Shut Up & Listen - Chapter 75: Chapter 75

The sun was setting on this long August day. Three had fallen asleep in his dad's old room and his parents were sitting in the kitchen at the loft. "I been wanting to tell you something. I just didn't know how you would take it." Cheyenne started, "Or what I wanted to do."
Cecil nodded, "Me too."
"Really? You go first."
"So, I was approached by one of my mentors. My dad's business partner." He paused, "I think I want to run for city council."
"Why?"
He furrowed his brows, "What do you mean, Why?" He asked, offended. "Nevermind, what did you want to tell me?"
She paused, thinking of what she would say. "Well, it's really more of a question." She quickly came up with something else, not fully confident in telling him what she originally wanted to. "How long is Three staying with you?"
That's really what you wanted to ask me?
"No." She smiled shyly. "I'm just scared of your answer to my real question."
His face shifted and he moved his arms to rest atop the table. She placed her hands in his palms and he caressed the back of them.
"Would you want another kid with me?"
Cecil didn't answer right away which made her stomach drop. She stared at him, watching him think. She couldn't bear to hear a rejection of the inevitable and decided to change the subject but he parted his lips and finally looked up, matching his eyes with hers. "Only if you let me marry you."
Cheyenne balled her lips up.
"Would it be that bad?"
"It's just that we've never even dated. That would be skipping a whole step. Right?"
He started to pull his hands away. She stopped him, "Don't pull away." She held his hands. "Lets talk. For real."
"For real?"
She nodded.
"You seeing somebody?"
She furrowed her brows a little bit.
"My brother said he saw some guy at the fune—."
"Cecil. I'm not seeing anyone."
"You have somebody you want to?"
"This like a trick question?"
"Chey, it's alright. Like you said, we were never a thing."
"I didn't say we never had a thing. I said we never dated, officially. Can you say that we have? I mean, like, where have you been the past few years?" He loosened his bags from hers and looked away, "Don't pull away Cecil. You always do this."
"I'm not— pulling away." He mumbled. "I know I'm not present. And I don't know how to be. Okay? If that's what's stopping you—"
"Why wouldn't that stop me? Why should being absent not be a deal breaker?"
"Can I finish? I get it. That's why I never brought up commitment before. But I'm ready now. I been working through some things and it took me a few years. But, I'm ready."
"Well what if I need a few years to work through my shit?"
"Then you take your few years and I'mma be right here. Giving you whatever you need. Whatever you want. I can prove to you that i'm here now."
"You can prove it to me?"
He nodded, "Let me take Three for a minute. Long as you need."
"It's different for mothers than fathers, Cecil. I can't just give my child away and live life."
"Yes you can. He will be fine with his daddy."
"You wouldn't be able to handle it."
"I bet I could."
"Cecil. Don't do this to prove something to me. Do it to prove something to Three. He need to know he has a father who is always going to be there for him. You can either prove that or you can prove the opposite. There is no in between." She told him.  "And if i'm still not ready to be in a relationship with you afterwards,  don't just—"
He sighed, bouncing his leg underneath the table. "It's not a trick to get you to like me, Cheyenne. I promise. I just want to be better than my father was."
"Your dad wasn't absent."
"You think I left home because life was perfect?" He matched her facial expression. "It took me a minute to realize that I was passing on to my son what I got from my dad. I see it now and I don't want my boy to feel how I felt. I don't want him to keep feeling what I felt. And hopefully he'll forgive me."
She thought for a second after hearing him out. "Fine, two months. Two months." She nodded, "I'll have an answer for you in two months."
"To marrying me?"
She nodded. "But you gotta court me." She rolled her neck and puckered her lips at the end of her sentence. "And." She popped her tongue, "You have to ask C3 too. As his daddy."
"Okay. Deal."
Cheyenne sat back in her seat, sliding her hands from his just to hold one back out at the center of the table. "Shake on it." She smiled.
He clasped hands with her softly. "It's shook on."
"You never talk about being adopted. It's like you were always an Adebanjo." Lonnie joked.
"Damn, you really ain't been around that long." Colin's eyes grew knowing what Lonnie said was far from his truth.
"Well, how did you meet 'em?"
Cole looked up, the way you do in remembrance, and began to tell the story. "It was 2012..."
