Silent Lies - Chapter 46: Chapter 46

"This is nice," Noah says as we all sit around Ashton's living room, his parents out of town as usual.
"It is," everyone of us agrees. It's Saturday, exams finished yesterday, we're off school for the next three weeks, stress free. I will savor these three weeks, for once happy to be on winter break. I don't have to worry about being home everyday for three weeks with no escape anymore, as dads gone.
It really is nice.
"But the party is supposedly starting in an hour so we need to get ready," Divine reminds us all, pulling me up from the couch and leading me upstairs to the guest bedroom she took for herself in Ashton's house. Even though she'll end up in his bed.
Divine pulls out the matching dresses for us out of her bag-one's red and the others green, Christmas themed. The guys aren't doing much even though it's said to be Christmas themed, just some Santa hats. Me and Divine might also be the only ones to wear dresses to the party, but we really don't care. We want to get somewhat dressed up so that's just what we'll do.
We both take quick turns in the connected bathroom to get changed into the dresses-I take the red one and Divine takes the green one. The dress reaches a little past my knees while Divine, who's taller, reaches a little above her knees. The dresses aren't much, just ending with ruffles, but they're cute either way. We spend time on our hair-I straighten mine while she pulls her braids in a half up-half down bun-and makeup too, while we shut out the guys and don't talk about our boyfriends, even when we want to, to spend time together that is just about us.
Divine shakes her head when she sees me putting on converse while she puts on her black dress shoes. I stick with my white cardigan I wore today to cover up while the dress is short sleeved and it's cold out, Divine putting on her denim jacket that she definitely stole from Ashton.
I grin when she puts on her special white butterfly earrings-one's that her father got her when she was little-remembering when Ashton came to me the other day and showed me the butterfly necklace he'd gotten her just to check with me if she'd like it. She'll love it.
"Damn, we look good." I laugh with Divine in the mirror, genuinely enjoying how I look and feeling confident, something I've been feeling a lot lately.
"Yes, we do." I agree, smiling when she makes us take a few pictures to capture our moment. We decide to go downstairs finally, before the guys start nagging us for "taking too long."
"About time," they all say in unison when me and Divine walk back into the living room, ready to go. We shush them all before any more complaints are uttered.
I smile at Adrian, seeing how he doesn't complain at all anymore like Danny and Noah-Ashton doesn't either-walking over to me. His eyes trail up and down, taking me in, and I feel my body heat from flushing. The way he looks at me, makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the entire universe. "Gosh, you are so pretty."
"Thank you." I grin, leaning in to kiss his cheek that causes him to be the one who's flushed now.
"Ugh, get a room." Danny walks past us all with Noah, both making gagging sounds when Divine kisses Ashton.
As if they have room to talk with how obvious they've made it that there is something going on between them.
"We're going with you guys, those two are always kissing, even in the car." Noah rolls his eyes as he and Danny get in Adrian's car, not Divine's, as it is the truth in ways. Me and Adrian both laugh, settling in the front seats.
The drive is short, as we just pass the little bit of time with music, Adrian telling me more rules to parties. The last and only other party I've gone to, was the one Adrian found out about my dad. When I couldn't hide it anymore. So, I really haven't actually experienced a party fully.
When Adrian pulls into an empty space on the street, Divine's car right behind us, it's pretty obvious there's a party happening. Cars leave barely any other parking spots on this street, music being heard from inside the house, but not too loud. I gag when we walk past the front yard to the house, people dry humping with no shame at all that many people can see.
I wince when we walk into the huge fucking house, that music being way worse inside, obviously, my ears already aching. We have to yell over the music and chatter to find our way through the house, to the kitchen where drinks-just water, fruit punch, and a variety of alcohol-are lined on the counters. There's chips, plenty of snack cakes, and cereals lining the counter too. Cereal? Whatever.
"Perfect for when you're high." Ashton claps Adrian's shoulder, saying how much Adrian gets the munchies when high. I laugh, wanting to see. I've never seen Adrian, or any of them, high nor have I ever been. I wonder what it'd be like.
