Shut Up & Listen - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

July 04
Cole
"Whatchu doing back, man? Y'all left hours ago." Oz asked, walking past Cole with large trash bag in his hand.
"I brought Cobe back, his car is here, but he's a lil drunk."
"Oh aight." He began walking away until I stopped him. "Um.. can I bother you for a second?"
"What's on ya mind, Cole?" I looked around and he nodded then led me to his bedroom in the back of the house. "So, it's that serious, huh?"
"Well... you know I'd usually go to Dame... but, it's kinda about him." I admitted. I took a seat on the bed and Oz joined me. "Today... he was reunited with his older brother, Lonnie." I looked away from Oz. "They have a lot of catching up to do."
He chuckled, "Yeah... I would imagine so.".
"That means he's going to be around a lot less. He just got back, I just got back. We haven't been in the same place in a long time. Now we finally are and here come all these new nig- people... I jus-"
"Hold on, hold on, hold up! You 'bout to stress me out cuz you jealous that Dame finding his family?"
"I'm not jealous."
"Then, what is it? Cuz you know Dame would be right there beside you if your family came looking for you."
"I know that. And I've been supporting him. I'm just worried that he won't want me around anymore. Since he got real brothers now, he won't need me. I just get on his nerves all the time anyway."
"I don't want to be rude." He said putting his hands over his knees and raising his brows.
"I know, I sound like a lil brat. But I'm reallY scared for real Oz. He always be talking about how I'm not there for him, I'm selfish, I'm too emotional. One time he said that life would be easier if he didn't have so much dead weight. He didn't say it directly to me but I overheard him one day. And he's right."
"Cole... you gotta eventually shake this perception that everybody would be better off without you, man. You're an important part of all of our lives. Especially your brothers. Look at Cobe... you helped him keep his head clear and you got him out of that funk he's been in for years..."
"Yeah, then I helped him slip right back in..."
"I know what happened. It wasn't your fault."
"What you mean?" I inquired, fearing that Cobe May have told him why he and I stopped talking.
"Them niggas he was running around with... that violence... it just shocked him back to when his mother was murdered... it's not your fault. You did what you could."
"I didn't know he was still.." I started... referring to when I first heard that Cobe was struggling with mental shit back in high school. I never even considered that that would be the reason he was so closed off now. Damn, I don't pay attention to shit.
"That boy been through it. He always acting like nothing is wrong, but a father knows. And I know he stopped going to therapy. He think I don't know, but I can always tell when he starts bottling shit up again. Can you do me a favor?" He asked, changing the subject.
"Help me clean up after these triflin' muthafuckas. I invite them into my house, feed them, give them a good ass time and and and they just leave trash and shit all over the damn place like they ain't got no home training." He rambled, upset by the mess in his humble abode.
"Sure thing, Oz." We left the bedroom and he gave me a trash bag. I helped Oz and Kofi cleanup the house and learned that Kofi is staying in Detroit with Oz for the rest of the summer.
Before I left, I decided to go to Cobe's old room to check on him. I opened the door expecting to see him sleeping. But when I walked in, he was sitting in a chair staring out of the window. "You good?"
"Why you still here?"
"Cuz I'm always here, bruh."
He sucked his teeth and blew out a long breath, like he was holding it in for a long time. "What do you want?"
"Nothing."
"You want something, otherwise you would've left after you dropped me off."
"I was talking to Oz. He's worried about you."
"Yeah? When is he not worried?"
"Why you ain't tell me you go to therapy? And why you stop going?"
"Cuz it's not your damn business. Just like everything else I don't have to tell you."
"If either of us should be mad, it's me. I didn't do shit, Cobe."
"Here you goooo, making shit about you."
"I didn't mean it lik-"
"Nah, you did. Stop pretending like you care about other people. We all can see right through that bull shit." I walked out of the room closing the door behind me. Kof was walking out of the bathroom and stopped me before I left out of the side door, "Imma talk to him, aight?" He said pulling me into a bro hug. I nodded my head and opened the screen door, "Dont give up on him. He just need a little time, you get that?"
I nodded, and said "Yeah... he can have all the damn time he need."
________________________________________
3:02a
Clawing at the back of his brownskinned lover while being pounded in to. Cole laid on his back taking every inch while his best friend hovered over him... breathing heavy... moaning... on the verge of climax. He opened his eyes and saw two women pointing at him with anger filled eyes and disgust covering their faces. Pushing the brown skinned man off of him, he wrapped himself in a sheet and ran from the two women who now had guns tightly wrapped in their fingers. The two smiled at eachother as they ran after Cole. He looked back to see the brown skinned man dissolve into nothing as if he was never there to begin with.
He turned back around finding himself at the front door of Dame's new house, he banged on the door begging for help but all he got was hyena-esque laughs coming from all the people in the house while Dame yelled through the fron door,'there's no room for you in here!' He begged and pleaded until he was pulled away from the door by the two women, he looked around for anyone he could call out to for help but he saw no one.... he looked up into the faces of the two women recognizing them as his e-
Cole jumped up out of his sleep, sweating and gasping for breath. He got out of bed searching the  pockets of his discarded pants for pills and he found nothing. He then went searching through Jemaika's drawers and bathroom cabinets looking for any sort of high content pain meds or ADHD pills... anything to calm him down and sedate his mind.
He looked in every cabinet and every drawer. He couldn't find anything. He sat on the tub in the bathroom with his fingers  roaming his kinky curls... he whispered to himself, " it's all in your head, it's all in your head.." over and over until his eyes came across an opened jewelry box on the vanity. He stood up and hovered over it taking note  of a tiny cylinder capsule of white substance underneath a gold chain. He instantly recognized it as cocaine. He'd seen it as a child in foster care many many times. He was fully aware of how it caused people to check out and become zombie-like... but he was also aware that it caused the user to feel no pain. Numb... that's how he wanted to feel. But he'd always sworn to himself that he'd never stoop so low to fall victim to the lure of this drug, but it was all he could find and he needed relief immediately.
Reluctantly, slowly, he opened the small capsule and released a small bit of the contents onto the palm of his hand. He sat on the bathroom floor staring at his hand... heart beating fast... mind going a million places at once.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he saw, as clear as the sky is blue, the vision of a woman throwing her infant child in the trash outside of the hospital, the moment that caused all the events that lead up to this exact moment. His heart fluttered, leaving behind a searing pain that started in his throat and travelled through his heart all the way to his belly, forcing his eyes open.
He dipped his pinky into the palm of his hand, then wiped it across his gums. He licked it, immediately feeling the effects of the angel dust. He exhaled loudly before emptying the remaining contents of the capsule into the palm of his hand. Holding down one nostril, holding his hand up to the other, he inhaled... a tear fell and he inhaled again. And again and again until he could feel nothing else. Discarding the capsule in the trash, concealing it beneath some used toilet paper and wrappers, he turned out the bathroom light and returned to Jemaika's bedroom. Cole wrapped his arms around her, snuggling his head into her neck wanting to fall back into a deep sleep, but insomnia overtook him. Now all he could think about is why Jemaika had this shit in her house in the first place.