[...2012]
Cole ran home from school... late. Only by three minutes, but late is late in Dre's house. Before he even got to the front stairs, Dre was standing at the front door waiting for Cole with a thick leather belt already worn down from previous scoldings. Nervous, he turned his back to his foster father, clasping his hand into the soft flesh of Kobe's, pulling him in for a bro hug. "Aight, I'll see you tomorrow." Kobe said into Cole's ear, watching every move of the olive skinned man standing at the front porch running the belt along his hands as he impatiently waited.
"Yeah, if I live to see it." Cole laughed, only angering the foster father more as Kobe began walking in the opposite direction to meet his own parents.
"Get yo narrow ass in this house. You late, I already told y'all little niggas that CPS is coming by. You lucky they are or you woulda got that ass tore up for wasting my god damned time. Take your ass in there and get ready."
Cole put his hand up to his forehead like a soldier. He nodded, walking further into the house until he reached the room he shared with one other kid, Jens.
"I'm not sharing my bed, so the new kid gonna have to sleep with you, Coley." Jens said, fastening his jeans over his tucked in polo.
"You really think they're giving Dre another kid? That's crazy."
"Crazy as hell, if only they knew who this dude really is." Jens mumbled, sure to speak quiet enough for Dre not to hear their conversation.
Dame came into the room dressed in a black button down neatly tucked into black Sean Jean jeans meant only for days like this when Dre wanted Child Protective Services to believe he was taking good care of his foster kids. "Why was you so late?" He asked Cole, walking further into the room to sit on Cole's bed.
"Where's your belt?" Cole asked Dame, looking over his outfit, ignoring his question. Dame shrugged, "I can't find it." He mumbled, looking around the room where another two kids had gathered. "Nobody seen it?" He asked, looking around at everyone in the room. Cole looked at him seeing panic in his eyes, a contradiction to his otherwise calm demeanor. "You can wear mine." Cole offered, handing him a beaten up black leather belt with extra homemade holes stabbed into it to fit his small waist.
Dame shook his head, declining the offer; but, Cole persisted. "Cole, no. You not getting in trouble because of me." He scolded the younger boy. "It doesn't matter if I get in trouble... I'm always in trouble anyway. If I smile wrong I'm outta here. Take the belt."
"Yeah, Dre probably gone find something to send Cole to the back room for anyway. You on the other hand don't want to find out what happens in there." Jens looked at Dame while he spoke, taking the belt from Cole's hand and threading it into the belt loops of Dame's black jeans.
Dame kept quiet. He'd only been in the home for no more than 2 weeks.
A few minutes later, Dre was calling the group of boys to the front room. They each sat on the couch, squished up so all five of them could fit.
"This is Dr. Adjoa Adebanjo." He introduced her to the boys as she stood to shake the hand of each neatly dressed boy.
"This is Jens Parker, he's the oldest... sixteen." She shook his hand. "Greg Moody, twelve." She shook his hand. "DWayne Jackson. He's fifteen."
"Damon George, he just turned eleven couple days ago. The new kid. His No good daddy abandoned him at the hospital about a month ago."
"Colin Luke and Jalen Randolph are both ten years old." He introduced as she shook their hands. "Cole been with me the longest. Going on three years."
"It's such a pleasure to meet you boys." She cooed, smiling greatly as she looked over the group sitting on the couch. "I've been assigned as the new caseworker for each of you in this house. I'd like to have the opportunity to speak with each of you individually today." She turned to Dre, nodding her head.
Cole
She's too sweet to be a social worker. Too interested in us to last very long. Her bright eyes found me, tucked inbetween Dame and Jalen— "you, Colin?" She spoke softly. "Would you like to go first?" She asked, putting her hand out for me to grab it.
She followed me through the hallway as I showed her each bedroom and who slept where— a routine I'm well used to felt different with her; I'm almost embarrassed at the condition of the chipped paint on the walls and the rusted handles on the tub in the bathroom. She gives off claire huxtable, we're giving dumpster dive wrapped in name brand.
"So, what do you like to do for fun?" She asked as she put her clipboard into her large bag. Most of these people write down everything you say... and none of them had ever asked me what I liked to do before.
A big smile grew as I thought about what happened at school today. "I can play the piano real good. Mr.Haygood told me I'm the best young pianist he's seen in a long time."
"Okay." She tucked her chin into her neck, frowning the way Black folks do when they're impressed. "Maybe you can play for me sometime?"
"Well, the school concert is next week. I have a solo performance. I'm going to play..." Dre cleared his throat from the hallway making me stop in the middle of my sentence.
