Silent Lies - Chapter 43: Chapter 43

I sit on my bed, dressed and ready for school with my bag on the floor by my feet. Binx is also right next to me, giving me attention instead of demanding I give her attention as she'd usually do, knowing something is wrong.
Nothing is actually wrong apart from my anxiety of going back to school after not going for weeks. It's not even that big of a deal, but my anxiety makes it out to be a big deal. And yeah, I do worry about my period. I've stocked my bag with products, terrified of bleeding through and scared of dealing with more cramps at school. My stomach just twists with nerves this morning.
"We've got to get going if we don't wanna be late," Adrian says as he walks out of the bathroom, dressed for school. He frowns when he sees me, my anxiety noticeable when I pick at my nails, Binx's head in my lap. "Liv, it's going to be okay."
"I know..." I really don't, though. He sits next to me, pulling me into his arms.
"You can still stay home," he reminds me but I shake my head. I have to go back, no matter the circumstances. I promised that much to myself.
"I'm going, it doesn't matter." I pull my jacket on just as Noah walks past my door.
"We're going to be late," he calls. I stand and pull Adrian with me, his hand rubbing up and down my back to comfort me. I kiss Binx's head before lifting my bag and leading us downstairs to where everyone else is.
"Olivia, want anything to eat before you go?" Mom asks me, motioning to the fridge with endless options. I shake my head, knowing I'd probably throw up with nerves if I did eat. And, breakfast isn't my favorite meal at all, so I don't want it anyways.
I say bye to Cassie and Mason, thanking mom when she hands me money for lunch. I hug her but pull away before I do decide to stay home.
"Call or text if you need anything at all, or want to come home, okay?" I nod at mom. She kisses my head before ruffling my hair. "I love you."
"I love you too." I walk to the door where Adrian and Noah had been waiting, taking Adrian's hand as we walk to his car.
"Have an amazing day, kids!" I can only hope it'll be amazing.
"You okay, Liv?" Ashton asks beside me as we're all about to walk into school. I cling to Adrian's side, now just feeling overwhelmed.
"I'm fine." It's an obvious lie but no one says anything, Danny opening the door for everyone. We only get a few minutes before the bell rings after going to our lockers, or mostly just me.
"Today will be great, Liv," Divine tells me when she pulls me into a hug. "It'll be okay."
"Thanks." She walks with Ashton to her first class of the day.
"See you guys at lunch." Noah hugs me, making me smile again, then walks to his class with Danny trailing after him in the opposite direction of his first class-gym, with Adrian, who also follows me.
"You need to go to class, you'll be late," I tell him, happy as he pulls me back to his side again.
"I don't care, I'm walking with you. Like we always do, remember?" We had fallen into this certain routine before I'd been sent to the hospital, but still. "You ready?"
"Not really, but I've got to be." We stop right outside of the classroom my math class is in. "Just have math, then art." Ms. Scarlett pops into my mind, actually making me excited. "Then we have lunch, another dumb class, then I get to see you and the days over. I'll make it."
"That's the way to talk." He kisses me, hesitating for a while to pull away before I push him away as the warning bell rings.
"Get to class," I tell him when he grins, trying to go in for another kiss. "Don't be late."
"Fine. Lo-See you at lunch," he cuts whatever he was going to say off, quickly waving when his face is flushed and walking off quickly. What the hell was he going to say?
"Welcome back, Olivia." I smile at my teacher, walking to my seat in the back. Everyone stares at me, shocked to see me back finally, making me want to crawl in a hole and never come back to school.
Math isn't too bad, apart from the stares I get and trying to keep up with the lesson. It goes quickly thankfully, as I'm excited for art. I hope I still have art next semester after winter break, I'll find out next week when classes are posted. But it's very unlikely.
"Welcome back to school, gorgeous." I nearly throw up when Lexi's supposed boyfriend says that to me when I stand from my seat, walking past him. "Me and Lexi broke up." I debate on telling him congratulations, but I can't get the words out. "If that's what you're worried about, being a homewrecker."
