a little more and laughing a little harder.
The interesting part came technically at the end of the game, when Garret—who was barely managing to stay balanced on his feet—found them all sitting on the floor and shut it down by exasperatedly saying: "You guys are at a party, and you're sitting here in a circle playing high school games. Nope, not okay. I've got one final dare for everyone here: choose one other person in this circle, get your asses out to the floor, and freak dance!" He whooped, cupping his hands over his mouth.
Michael and Ethan exchanged a look as people around them jumped to their feet, cheering and grabbing a friend or partner to pull out into the main room.
Michael was more than ready to remain in the kitchen doing absolutely no freak dancing, but then he caught sight of Katie approaching with her intentions clear on her face, so he turned to Ethan on an impulse and quickly said, "Dance with me?"
Ethan looked pretty surprised, but then he grinned and agreed, leaving with Michael to the designated dance floor with an excited gleam in his eyes.
They danced with each other, sure, but they were far from dancing it on top of each other, like the majority house. The floor was packed with bodies, but they managed to keep a solid distance between themselves, and were perfectly fine with that until Bobbie showed up with Laeli at her side.
"The hell are you two doing?" She demanded playfully. "The dare was to freak."
"Fuck off," Ethan laughed.
"Oh no no no," Laeli said, wagging her finger disapprovingly. "C'mon, drop your straight-boy masculinity and get down."
Michael ran a sheepish hand through his hair. "I don't think I've ever gotten down in my life."
"Well it's easy," Laeli insisted. "Just back your cute self up." She pressed herself against Bobbie, who laughed and put her hands on Laeli's hips. "And grind."
Ethan felt a weird pang of jealousy watching the two of them. They were just friends, yet there the were, dancing on each other like it was nobody's business. As Ethan looked around, he noticed that throughout the room, girls danced with girls and guys danced with girls, but no guys danced with other guys. Except for one pair, but everyone knew they'd been dating for months.
It didn't make sense to him that it was normal for girls who were straight or just friends to do this, but taboo for boys. It was really annoying, actually.
So he glanced at Michael and, with a shrug, said, "If girls always do this shit, why can't we?" Which was, in all honestly, just and excuse to step a little closer to Michael and pray that he wasn't about to get, like, punched in the face or something.
To Ethan's relief, Michael just laughed and let out a defiant "Fuck it." Then he followed Laeli's directions, which Ethan quickly realized he had hoped for but not at all been prepared for, because he backed it the hell up.
Bobbie and Laeli were cheering like drunken lunatics, clapping and yelling something about masculinity that Ethan caught absolutely none of, because he was sufficiently distracted at the moment.
"Oh, you've definitely done this before!" Bobbie laughed. Michael grinned a bit cheekily.
"Maybe."
"You're not as innocent as you make yourself out to be!"
The two boys were laughing as much as they were blushing. There seemed to be a silent understanding between them that the dancing wasn't meant to be sexual. It was just fun; letting loose and acting stupid and sending a giant fuck you to the idea that it was normal for girl friends to do this but weird for guys. But that didn't stop Ethan from getting kind of worked up and having to try hard to keep his hands from going anywhere but Michael's waist. He was hyper aware of everything, like the way Michael was leaning his back against him, and the way his shirt had ridden up just enough for Ethan's fingers to brush his skin.
He figured he was doing a pretty good job at controlling himself until Michael turned around so that they were facing each other, hooking and arm around Ethan's neck, and . . . Yeah, fuck.
Ethan took his hand and leaned in close to say, "Let's go outside for a minute, yeah?" He didn't wait for a response before pulling himself and Michael from the packed floor and out the back door to the patio area, where a bunch of kids were smoking, filling the air around them with the smell of weed.
"You okay?" Michael asked as they sat down in a grassy spot, a good distance away from the patio pot-heads.
"Yeah," Ethan nodded. "Just got kinda hot in there," he said, before realizing what he'd said and turning red. "And stuffy. Really hot and sticky. You know, because there were so many people. In the room. And, uh, body heat and stuff."