From what I know, weed or highs in general, can affect everyone completely differently. There's the munchies, the one where you laugh at literally anything, one where you're just chill and don't have a care in the world, or one where you're just paranoid or sad or something. That's all I know. I have an urge to find out what I'd act like high now, and an urge to just have the experience.
"Are you guys smoking tonight?" I ask Ashton specifically over the music, all attention going to me.
"Maybe." Ashton grins, holding Divine by her waist as she already took a shot. "Why? Do you want to?"
"Maybe..." Everyone's face goes into shock, as if that's a surprise. "It's just weed? Why is it a surprise?"
Ashton shrugs and turns to Divine. "Do you want to also, Divi?"
Her nickname.
"My mom will kill me." It is true. Admira isn't strict, but there's still rules. I'm sure don't smoke weed, is one. But she's already drinking alcohol... so.
"You're staying the night with all of us. You can take a shower and I'll wash your clothes, she won't even know." Divine frowns, not wanting to lie to Admira or even keep that from her. She already struggles to keep the fact that she's drinking a secret. "Tell her when you're away at college in the fall, laugh about it, what will she do then?"
"True..." Divine grins too now. "I'm in!"
Then Ashton and Divine are kissing, soon making out and blending in with the rest of the couples making out. Whatever. As long as they get a room before the dry humping in public begins, what's it matter?
"Do you want anything?" I shake my head at Adrian when he gestures to the alcohol, knowing I'll be fucking smoking weed later. I also just really don't want a hangover, even though I know I can watch how much I drink. I won't risk it. I take a fruit punch juice box and water.
"How's your first party?" I ask Noah as he follows me and Adrian, Danny also behind him, but I laugh as he watches all the couples with disgust. There's some people drunkenly dancing to the music though, some people outside in the large hot tub also.
"Aren't you supposed to be wasted by now?" Adrian asks Danny and I laugh once again, remembering the first party, even if I didn't pay much attention when I was in pain.
"What do you mean?" Danny's genuinely confused.
"Oh, right. You get too drunk to even remember." Adrian shrugs and I follow him, smiling and actually enjoying my time. It's so nice to not be in constant pain thanks to my dad.
Even as me and Adrian step outside, I keep an eye on Noah, Danny too, worrying about my little brother alone. There's only a two year gap between me and Noah but it feels like a lot more. I shake my head at Adrian again when he offers the beer in the keg as I remember how badly it'd tasted last time. No thanks.
Adrian takes a shot that'll wear off by time we leave the party, if it's even to affect him at all. I shiver with the wind and colder December air, needing more than Adrian's warm arm around me. I'd like to get in the hot tub, but not with what looks to be an orgy bound to happen soon with the couples in it.
Ew.
"Let's go inside." Adrian looks away, also disgusted, when he finds the soon to be orgy and feels me shivering. I lead us back over to Noah and Danny, worrying when I see Noah taking shots like it's nothing. It's his first time drinking, this shouldn't be this easy to him.
"Watch how much you drink, okay?" I warn him but he waves me off, taking another. One of fucking vodka. I laugh as he realizes what it is, coughing thanks to the burn.
"I'll watch him, Liv, don't worry," Danny assures me.
"You're staying sober?" Adrian's shocked, and so am I really.
"Yes. Is that such a shock?"
"Yeah..." me and Adrian both say.
"Go makeout and dry hump like the rest of the couples." Danny shoves us away and we laugh.
"Wanna dance?" I stop Adrian when he begins horribly dancing, doing the fucking sprinkler, to keep him from embarrassing himself. We bump into a couple during it and I quickly mutter an apology, taking Adrian's arm to find somewhere not taken over by couples.
Then Lexi is in front of us on our search, stopping us.
Why. Why. Why. Why her? Why now? Ugh.
"Hi, guys!" she says so sweetly it makes me sick. "You showed up."
"Yeah, clearly." Adrian wraps his arm around me, leading us away only for her to cut us off again.
