Silent Lies - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

My nerves and anxiety when I went back to school Monday are absolutely nothing compared to what they are now, as I watch other cars pass while mom drives, Mason in the front and Noah right beside me. They sent Cassie to school, knowing she's too young to actually understand this. Everyone's missing school, for me. To watch me get mine and Hadley's justice, they said.
I smooth out my black jeans a million times, leaving not a single crease or wrinkle in them. I button and unbutton the buttons on the blue blouse I borrowed of mom's with the white tank top underneath. I swirl the friendship bracelet from Danny around my wrist a million times also.
"It's going to be okay," Noah assures from beside me, his usual joking and playful personality gone serious with me.
I woke up to Noah around 3am and haven't been back to bed since. He shook me awake from a nightmare, a bad one, revolving around dad. He stayed with me until mom and Mason got up, getting Cassie to school, and until now. It's nearing noon now, the trial beginning at half past noon.
So much has changed between me and Noah in these last eight or nine hours, as it did when I first moved in, when he found out I was his step sister now, when he learned the reasons on why suddenly I was his step sister. I'd cried in his arms and he helped me through a panic attack thanks to the nightmare. Binx was also there.
My stomach twists even more when mom pulls into the parking lot in front of the courthouse, making me feel like throwing up but nothing comes up, thankfully. Everything starts to move in slow motion-taking off all our seatbelts feels like ten hours, opening the car doors is another ten, and actually stepping out of the car is an eternity. I'm thankful everything seems to be slow moving.
I see Adrian stepping out of his mom's car a few parking spaces over, making me speed walk over to him, needing his hugs. His parents get out of the car, giving me reassuring and warm smiles. The second his arms are around me, I feel less sick to my stomach due to being anxiety ridden.
When I finally pull away from Adrian, I see that Ashton and Danny were with him and his parents also. I then see Divine and Admira also, Admira standing and discussing things with mom, Divine coming over to me and pulling me into a hug.
"You ready for this?" She asks softly, holding me tight.
"Not really," I say honestly. "But it's going to happen no matter what."
"Everything will go the way it should, and it shouldn't take more than a couple hours. It'll all be okay." I gain some hope from my best friend, turning to everyone who's giving me warm smiles.
I wonder about mom, knowing this will be her first time really seeing dad in years, the only other times she's saw him was thanks to the mugshots. I wonder about dad, wondering what he's pleading as, wondering if he even feels a bit of remorse, or anything like that.
"We need to be heading in," mom tells me, coming to my side.
"I know." Me and mom have to see the lawyer alone first, before anything begins. "Let's go." The sooner we go in, the sooner this begins and ends.
Everyone follows us in too, going through the metal detectors and search throughs, me and mom heading a different way then everyone else once we're clear. We walk into a small open office, Sienna and Jordan there too with the lawyer, the first time I've seen them since the hospital.
"Hey kid, how've you been doing?" Jordan asks with the warmest smiles of them all, making me happy.
"I've been fine..." Mostly.
"Trial starts in ten, we've got to go over this," the lawyer who's name I've forgotten interrupts any small talk that could happen. "Olivia, you remember the questions I said they could possibly ask you?"
I nod, going over what I've prepared to say, her handing me the notepad in case things become too much for me and I can't get the words out. All I have to do is tell the judge the truth, finally. If it gets to that point, hopefully the evidence alone is enough.
"Okay, Lauren..." I tune out everything else that is said, already knowing my part, the most important part as I've been told.
"Let's go, Olive." Mom holds her hand out for me, I take it right away when I stand, following behind everyone-Jordan, Sienna, the lawyer who's name I now remember as Michelle, all of them-calming myself.
I stop myself from freezing when we walk into the courtroom, seeing dad. I can't face any of my friends, now family, as I follow mom and Michelle, too focused on dad. I don't even take a look at the already selected jury, wondering what random citizens will be seeing my train wreck of a life. He's dressed nicely, trying to seem professional. Oh, what the fuck.
"It's okay, don't pay attention to him." I squeeze mom's hand, as we sit next to each other, Michelle on mom's side.
"This is the state of North Carolina versus Justin Carter," the judge-Sonia-gets right into it. We go over oaths, the words barely leaving my mouth to promise to tell the truth, being told to speak louder. "Opening statements?" They go on.