"It's alright, go on. Tell me about your concert." My eyes went down to my shoes; it was nice that she wanted to know about my concert and all, but I didn't want Dre to show up— he would ruin the whole thing. She noticed my unwillingness to continue and took her clipboard out again. Does she know he's in the hallway listening? "Alrighty little Colin. Thank you for chatting with me." She sighed, looking in the direction of the hallway. Although she kept a smile on her face, I could feel her frustration— it was the way she fiddled with the folded corner of one of her papers on the clipboard. "Let's go see how the other boys are doing." She nodded, letting out an exasperated sigh as we walked past Dre who didn't even bother to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping.
For the next hour, this routine continued until she finally said her goodbyes and the sunshine that crept into the house for such a short time left with her. "Chores, Showers, Bed." Dre commanded, grabbing his jacket to go outside.
It was in the early hours of the next morning when Dre came back. I hadn't gone to sleep yet because I'd been waiting for him— I knew he wouldn't rest without conflict. Anything would do: a stain left on a plate, a crumb on the counter, the faucet dripping. Anything.
As his door slammed, it hit me— the belt! I racket my brain for any clues that he noticed the missing accessory and couldn't remember.
"Jens." I whispered into the dark room. "Come on, I know you're up."
"Shut up before he hears you!"
"Do you think he noticed I wasn't wearing my belt?" I asked, voice shaking even though one could barely hear my voice at all.
Jens sighed. "Go to sleep. You're fine." He whispered just before the doorway to our bedroom was darkened by his presence. "Come 'ere." He demanded. I pretended I was sleep but I'm sure he could hear my pounding heart. "Nigga you hear me. Bring that ass on." He grumbled, walking through the dark hallway followed ever so slowly by an apprehensive ten year old Colin. Their footsteps awakened the household. Surely Damon knows what the back room is for now.
"So, you and Dame met that young?" He was shocked, "And y'all looked out for each other?"
Cole nodded, "From day one." He said as if it was something of common knowledge, "That night changed everything though. Like seven different destinies was revealed, now that I'm thinking about it."
"Like what?"
Cole pursed his lips, "I can't tell you. I'on even know you."
Lonnie tittered, "Okay, then. What you wanna know about me?"
"Same question. How it go when you first was in the system?"
"I wasn't in the system. But, I did live with My uncle for a while before he adopted me and became my dad."
Cole nodded. "How come?"
Lonnie shrugged. "I only know what I was told. But, what I remember is moving to Detroit after I got into a bad fight. Lil dude died in the hospital."
"Wait, y'all not from here?"
Lonnie shook his head, "We were living with my mom side before she passed. Aajané the only one that was born here."
"So, did they blame you?" Cole asked reluctantly, watching the blanket of blankness washing over his features. "For the boy dying?"
"I can't remember." He mumbled, sitting up from the bed. He stood up and left the room.
Cole stayed in Lonnie's bed. He unlocked his phone finding messages from hours ago from both Cecil and Jaleel. He opened the messages from Jah first because they were rare. One read, "If you see Black, call me." That one text alone gave Cole a weird feeling because Jah always knows where his brother is and then he realized that he never even asked Lonnie why he was at his loft or how long he was there.
He left the bedroom, looking for Lonnie. He found him in the back yard, sitting on the porch. "You said you were fine." Cole stated, acknowledging that he was aware something was wrong. But, Lonnie wasn't receptive to Cole's presence. He sat in the chair with a lit cigarette just watching the darkness. Cole sat in the other chair, joining in the silence wanting to figure out what was going on but not wanting to push.
It was the first time Cole found a similarity in Lonnie and Dame— the loudness of their silence. He hated it when Dame was quiet and he feels uneasy in the presence of this quiet Lonnie.
"Can I ask you something?" Lonnie started. "Are you scared of me?"
Cole scrunched his face although he couldn't be seen by the other. He shook his head, "Hell nah. Why you ask?"
"Good because I could never hurt you. I wont. Remember that."
"I know." Cole assured him although it was throwing him off in the back of his mind. "Can I ask you something, now?"
"Why you been looking so...." He trailed off, "I don't know, just not yourself."
"Not myself?"
"You was there for me when I needed somebody to listen. I didn't have nobody and you showed up. Out the blue, at the right time. I don't know why you would think I wouldn't do the same for you."
"I don't think that."
"You sure? You don't act like it."
"I just don't know you like that."