"How's the party going?" She gets a little too close for comfort.
"Great until you showed up." Adrian grins at me as he hears me say that, kissing my temple.
She glares at me, turning her attention solely to Adrian, no longer wanting to play nice with me. "Remember when we used to be friends, Adrian? Now you never come around anymore." She pouts.
"Yeah, because I saw your true colors. So please, get out of our way." We do go to walk away again, but Lexi catches Adrian's wrist. Jesus.
"Adrian-"
"Don't touch me, Lexi." She still does anyway, her hands resting on the sides of his face and he looks disgusted.
Oh hell no.
"He said don't touch him." Lexi glares at me once again, getting too close to me.
"He can defend himself, bitch." Adrian gets between us, shoving Lexi back but having his warm and comforting hand on my back.
"Bitch? Really... Someday you have got to come up with better things to call me, Lexi. You're very unoriginal."
And there's a small sting on my cheek, going away quickly though.
She's slapped me again. A petty little slap that does nothing but piss me off.
Adrian can't stop me when I decide, since we're not on school grounds so we can't really get in trouble anymore, to curl my fist and give it my all to her nose that'd already almost been broken by Divine.
It's definitely broken now, as blood pours out and she cries.
Oops...
That's thanks to the years of built up anger towards Lexi and how she's always made me feel like shit and had the nerve to slap me at times, trip me too. Even if we were in school right now, I wouldn't have to be worried about getting suspended like I always did. Mom would understand, encourage it even. She wouldn't beat me for getting in trouble or defending myself like dad would have.
"You broke my nose!" I mutter a fake apology, taking Adrian's hand and getting us away from her as everyone around us goes quiet, the couples too, shocked. We run into Divine and Ashton on our way through the house.
"That fucking hurt," I mutter as I clench and unclench my fist, wincing as it's bruising already.
"What happened?" Divine asks, concern all over her face along with Ashton's.
"Um, she punched Lexi," Adrian answers, holding my hand in his as he worries. I still don't regret it, though.
"Really?" Ashton and Divine ask in unison, grinning.
"Yes." I grin too, happy that I did. It felt good to punch her after what she's put me through. I would so do it again if her nose wasn't already broken.
Okay, maybe not, but whatever.
"Violence isn't the answer." Bull. Shit.
"Do you think she'll try getting me in trouble?" I worry, because I for sure broke her nose.
"She'll have to fess up to the bullying and shit then." Like they'd believe me. "You've got five people to back you up, she'll get in trouble then too." I smile, not caring again.
"Good job." Ashton ruffles my hair, all of them proud of me.
"Think we should get out of here though?" Adrian asks and I agree. This party's boring and I don't wanna bump into Lexi at all again.
"Yeah. Where is Noah and Danny?" Adrian and I worry. Fuck. Where are the two idiots?
We go outside first and I get cold again, snatching the Santa hat off Adrian's head and pulling it onto mine. Thankfully, that is where we find them easily, though not how I wanted to.
"Jesus Danny! You were supposed to be watching after him." I laugh but worry also, watching Noah not even be able to stand that's how drunk he is. His first fucking time drinking.
"I couldn't stop him. I tried!" Noah grins up at me and I shake my head, watching as Danny tries keeping him up but Noah falls into my arms.
"H... Hi, Wiv." Noah hugs me, laughing about something, Ashton and Adrian keeping him up when he almost knocks me over.
"No more drinks for you," I scold him.
"W-What? The party... it's just getting started," he slurs and I shake my head. Mom and Mason would probably kill me if I bought Noah home like this, but thankfully we're staying at Ashton's, so that won't happen.
"You've drunk enough for the party to be over." He shakes his head, denying it but Ashton and Adrian are already dragging him along to leave.
"Pretty... C-Christmas tree." I continue shaking my head at Noah as he admires it, making us stop walking. I make us go ahead, needing to get this kid to bed.