As he's being a homewrecker right now. I'm sure most people know by now me and Adrian are dating, given Adrian is "popular" as it's called. Everyone knows his pretty much. He doesn't seem to enjoy it, which I don't blame him for.
I'm not sure if Lexi's now ex boyfriend is just like her or not, apart from cheating which they were both doing, or not. He's obviously not an amazing person, whatever his name is, and he's not exactly charming from my encounters with him, but he's never actually made fun of me like his now ex girlfriend did, and I've never seen him make fun of anyone else. He just needs to learn how to phrase his words.
Like when he flat out told me if I wasn't mute he'd get with me, there's better ways to say that. I don't get offended with people saying that about me being mute, I couldn't care less about that. Especially now as I'm working my way up, hopefully soon talking to anyone including these strangers.
"You're looking good, Olivia." He sounds genuine and it confuses me, as there's better girls to look at. Including Lexi. As much as I'd hate to admit it, Lexi is gorgeous. It's saddening how the gorgeous ones turn out to be the most disgusting inside. "There's a party next Saturday, Christmas themed, you should come."
I give a thumbs up, finally able to start my walk to art. Even though I don't care about going to a party. The second I walk into art, Ms. Scarlett's eyes land on me and her face lights up.
"Olivia!" Her hair is now dyed purple like we discussed weeks back, the day I came to school then went back with dad, instead of blue. "Welcome back, sweetheart."
She wraps her arms around me gently, keeping me close and ignoring the last bell that's always her signal to start class. Everyone in class is talking, making it easy for me to whisper, "Hi," to her.
She freezes, hearing my voice for the first time ever. Of course she had to be one of the next people I talk to. "Oh my god." She looks down at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen. "Come here." She pulls me into another hug.
"Shouldn't you be starting class?" I laugh, her never wanting to let go of me, it seems.
"Yeah, sadly. Go to your seat and we'll talk." I nod with a smile, watching as she quickly goes through today's lesson that's short, mostly thanks to how she rushes through it.
She waves everyone off for random sketches today, seeming to not care at all, holding back a groan when a few hands shoot up into the air. I hold back a laugh, pretending to focus on my sketchbook, swiping the pencil a few centimeters above it, not actually sketching a single thing.
"You're talking?" Ms. Scarlett says with another bright smile, teeth and all. She sits across from me as we always do, shaking her head with a laugh when she sees I've not actually sketched a single thing.
"Yeah. Or, well, to the people I trust." I keep my voice low, not wanting to have other people see or hear me. I'm not at all mentally prepared for all of that, yet.
"You trust me?" Her eyes gloss over, happier than I've ever seen again.
"How could anyone not trust you?" It's true, as she's the most trustworthy teacher, the only one I'll keep in contact with after graduation willingly.
She goes quiet for a minute, a frown taking over which worries me. "I overheard a bit of what happened."
"Yeah..." I twist the pencil in my hand through my fingers, needing something to fidget with now with my nerves with this certain topic.
"How're you doing, Olivia?" She asks with a warm smile.
"Better than I have been in a while, seriously." Well, the best I was doing was when I was staying with Admira, but things are going great now. "I feel free for once."
"That's great, kiddo." I go back to smiling. "You deserve to feel free and so much more. If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here. I always will be."
"Thank you." She was always the one there for me apart from Divine, except I never told either of them anything. Not until now. But, I need a subject change. I don't feel like being sad. "You dyed your hair?"
"I did indeed, purple like we discussed." She did, indeed. We talk more, though I mostly stay quiet with nods or shakes of my head or hand gestures, catching up. We stay off the topic of what happened to me, only discussing school and how that's going, along with everything I've missed.
"I'm so happy you're back, sweetheart." Ms. Scarlett wraps her arms around me after the bell rings and everyone's gone, making me smile. I've missed these moments at school.
"I am too." I consider staying with her for lunch, but she urges me to go and get something to eat.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" I nod, squeezing her once more before making my way to lunch.
