Silent Lies - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

"We'll uh, let you guys... yeah," Ashton struggles finding what to say, pushing Adrian along with him as he leads them back to the kitchen.
I lift my arm, pointing to the doorway into the living room. Divine immediately nods, taking my hand and leading us to the couch. She walks slowly with me and I'm so thankful to be sitting again then, my body already exhausted.
I practically curl myself into a ball, pushing my back up against the armrest on the end of the couch and pulling my knees to my chest, resting my head on top of them. Divine reaches out, holding my hand with my arm wrapped around my legs, trying to call the trembling down.
Neither of us say anything for awhile, both too sad to have anything to say. Until I finally pull my phone out, typing as usual. Have you told your mom? I wouldn't be surprised if she has.
"No," she says quietly. "But... I can. Olivia, you can't..." I know what's coming from how she looks over my face, her eyes watering once again. "You can't go back there." I've been told, several times. "I can tell mom, and she'd take you in right away. I won't even need to tell her actually, she'd take you in no matter the situation. We have an extra room, the one you and Hadley would stay in during sleepovers." I smile for a second at the memory. "You can take it."
I let her ramble on for a bit about getting me away, taking me home with her, too scared to tell her I'm going back. I have to. I don't really have a choice.
You do. You're just too scared.
"Hadley..." Divine says her name and her eyes are watered. "He's why s-she committed suic-" She can't finish the sentence. "Isn't he? And why you stopped talking? And why everything changed?" I just nod.
He ruined our lives.
He ruined everything.
"I've always thought that something like this was... happening but I-I just couldn't believe such a thing." Neither could I. "Olivia I'm so sorry." I just squeeze her hand, her doing the same, letting me know she's here.
I want to open my mouth and tell her every single detail, well not every detail, but I can't get myself to say anything. My lip trembles as I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes.
I can't get myself to talk. Even now, after all of them now know what has been happening to me-does Danny know?All of them now know and that's the whole point I stopped talking, because I was terrified of spilling the truth and could never trust anybody.
Now the truth is out and I trust everyone in this house.
Talk, spill it all to her.
I can't. Not yet.
Still, the idea of talking petrifies me.
"I should've known sooner and I should've-" I cut her off when I reach over and hug her, ignoring the way my body aches so fucking bad when doing so. She pulls me in her arms, so cautiously.
We stay like that for a while, in complete silence, until Adrian and Ashton walk back into the living room. We pull away from each other, Ashton sitting next to Divine and Adrian next to me.
It's quiet still then too, but the second Adrian opens his mouth to say something, my phone dings.
Dad.
Where the fuck are you
Unfortunately, dad, 12:18pm
Then another text.
Get home, now.
Unfortunately, dad, 12:18pm
Adrian and Divine both read the texts, probably only doing so after seeing the contact name. They both say "You're not going back." at the same time. Ashton didn't read the texts so he's confused.
I just shrug, knowing I've gotta go home. If I don't go home he'll act like a good dad, search endlessly for me, say I'm a runaway, then get me home only to beat me to the brink of death. I just know that's what he'll do.
Or maybe he won't.
He will. Even if he doesn't care about me at all anymore, he still needs a punching bag and I'm his selected one. That's all I am to him now. I'm not his daughter who he cares for and loves so much anymore, I haven't been in years.
I don't understand what's made him so angry in life to use me as his fucking punching bag now. What did I ever do? I just exist and he hates me for some reason.
Maybe I deserve it for something I'm unaware that I did.
No, you don't deserve it at all. Don't start thinking like this.
Yeah...
"You can't." I just force a smile but immediately regret it. "Seriously, Olivia, okay? I'll call mom, I won't even tell her the... situation, not if you don't want me to. But if so, I'll tell her everything, or at least what I know and you can fill in everything and she'll take you in in a heartbeat. Maybe we can even get you to the police, they'll believe every word you say. I mean... they have to with how badly he's hurt you. Then he can get arrested. Okay?" Adrian and Ashton nod along to everything she says, agreeing, but I just remain unresponsive.
Just do it, it's a good 'plan.'
The school resource officer didn't believe me, so why would they?
Because they're real cops not some fucking school pricks.
Maybe...