By time we make it outside again, Noah's puking in the front lawn. All of us back away, not wanting to see that, but Ashton stays by him to help him back to his feet, looking at all the people whose attention turned to us and shouting, "Sorry."
"That's gross," Noah slurs and Divine shoves a water bottle to him.
"Trust me, I know, kid." Ashton pats his back.
"We weren't even here for over an hour. How'd he get that drunk?" I ask Danny when Noah collapses in the backseat, taking all the room so Danny will have to go with Divine and Ashton.
"He took shot after shot. Not even I can do that as much as he did." Danny shakes his head as if he's impressed.
"Let's go, Danny," Divine calls and he nods.
We struggle to get out at first, cars everywhere, but we make it in silence as Noah sleeps. We made sure he was turned on his side for if he pukes anymore.
"How's your hand?" Adrian asks at a red light, whispering.
"It's okay-"
"T-Turn that... Dance Baby song on, Wiv." Me and Adrian both jump at Noah's unexpected voice, thankful for the red light or Adrian would have swerved for sure. "The one you and D-Danny sang."
"Okay..." I plug my phone into the aux, searching for the song to make Noah happy, watching cautiously as he sits back up.
"Yes," he drags the word out as the song turns on. "Dance with-"
"Don't sing," Adrian's not putting up with the horrible singing tonight. Especially as it's slurred.
"You're no fun," Noah whines.
And he sings anyway.
The whole way back to Ashton's house, to every song that plays.
Mine and Adrian's head's both hurt, thankful when we pull into the driveway.
"What's so funny?" I ask Noah when Ashton and Adrian drag him out of the car.
"Me," he slurs and I scoff.
Adrian and Ashton get him up to another guest bedroom, laying him down on his side on the bed. I pull off his shoes when he complains, Ashton getting a trash can next to the bed then going to get water and ibuprofen for the hangover bound to happen.
"You were supposed to keep him from getting this drunk so you can watch him more tonight and make sure he doesn't choke on his puke or something," I tell Danny.
"Okay." He has no problem kicking off his own shoes and getting comfortable in the bed beside him. Of course.
"I-I'm not even... that drunk," Noah tells me and I laugh. We all do.
I follow Divine into the same guest room we'd used earlier so I can change out of the dress, both of us agreeing to wear them again when we barely did tonight. The party was a waste of time. I wash the makeup off, not wanting to do it later, then go find Adrian downstairs.
"How's your hand?" He asks again and I shrug, showing him my bruised knuckles that are killing me now.
I still don't regret it.
"I'm proud of you for punching her," Adrian laughs and so do I.
"We all are." Divine nudges me, Ashton agreeing as he walks into the living room with a shit ton of snacks.
"What-"
"Are we still smoking?" Oh yeah...
"You still want to?" Adrian asks me and I nod.
We settle around the living room, Danny and Noah still upstairs, as the beginning of some movie begins. I don't ask Ashton where he gets the weed even though I want to, minding my own business there as I take my own thing of gushers.
Adrian takes a joint from Ashton that he'd just rolled, looking at me as I nod my head to say I still want to. He struggles with the lighter that's about out, but he gets it eventually and places it between my lips as his arm goes around my shoulders.
"Just-" I don't listen to him, knowing what to do already because it's really simple, but end up coughing my lungs up just about from the smoke. Adrian rubs my back with a soft chuckle, handing me water.
"You good?" Ashton asks just before Divine can take her hit and I nod, but then she's also coughing.
"I'm good. No more," she says in between breaths, and I'd agree but I take a few more hits, the coughing getting less and less worse each time. But four is enough.
I watch Ashton smoke, Divine hardly even high as she just watches the movie, seeing how Adrian was right-Ashton just gets chilled, nothing special. Adrian only takes one hit, claiming to watch after us, me more specifically when Divine's fine.
I relax on the couch with Adrian's arm around me as we watch the stupidly funny movie, not minding the smell of weed in the air because shockingly it actually smells good. It's a good thing Ashton's parents are out of town yet again, or else we'd been caught.
