Shut Up & Listen - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

June 28
Dame
10:22p
I had planned to meet Cole at my new house so we could catch up. I haven't seen him since our trip to Fort Valley, Georgia way back in February. A lot has happened since then. I was gonna wait for him to come to my house, but I decided it'd be better if we're in a more comfortable place, since my house isn't furnished yet.
It was about 10:30p when Cole finally walked into the loft immediately waving me off talking about taking a shower or some shit. He smelled like straight sex. I just rolled my eyes and let him handle his business, but once he came back about fifteen minutes later, it was time for me to tell him everything that's happened in the five months he's been gone. The words were right on the tip of my tongue but my mind was stuck. I had been deciding which news to tell him first, but this one thing was clouding my mind.
About twenty minutes later, he finally settled on the couch with a bowl of leftover spaghetti. I was calm and collected up until Cole looked up from his bowl meeting my eyes with his. Its like his eyes saw right through the bullshit smile I wore. My leg started to shake and the anger and sadness came flooding. Cole has never once seen me cry, but for some strange reason, I couldn't control my emotions right then. I lowered my head closing my eyes to keep the tears in... who knew that that would force a single tear to escape. I quickly wiped it away and sniffed.
"Damn, I ain't think this shit would be so hard Cole."
He didn't say a word, but his bowl of food was discarded to the coffee table. I looked up at him and saw concern in his face.
"My father.." I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.
"My father is here. I seen him Cole, and he's cool." He scrunched his brows in confusion.
"How? I thought you ain't have no parents."
"I didn't."
"So.. you been lying to me? I thought we was the same... you really had me f-"
"Shut UP DAMN. It ain't always about you nigga."
"So you not an orphan? You got a father and you been mad at me for getting adopted when you have a whole father? Woooow" he rubbed his head and got up from the couch, dramatically.
"You don't even understand what the fuck I'm saying dumb ass. He left me. He didn't want me nigga. Far as I'm concerned, the makes me an orphan."
"But you know him. You don't know what it's like to not even know what the fuck your momma look like or her-"
"Don't say SHIT about my momma Cole." I wanted to smack the shit out his face but I just punched my palm instead. "Fuck!"
It stayed quiet for a few minutes between us after that. I really hate it when he turns my problems onto himself... he so fucking selfish and that shit is old news. He always been like this, but I didn't mind because he needed somebody to be there for him. I was okay with that until I realized he could never be there for me the way I need him to be.
"Dame I-"
"He's a bitch ass coward for leaving me. He was dead to me Cole. I don't understand how you don't get that shit?"
"How did he find you?"
"I don't know nigga. This whole shit is just bizarre as fuck Cole." I started to explain how I got in contact with him and how we planned on meeting up today and how the meeting went, but about ten minutes in, Cole's phone alarm went off. He turned it off and gave me a puppy dog look before lowering his head.
"Aye.... I know we got a lot to talk about, but I gotta go to work."
"What the fuck Cole? You not serious right now."
"I'm lucky they even gave me my job back bro. I can't fuck this up."
"Man what ever Cole man, damn."
This is exactly what the fuck I be talking about. Nigga is all about himself. Just a selfish ass nigga. But you know what, I don't expect much else from his spoiled ass. I got up from the couch and walked out of his loft. I got off the elevator and ran into this nigga I swore I must've seen before. He looked me up and down before he went around me. I looked back at him trying to remember where I would've seen him before.
Once I got into the car, everything I wanted to say to Cole, everything I wanted to say to my father, everything I wished I would've said to that nigga who I bumped into just came out in the form of an aggravated angry yell. I punched the steering wheel over and over accidentally causing the horn to blare repeatedly. I'm mad as hell and I don't have one person I can go to. I keep all this shit in on the daily. I opened my glove compartment and took out my papers and weed and rolled up. I lit it and inhaled slowly. Instantly my mood shifted from anger to just disappointment. I was disappointed in everyone and everything. Parked in the parking structure of Cole's apartment building, I leaned my seat all the way back and felt the tears flow from my eyes to the back of my head. I allowed my mind to play reruns of me seeing my father for the first time since I was nine years old.
_______________________________________
4:32p
"I'm glad you decided to meet up. I just wanted to see you." He spoke with a smooth, deep, rich voice with a sprinkle of a southern twang as if he'd grown up down south but spent a greater amount of time up north. He got a nonchalant vibe to him that's attempting to put me at ease, but there's a barrier between the two of us that no amount of good vibes or easy conversation can dismantle. A smile was plastered over his face but I could feel the nervousness radiating off of him. He was just as nervous as I was.
M A V E R I K  George
46
Portrayed by METHOD Man
"I wanted to see you too. Only because I couldn't remember what you look like." I kept a straight face because I didn't want him to think I was happy to see him, but I didn't want him to think I was angry at him either. We've been casually texting back and forth for about a month now. I'm not sure how he found me or why but I have mixed feelings about seeing him after all these years. All I have are questions that I'm too afraid to ask. And my stomach is in knots that only God himself would be able to untie. I've waited for this moment for so long but fear of the truth is literally choking me to the point where I cannot express the emotions I really need for him to see.
