[SKYRIM]: The Name of Time - Miraak & Female Dragonborn Fanfiction - Chapter 5: Chapter 5

As soon as they returned to Whiterun, Ammra attended the funeral ceremony for Kodlak. Her heart sank as she watched the flame of Skyforge devoured the old man's body.
Kodlak knew Ammra often struggled with self-doubt and he helped her deal with it. Without his encouragement, Ammra would not be certain enough to start her project—especially after knowing it required her to kidnap Miraak. Now that he's gone. Ammra felt so alone. Would the project succeed? or it would be a foolish death for she was taking her nemesis all along the journey?
She let out a long sighed. Concluded her thoughts. "What's the worst possibility? Miraak killed her? Yes. Miraak continued her plan to conquer Tamriel? Also, yes." She was so deep in thought that she forgot the very man she needed to be aware of was walking next to her and studying her.
Ammra had been awfully quiet. That was the first time he saw her went totally silent. Except for saying that Lydia would prepare the dinner and bath for him, she did not talk at all and went to lock herself inside the bathroom. "Sofie, your mother is not doing okay. Give her space." He heard Lydia talked to the child. "When she is better, I am sure your mother will play with you. Now, go to sleep."
The child nodded and went to her room. Lydia turned to Miraak. "I have my eyes on you." She warned her. "My thane told you to use the upper room."
Something was bothering him. The sudden and brief strike of sorrow that he felt earlier that day left him restless. He could not find the reason why. All he knew was he hated the feeling. Ever since he walked the mortal realm, he had been bothered by many unfamiliar feelings. He knew some of them might be his own but some of them were so different as if it was not his own emotion.
Miraak sat on the bed. He decided to distract himself by forcing his Magiva Vein to circulate. He tried several times and able to conjure a bigger flame.
"Nice flame," Ammra said in the doorway. She did not seem shocked. Instead, it was Miraak who held his breath. She just finished taking bath and now stood before him with only a towel that covered her body. She casually walked in and browse the dresser in the room.
"WHAT IN OBLIVION! CAN SHE STOP THAT?!" Miraak cleared his throat. "I heard from the twin that you can also..."
"Yes, I can, Miraak." She snapped with a soft voice, busy choosing which clothes to put on. Miraak's gaze fell on her bare shoulder. He tried to look away. But his eyes betrayed him, he still tried to see the sight. "I can sense...heart and blood." She added then suddenly turned to him. "Your heart. It's beating really fast now." Ammra looked at him in the eyes then sighed. She chuckled wryly. "Impressive. I am able to scare the First Dragonborn."
He was half glad half angered. How dare she thought he was afraid of her! But he also didn't want her to know what he actually really felt, so he chose to remain silent and let her felt the pride.
"I know what you think of me." She told him. "I know I'm disgusting. But at least you would think twice before trying to kill me again." A self-deprecating smile curled on her lips.
"Umm...Mama?" sofie's voice broke in.
"Sofie...what did I say about knocking before entering?" the child showed a guilty face. Ammra walked away from the drawer and approached her. "What do you need, dear?" she asked.
He watched them talked to each other then Ammra kissed her goodnight. Sofie left after hugging Ammra and made her promise to play with her another time.
"You will be staying here tonight," Ammra said as she resumed choosing clothes from the drawer. "I will visit my other house tonight, it's outside the city wall. We'll meet again tomorrow morning." Ammra felt she needed to alone. She must sort things out before deciding what to do next. She thought Miraak was scared enough of her and presumed it was fine to leave him in Breezehome.
Meanwhile, Miraak thought, "She held me captive yet let me out of her sight. How clever!" He opened his mouth to questioned her. But when he saw Ammra was about to get naked, he immediately exclaimed. "Wait!" he ordered then treaded fast, leaving the room to sat downstair. She could hear he was grumbling but not knowing why.
"I am coming with you," Miraak said when he saw Ammra walked down the stair.
"Fine. But aren't you afraid? It is a full moon tonight." She gave that teasing smirk.
"Cut the crap! I am not afraid of you." He replied sternly.
Thundra Homestead was her other house. She often chose to spend the days in that house whenever she felt sad and need time to be alone. Miraak followed behind her as they walked past the farm and Honingbrew Meadery.
There was only the sound of crickets and wind. The pale moon shone, washing the face of the land, letting out a lonesome but beautiful scene to gaze. Finally, she could let the feeling caught her. She wanted to cry. Ammra stopped in the middle of the bridge, staring into space. The sound of flowing water was so calming as if it could let the pain drift away with it.
Her head started aching and her heart throbbing.
"Dov...Hah...Jud" the voice echoed again as he saw Ammra stood still, gazing into space. He suddenly acquired that something was burdening her.
"Several months ago,..." she said. "The enemy that you saw talking to me...I spared his life." She stopped. "He stole a fragment of Wuthraad. When Kodlak knew that I just took back the fragment without killing him, Kodlak said I did the right thing." She sighed.
"I got used to the betrayal that would take my life. That was why I am not afraid of your threat. But a betrayal that takes someone else's life is too much for me...it is all my fault" she pulled her hood, hiding her face. "I wish I could replace Kodlak's place..." Ammra tried to control her breath. "You know what...I bought the best Sujamma in Solstheim for him."
"Kodlak was the only one who knew about my plan. He was being supportive. But he also found out that I was unsure if I could defeat you. Therefore, when left Skyrim to find you, he made me promise that I would return and cooked him ash yam stew with Sujamma. You saw how big the bag I carried along the way we back here. It contained the ingredients..." she laughed softly in pain. "This is all happened because I was too forgiving..." she then continued walking.