I still worry about Ashton after he told me about his sister and how his parents blame him, but he never talks about it. He might talk to Divine though, hopefully he does.
It only takes a few minutes for my high to come over me, but I'm not sure about it. Suddenly the movie isn't funny and I feel numb. This would happen to me, of course.
I rest my head on Adrian's chest, hoping to just fall asleep and wake up in the morning back to normal. He pulls a blanket over us, his arms going around me again. I close my eyes even though I'm not tired, trying to force myself to sleep.
But it only brings back memories I don't want.
"No, you have to count over the decimal points, Olive," Hadley tries telling me in her room as she helps me with math homework. By far, my worst subject.
"But that doesn't make sense." She laughs as I groan.
"I know, but you'll get it one day." She winces when she stands from her bed and I frown. She won't show me but I know her ribs are bruised, broken maybe.
"I tripped down the stairs at school today," I tried to lighten the tense mood, laughing at my embarrassment.
"Are you okay?" Hadley doesn't find it funny, only worrying and forgetting whatever she was digging through her bag for.
"I'm fine. My knees just bruised." She pulls up the pant's leg on my checkered pajama pants, frowning at all of the other bruises littering my leg that aren't from falling.
"You need to be more careful." I nod and mumble "I know." She worried about me hurting myself more than dad hurts me, and now I regret ever mentioning it. All she ever does is worry.
"There's a field trip at school coming up..." I don't know why I mention it, I shouldn't. I know better.
"Where to?" She's digging through her bag again, stopping to tie her blonde hair into a bun.
"The aquarium. They want us to learn more about sea life or something but it sounds fun..." But I don't have the ten dollars to go with the permission slip.
"Where's the permission slip?" She hides something in her pocket and I worry.
I hand her the paper and she forges dad's signature quickly after reading all the details. I'll be home at the normal time so dad can't hurt me for being late, or Hadley. I watch her go to her bag again, pulling out and handing me ten dollars. "Hadley-"
"Take it, Olive." I shake my head, knowing ten dollars will help her a lot more. I don't need a field trip. "You can go, okay? Go and have fun. It's just ten dollars."
"Don't you need it?" She shakes her head and I can tell it's a lie. "No, I don't wanna go anyways."
"Well, I want you to go. Fish are pretty cool so you'll regret not going later." She shoves the money in my school bag and doesn't leave me any room to argue. "Is Divine going?"
"Yeah. Admira's chaperoning too." She smiles, happy about that. I know it hurts her to smile, though, because under her makeup she has a bad black eye.
"Look what I got us." She pulls out two full size chocolate bars from her back pocket, my face lighting up. "I know you've been wanting something sweet."
"Oh my gosh." She laughs, opening one for me and telling me to go on and eat it. Dad never lets us have food, let alone sweet stuff. And I haven't had anything to eat today, so I'm starving. "Thank you."
"Anything for you, Olive." She means that truly, as she does anything for me.
A door slams downstairs, the air around us suddenly thick and tense like it always is when he gets home. "Girls," he calls.
"Come on." She helps me stand as my hip hurts, grabbing her phone and headphones.
"But Hadley-"
"You know the drill, Olivia." Her moods completely changed.
"But it's not fair." She hides me from dad and takes all the hits and kicks and punches and mean words.
That doesn't always stop dad from getting me, though.
"Olivia," she sighs, rushing to get me to her closest like always when we hear footsteps.
"But-" She puts the headphones over my ears, playing the music on the first playlist that pops up. Some Paramore song.
"I'll be okay." She kisses my forehead, telling the usual lie.
She's never okay.
"Liv! Hey, come on, it's okay." Divine shakes me gently, Adrian right beside me and Ashton on my other side. "It's okay, come here."
"I'm s-sorry." I only now realize the tears streaming down my face as my body trembles in Divine's arms. I feel a hand rubbing up and down my back-Adrian's.
"It's okay. It's just a bad dream." A bad dream about what used to be my reality. A flashback.
