Silent Lies - Chapter 2: Chapter 2

I wake up with a piercing headache, fun. I look at the clock and it reads 4:38am, earlier than usual but it's fine. Something seems to trigger inside me, because as soon as I sit up my breathing goes staggered and thoughts rush through my head. Todays going to be hell, I can tell already, first a headache and now a panic attack.
I make my way to the bathroom, sliding down the wall as I try to steady my breathing but it doesn't work. As tears fall I rummage through the little bin full of all the toiletries I have, attempting to find my blade.
Don't do it. Two weeks down the drain.
As soon as I have the blade in my hand, it's dragging across my wrists leaving new cuts that will soon turn into scars like the others. When I stop, the tears and panic attack calm down, like this was the solution to it all.
You're pathetic.
Shut up.
The panic attack sent hot flashes through me, making me sweat, so I need a shower now. I clean up my arm the best I can, before grabbing some clothes for the day and take a quick shower. My arm burns during, but I ignore it like I always do.
When I'm out I look in the mirror and see the new bruise from yesterday on my stomach, a dark purple. As I put on my hoodie, Hadley's hoodie that I always wear, I'm careful so I don't feel anymore pain that I already do. I still have a headache, but I ignore it the best I can. I need to find a way to find some more pain medicine, I've taken all I had.
It's hard to get stuff when I don't have money. I need a job but it's hard to get one when you're never allowed to leave except for school. And I feel horrible when I have to steal.
Usually right now I'll put on some makeup, usually to cover bruises dad left on my face or neck, but thankfully there isn't any there right now, all the ones that were there are healed now. Even though he doesn't like to hurt me where people would see, he still has several times. I would use makeup to cover my arms but it's October and chilly enough to wear a jacket or hoodie without being questioned.
It's nearly 5:30 now, early enough that I can grab food without dad catching me because he shouldn't be awake for work for another hour or so. I grab my backpack for school, slip on some shoes, and grab my phone off the charger.
I go downstairs to the kitchen, open the fridge and grab a water bottle as I always do. I try to grab things dad won't notice missing-it's as if he takes inventory of shit to know if I take anything just to torture me more. I grab an apple, a granola bar, and a banana to eat before school and a random small bag of chips from the variety bag to eat at lunch. This should be enough food for the day. From how little I eat I don't need to eat much before getting full.
I decided to go ahead and start walking to school even though it's early. The sun is just now rising, turning the sky shades of pink and orange. I stop at the park near school just before 6:30, I still have nearly an hour before school starts, so I sit at a picnic table.
I scroll mindlessly on the social media apps I have for no reason, jealous seeing so many people from school post their fun and amazing lives. Although I don't want to say amazing, you don't know what happens behind closed doors, clearly.
When it's finally time for school I walk the rest of the way and walk to first block, math, the second worst class I have. One, because I'm horrible at math, two, because there's some annoying people in it I won't miss after graduation at all. Well, that goes towards every class I have. And really, I won't miss anyone except for Divine, she's the only one who's stuck with me all these years.
The lesson in math went by quickly thankfully, giving us time before the next bell. I close my notebook from all the notes I wrote and lay my head down, still having a headache. I sit in the back, with no one around me because I don't really like people so I chose to sit away from everyone at the beginning of the year. But, I look up for a second and someone is standing in front of my desk.
Lexi's boyfriend, I forgot his name because quite frankly I could care less about it.
Lexi is like straight out of one of those teen movies, not the main character, but the annoying, rude, bully side character that everyone knows and favors for some fucking reason. She's genuinely the biggest bitch I've ever met, think she's all that. I'm usually not like this when talking about people, but it's the truth.
"You know, if you weren't mute or whatever it is I'd probably get with you, you're kinda hot." I'd like to take that as a compliment, but he means he just wants to have sex. And he has a girlfriend? As much as I dislike Lexi, I'm not like that. As I lay my head back down he talks again, "Are you deaf too?" I ignore him until his hand is on my hoodie and I flinch away. "Now you pay attention hmm?"
He starts talking about something, I don't really pay attention. It's probably something bad about me or about him and Lexi. Even though I can just ignore him, it's hard when I have a headache and he just keeps talking right next to me. I raise my hand getting the teacher's attention and point to the door, he nods thankfully knowing what I mean.
The plan was too just walk the halls for a few minutes hoping when I get back to class, Lexi's boyfriend was back with his friends or something, not annoying me. But now it's been longer than a few minutes and the bell for the second block is ringing.
Accidentally skipped the rest of first block, nice. Thankfully I brought my bag with me.
As I walk into second block, art, the teacher, Mrs. Scarlett, smiles at me. "Hello Ms. Olivia," she says happily, I wave and smile at her.
She's the only teacher that accepts that I don't talk, others get so annoyed with me. She always finds ways to talk to me whether it be with pen and paper or not, she doesn't try and force me to talk like the others. That's why this is my favorite class, no getting people annoyed with me and not as many annoying people in this class.