"Yes," dad's lawyer goes on. I still avoid looking his way. "I would like to say that Justin here, he is a hardworking-"
I tune him out. Hardworking. Bull fucking shit. Okay sure, maybe he was at his job. But he almost fucking killed me? Hardworking is simply just that. He surely worked hard to make my life hell, so yeah. Hadley's too. I will give that to him.
"Olivia?" Sonia calls my name as I'm zoned out, already doing a horrible job at this. I can't just zoom out in court. Michelle looks at me, knowing I decided to be the one to talk here. Dad didn't say a single word and I finally look his way, he stares right at Sonia blankly.
"Oh, y-yeah." Suddenly everything I was going to say at this part leave my head. Fuck. The only things coming to mind include me using language you shouldn't use in court.
"I've got it," Michelle says, reassuring me that it's okay. "Olivia has endured years upon years of abuse from her father Justin, her sister Hadley, too. The damage that not only their bodies have gone through, but the emotional trauma they've gone through cannot be excused because he's hardworking and maybe remorseful. Abuse is inexcusable."
"Where is Hadley now?" My throat seems to close when Sonia asks this.
"She'd committed suicide when she was 15." Sonia's straight face falters for a moment, quickly going back to being serious.
Minutes upon minutes pass with the conversations about legal shit, my eyes refusing to look over at dad again, I can hardly even look anywhere but at mom who's helping me to not have a panic attack right now.
"Ma'am, there are files of times Olivia had gone to the hospital, because of Justin, but only claimed an accident," Michelle speaks up when given the opportunity. "You can look at her detailed injuries, but her most recent hospital visit is one that has pictures." I wince, remembering the photographs taken now that I wanted to forget about. "Olivia would have died if she didn't arrive at the hospital at the time she did. Her lung collapsed. Her father has broken her hand before."
Dad's own lawyer already seems defeated as though he doesn't want to defend him any longer, his own client, knowing the things he's put me through. I wonder how dad will plead, how the lawyer led him to the plead. It only gets worse when Michelle hands over the files to Sonia.
"Any words on behalf of Justin, Alexander?" Sonia asks dad's lawyer.
"No, ma'am." She hesitates a nod, looking through my files.
"Olivia?" Sonia says my name so softly, giving me the sign to talk if I've got anything to say, closing the files.
"M-Ma'am..." I stand as the ones talking have done, preparing myself, feeling the need to add on to all of this. I look back at everyone, seeing them all giving me nods with smiles, giving me strength to get these words out. "My father... he's been abusing me, and my sister, since I-I was nine I think it was which you probably already know but..." I stumble over my words, my face flushing in embarrassment. "I'd gotten so scared t-that I just stopped talking... Then talking became a hard thing to do just in general. T-Talking right now is terrifying because..." he's right there. "He's scared me so bad it takes a lot for me to talk to someone, just talk, and now I'm like two seconds away from a panic attack." I zip my mouth shut, hating how the words just keep going before I think about them, nervously laughing, my eyes glossing over.
"It's okay, take your time, Olivia." I smile in thanks at Sonia, sitting down as mom tells me things like just breathe and it's okay too, but I tune it out as I do try to just breathe.
After a few long minutes I'm back to normal, Sonia done analyzing every bit of the files, I take another chance to go on. "When my sister Hadley committed s-suicide, I was the one who found her body." I hate recalling this memory, hating the way mom's eyes gloss over next, but it's another piece of information to show how terrible dad is. "I cried and sobbed and begged my dad to help me, to help me get her to the hospital, to help me try and save her even though she was already gone. He didn't help, not one bit. I-I had to go to a neighbor I didn't even know to get her to the hospital. It was a-a shock when he at least buried her. He's not shown any bit of sadness over his daughter's death at all. Instead, h-he's told me many times he wished or thought I would've ended up dead by suicide by now, in ways of attention seeking."
Sonia's face falters again, showing so much emotion my eyes gloss over again as I steady my breath. Once I calm myself down from being seconds away from a panic attack again, I go on, just as Sonia goes back to her serious face, not showing any emotion.
"T-There was a time I tried getting help. Well, there was a couple, but they all r-resulted in this. When dad found out, he beat me almost just as badly as he did when m-my... lung collapsed, multiple times. All because I-I tried getting help, Hadley too, because of him." I look back and find some others wiping their tears, but Admira looks right at me, giving me an encouraging nod. "For a while, I believed some of the t-things he'd call me too. He'd call me, Hadley too, his own daughters, whores or bitches, sometimes even cunts. He'd beat me if I ever tried eating so I had to sneak food, as he claimed I was fat. I'd go days without eating, coming home f-from school and passing out right away after trying not to during school."
