Single Father • Namjoon + BTS!Kids - Chapter 138: Chapter 138

Yoongi shrank into himself but nodded, refusing to meet her eyes. "It's just, I wanted to ask her, and you're the only one I could ask about it because I don't talk to any other girls and you're a girl so I figured you'd know..." He caught himself rambling and put a hand in front of his face, embarrassed and frustrated. "Never mind, it's stupid, forget it," he said, getting up and going to leave the room, but she stopped him with a gentle grip on his wrist.
"Wait, Yoongi-"
He turned, and she hesitated before dropping her hand. She didn't know if she was allowed to touch him. Still, she soldiered on. This was progress, right? "Yoongi, it's not stupid. I think it's wonderful that you want to ask a girl to the dance." She paused before gesturing to her bed. "Come, have a seat." She sat down slowly, waiting for him to follow suit, and he did a few long second later, slowly sinking down onto the mattress. "This girl. She must be special for you to want to ask her. What's she like?" she asked softly, and Yoongi was quiet for a long moment. Then he opened his mouth.
"She's...cool. Sort of chill. I don't know," he said quickly, his words spilling over each other as he stopped himself from saying more, his face still flushed. "She's normal."
Their mom smiled to herself before nodding for Yoongi, trying to appear like she wasn't overly excited, but she was, for lots of reasons. "All right. Have you thought about how you're going to ask her?"
Yoongi scowled. "That's what you're here for. I don't know. I thought about it but it all seemed wrong."
"What seemed wrong? Tell me what you were thinking."
Yoongi hesitated before putting his hands in front of his face and continuing by mumbling his way through them. "I was thinking about flowers but that's too much. I don't love her, I just think she's pretty and cool and she's a little dorky but it's sort of cute in a way and- ugh." He paused before adding, "I thought about leaving her a note in her locker or something, but what if it went missing? Or she could always just ignore it."
Their moment hesitated before speaking. "This is just from personal experience but...I think that whenever your feelings are involved, talking face-to-face works best. It's personal, and you have a chance to say exactly what you want however you want it."
Yoongi lowered his hands slowly, looking suspicious. "But what if I can't talk? Like, what if I choke up and I can't get a single word out?"
She smiled encouragingly. "In the moment, it'll be scary, but you need to use your courage. You're strong, Yoongi. Extremely strong. I see that every day when you take care of your brothers above yourself, and I know they see it too. So you have to use that strength. Like I said, it'll be scary, but it'll be worth it in the end. Even if she says no, you'll always have that experience-"
"Of being rejected?" he said dully, and she shook her head.
"Of being brave. Of being honest and vulnerable, of telling someone how much they mean to you."
"What if she says no, though?" he asked, looking scared and vulnerable and...not very Yoongi-like at all. It was a side of himself that he'd never allowed her to see.
Until now. "Then that's a shame because she couldn't find a better boy to go to the dance with," she said, smiling at Yoongi, and he sighed.
"That's great and nice and all, but...that would be so humiliating," he muttered. "She would tell all of her friends and everyone would know about it."
"Yoongi." She waited until they made eye contact. "You like this girl a lot, right?"
He didn't say anything but tightened his lips.
"Part of the reason you like her is because she's a good person, right? Do you think that you'd like her if you ever thought she was the type of person to purposefully humiliate you?"
Yoongi hesitated before shaking his head, and she took that opportunity to pat his hand gently.
"It's going to be a little scary, Yoongi, but just know that I'm extremely proud of you for trying, okay? Even if she says no, although she'd be silly to turn a boy like you down, a handsome, smart, funny, talented-"
"Okay, Mom!" he said, standing up, his face an even darker pink, embarrassed by her praise, and in the moment, the M word had just slipped out.
They were both silent, Yoongi wondering what it meant that he'd been able to say it so easily, and their mom wondering if it had been an accident, one he'd take back.
But after a second, Yoongi just nodded and looked away before quietly adding, "Thanks...Mom."