Art unfortunately goes by quickly, of course because it's my favorite. I close the sketchbook Mrs. Scarlett got me at the beginning of the year, she also got me one last year when I had her class. She's always getting me new art supplies even though I don't really draw much, just in class or when I need a distraction. In private she tells me I'm one of her favorite students.
I walk to my locker to grab my things for English and Physics even though they're not for another half hour and more since lunch is now. When I shut my locker I jump, Lexi standing there and I roll my eyes, getting ready for whatever she has to say today.
"What were you doing talking to my boyfriend?" One, I don't talk, have we not established this by now? And two, he was the one who started talking.
I see her friends, the twins, standing by their lockers. I don't remember their names because again I really don't care.
"You're not going to answer me?" Who's gonna tell her? "Oh right, you're a little attention seeker who doesn't talk." I'm whatever you want me to be then I guess. "Don't talk to my boyfriend ever again, okay?" Deal.
Even though you literally just said yourself I don't talk. Makes sense, right?
She walks away, mumbling how I'm a bitch apparently. Her and dad would be best friends with that name.
I move on and walk to the cafeteria, it's already packed. I would just sit in the library away from everyone, but me and Divine always sit at lunch together. I go sit at the table we always sit at, nearly the only empty one because we don't have other friends really. We don't mind, we both agree as long as we have each other we're fine.
Just as I'm thinking about her, she sits across from me. "Hi, Olivia! How's your day so far?"
I smile as she scoots her notebook over for me to write in, she's the nicest person I've ever met probably, sometimes she may be too nice for her own good though.
Good, what about your day? I write. It's actually not good with the headache and pain from dad, also Lexi and her boyfriend, but she'll worry if I tell her that it's actually been bad.
"It's been great. I passed my test in geometry with an eighty, mama's gonna be so happy." I smile, neither of us are the best with school so when we pass like that we're happy, now I'm happy that she is.
We sit and eat what we have today while she talks about a lot of things, I nod or shake my head at times or write in the notebook. We sigh when the bell rings, neither of us wanting to go back to classes. She hugs me goodbye as always, the only person I willingly let touch me.
English is boring as always but I don't mind, it keeps me away from dad. It went by too quickly though, also nobody said anything towards me today which I'm thankful for. I walk to the last class of the day, physics, my least favorite class. One because I don't understand it at all really, two Lexi and a lot of her friends are in the class. I walk straight to my usual seat, in the back away from everyone as always.
The headache is really starting to affect me, so I lay my head down not caring much about whatever it is we're supposed to be learning. Until the teacher stops by my desk and taps my head making my head fly up.
"You need to be paying attention, Ms. Carter." I roll my eyes, hating when teachers call me by my last name-it's just a reminder of my dad.
I keep my head up but don't pay attention, too focused on attempting to get the headache away. Someone throws a paper airplane at me and I curse them out in my head, I turn and see who threw it.
Adrian Jackson, fucking great. Lexi send him to fuck with me?
He stands and walks over to my desk, picking up the paper airplane. "Wow, that's the furthest I've ever gotten one to fly." He sounds genuinely proud of himself, I hold back a laugh. "Can I sit here?" He points to the chair next to me, I shake my head but he sits anyway.
I put my head back down and ignore whatever it is he wants. I don't wanna talk to him or anything-not when he's friends with Lexi and all of them. She more than likely sent him to fuck with me, or he's just talking to me himself to do something. No thanks.
"So, what's your name?" I don't answer, trying to signal that I'm not interested in talking to him, well I mean I don't talk but you know what I mean. "I'm Adrian." Everyone knows you're Adrian. "You really don't talk?" He asks softly as I sit up, shifting uncomfortably after that question. He nudges a notebook towards me and I grab a pen.
What do you want? I write, over this whole interaction already.
"Nothing besides to know your name." I shake my head, wanting him to leave me alone. "So, this is how it's gonna be?" Nod. "Okay...what shall I call you until I find out your name?" Nothing. "I'm thinking...kitten." That's my breaking point, I turn and look at him, death glaring. "So, how's life, kitten?" He rests back in the chair, arms resting behind his neck. I can tell he's holding back a laugh, though.
Cocky mother fucker.
What do you want? I write again getting annoyed, he moves from chilling in his chair to moving his arm to the back of my chair, getting way too close.
"Nothing besides to know your name, as I've said before." Yeah, sure.
Go away please? I write.
He frowns but goes back to being cocky. "Nope," he pops the P making me wanna slap him.
Olivia, I finally tell him my name hoping he'll leave me the hell alone.
"Olivia," he says like it's the best thing he's ever said in his life. "Pretty, it fits you." I roll my eyes but turn and lay my head back down to cover the smile, I can't tell if he meant it though so I push it away. "So again, how's life?" I don't write. "Okay, don't talk, or write to me, don't expect me to give up though."
He stays quiet after that and I'm thankful. But I start worrying about how long I was out of first block today, worried if they said I was skipping, I was gone for twenty minutes probably so they probably did. Fuck me. Why am I just now realizing this. If they considered me skipping they called dad, it's not going to be good after school. But it's my fault, I guess.