Fourteen years ago this man fell off the face of the earth leaving my baby sister, my big brother and I to the system. My momma died giving birth to my sister and my grandfather tried to keep us in the family, but no one wanted to take care of three kids. I spent half my life...alone. They separated me from my siblings and to this day, I have not em seen or heard from them again. I blame him for everything that has happened to me. Every time I was beaten, every time I was molested, every time I went hungry for days on end because my foster parents forgot I was there.... I blame this nigga for all that shit and here he is.... in my face.... and I'm afraid to tell him how much I hate him.
"I know you.... probably have a lot to say to me? Like... maybe some questions?"
"Nah, not really. I used to think about you a lot. I did have questions. But now, I couldn't care less dawg. Like I said, I just wanted to see what you look like." I looked him dead in his eyes hoping for some sort of reaction. I needed to know his intentions before I decide how far I want this to go.
My father, Maverik George, put his head down and chuckled to himself. I guess what I said was humerous or some shit, but I'm trying to find where the joke is because this nigga ain't thought of me in years. I was ripped away from my family and thrown into the system because of this nigga. I fucking raised myself... the fuck does he want now?
"You look just like my father man. I wish I cou-"
"You track down my brother and sister too? Or just me?"
He laughed again, this time a little louder but his eyes were trained on me. He put his hand up to illustrate his words, " I know you mi-"
"Look, don't know what you've heard, but I don't have nothing for you. I don-"
"You think I want money from you? Wow. I... I-I'm.... Damon, I'm doing well for myself. I don't need Shìt from you boy. I just want my kids man." His hands rested on each other up against his chest. He shook his head at my assumption, but for what other reason would he want to see me after so long.
"Boy? Aye, It's a little late for that bruh, cuz I ain't no kid no more. And I'm not interested in having no father. I made it this far without one. The fuck would I need one for now?"
"I get it... I get it. I really do. And that's not what I'm here for. You a grown ass m-"
"What do you want then?" The smile finally left his face as he was becoming irritated by my constant interruptions. He pressed his lips together stopping himself from speaking any further. We made eye contact.
"Like... can't we just talk? I don't want nothing from you, you clearly don't want nothing from me. Can't we just have a cup of coffee, two grown men just having a cup of coffee?"
"I got a lot of shit to do today. I don't have time to sit around just drinking coffee with a grown ass man. If you don't want nothin' I gotta head out." I said removing my cap and wiping my hand over my waves before putting it back on. I looked him up and down taking in his features.
Trying my best to tuck my animosity into the back of my mind I take a sip of my coffee not allowing my eyes to stray from his face. This is a huge moment for me, I want him to feel that shit without me having to say it. I wanted to ask him what happened that made it so impossible for him to take care of his kids, but I really am not ready for that conversation yet.
Standing up from the table to leave, I watched him rub the back of his head the way Cole does when he's anxious, but when he didn't say anything, I nodded my head and walked away from the man who I thought would come save me from the shit I went through as a kid. I had so many questions and so much to say but none of it would come out.
"Wait. Damon?"
I turned around once more. "If I call will you answer?" I nodded my head yes and left the coffee shop not knowing for sure if my answer was true or not.
______________
Pac All Eyez On Me is blasting on my speakers and I'm about to roll up a new one when my thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing in the cup holder. I looked down and saw that it was Maverik. I contemplated answering it for a minute until it stopped ringing. Then he called back. I answered this time. I put the phone on speaker waited for him to speak first. I rolled up and sparked my blunt while listening to him talk.
Audio Call
Maverik - hey, uh... I just wanted to apologize. I don't know how you feel, I didn't grow up without a father, I had my mother too.... I'm sorry."
I didn't say anything.
Maverik - I don't want... I don't want you to accept my apology and I don't want like no forgiveness or no shit like that because I left you. You was just a damn kid. You was a kid man, and I fucked up. I don't want you to forgive me, I just want you to give me a chance.
Dame - I don't got nobody. I don't need NOBODY
This time he was quiet.
Dame - I'm tired... I'm so fucking tired of niggas.... making me think they care just for them to not show the fuck up for me. SHIT.
Maverik - can I ask you something?
Dame - what man
Maverik - are you ok?
Dame - no. I'm not, fuck. I fucking hate this shit. I hate every fucking body man. All niggas do is take take take. Like fuck!
I yelled while punching the steering wheel again.
Maverik - Dame...
Dame - what the fuck do you want from me nigga? Cuz I don't need no more blood sucking muh fuckas around me man
Maverik - I just want to be here for you Dame. I know you hurting man, just let me help
Dame - what the fuck can you do for me?
Maverik - I want to take you somewhere. Are you busy tomorrow morning?
Dame - no
Maverik - Can you meet me at 8am? I'll text you the address
Dame - ....
Maverik - just think about it. I'll just wait for you.
Dame - ...
Maverik - okay, take it easy man. I'll talk to you later.
The call ended and the music came back on. I still wanted to hit something, I need to fucking break something. I can't drive when I get like this because I'll end up doing some stupid shit, so I just sit in the car and listen to some hood shit that matches my mood.
I been sitting in the car for about two hours trying to shift my emotions. I can't imagine why it was so easy for me to talk to him, he's a whole stranger. Him just listening and not telling me to calm down or telling me I'm wrong is something I'm not used to. I don't tell nobody shit for that reason. Don't nobody understand me.
I don't know why, but I'm highly considering meeting him tomorrow. I have so many toxic ass niggas in my life right now but my gut is telling me, he might be a good guy.