Then he left her bedroom, and after the door closed, she cupped her hands around her mouth, her eyes watering, and smiled to herself, overwhelmed. She knew it wasn't much, but it was everything to her.
***
"Dance?" Namjoon asked, and Lisa put a hand on his arm, grinning at the boys.
"I want to hear all about it," she said.
It was funny in an odd way. Lisa wasn't related to them. She and Namjoon were dating, but they weren't engaged or married. She wasn't tied into their family drama. For all intents and purposes, she should have been a stranger, an outsider. One of these things is not like the others. And yet there she sat at their dinner table, completely at home with their family, or rather, their half of the family. In other families, it would have been uncomfortable, a disturbing and intrusive new dynamic, but not in the Kim household. Part of the reason was because she wasn't just Namjoon's girlfriend. She'd been a family friend first, from day one of Jimin's abduction. She'd gotten to know all of the kids rather well during the unfortunate circumstances of those five years, and when Jimin returned, she got to know him as well. She was practically an extra family member by the time she and Namjoon started dating, although they'd kept it on the down low for the kids' sake.
But even after all this time, she was still a protector to the kids, no matter her relationship with Namjoon, and that made a difference to them, subconsciously. Even if her relationship with Namjoon ended, she would still be in their lives, watching over them, watching them grow up too fast.
To cut a long story short, she wasn't seated at the table by blood, but she belonged there all the same.
"It's just a school dance," Tae said, shrugging and getting seconds of his dinner.
Jin just nodded, a bit zoned out, and Lisa smiled at Tae, propping her elbow up on the table.
"And? Are you boys going to get dates?"
Jungkook grinned, pulling a folded sheet of notebook paper out of his pocket and unfolding it three times. "I already have four yeses and two maybes," he announced proudly, and Lisa just laughed before looking over at Tae.
"And what about you, Mister? Do you have anyone in mind?"
Tae sighed. "Not really. If I end up going, it'll only be to watch people make fools out of themselves. It'll be my entertainment for the evening."
Lisa nodded with a smirk and looked over at Jin. "And what about you, Mr. Football Star? Do you have a cheerleader or twelve accompanying you?"
Jin opened his mouth before closing it and shrugging. "I don't know yet..."
Lisa looked over at Namjoon. "What do you think about the dance?"
Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know...don't they seem a little too young to be asking girls to a dance?"
Jungkook looked up anxiously. "Dad, I can't not go! What about the four-possibly-six girls who are expecting me to be there?"
"Do they even know your name?" Tae asked with a snort, and Jungkook glared at him.
"They will eventually," he replied before looking back at Namjoon. "Please, Dad? It's not like I'm asking anyone out. It's just to the dance. It's not dating."
Namjoon's eyes widened as he sighed. "Yeah, let's leave the dating discussion for another time because you're way too young for that."
"I'm fourteen!"
"You've got your whole life to find love," Namjoon replied. "No need to rush into it, all right? And high school relationships can lead to a lot of complications when kids don't know what they're doing, like teenage pregnancies and STD's and-"
"OKAY DAD PLEASE STOP!" Jungkook yelling clamping his hands over his ears, and Taehyung put a finger gun to his head before mock pulling the trigger and fake dying against his chair.
Namjoon was quiet before he started laughing, and he finally trailed off as he breathed out. "All right, you can all go to the dance," he said, but before they could say anything, he added, "BUT. You'll have a curfew, all right? No arguments on that. And I don't care how many girls you're going to the dance with, none of them are staying the night, all right? Teenage boys are hard enough to deal with, I don't even want to think about teenage girls," he mumbled.
"Deal," Jungkook said, and Tae just sat up in his chair and started eating dinner again.
"Jin?" Lisa asked, and Jin looked up.
"Huh? Yes?"
"Are you excited about the dance? You seem a little tired, is all."
Jin smiled, but he was tired, had been for a long time, and not just physically. "Yeah, I'm sure it will be fun."
"All right. Just checking on you. Now eat up, okay? You're looking a little pale," Lisa said, narrowing her eyes before adding more onto Jin's plate.