"Liv..." Adrian trails off, tension once again filling the silence as I still respond to nothing. "You-"
He goes quiet once again when I grab my phone. I have to go home.
"No, Olivia please," Divine pleads and I wish I didn't have to let her down like this. But I know this is the better choice in the end.
No it's not.
I've gotta go. I type, even though I don't want to nor do I know how I'll get home. Adrian, and Ashton, have done so much for me I don't want to ask for a ride home, not now. I surely won't last long walking home but it's okay.
No one says anything and I just nod, struggling to stand but eventually getting there as I ignore all their sympathetic looks. I don't want them to feel sorry or anything, I just want them to understand.
When you can't even understand yourself?
You're getting awfully talkative lately.
"I'll take you," Adrian finally says quietly, surprising me. I go to shake my head but he grabs the keys off the table and is already at the door as I slowly trail behind him.
Divine hurries alongside me, pulling me into her arms as she whispers in my ear. "I know I can't force you to do anything but please... I just, I can't stand knowing what you're going home to and if I'm being honest I might end up telling mom and I'm sorry." Please don't. Not yet at least. "That'll probably make me a horrible friend." It won't. "But I just... please come home with me. So you're safe. So you can be safe forever. Please Olivia."
I wipe away the tear that falls as she pulls away, her eyes begging me to just listen to her but I still don't.
You're an idiot.
I'm a scared idiot. Leave me be.
Ashton walks over with my bag I had forgotten about and the hoodie I was going to change into yesterday but never did, now remembering the blood on my current hoodie from yesterday. Adrian takes them from Ashton, carrying them for me as he opens the door.
Sitting in Adrian's car, after struggling forever to find a comfortable position where pain isn't constantly surging through my body which I still have yet to find, I worry. Not just about dad, but about Adrian. Everything he told me that happened to him the morning after the party replays in my mind.
I don't want to just bring it up, not like this, but I worry my situation has brought back those horrible memories from years ago. Why is there so many fucked up people in this world? I surprise him when I reach over and hold his hand, trying to tell him I'm here but also silently trying to say thank you. I'm so bad at this shit.
"You should listen to Divine," he tells me as he brushes his thumb over my knuckles, I frown. "Seriously. You can go up to your room when we get there, pack all your stuff, and get out of there. If he does anything I'll be there, okay? How about we do that?" I just look out the window, remaining unresponsive as before.
"Liv, please," he pleads. "H-He broke your wrist. Bruised you head to toe. And now is demanding you come home? What's going to happen? Is he going to be calm? Probably not. Is he-" He goes quiet on his little rant when I wipe away a tear. "I'm sorry." He squeezes my hand.
I pull my phone out, typing slowly with one finger as he has my good hand in his. I'm just scared.
"I know... I know you are. You shouldn't be scared to go home, to face your dad. It shouldn't be like this." I know. "I don't want to keep bothering you, but please listen to Divine. Go with her." He goes quiet when I don't give an answer to it, not pushing any further.
When he pulls in front of the house, dread overcomes me so badly. I don't want to get out of this car but I know I have to. I know dads probably watching. Adrian looks over at me, his eyes begging me once more to just go with Divine, to never go back into that house.
He sighs when he realizes I won't be going back with Divine. I reach over and surprise him, hugging him despite my body feeling like it's literally on fire. He runs a hand up and down my back, soothing me, but the hug doesn't last long when I pull away before I start crying from the unbearable pain.
I didn't want to pull away though. If I could just stay in his arms a while longer things might be okay. He feels safe just as Divine does and Mrs. Scarlett.
"I'll help-" I stop him from grabbing my bag or the hoodie, not wanting him to help. He takes his seatbelt off anyways and I shake my head, pointing to dad's car in the driveway. He sighs but nods, seeming to understand. "You text me if it... just text me, okay?" I nod. "I'll be here if you change your mind, I'll come and get you immediately." He still tries to get me to listen to Divine's plan. "I'm here, Liv."
I get out of the car, thankful when he stays in it not wanting dad to come out and say anything. It hurts so bad when I pull my bag over my shoulder, holding my hoodie over my arm in a cast. I'm sure it takes me hours by time I get to the front door, and then dads opens it himself.
