Shut Up & Listen - Chapter 62: Chapter 62

August 3rd
7:28 pm
Lonnie
After dealing with Pop bullshit, I stopped by Cobe new apartment. Odd? Yeah. But I know he knows that I know where he lives. Just because we not cool don't mean I stopped keeping an eye out for him. That's a promise I made to him long before any of this bullshit came between us. Before anyone ever called me Black. I'll never go back on it.
I knocked on his door only twice before he excitedly swung it open. The smile withdrew from his face as he was confused by my presence. "You not excited to see me, Kwabena?" I smiled, waiting for him to let me in. Which he didn't.
"What you want." He asked looking over my face, "I see you shaved that pornstar mustache off." He commented without emotion behind it.
I chuckled, looking at him. He looked good. Better than he had before. Maybe it's the time passed that made me forget what it felt like to look into his eyes. His eyes always make me forget my problems, ease everything into nothing all at once. He tried not to smile. He hid it well if it weren't for his snitching ass dimples. He stepped aside and let me come through.
"Been a minute. Right?"
I nodded my head, following him to the living room. "I like it, it's you."
"It's weird though, being here by myself so much. You still at yo pops house?"
"Yeah, I don't really see myself leaving any time soon. Maybe in a couple years?" I lied. We're in uncharted territory right now, me and Cobe. I don't want to jump in head first like I always do. Tend to get concussions that way. Fall into deep situations that way.
"My bad, I ain't even offer you nothing... I only got bottles of water and redpop though."
Declining anything, we sat in silence for a few moments until I remembered his swift reaction to a knock on his apartment door. "Oh uh.." I started, "were you expecting somebody? You kinda seemed like it when I came in."
He shook his head. "Nah, I just thought somebody was coming over. I ain't heard from him though."
"Your Arab nigga?"
"Nah, Mo." He answered with a roll of his eyes.
"Can I ask you something? No judgement, I swear." He nodded so I proceeded. "Why you still with him?"
He sucked his teeth in irritation then said, "Your people know you over here?"
I shrugged, standing up to look around more. "You know he don't hate me over his brother, right?" I said, walking down the hall peeking through the doorways of the bedrooms. "You should ask him about that."
"So, you came over to start shit?"
"Nah, I'm just tryna end shit, that's all. Have fun wit him tho." I said, making my way back to the front door.
"Hold on."
"Wh-" I turned around caught off guard at his closeness that stopped me mid sentence. He scratched the back of his head when our eyes caught, his were different than when I first saw them at my arrival. Then they were bright, now they're heavy and distant. His hands retreated to his pants pockets where they usually hide.
"Can you stay for a minute?" He asked, holding contact making it tough to refuse. "Please?" He added in a softer tone just before he looked away. He reached out and took my hand into his, holding it for a moment before guiding it to his waist, himself coming closer until our bodies pressed against each other's.  I kissed his forehead and he looked up at me.
For about a half hour, we laid stomach down on Cobe's bed playing video games and laughing talking shit feeling like old times. When I won for the twelfth time in a row on Mario Kart, he threw his controller and rolled over on his back looking over at me. I saw his eyes trail from mine to my lips but he's not mine— he made that clear several times over. I put my head down into my folded arms, closing my eyes. The room fell silent aside from the Mario theme song and our heartbeats that I could hear bouncing off of the mattress.
Cobe called me, I barely heard him because I was half asleep by then. I haven't had a nap all day and his bed is hella soft and comfortable. He called me again and I looked up at him, eyes low and probably red.
"What was you saying earlier? About why Mohammed beefing witchu?"
"Whatchu mean?"
He just looked at me, then up at the ceiling.
"Did you mean that y'all had something before his brother was killed?"
"What the fuck that mean?" I asked, weirded out by the question. I sat up, sitting on the bed facing him laying down. I watched his face. He looked stressed.
"What was his name? The brother."
"Rio. That's what I knew him as."
"Why was Rio killed? What he do? That was all your people, right?"
"You got a wire on or some shit? You recording this?" I was getting heated and I know Cobe don't like Black, so I got up about to leave before that nigga jumped out.
"You can't just tell me what happened between y'all?"
"No! Go ask your nigga." I barked, putting my shoes on and leaving the apartment. Mistake number one was coming over here. The second one was letting my emotions control my mouth. Why the fuck do I keep doing this dumb shit? He ain't mine no more. Mo won. I need to accept that and move on.
As soon as I exited the building, I saw Mo getting out of his ugly ass truck. By this time, I'm heated and in strike mode. I'm Black.
I walked over to him, pulling my gun out of my pocket loading it before he even noticed me. His biggest weakness is thinking he's so feared that he don't gotta watch his back. Well, now he got a loaded gun poking him in it. And I ain't scared to shoot. I'm a bigger nigga in the streets than he is, and he knows it that's why he too scared to kill me.
"Why you doing this, Black?" He asked in a soft raspy tone. I hate it when he sounds like this. It makes me feel like he's still the same dude from before, but he's not. He will never be that guy again. Not for me.
I moved closer to him, concealing the gun with my body while my lips grazed his ear. "You fucking bitch. I'm tired of playing games witchu."
"Then stop. I'm ready whenever you are." He mumbled, not moving from where we stood in the space between his open door and the truck. He chuckled. "I was serious then, I'm even more serious now."
"Shut up." I grunted in his ear, pushing his head down forcing him back into the front seat of his truck. Now I held the gun to the side of his head. "I hate you nigga."
"Then kill me." He said in the same soft tone. "You can't. You want to though, don't you? It's crazy after all these years I still got you by them big ass balls. You know if you told him about us it would've caused more harm than good."
"Shut up, nigga."
"Make me nigga!" He growled, standing up. His face was only an inch from mine and his breath mixing with mine took me back. That's his strength. He ain't big and the nigga is not scary but his energy hangs over you and suffocates you until you submit to him. "Do it!" He yelled, jumping forward as he does when he's barking but our lips touched and as much as I wanted them to, it pissed me off that he had this control over my body and I pulled the trigger accidentally.
Red. I did kill him. This shit feels too familiar. I had to have done it. Now I have both of their blood on my hands on my face on my tee. "Fuck!" I yelled, pushing his body off of mine and he fell back into the drivers seat of his truck. I lifted his legs in and closed the door, running home. Not to my house but to my home where my daddy was. Along the way I began to cry and stopped in an alleyway. Sitting up against the peeling concrete wall, I sobbed into my knees because I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to.
"There he go!" I heard a deep voice echo through the close buildings, I didn't look up though. "Fuck! Help me pick him up! Black! Fuck!" Someone yelled. I heard the engine of a car and wheels zooming my way then I was leaning on someone walking me to the car. The gun was still in my hand. His blood was on my face, streaming down, mixing with my tears.
"Black! Black!" They kept calling until the space around me became dark and the sounds a distant echo. I must've cried myself to sleep. Awakening in the green tiled bathtub in my daddy's bathroom. He was sitting beside me on the cushion. When I saw him I cried more. Suddenly everything I'd ever done was rushing back as if pulling the trigger unlocked all the memories that had been stowed away. I'd done it before. Many many times before. "I am a killer." I choked out through gasps and tears and my pops watched, washing the blood off of me. He didn't say a word. "Why didn't you tell me?!" I screamed, splashing him accidentally. Still he didn't say a word, he just continued washing me down. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" I whispered.