Michael raised his eyebrows in amusement at whatever the hell had just happened to Mr. Confident, pulling his knees up to his chest, and the pair sat in silence for a while, looking at the sky and the grass and the trees and each other.
"Michael?" Ethan said after a few minutes, his eyes on a patch of roses.
"Hm?"
"Do you ever feel sort of out of place, even when you're not?"
He'd half expected a "what do you mean by that?" or a "where did that come from?" or any other request for an explanation, but instead Michael just said, "All the time."
Ethan turned to look at him, but he was still staring at the sky. "Really?"
"Yeah." Michael bit his lip, which sent Ethan's brain into a momentary frenzy. "It's like, you're in a group where you get along just fine. You fit in. They're your best friends. But you still feel kind of distant. Like . . . like these people support you, but they don't understand you. And you don't really understand them either. But everyone's always scared of breaking the surface and going deeper, so you kind of just hover there. And you don't do anything about it, because it's comfortable and safe, but at the same time you can feel that disconnect, as small as it is, and you know that even though things are okay, they could be better. Right?"
Ethan blinked, astounded. "Yeah," he breathed. "Yeah, that's exactly it. It feels kind of like constantly having to repeat yourself to get a point across."
"Not because they're not listening, but because they just aren't exactly where you are."
Ethan nodded. He really wished Michael would look at him. "And it's hard to find someone who's exactly where you are."
"Really hard."
"I think you're exactly where I am."
Finally, Michael turned to face him. "I think you are, too." He smiled. "It's what makes us work."
"Yeah," Ethan smiled back. "I've known you for like two weeks, but it feels as if it's been, like, five years."
Michael forgot how to breathe for a moment. Thankfully—and this would mark the first and last time he would ever be thankful for this—Katie showed up.
"Hey nerds," she said, standing a few feet away with her hands on her hips. Ethan turned his smile up at her. "Come inside, we're playing Never Have I Ever."
"Why is this literally high school?" Michael muttered so that only Ethan could hear, earning a chuckle.
Ethan stood up, offering a hand to help Michael up as well. "I wish I knew someone like you during high school."
Never Have I Ever was kind of uncomfortable; not because it was a game aimed at exposing people, or because Michael went through almost the entire game without dropping a single finger. It was uncomfortable because Katie was sitting on Ethan's other side, and she was flirting with him like there was no tomorrow. She was constantly touching his knee or his shoulder, complimenting him, and laughing at every damn thing he said.
To be fair, Ethan wasn't doing anything to turn her away. Sometimes it even seemed like he was flirting back, and watching made Michael feel kind of sick, so he looked away.
"Never have I ever . . ." Some girl on the other end of the circle began, "had feelings for someone who is playing this game. Like, right now."
Katie's middle finger went down. So did Ethan's, and of course, Michael could guess that he was putting it down for her.
The crazy thing was, though, Ethan wasn't sure who he was putting his finger down for.
There was Katie. She'd burned him, bad. But she'd apologized for it a million times, and after being with her for two years—knowing how great of a girlfriend she was—Ethan was finding it harder and harder to ignore her apologies. He knew she wanted to get back together, and a part of him thought that maybe he did, too. He'd always been taught second chances.
Then there was Michael. Michael was still so new, but it didn't feel that way. Michael with his beautiful laugh and his crazy smart brain and the way he and Ethan were always on the same wavelength. Michael didn't need a second chance, because he'd never ruined his first one. And Ethan was pretty sure that Michael liked him.
Katie and Michael were so different. Katie was super outgoing with everyone she met, while Michael was a lot more reserved until he got comfortable. Katie was always confident, while Michael was more on the insecure side.
But they were both really similar, too. They were both funny and smart and strong. They'd both been through a lot. They were both sincere and open-minded and nonjudgmental.
They were both gorgeous. Both could be insanely cute, but also insanely sexy when they wanted to be—Ethan remembered his late nights with Katie, and the way he'd felt dancing with Michael.
Not to mention, both of them were dangerous. Katie could cheat again, and Michael could leave any day and never come back to California.
