Silent Lies - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

I wake up to the sun right in my face, groaning and needing new curtains to block the sun out. It's just a little past seven, and I hear voices downstairs, everyone but me up for the day. Noah and Cassie have school, mom and Mason have work-I don't know if mom's going back to work today or not though, it's just an assumption.
I wonder when I'll go back to school, knowing I have to. I'm going to have so much fucking work to catch up on. There's only two school days left this week because of Thanksgiving break, so I'll maybe go back next week. Even though I don't really ever want to go back, I need to though I know.
I sit up, wincing when pain surges through me. I resist rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, knowing how bad that'll hurt. Even though I didn't sleep for shit, I ended up reading more of the book Adrian brought me so I could avoid nightmares, leaving me with just a couple hours of sleep.
I go to the bathroom, using it then brushing my teeth, going to my closet for a hoodie-one of Adrian's specifically. I ignore the mirror as always, putting my hair into a horrible bun so I don't have to deal with it for now. I put some socks on before heading downstairs to where everyone else is.
"Morning, Liv," Noah's the first to see me walk into the kitchen, I smile and wave. The kitchen is really fucking nice, this whole house is. They even have a pool-I can't wait for summer now. Swimming sounds perfect right now, if only it weren't freezing outside.
"Good morning, Olive," mom says happily, coming over and kissing my head. "What would you like to eat for breakfast?" I shake my head to say nothing, not having an appetite. I can never eat right after I wake up, and breakfast has never been my thing. "Well, if you get hungry you come in here and grab whatever you want."
Five years? I want to ask her but don't.
Mason walks over to mom, saying things about work and all that, something important happening today. Mom had mentioned that they work together, which is how they met in the first place-five fucking years ago. Mason is CEO of whatever company and mom's just right under him now, they're doing good. It's a shock when they're married that they're even allowed to work together, but Mason is CEO now so... whatever. I don't really care.
"I can't leave her home alone," mom scolds him lowly but I still hear, Noah catching on. Mason mumbles a few more things-an important business meeting apparently. I don't want to be alone, not now, not when dad is still out there somewhere, but I also don't want to just be with mom all day now.
"Noah." Mason looks at his son, but not before giving me a sympathetic look. "Want to stay home today?"
"Fuck yeah. That's a stupid question." I can't hold back my laugh, listening to mom and Mason scold him for cursing and Cassie too as she eats her yogurt.
"Okay, then you can. Stay with Olivia, you got that?" Noah nods without hesitation and I don't even feel annoyed with the fact that they're all worried about leaving me home alone with everything that just happened-I would be too. And still, dad hasn't been found yet. He could come and find me at any given moment.
"I'm sorry," mom says to me with a frown but I wave her off to say it's okay, knowing she's already missed a lot of work anyways. "I'll be back home as soon as I can be." I nod, faking a smile.
"Oh, Adrian's here, he was going to give me a ride to-" I don't listen to whatever else Noah says after he checked his phone, making my way to the front door and to Adrian who's out of the car the second he sees me.
"Hi, baby." I damn near melt in his arms despite the freezing air and snow on the ground soaking my socks. "I thought you'd still be sleeping." I shake my head, not wanting to have to pull away from him ever, even though he has school. "How're you feeling this morning?"
I smile with a thumbs up, trying to get myself to talk to him but I just can't. Not yet. I need more time. Noah walks out of the house, heading to the car for Danny I'm sure but Adrian stops him before he can get in-Divine's out of the car too now, pulling me into a hug. Everyone's out.
"You guys are really step siblings now?" Danny asks, looking back and forth between me and Noah, still shocked at that fact.
"Yep," Noah replies with a grin.
"That's..." Divine looks back and forth between me and Noah now too, unable to find the words. She shrugs with a grin of her own, seeming happy about that fact. "That's amazing."
"Shit, we've got to get to school," Adrian grumbles when he checks the time on his phone.
"Oh, right, I'm staying home today." Everyone looks at Noah to question why. "Lauren and dad have to go to work so..." and they don't want to leave me home alone, Noah doesn't mention.
"Oh, okay." Adrian nods, seeming relieved someone's staying with me? "Well, then we've got to go." Adrian doesn't want to go though, that's clear when he pulls me into his arms again. I breathe in the scent of his peach shampoo, never ever wanting to leave his grasp as always.
"You guys should come over after school," Noah says and Danny agrees right away, I nod to also say they should-everyone agrees that's a great plan.
"We will," Adrian says, pulling me in for a kiss that I smile into. Divine pulls me into a hug once more, then Danny even hugs me.
And another hug I didn't expect at all-Ashton. He was hesitant, but nonetheless he hugged me.
