Shut Up & Listen - Chapter 8: Chapter 8

I pull into the driveway of Oz's old school brick house in the Boston Edison District where the Black doctors and shit used to live before them riots in '67. He said he used to dream about living on this block as a kid, he grew up not too far from here on La Salle. To my dismay, his car is already in the driveway. I walk into the house and he's sitting at the breakfast counter waiting for me. I say hey and walk past him but he grabs my arm pulling me back. I roll my eyes. Here we go.
"Unh unh boy. You think you just gon walk past me?" He scolds squinting his eyes and cocking his head at me. " I told you what time to be home, you late."
"Yeah, but it's been a wild morning pop. I just need to hop in the shower" He loosens his grip on me. Shit, that was too easy. He lets me go but I'm still standing there because I'm not sure what to do. I'm not tryna piss him off before we have 'the talk'.
"I DONT HAVE ALL DAY. Go get yo ass in the shower 'for I lose my patience Kwabena."
"Uhmm.... nevamind man..." I say to him hoping to get the convo over with quickly. I sit at the table instead of at the counter beside him. He looks at me but I can't tell what he's thinking from his expression. So I look down at my hands waiting for him to begin.
After two long ass minutes, he finally clears his throat to speak. Shifting in his seat so he's facing me, he says, " You're a grown ass man and I'm not going to belittle you nor will I undermine your experiences. I am not here to disrespect you or treat you like a little boy. So, with that being said.... if at any time during this conversation I make you feel disrespected, respectfully... RESPECTFULLY, bring me down a notch. Aight? I am your father and I love you. However..."
I shift in my seat looking down at the table. This makes him stop talking so I look up at him.
"Kwabena... you wanna make grown man decisions you need to be able to have grown man conversation. Look at me when we're talkin'. C'mon man, sit up straight and take it serious aight." I can see in his face that he isn't angry so I relax a bit.
"My bad" I mumble. He starts to laugh at me. I feel uncomfortable.
"C'mon baby loosen the fuck up Cobe. It's just me..."
He continues laughing at me. This nigga tickled as hell. I suck my teeth and look away from him in irritation.
" Aye... aight aight. Where was I? However, you know how I feel about my house. This is my home.... my sanctuary..... my my my.... my place of peace and relaxation. When you bring strangers, you messing with the energy man. If I don't know these people then it don't sit well with my spirit and that throws the balance off. Now, I can't relax. And when I can't relax I get... you know.... Uh.. disrespectful." He nods his head satisfied with himself.
" I been letting you slide recently because you've been home more than I have." Then he pauses thinking for a bit. "I got a question for you." He says with a half smile. He's trying to be light hearted but I can tell he's uncomfortable with the upcoming topic. We've never talked about sex before. No one ever gave me 'the talk'. So this is new territory for the both of us.
"Oz I..." I swallow hard not wanting to have to hear the question. I decided it might be easier if I just say it. "I'm gay." Neither of us says anything for at least 30 seconds. "Well technically I'm bisexual" I say hoping it will be more acceptable. But when he still doesn't say anything, I recant, "but I prefer men." I scratch the back of my head. I clear my throat feeling uncomfortable.
"Okay.... aight.... so. Imma be frank witchu Cobe. I already figured that shit out years ago. But..... I wasn't expecting for you to say that to me." I feel like he's talking in slow motion. Did he say a years?? "I never thought we'd have this conversation." He says scratching behind his ear. He adjusts his glasses.
"You're a private young man and I've always tried to respect your boundaries." He pauses thinking.
"So that's not what you wanted to talk about?"
"Hell nawl" he says in a serious tone. Like I said, we don't talk about sex. "What ever the fuck you do with your body is your business. You don't have an obligation to tell me anything unless something is wrong. But at this point, you grown man... you got yo own insurance.... you movin out... yo 'on really need much else from me.." he says the last part a bit disappointed.
"But... I won't ever not need you Oz... you the only family I got. Grown or not...." he nods in agreement.
"What I wanted to talk with you about is the company you keep. You been messing with this dude for a while and all of a sudden you nervous about him being at the house..." I squint my eyes at him in confusion. This nigga be knowing all my fucking business I swear. "Negro it ain't hard to find... I know everything going on in my house." He says chuckling. Then he gets serious again. "What the fuck you so worried about? This man threaten you or sumn?" He questions me while scratching his beard.
I avoid the question not wanting to admit that what he's think his correct. So I steer the conversation in a different direction. "So you been knew huh?" He gives me the 'really nigga' look. "But like how? Do I act gay sor sumn? I'm not feminine like how you know?"
"Nigga I been in the entertainment industry my entire adult life, I know all gay men don't act like women bruh. I just watch you sometimes man. It's not obvious, I just know you." He thinks for a second then he starts to chuckle. "I remember when you was younger, you used to have friends over to play video games and shit" he starts laughing harder. It can't be that funny. "Then sometimes you'd have only one friend over. I knew you was doing some shit you ain't ha' no business cuz he'd leave when I got home. Then you'd go straight to the bathroom before speaking to me." He sits there eyeing me hard for a minute then he squints his eyes at me and points his finger to ask me a question.
I don't know if it's just an old man thing, but this nigga switches moods every five seconds.
"You're bold. You're expressive. You're a caretaker. You smart and you got a beautiful soul. You're a force to be reckoned with. A Strong Black man if I ever did see one. I've never known you to dim your light or to be fearful? So tell me why you're so afraid for anyone to know your truth? Why are you hiding?"
I shift in my seat. This is what I love most about having Oz as a father. He never allows me to feel inadequate. He doesn't believe in a Black man fearing anything but God. This why Cecil reminds me of Oz.
"I just don't want folks in my business pop. I'm not ashamed a that shit." He looks at me like I called him out his name. He doesnt like for younger folks to cuss around him. He always says I'm not one of ya friends. Show some respect. I clear my throat. "I'm not ashamed of it. I just don't broadcast it."
"It seem to me like you're scared of what people think of homosexuality. You don't need to fear nobody but God. You a Black Man. You powerful, you don't cower in adversity. But like I said before, I respect your privacy son. I understand it is a private matter and it's nobody's business but your own." He rubs his cheek and looks me in the eye. " You let me know if there's anything I can do" he says referring to the Mohammed situation. "Ion know what you got yo'self into, but I trust you will handle it OUTSIDE of my home... right?" He says raising his eyebrows at me.
"Yeah pop" I say getting up from the table walking towards him. He pulls me into a hug for while then I begin walking towards my room. He stops me before I reach the hallway.
"This wild mornin' of yours?" He asks grabbing his keys and wallet from the table.
"Oh uhm.. Colin step momma passed this morning. He's real torn up pop. He's an orphan all over again." I say sadly thinking of my friend's tragic life experience. " You know he has his 3 Lil brothers down in Georgia, they need him to come down. Imma drive him tonight."
"Damn that boy ain't been through enough?" He asks God. "Shit, take care of him Cobe... you gonna be blessed for all you do for him. You're a good friend. Ya momma raised you right." He opens up his wallet and hands me his emergency savings card. "Make sure him and his brothers have everything they need. And let me know when the funeral is so I can come down"
"Uhmm... could you come over to his place later? You know he looks up to you... you basically helped raise him too... he needs to know that he aint alone" I ask him. I really hope that he can talk some sense into Colin. I don't wanna tell him what tip he's been on recently but I know if I did, he'd definitely make sure Cole steps away for them pills and shit for good. But I'll wait.
"Yeah. Yeah that's my boy right there. Go shower and shit and we'll head over there."