Danger was enticing.
Ethan had never felt so confused. He was staring at Katie, as if looking at her longer would bring him some form of clarity, and he didn't even notice when Michael put his finger down, too.
Michael was supposed to leave that Sunday.
But then Laeli invited him to go with them all to her family cabin up in the mountains by Palm Springs, and despite the fact that he knew he was just signing a contract with heartbreak at this point, he couldn't find it in him to say 'no.' So he agreed, even though he was totally screwing up his plans to go look at other colleges.
There was a week between the party and the trip, and in that week, Michael and Ethan saw each other every day, whether it was to go out and grab lunch or to take Yoshi to the dog park or to binge more of The Bachelor, because Ethan was addicted.
Every minute was perfect.
It was evening-time the following Friday when Ethan picked Michael up to embark on the two-day-long vacation. They had to stop first to drop Yoshi off at Ethan's parents' house in the suburbs—during which Michael came up with some excuse or another to stay in the car while Ethan went out—but then the two-and-a-half hour journey began.
They got to the "cabin," which was more like a rustic mansion situated in the hills, when it was nearly ten, and found the place empty.
Which wasn't too surprising, since they'd been supposed to arrive at seven, and that had been the time they left. Ethan was notoriously flawed when it came to punctuality.
There was a note on the kitchen counter inside. "Y'all took too long," Michael read aloud, "So we started without you. We're in the jacuzzi waiting for your sexy asses to join us, so hurry up and haul ass over here. Btw it's not the jacuzzi out back. There's another one in the forest, it's super secluded and aesthetically pleasing and shit. If you keep walking straight from the back exit, you should find it, but it's a hell of a walk, so you might wanna start quick. - Your fav lesbo, Bobbie."
Ethan scoffed. "She's too much."
"We going?" Michael asked, to which Ethan just rolled his eyes and shot him a what do you think? look.
They took their things to the two remaining rooms and changed into swim trunks and t-shirts, and five minutes later, they were following Bobbie's vague yet straightforward directions to the hidden jacuzzi.
She was right—it was a hell of a walk. Behind the cabin was a seemingly endless stretch of nothing but grass, and even after several minutes, there was no jacuzzi in sight.
"Jesus," Michael complained. "At this rate, they'll be coming back by the time we get there."
A mischievous grin made its way onto Ethan's face. "So let's pick up the pace, then." A second later, he started running, calling out a "race you!" behind him.
"You cheating whore!" Michael laughed, breaking into a sprint to catch up. But Ethan wasn't having it, and he sped up enough to stay ahead.
Michael was fast, though, and when he started gaining on Ethan, the latter turned around so that Michael ran straight into him and had no choice but to grab onto him to stay upright. Ethan caught him, and they ended up stumbling and spinning and doing a really bad job at regaining their balance, but it was okay because they were laughing so hard they were crying.
Ethan let go of Michael to grab his hand and twirl him like a dancer, then pulled him into his chest and dipped him, loving the way he was red with laughter.
"Isn't he lovely?" Ethan began to sing horribly as he swayed back and forth with Michael in his arms. "Isn't he wonderful? Isn't he precious?"
Michael had his head buried in Ethan chest and his hands clutching Ethan's shirt, trying with little success to calm himself down as his shoulders shook with laughter that he didn't seem to have much hope of controlling.
"I like it when you laugh," Ethan said absentmindedly, still rocking Michael back and forth.
"I do . . . it a lot around you," Michael said, breathing heavily, muffled by the other boy's shirt.
Ethan released his hold on Michael for a second time just to sit down on the ground and take his hand, pulling him down as well.
Neither boy had noticed before, but they weren't surrounded by only grass anymore. The green beneath them had given way to a meadow of small flowers, and it was as picturesque as something could get.
Ethan laid down on his back and Michael followed suit, but not before Ethan could slip an arm around his shoulders and pull him closer.
If girl-friends could do it, so could they.
Though Ethan was pretty certain that he and Michael were somewhere way beyond just-friends.
"You can see the stars here," Michael pointed out. "The view here is even better than it is back home. This is the real deal."