"Text me if you need literally anything," Adrian tells me, hesitating to go back to his car, but I nod and smile, waving goodbye to everyone else.
Me and Noah go back in the house together, seeing mom rushing to get Cassie's shoes on and get her backpack, as the bus will be here in a few minutes. We watch as mom and Mason get Cassie on the bus, after Cassie gives me and Noah both a hug. Then mom and Mason are both rushing to leave for work.
"You text or call or whatever if you need anything at all," mom tells me and I nod as she pulls me into a hug. "I'll be back as soon as possible." Another nod. "I love you, so much." I smile, mouthing I love you back, resisting asking five years?
I wonder if I'm being dramatic, if that fact about her having another family for a whole five years before coming back to her other family isn't that big of a deal. But I quickly push away the thought of me being dramatic-I'm not. I'm going to have to talk to her about it eventually though.
"What do we do now?" Noah asks, looking around the now empty and quiet house. I shrug, not knowing. I'd usually probably just go back to sleep, but now I'm wide awake for the day. "Binge watch some movies? Or a show? Or..." I nod as he trails off, liking the idea of watching something all day, being lazy. "What shall we watch then?"
After probably half an hour of me and Noah struggling to find what to watch, we settle on The Walking Dead, something I haven't seen in years. Binx comes to me after Noah had fed her, leaving him jealous as she curls into a ball-literally looking like a white fur ball for real now with her super fluffy fur and all-on my lap. I rest back on the couch, enjoying the comfy blanket Noah had tossed me a little earlier.
"I don't fucking understand," Noah starts. "I've had her since I was nine!" He motions to Binx. "Sure, she likes me or whatever, but you come here and she fucking loves you. She doesn't even know you?" I stifle my laugh, not wanting to disturb her.
I wake up some hours later or something laying down on the couch, a pillow placed under my head and a blanket thrown over me, apparently not wide awake for the day. I look and find Binx laying comfortably under the blanket with me right by my stomach, Noah at the under end of the couch asleep while sitting up, snoring. The scene of Rick and the Atlanta group running away from the exploding CDC plays on the Tv, making me sad I missed some good parts of the show already.
I check my phone, seeing it's just past two in the afternoon. I see texts from Adrian, quickly texting him back so he doesn't worry when I've not answered him. I throw a pillow at Noah, needing his snoring to stop when my head aches, and he jumps awake, wide eyed and confused.
"The fuck was that for?" He groans, rubbing his eyes. I shrug, laying my head back down as Binx crawls out from under the blanket and shockingly going to Noah. "Oh, now you come to me?" I laugh, watching as the credits play on Tv.
My phone dings with another text from Adrian as I sit up on the couch, just as Noah pauses the show. Me and Noah sit in silence for a few minutes, while we're both on our phones. I text with Adrian, they're just about to get out of school, about random things. I furrow my brows when I see Noah looking absentmindedly at nothing, seeming to contemplate something. I wave my hand at him, getting his attention to ask what's wrong.
"You know, with Lauren..." He trails off and I worry, urging him to go on but he takes a minute to. "She's nice and all, I like her, but... we didn't even know about you, or your sister, until a few weeks ago." What? "Maybe my dad did but at most, he knew a couple months ago. Five years... and no mention of you or your sister."
Oh.
How could mom never tell her new family about her family she created? Wow...
"I p-probably shouldn't have told you that but-" I cut him off with a shake of my head to say it's okay. "I would've told you anyways I can't keep stuff in. Like secrets, I-I can't be trusted with them. Or maybe I can because I hide plenty of stuff from my dad but that's-" Noah starts rambling on as my mind races.
I'm glad Noah told me, but also maybe I'm not? I've already been upset over five fucking years but now knowing she didn't even mention us just makes it even worse. I mean, of course she didn't tell them. How do you explain that you just up and left your family? But still, five years and no mention of us until maybe just a couple months ago to Mason. How do you hide that?
"I'm sorry," Noah says, and I blink away dumb tears. I shake my head once again to say it's okay, standing to go up to my room but collapse back to the couch when my body decides that's not what I'm going to do. I do make it to my room eventually though.
I grab my journal out of my bag, needing to rant in it, hoping it'll make me feel at least slightly better-but my blade flings out with my aggressive rummaging through the bag.
Oh fuck off. Not this again.
I pick it up off the floor, sitting on my messy bed that I never made, contemplating. The journal or the blade... Either could help me right now, but the blade may do more. Fuck. Don't do it.
"Hey, baby, Noah said-" I jump at Adrian's voice, as he pauses in the doorway, frowning when I shove the blade under my thigh to hide it. I curse myself out in my head for not shutting the door all the way. "W-What was that?"