"You really think you just get to leave like that? Oh and look at that! Your hand in a cast. What did you tell the hospital?" I just shake my head, making my way to my room even though I know that's a mistake. Especially when he pulls on my bag, making me stumble but he catches me, holding me up by my arm. "You better not have told your boy out there." He figured it all out on his own, I just stopped denying it. "Or those other two usually with you guys. You are just like your mother, whorin' around."
I haven't even had my first kiss, but apparently I'm a whore. Lovely.
He lets go of my arm, leaving me to stumble down to the ground and tear sting my eyes. "You're too much like her." At least I'm like her and not you-an abusive piece of shit. "You even look just like her." He mutters something I can't hear, turning away from me.
I just sit on the floor, not taking the chances of trying to go to my room. I drop my head in my hands, waiting for whatever it is he's going to say or do, wishing he'd get it over with already.
You should've gone along with Divine's plan.
"Maybe you're the reason she left." Great. "Found someone better, since I was always focused on you kids more than anything it seems. I should've known." He sounds so fucking stupid but I just listen to the rant, despite how much it hurts anyways. "Hell, we both know Hadley probably killed herself over you." It's the other way around. "I would've too." He laughs and my tears fall. "You're pathetic. You're a whore. A fucking attention seeker."
He may sound stupid with some of his logic here, with his horrible reasoning, and I know I'm not pathetic or a whore or an attention seeker-but it still hurts. It hurts so fucking much. It hurts worse than his kicks or punches ever will because this is my own damn dad saying this stuff about me.
Why can't he just love me like he used to.
He goes on and on about what a waste of space daughter I am, comparing me to mom over and over, then eventually I just tune him out so I don't have to hear this shit any longer.
He storms into the kitchen, finally leaving me alone. And with no kicks or anything thank fuck, my body won't be able to handle much more. I take it as my chance to get to my room, not wanting to be here if he changes his mind.
It's 4am. I haven't slept at all. I haven't been up out of my bed since I collapsed on it yesterday, besides to use the bathroom once, solely because I know my body needs to just rest.
I should be getting ready for school right now, but I know I can't go. Not only will I not last through first block with this pain no matter how much ibuprofen I take, I'm not ready to face it yet.
There's no way I'll be able to cover all of my bruised face with just some makeup, it'll hurt to even apply it. Most of the school staff really doesn't care about the students genuinely enough so I should not worry about being questioned, but I know Mrs. Scarlett will be. I could just skip art, but then I'll have to risk them calling dad. And I'm not ready for all the stares I'll probably get. Or Lexi.
Adrian texts.
You awake?
Adrian, 4:37am
I reply quickly, saying yes obviously. He hasn't stopped texting me since he took me home, same with Divine, until they both passed out to sleep. I wish I could've passed out. My eyes hurt, that's how tired I am but I just can't sleep.
Because I've been contemplating so many things all night, also.
School. Life. Dad. Leaving. Everything fucking thing.
Do I somehow skip school once again? Should I finally just give in and get this life over with? Should I tell the cops about dad despite the fear that they won't believe me? Do I leave with Divine?
Too much. I've been thinking about too much.
This life is too much.
I should go with Divine. But I'm scared. It'll be the better choice, for now, I've realized. What if he gets me back? I'll be dead then for sure. I'll tell Divine's mom, then maybe go to the cops and tell them everything, get him arrested. No, not all that, not yet at least. That's too much for me to handle, I just need to get out even if I'm fucking terrified.
I'll take the chance, go with Divine even though I don't want to become a burden. Maybe I'll get a few days of peace, then he'll get me back and I'll be gone but a few days of peace is better than none after the hell I've lived in these past years.
It's too fucking much. I can't keep living like this anymore. Living in a constant state of fear, always having bruises and aches throughout my body, never being genuinely happy-I can't keep living like this. I'll take the few days, even if I'm risking so much.
I pick my phone up again, not reading the text Adrian sent then as I text Divine.
I wanna go with you, I should've yesterday.
Olivia, 4:43am
Then I text Adrian back, ignoring his text about wanting to skip because he doesn't wanna go to school again-I know it's trying to hint at me to skip because he knows my body can't handle it. I text him about me taking up Divine's plan.
I've never received texts back from the both of them quicker than I have now.