Adrian is just standing by our table where everyone else already is, as though he's been waiting on me, smiling brightly the second he sees me. He meets me halfway, pulling me into a hug as everyone else smiles at us.
"How's today been so far?" He asks, taking my hand as he leads me to grab something to eat in line. I decide on a salad, as everything else just does not look good, and a bag of chips with water. That's public school food, for you.
"It's been better than I expected," I whisper as I show the lunch lady my school ID for the code, my first time using it since freshman year probably. "Lexi's boyfriend, or ex, whatever, tried talking to me at the end of math though." I roll my eyes, taking Adrian's hand as we walk back over to the table.
"What'd he say?" Adrian asks, worrying.
"Nothing bad, just him being his usual creepy, manwhore self, you know? Called me gorgeous, said I was looking good, and invited me to some party." We sit down, me immediately fixing my salad before lunch is over.
"Manwhore?" Adrian laughs, knowing how true it is. It makes me grin that Adrian doesn't at all seem jealous, knowing what's his face doesn't have a chance with me. I'm Adrian's girl, no one else's. That won't change. "Sounds about right. What party though?"
"I don't know, some Christmas one or something." Everyone's attention turns to me.
"That's the party we were just talking about going to," Ashton speaks up. Great.
"Are we still going to go?" Noah asks with a frown, seeing my disappointment to find out who's going to be there. "I've never been to a party and really wanna go to this one."
"You don't need my permission." I roll my eyes, but smile seeing Noah happy about going.
But I think I will go if everyone else is, forget about who's going. I need to get in a few more high school experiences before it's over. I have my SAT this week, so at least it'll give me something to look forward to. Along with the trial, about dad, Thursday. My previously brightening mood goes back down when I remember.
"What's wrong?" Divine asks as everyone else is talking to each other, her sitting beside me.
"Just remembered dad's trial." I shrug, smiling when I feel her hugging me.
"It'll be okay, it'll go the way it should go. Don't worry." I also tell myself to not worry, eating my salad.
"One class left, then I get to see you." I nod more to myself as I speak my thoughts out loud to Adrian when we head to third block, hand in hand.
"It'll be okay. It'll go quickly." I sure hope so, but I know time will drag just to torture me.
"I hope." I lean up to kiss Adrian before going into English class.
Just as expected, the time dragged by for English class, making it feel like years before physics. I walk into class happily though, walking right over to Adrian who's just walked in also, hugging him tightly.
"How was English?" He asks with a grin when we sit down. I catch Lexi's dirty look casted my way, ignoring it easily, not wanting to deal with anymore of her shit.
"It was fine." And it really was, apart from catching up with the lessons.
Me and Adrian don't get a spare second to say anything to each other or even interact as the teacher is constantly talking all class, making us write a shit ton of notes, which I do actually need to do. Everyone seems to sigh in relief when the bell finally rings.
"Ready to go skating?" Adrian teases me with a grin, making me roll my eyes as I stand, reaching for his hand on the way out of class.
"Who's going with who?" Divine asks even though she should know her boyfriend is already going with her in her car, Danny and Noah just going with me and Adrian.
"They're definitely getting married one day," Noah flat out says, watching Divine and Ashton walk to her car, us other three all agreeing.
"They'll probably be the ones to get married right after graduation," Danny says and we all laugh, but don't deny it.
"Can I steal this? Thank you." Danny doesn't even wait for my answer before snatching my phone out of the console cup holder, making me glare at him. He skips through every song on my playlist as my phone's connected to the aux, making us all impatient to just have one song play. "Oh my gosh, I love this song."
"No singing, please," Adrian pleads as Riptide by Vance Joy starts playing, a sense of nostalgia washing over all of us, I can tell. This song makes me so happy.
"I was scared of dentists and the dark," Danny sings anyway, terribly as usual. "I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations."
"Oh, all my friends are turning green," I chime in, also terribly singing, earning a pleading look from Adrian.