Cole scoffed. "Now we're strangers."
"Nah, like." Lonnie blew out a long sigh.
"Do you know that niggas have warned me about you? But I felt like I know you better than to sit and trust their word over what I have experienced. But you over here not even feeling the same way. Like, I just... am some dude who walked up off the street. That's fucked up."
"It's not. I only known you a few weeks."
Cole's eyes widened as he lifted himself from the seat without standing. He plopped back down. "Woooow."
He looked at Lonnie wildly. "All right, i'm gone." He stood, walking around to the front of the house.
"Where you going?"
"You be letting strange men in ya house?" Cole asked facetiously, not stopping his stride. Lonnie stood and followed him.
"Stop." He said. But, Cole didn't listen or stop. Lonnie caught up to him and held him up against the house. "I wanna talk to you." He started, their faces only inches from the other as they stood nearly chest to chest. "You don't even know how much I wish I could talk about it. But it don't work like that." He held eye contact with the shorter man, eyes wild and glazed over and glowing underneath the moonlight. "I thought you would get that."
"I don't." Cole shook his head, holding it to the side.
"Can you just stick around?"
"I gotta go see Jemaika."
"I already told you I don't like her for you."
Cole chuckled, "And?"
He knew what he was doing. It was what he'd done since they met; pushing him— egging him on. Just like he does with everyone he knows.
"You want me to stay, I will. But only if you let me in." He suddenly got serious. "I don't want to get to know you too late. That shit feels worse than never knowing you at all."
Lonnie's eyes softened knowing Cole was talking about his relationship with Kwabena. There was a moment where Cole told him everything and he finally understood why Cole moved the way he did. He couldn't allow his newest friend to experience that type of situation twice.
"I don't think it's fair." Lonnie mumbled, still looking at Cole even though he was avoiding eye contact. "Everybody wants something from me but nobody gives a fuck about me."
Cole was quiet, hoping he'd continue because he didn't understand, still. Lonnie stepped back, giving Cole space to get off of the wall. He walked away, returning to the back door, going inside, leaving Cole confused on the side of the house. Cole took his phone from his pocket and checked the time. The numbers changed from 11:54 to 11:55pm. He sighed, taking the trip behind Cole.
"Lonnie." He called, walking through the house. "Lonnie."
"I don't wan't nothing from you." He said finding him in the office. He leaned up against the threshold. "But, I do need you as a friend. You so cool and different from anybody I ever been around. And, I feel weird when you not around." He watched Lonnie. "I thought you were dead. I wanted to die too. That's how much I need you around. And if you don't feel like you know me well enough to get shit off your chest, to carry a little bit of yo heaviness, I apologize. That's on me."
He walked into the room, and stood beside the seated twenty-six year old who was sulking in his office chair. "I never judge. I'm the last person who should."
Lonnie stood up, nearly towering over the twenty-two year old. He held the younger mans head in his hand, leaned down to kiss him.
"That's a fucked up way to feel."
Cole nodded.
"I don't want you to depend on me to be around."
He looked him in the eyes. "I— sometimes i'm not around. You might wonder if I am dead or alive. I don't want you to feel like that."
"Then just be around."
Lonnie smacked his lips, "You literally have a whole girl."
"Because you fucking died. I begged her for a second chance after she found out and now you're here. Alive. You wanna be mad that we're dating, be mad at yourself."
"Found out what?"
"Doesn't matter." Cole mumbled.
"Well, whatever it was you shouldn't have to beg nobody for shit. You worth more than you realize. And I ain't talking about money. You saved me, more times than you know— ways I cannot even explain. You ain't getting away from me. Girlfriend or not. But you not finna use me either."
"The fuck that come from?"
Lonnie shook his head. "You staying over?"
Cole nodded and Lonnie stood, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom. Hours would pass and Lonnie, laying on his back with Cole beside him, still lied awake, thinking too hard, becoming too anxious and fearful of the future— he couldn't sleep. When he closed his eyes he saw Kwabena, bloody and alone. When they were opened, he couldn't stop staring at Colin, watching his back expand and fall over and over. On his mind was Mohammed who although he knew was gone, still gave him an unsettling and threatening energy that permeated inside of his veins, not allowing him to rest. It had been this way for weeks. Sleepless nights, days filled with regrets and confusion. It felt, for him, as if he'd entered a twilight zone where he was there but not present. So much was changing right before his eyes. He was terrified. Especially after midnight.