Michael was the real deal.
They sat in silence, with nothing but the stars above and the flowers below. It was perfect. As a matter of fact, Ethan didn't think anything had ever been more perfect, or even close.
He was pretty sure he was falling in love with Michael. Which was insane and kind of terrifying, because they'd only known each other a few weeks. But there was a certain connection between them—instant but surprisingly real—that almost made him believe in soulmates. Maybe he was already in love with Michael. He couldn't even tell, not because he didn't know how he felt, but because he didn't even know what love meant anymore. Michael had taken the word and given it an new, really different definition. He had come out of nowhere and changed everything.
Ethan could've kissed him right there.
But he was scared. Scared that he was getting ahead of himself, and that he wasn't as over Katie as he felt in that moment, and that he would realize it too late and end up hurting Michael. And scared that Michael would leave, and Ethan would lose him.
Ethan had only felt what he felt for Michael once before. He'd felt it just as quickly then, too—when he was nine years old, after only a few days, maybe a week. And he'd lost it. He wasn't sure he could handle that again.
"I used to know someone," he said softly. Michael turned to look at him. "His name was Mikey."
Michael paled, but Ethan didn't notice in the starlight.
"He was a patient at the children's hospital where my mom worked. We were best friends." Ethan smiled nostalgically. It had been a long time since he'd let himself stop and really think about Mikey J. Smith. "I used to get this feeling whenever I was around him. That everything was just sort of perfect. The world would hold its breath for a moment and just let us talk, you know? And it was instant. We didn't need months to become best friends. We worked right away, and it was . . . God, it was the best. And I guess I kind of feel that around you, too. Which is weird, because I haven't felt it around anyone since he died."
Michael felt a burning sensation in his throat. "Died?"
"Yeah. Surgery gone wrong. Which was the worst thing ever, because I think I was just starting to come to terms with the fact that I might've been in love with him."
Michael couldn't say anything. He was, in every definition of the word, speechless. All this time, Ethan had thought that he was dead. And he'd been in love with him.
Michael had messed up. Big time. Maybe the biggest mess-up in the history of mess-ups. Possibility after possibility of what could've gone down all those years ago, mixed with possibility after possibly of what would happen now, spun restlessly through his mind, making him feel nauseous.
"You're just like him, it's crazy," Ethan said, and Michael really, really wished he would stop talking. He was going to explode. "Same name. Same personality. Same crazy smart brain. You even do the same thing where you look down and blush and kind of smile to yourself. I used to call it the Mikey Thing, but I never told him that."
Michael felt his forehead break out in sweat. His stomach was churning; he felt like he was going to throw up.
"You look kind of the same, too," Ethan continued. "I didn't really notice at first, because you've got all that hair and your skin isn't as pale and you're so much older, but you do. You have the same eyes, and the same nose, and . . . and the same lips."
Michael turned his eyes to the sky, because he absolutely could not stand to look at Ethan for another second.
"Sometimes I think I sort of forget that you're not him, and I have to remind myself that he died years ago. Maybe a part of me wants you to be him, I don't know. Not that I'm disappointed that you're not him—that's not what I meant. I hope it didn't sound like that. God, it definitely sounded like that. I just . . . I'm really glad you showed up. And I know you have to make your choice based on what's best for your future, but I really think you should go to UCSD. Maybe I'm being selfish, but . . . I don't want you to go."
I don't want you to go. The words were too familiar. Michael was going to pass out.
He forced smile and stood. "I'm sorry, I think I've gotta head back," he croaked. "I don't feel good."
Ethan stood up too, his face creased with concern. "I'll come with you."
"No, stay," Michael insisted. "Enjoy—enjoy the stars. Or the jacuzzi. I'll be fine."
And he turned and walked away as fast as he could without running, because he really did feel sick, and he wasn't sure what he'd do if he stayed a minute longer in that meadow with that boy, the one he'd fallen for when he was a kid, the one he was falling for now, the one he'd been lying to for no goddamn reason.
How could he have been so stupid?