"You're the magician's assistant in their dream," Noah chimes in, just as terrible as Danny and I. I poke Adrian's arm teasingly, trying to get him to join us, to sing just as terribly as us because it's fun.
"And they come unstuck," finally, all of us, including Adrian, sing, earning looks from other cars at the red light. "Lady, running down to the riptide. Taken away to the dark side, I wanna be your left hand man."
It continues like that for the next two and a half minutes, all four of us singing terribly. I feel horrible for the passing cars who may have heard us. After the last lyric, Adrian pulls into the skating rink's parking lot, having more cars than it did the day we all ditched school. But not many more, only six others. Divine and Ashton are right behind us then.
"The fuck were you guys doing?" Ashton asks when he walks over to the rest of us with Divine, both of them holding each other's hands.
"Singing," Danny says with a grin.
"Thank god I wasn't in that car," Ashton says with a laugh, knowing the singing wouldn't at all be good.
"How are you already falling?" Everyone asks in unison when I just step into the rink, already going backwards but thankfully Adrian catches me, not without laughing, of course.
"Shut up," I mutter to them all, there being about ten other people at the rink today. I hold onto Adrian's hand when he forces us away from the railings, claiming he'll teach me more this time.
Four hours later, no new skating skills, at least a few dozen more falls, and bruises everywhere including my entire ass being bruised, I'm back in Adrian's car with Noah after we all went out to eat for dinner.
"Thanks for the rides, Adrian," Noah says before he gets out of the car, walking into the house with a wave, leaving me and Adrian alone.
"How was your day?" Adrian asks with a smile, feeling extra romantic as he lifts my hand with his, pressing his lips to my knuckles.
"I-It was better than I thought it'd be, at school at least. I knew it'd be great after school." I mean every word that comes out of my mouth, as butterflies take over my stomach when he kisses my knuckles once more.
"You ready for tomorrow, then?" He smiles at me, his eyes looking admiring.
"No, but I have to be. It'll be okay. I'll deal with it. If it's anything like today, I'm prepared." He brushes my hair back behind my ear. "H-How was your day?"
"It was great, especially now." He leans over the console, pulling my face to his as he kisses me. The butterflies make it damn near impossible to kiss him back, but I mange to.
I think about those three words, I love you, wondering if I should say them now. If he doesn't say it back, that's completely fine. But what if it's because it's way too early for all that? It can't be, not with this relationship we've made. Will he think I've become too clingy then? Or weird? Too fast moving? I don't know why I have all these doubts when he always makes sure I don't think these things about myself, well not these specific things but whatever.
"What?" I ask with a huge smile when he pulls away, even though it seemed that neither of us wanted the kiss to end. At least I didn't. He wears his own huge smile, but I can tell he wants to say something.
"Nothing," he lies, but I don't push it any further. Even though I really want to know what it is when that smile doesn't leave him, wondering what's making him so happy.
"No, what is it?" He shakes his head, leaning in to kiss me again, those three words at the tip of my tongue but I don't let myself say them.
The kiss lasts longer than any of the kisses we've ever had, leaving us breathless and also disappointed when we pull away from each other. "It's getting late... I've got to get home."
"You do," I agree but neither of us make a move to leave in any way.
"I'll text you," he says, as though we don't always stay up together texting all night until we fall asleep when he doesn't spend the night. "And I'll be here in the morning."
"Okay... be safe." I lean over the console this time to kiss him. It takes us moments more to pull away again, for me to get out of the car, for me to not say those three words just yet, for me to step inside the house as his car pulls away.
I walk to the kitchen, wanting something to drink, hearing mostly everyone upstairs probably getting ready for the night, finding Noah there eating cereal straight out of the box.
"Were you guys making out?" My eyes widen when I grab a juice, turning to glare at him.
"Shut up." I don't deny it, as we were almost to that point if we weren't already.
"You're blushing!" Noah says with a high pitched voice, grinning. I am, in fact, blushing. I know that much.
"Fuck off." I leave the kitchen, Binx suddenly following me.
"That is such foul language, Olivia," he mock gasps, following me now also.