My breath goes uneven again so I sit down, even though I have more to say I can't go on any longer, giving Sonia the sign that I'm done. Mom rubs her hand up and down my back, wiping her cheeks while she looks away so I don't see.
I get time to recover from everything when a short recess is called. Dad and his lawyer leave for the given time, discussing whatever the hell they're thinking about this, dad not batting an eye to me or anyone when they leave the courtroom-I receive sympathetic looks from the jury I wasn't paying any attention to, making me want to leave. I stand, facing Adrian just as he comes up over the benches, Admira too.
"You're doing great, baby," Adrian tells me first, I get told that by everyone. I smile in thanks, my confidence going back up again. I sit down again for the rest of the time with mom, already too drained to talk to anyone about anything.
"It's looking good," Michelle smiles as she says this to me and mom, making me relax but I'm still scared. Mom and Michelle discuss more things as I completely zone out, only coming back when I worry about mom.
"Are you okay?" She looks at me like I just asked the most insane thing ever.
"I'm fine, Olive. I'll be great once he's locked up. Why?" She pushes my hair back, caressing my cheek gently that's still sensitive after the fracture.
"It's your first time seeing dad after years... I don't know," I trail off with a shrug.
"I'm fine, don't worry about me." She presses a kiss to my forehead just before Sonia walks back in.
More and more legal shit is talked about, nothing too important. The only thing important to me now is what dad will be sentenced, if he even gets sentenced, and how he'll plead. I'm curious as fuck to see what his pleas will be, because that part will say a lot. He can't plead innocent, or else he'll just look stupid with all the evidence. Unless he has some story that can make him look fine... he's good with stories.
"And Mr. Carter, how do you plead?" Sonia asks and suddenly I'm paying attention to every detail as dad stands up, gulping evidently as his Adam's Apple bobs.
"I plead guilty."
My mouth nearly drops open, shocked.
"I was a terrible excuse for a father."
He actually seems... genuine. Or he's gotten good at acting. I look at mom, her eyes on him only as she's just as shocked.
"I was angry over some things that had happened in my life, and took it out on my daughters who didn't do anything wrong ever. They were great kids." A tear rolls down my cheek that I wipe away immediately. "I never ever should've taken my anger out on them in even the slightest way."
Dad looks at me, our eyes locking. I bite my lip to keep it from trembling-I don't even know why I want to break down, I should be happy he's admitting to what a piece of shit he was, even if it's just an act.
"Olivia, I am so sorry."
Those five words change so much-not as in I forgive him, I absolutely don't, not yet at least, I'll get to that someday for my own closure and not his-but it seems he actually means them. I don't think too much about it though, as it could still be an amazing act.
"I am so sorry to you and Hadley." His eyes land on mom, whose eyes are filled with tears. "I'm so sorry Lauren, for what I did to our family. Our babies."
I look at mom, seeing her not batting an eyelash to him, looking at me to squeeze my hand as she lets a tear fall. It goes silent for a moment as dad sits back down, continuing what may be his act or truth. It's difficult to know whether he's acting or telling his truth with him.
I turn to mom the second Sonia orders another recess, not caring enough to wipe my tears away as I avoid dad at all costs, along with everyone else really. "Do you think he meant it?"
"I don't know, Olivia. But either way, sorry doesn't make up for what he put you and your sister through." I nod, understanding, but not only worrying about if he meant it or not. I turn to Michelle.
"Will they give him less time for showing remorse or something?" Please say no. Remorse means nothing now.
"Not this judge, not Sonia." Oh thank god. Hope slithers back to me, lifting more weight off me.
I finally manage to turn around and look at everyone, who are all giving me encouraging smiles and waves even though I can see tear stains on some of their cheeks. I also manage a smile when Adrian mouths, "You've got this," to me.
Minutes and minutes pass as hours it seems, even when the recess is over and more legal shit along with the jury is talked about. The only words I'm caring to hear about is what dad is sentenced or if he's even going to be sentenced anything at all.
"And..." I squeeze mom's hand to the point it hurts, I'm sure, when the time has finally come, the only part I truly care about.