Divine pushes Ashton away, taking his spot beside me as she holds me. Adrian's fingers run through my hair, soothing me as it feels so good, while my head now rests on Divine's chest instead of his. I worry about if I'd been sleep talking or anything, even though it really doesn't matter.
The flashback-nightmare felt so fucking real, as though I'd gone years back in life with Hadley still alive, that the anxiety is back and twisting my stomach.
"I'm gonna be-" Ashton understands quickly, pointing me into the direction of a bathroom closest as I stumble over my feet, still high unfortunately, Divine helping me.
"Let it out." I'm thankful when Divine pulls my hair back just in time, the vomit coming up the second I lean over the toilet and fall to my knees.
"Ew." I gag again, seeing the puke and having the taste in my mouth, throwing up some more.
"Here." Adrian's back, as I assume he ran upstairs for me when he hands over my toothbrush and toothpaste I brought.
"Thank you." Tears still stream down my cheeks as I flush the toilet, standing up with Divine's help. She wipes my cheeks, and I turn to her. "It w-was about Hadley."
"I'll be right in the living room, okay?" I nod at Adrian, seeing he's gotten the hint that I only want to talk to Divine right now.
I turn the faucet on, brushing my teeth right away when I need the taste out of my mouth or I'll throw up again. Divine pulls my hair into a bun while I do all that.
"When she'd hide me in the closet... s-so I didn't hear what dad would say to her or hear the pain he p-put her through," I explain to Divine once I'm done brushing my teeth.
"Come here." She holds me again, but I don't miss when her own eyes tear up.
"I miss her." I hold onto Divine, my tears falling a lot more.
"I know." She holds me and whispers things like it's okay into my ear, waiting until she doesn't feel her shirt getting soaked anymore with my tears to pull away.
The field trip to the aquarium happened the same day she committed suicide. She wanted me to have fun before I got home and found her.
Hadley would be 20, nearing 21, right now if she was still here. But she's still just 15. I'm older than her now...
I look in the mirror, seeing my eyes bloodshot from crying so much and also from the high. I splash my face with water, my breathing going back to normal.
"Do you want to talk?" Divine asks softly. I shrug.
"I just miss her... so much." I know Divine does too. "And I don't like weed."
"I've gathered that now." We both laugh, even after my breakdown. Puking up everything I've eaten today got everything out of my system, so I'm starting to feel normal again at least.
"Why couldn't it have made me laugh at everything or something." I lean against the wall, rubbing my eyes that hurt from crying so much. "Of course I'm the one who remembers stuff and gets sad."
"Well... at least you've experienced it and now know." I nod at that.
I hug Divine once more, thanking her for being there even when she tells me to shush. We walk back to the living room, finding Ashton and Adrian just watching the movie but as soon as they see us, Adrian's up.
"Are you okay?" I nod, hugging him before leading us to the couch.
"Just a stupid flashback. And I don't ever wanna smoke weed again, I don't like it." At first I was numb, then I had a fucking breakdown. No thanks.
"Noted." I take a bag of chips from the table of snacks with how hungry I now am, seeing Ashton having his own as he smiles at me, reassuring me it's okay.
Nobody brings up my breakdown as we return to the movie, everything back to normal including me almost.
"Somebody help me," we hear Danny practically crying as he runs down the steps.
"What?" We all get up, scared something bad actually happened until we smell something terrible.
"Noah puked on me." There are actual tears streaming down his face and I can't blame them. There's puke all over his shirt, some on his arms and pants and I look away before I see anymore, not wanting to also throw up again. "I'm gonna be sick-"
"Get to the bathroom you idiot! Don't puke on the floor." Ashton yells, shoving Danny back upstairs to the bathroom with a shower.
"My god." Adrian pinches the bridge of his nose while I can't decide between laughing at Danny's situation or throwing up again from it. "I'll go check on Noah."
"I think I'm done..." Divine puts her bag of chips on the table at the same time I do, both of us on the verge of being sick together after seeing Danny and now hearing his gags while also puking.
This night is actually disgusting at this point.