***
After dinner, the boys went to their room while Lisa helped dry the dishes after Namjoon washed them.
He handed a wet plate to her and said, "I don't know about them going to a dance..."
She took the plate and started drying it. "I know you're nervous, Namjoon, but high school is an important time for them in their social lives. They need to become more confident, and they can't grow if they're always at home."
"But...what if...I don't know, what if there's an emergency?" He handed her another plate. "Like a fire, or like in that movie Prom Night where a killer sneaks in and starts killing a bunch of kids?"
"Joon, I know you're always going to be worried for your kids' safety," she began, taking the plate from his hands, "but you can't keep them safe forever. They're going to have to take risks. At some point, they're going to want to go out there and see the world. And what about college? Are they all going to be satisfied commuting to a local community college? What if they want to study somewhere farther away?"
Namjoon froze, the water still running, and Lisa gently turned the faucet off, turning to face him and gently taking the plate from his hands, unwashed, and setting it back down in the sink. "I'm not ready for them to leave home," he said quietly, as his words were no longer muffled by the sound of running water and he didn't want the boys to overhear them. "I'm not ready to let them go."
"I know," she said. "I'm not their mom, but I've been watching them grow up for the past ten years. That's two thirds of the triplets' lives. And my only regret is that I haven't been here to watch them grow from day one."
Namjoon was quiet. "How?" he asked vaguely before clarifying. "You love them like they're your own kids. Doesn't it...doesn't it bother you...as my..."
"As your girlfriend." She crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter.
"As my girlfriend... doesn't it bother you that they're someone else's kids? I mean, that someone else gave birth to them...that someone else created them with me...that I had an intimate relationship with someone else that wasn't you...Doesn't that bother you?"
"Joon, this isn't about me. We were talking about the boys and the dance-"
Namjoon put an arm on the counter between Lisa and the sink. "We're always talking about the boys. I love them and I know you love them too, but I don't spend nearly enough time talking with you about how you feel and what you're okay with."
"Namjoon-"
"I told you, didn't I?" he asked, his voice softer, gentler, and if his hands weren't covered in soap bubbles, he probably would have touched her cheek. "That I don't want to always put you second. That you matter to me, a lot, so much. And because I'm a paranoid helicopter parent, most of my attention ends up making sure Taehyung hasn't created a robot replacement of Jungkook or that Jungkook hasn't started dating yet or that Jin isn't being bullied in school or anything...and it's harder now than ever because I end up wondering about Yoongi and Hobi and Jimin, asking myself questions I don't have the answers to...and because of everything, I feel like I put your file on the bottom and tell myself I'll get to it later, only I never make it all the way through the stack of all my worries and doubts."
"Namjoon, it's okay-"
"It's not okay, Lisa," he said harshly, but it was directed towards himself. He softened his tone. "You don't deserve that. You deserve so much more."
"But I'm happy, Namjoon."
"But you could be happier," he said, his voice a whisper. "You could be so much happier. There's probably some guy out there who would shape his whole life around you and make you the center of his world. He would wait on you hand and foot and spoil you every second of the day."
"You already make me happy, Namjoon. You and the kids. And I don't need to be waited on or spoiled," Lisa whispered. "I just need to be loved."
"And?" Namjoon whispered back, leaning in. "Are you? Are your needs fulfilled? Do you feel as loved as you want to feel?"
"That's a stupid question, Namjoon," Lisa said, smiling. "I wouldn't be here otherwise." She paused. "Well, that's not true. I'd stick around anyway. But yes, I feel loved. From you. From the kids, even if they don't like to say it. And I..."
"What, Lalisa?"
"I've always wanted...to be part of a family," she whispered, her eyes tearing up, and she looked out the window over the sink to her right. "And you've given that to me. You've given that to me, and so much more, Namjoon. So much more. And every day, I thank God..."
"Lisa-"
"I thank God that I get to spend the day with you and your family."
Namjoon shook his head before looking down at her warmly. "Our. Our family."
He finally put his hand on her cheek, soap bubbles and all, and their lips met, the dishes in the sink forgotten.