I shake my head as he walks over cautiously, fiddling with the ends of my hoodie, trying to seem as happy as possible when I force a smile. He doesn't believe it though, as he gets just close enough and lifts my thigh, grabbing the blade with a frown. My happy act completely disintegrates then, motioning for Adrian to shut the door before my breakdown begins in case anyone comes up here.
"I've got you." Adrian right by my side the second my tears start falling, pulling me into his arms. I don't even know why I'm crying really. I'm more annoyed and pissed off with mom than sad, but it might just be the stress and flashbacks piling up on me that do it. "It's okay, let it out."
"M-Mom didn't tell them about me or H-Hadley," I choke out, crying into Adrian's chest, surprising the both of us when I talk again. Thankfully, he doesn't make a big deal out of it.
"What?" He asks softly, confused as he runs his fingers through my hair. "What happened?"
"Mom..." I sniffle, calming myself before I have a panic attack. "S-She's been with Mason for five fucking years. And she never even t-told them about me or Hadley, not until a few weeks ago for Noah and Cassie and just a couple months ago for Mason." I pull away from Adrian, wiping my tears and regretting it when I hit the bruises. "Five fucking years... I mean, how..."
"I-" I cut Adrian off.
"I'm so fucking stupid." He gently rests his hand on the side of my face, making me look at him again finally.
"No you are not-"
"It's not like mom's a bad mom," I start after cutting him off again. "I mean... she is when she left her kids but she's back? She's never once hurt me like dad ever hurt me. She's never laid even a finger on me or used such harsh words against me. But she left... for five, hell maybe six I've lost count, years, only just now coming back for me and Hadley, not once even mentioning us to her new fucking family."
"Liv... I-"
"You don't need to say anything, just you listening is more than enough," I assure him, knowing he's struggling. I know how hard it is to comfort people when I don't even know how to comfort myself. "I just feel so dumb because I was so fucking happy when she came back but then I find all of this out... Like, I'm still happy she's back. It just feels shitty."
"I'm sorry, baby. She-"
"What the fuck is taking you guys so long? Please don't tell me you're fucking." I bust out laughing at Danny, needing that laugh even as it burns my chest, and Adrian groans. "Hurry up."
"Leave us alone, Danny," Adrian grumbles, leaning in to kiss my head.
"Whatever," Danny grumbles right back.
"Let's go downstairs," I say before Adrian can say anything else about my rant and breakdown. "I wanna see everyone."
"But-"
"But nothing, Adrian. It's okay. I'm okay." And I actually mean it, mostly. Being able to say my thoughts does help.
"You promise?" I nod, smiling genuinely. "You can always talk to me, okay?" I hug him, staying in his arms for a few more minutes before pulling away.
"You can always talk to me too, you know?" I worry about Adrian, knowing we've gone through too many similar things, but he hasn't opened up or talked about it much at all. He smiles, leaning in to kiss my lips.
Gosh, no matter how many times we kiss, I'll never ever get used to it. There goes them damn butterflies.
We pull away from each other again, all smiles until I see Adrian holding the blade still, not knowing what to do with it. I take it from him and he looks at me, more worried than ever. I smile, shocking myself with my idea.
"I'm going to throw it away," I say proudly, standing up with Adrian's help. I know I can just go buy another, find another somehow, or hurt myself in other ways, but it's a step at least. A small one but a step nonetheless.
"Good." He smiles at me, standing up too. "I'm proud of you. But if you still... feel like doing it at times, you call or text me and I'll be right with you. Okay?" I nod, thanking him over and over. "I really am proud of you."
I take his hand into mine, leading us downstairs where everyone else. Divine jumps up from the couch the second she sees us as I try to go to the kitchen but can't when she throws her arms around me and I shove the blade in my pocket.
"How have you been today?" She asks with a smile, happy to see me.
"I've been okay," I say honestly and she beams, hearing my voice again. Ashton, Danny, and Noah aren't at all paying attention to us so I didn't care.
"God, I'm so proud of you," she whispers as she hugs me again, tears welling up in her eyes.
I finally make it to the kitchen, thankful when Divine isn't looking mine and Adrian's way when I lift my hand out of my pocket, lifting the trash can lid after grabbing a napkin and wrapping it around the blade, tossing it in the trash.
"Good job." He kisses my head and we walk back to the living room, happy to have everyone back when we're not at the hospital.
"Hi," Ashton says when I sit next to him, Adrian on my other side and Divine on his other side. I smile at him, but still wonder about what he was going to tell me at the hospital.