"I hereby sentence you, Justin Carter, eight years in state prison." The gavel strikes the surface of the judge's podium, time resuming to play at a normal speed again.
Oh, thank fucking god. That's the only thing going through my mind as I watch officers come over to dad, putting him in handcuffs-being thankful this went the way it should've.
"Come here." Mom pulls me into her arms the second I stand and she does too, tears spilling from both of us-solely from happiness. Freedom, for me.
"Congratulations, guys." I turn to Michelle, even hugging her and thanking her for everything. I watch dad being escorted out, feeling free one hundred and ten percent.
"It's okay, baby," Adrian says as I throw my arms around him, his arms going around my waist. I laugh into his neck, knowing it's more than okay, seeing how he worries with my tears. "He's going where he deserves to go."
Eight years really is not that long of a time, but it's a lot more than I thought he'd get after my own little research. Maybe he'll learn in prison to not abuse his kids if he hasn't already.
"I know I'm just so happy," I rush out, hearing his own laugh now as I turn to Admira and Divine. They pull me into a hug at the same time, practically making a group hug.
So many hugs and congratulations and other words I appreciate are thrown around to me, almost overwhelming me, but thankfully mom notices and gets us out of the building we no longer need to be in. Adrian notices too, taking my hand and helping me.
"What's to celebrate?" Mom asks me, pulling me away from everyone outside the courthouse. There's plenty of other people who seem to have just gotten done with their own cases, then there's our big ass group.
"Food?" She laughs, agreeing. All the nerves that were making me feel sick have resided, my appetite back and making me hungrier than ever.
"Which restaurant?" We settle on one that's not too fancy but not just fast food, knowing the looks we'd get with all the people who'd be with us. More now as Cassie is just getting out of school, Mason leaving to pick her up and bring her with us.
Everyone ends up in all different cars-mom goes with Admira and Divine after Mason took the car, me going too with Adrian, although his parents take Danny, Noah, and Ashton. It's almost confusing.
"How's the burger?" Adrian asks with a laugh beside me, watching with a smile as I happily eat a burger, not caring about it being a sloppy one or anything. It tastes too good to care and, if you're not a mess when eating, was it really good? He got chicken tenders and fries like a child-although I don't have room to talk when I would've gotten the same if burgers weren't on the menu.
"It's pretty fucking good, I will say." He shakes his head with a grin now, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I bite the inside of my cheeks to keep the smile down as I watch Danny and Noah across the table from us, both laughing at something, being way closer together than just friends usually ever are.
And also keeping my smile down at how well today went. I'm so fucking thankful.
We managed all six of us-teenagers-into one booth, thankfully it's a big one. Mom and the adults are in the booth behind us, with Cassie, six of them also there now.
"D-Did you ever like..." I struggle with my question towards Adrian, not wanting to ruin the mood. "Did you go to therapy? Or anything like that? Or-"
"Nope," he answers without hesitation, not minding my question when he knows what it's about. After his mom's ex. "Why?"
"I think I might want to try it? I don't know... I'm just wondering if it'd help me more than writing everything down and letting myself cry when I need it. There's gotta be more to help." After dad was arrested, finally, today, I really am thinking about it all.
"You should try it, then." He kisses my head, making me smile at his words that make him sound so sure of himself. "See how it does for you, and you can stop if you don't like it. If that's what you want, I think you should do it."
"I think that's just what I'll do." Now I've just got to talk to mom later tonight. "How did you..." I trail off, Adrian seeming to know my next question.
"I didn't go to therapy and I never wrote my thoughts down in a journal down like you, but I managed to heal. I still am, even." I kiss his cheek. "It's a long process but no matter what ways you go, you'll get there. I sure did."
"I'm proud of you." The words that are usually always aimed at me make him smile and his cheeks flush. He tries to hide it, but he can't hide that from me ever.
Everything feels so much easier now, it's relieving. Apart from the stress I still have with the SAT tomorrow and exams coming up. Ugh.
And the stress now of just wanting to tell Adrian those three words. I love you. I do love him. But I still can't get those words up, so I make sure to look at him and do my best to say things to him that'll spell out to him that I do love him.
The way he looks at me and the things he says or does also make me feel like he loves me too, but that might just be me reading too much into it. But either way, it's amazing. Our relationship is amazing. It's another thing I am quite thankful for in every way possible.