Miraak did not really know who in the oblivion Kodlak was. He did not care either. He did not want to know their conflict for it is not his interest. Mortal's fair was meaningless for him who could burn a single town with a snap of his finger. But Ammra's simple confession made him felt as if a blade was thrust through his chest.
That moment his one hand was touching the blade handle. "One stab...then it is all over..." he hated what she made him feel. "I will kill..." his thought was suddenly drawn to her voice. She sniffed and rubbing her face, crying in silence.
The moment they arrived at the house, Ammra managed to put on a calm face. "Bedroom is over there." She said while sitting comfortably on an armed chair.
"You looked pathetic! And don't treat me like someone who needs your care."
She remained silent. "I am one day delayed." She began. "We will be leaving for Solitude tomorrow. We need to visit nine different places."
"Good. Your time almost running out."
"Ah...right." She said while smiling faintly. "Your magic has started to reawaken." Miraak did not see a hint of regret nor fear on her face. "Then we must hurry."
"Mhm." Was all his response. Silence came in again and Ammra seemed to lost in thought. Her eyes were red from crying. "Once you get this weapon of yours...you can avenge him,"
Ammra just smiled faintly. "Meaningless. It won't revive him. It won't heal me either."
"Then what will you do? You have the power that you want to wipe them out so they will not hurt your friends again."
"Just because I can, it does not mean I should."
Miraak snorted. "I can't believe I lost to someone like you." He felt irritated by her soft and tender way of thinking.
"Miraak..." she called and he just answered with a voice. "You know I could turn into werewolf. Why do you insist on coming here tonight?"
"Because I know a person as soft as you could not even do that even if you have the power." He said sternly. "You are a Dragonborn and you have that beast power. But instead, you left me alive. You were too scared to do what you want." The moment he said those words, he felt instant regret.
"Pffttt..." she laughed faintly. "You smell so tasty." She said with a smile and Miraak gulped. He just realized he dug his own grave. "When you were unconscious after the battle and I took you to my house in Raven Rock, you were easy prey. When we were in Windhelm, in one room together, your heartbeat was calling me to devour you." Her calm voice sent a chill to his spine. "I want to eat you Miraak. Perhaps, I can be stronger by consuming another Dragonborn? Just like your initial plan to absorb my soul..."
"Then why you did not do it?"
"Just because I can, it does not mean I should." He smirked because she said the same thing.
"You talked like a dragon that I remembered. You don't have to make yourself look good in front of me. I just remembered; you need me alive for your experiment." Ammra remained silent.
Miraak did not understand what agitated him. Was it because of her weakness? No. In fact, she defeated him. She even got that Alduin-slayer name. Was it because of her soft heart? But if she was not soft, he would have been as good as dead. He could not find a reason from her for his agitation but he knew it was because of her.
But when he looked at her again as a tear rolled down her cheek—she still tried to hold back—only then he understood what caused the unpleasant feeling—that wretched tear, her pain.
"Stop it!" he ordered her sternly. Ammra turned to him. When their eyes met, Miraak turned away, crossing his arms. "Just stop being sad." He added. "I said about all those revenge things because I want you to stop being sad. Revenge will not revive him, but being sad won't either."
"Miraak I think..."
"And thanks." He snapped. "For not eating me...yet." He added slowly. After thousands of years in his life, he felt he had just said something the most absurd. He forgot when the last time he said thank you to someone.
On the other hand, Ammra was surprised to hear those words from him. "Was he trying to cheer me up?" To his surprise, Ammra giggled. "Thanks for talking with me Miraak." She thanked him. "You are right that being sad won't revive Kodlak. But I have the privilege to shed tears. It makes me feel better. I just don't want my opponent to see it...I don't want you to see it because...I feel shy...?"
Miraak frowned. "Whatever." He replied. "I wonder why an old man is so special to you"
"Kodlak was like a father to me. But people in Jorrvaskr especially those twins were close to him. He was well respected. He was the one who convinced me to trace you down to Solstheim." She explained. "He told me a true Nord face the problem head-on. So I looked for you as well as started this project. I am not a Nord. I am not from Skyrim, but perhaps his words lent me a bit of courage. Without his encouragement, I would have ignored you and let the twin killed every cultist you sent."
"I see." Miraak was tempted to ask more. He held back nevertheless. One side of him still insisted he needed to kill her soon.
"Say, Miraak. Have you ever had someone you dearly care for and trust? But suddenly they are gone?" it took him some time to understand her question. "Have you ever felt losing someone and betrayed?"
"No." he finally said. "In fact, I was the one who was betraying." He used to say something bitter and now those words came out without control. Miraak cursed himself for he saw her face became darken with sadness.
"Ah...I remember you betrayed the dragons. Is that what you mean?" he just nodded smugly. She sighed "It is getting late. As I said, the blockage in your Magica Vein made you tired faster. I took you to our hunt today with the twin in such condition. I am sorry."
Again, she displayed such care for him. Miraak just stared at her for a split second. "Are you underestimating the power of the first Dragonborn?"
She shook her head. "I almost got killed when defeating you." Her innocent tone made the topic somewhat like other trivial matters such as stolen sweet roll. Ammra closed her eyes and let out a long sigh again. "The moon reached its highest state. The werewolf blood within me calling."
"You will go out hunting some...humans?"
Ammra laughed faintly. "Nah. I never eat humans nor I ever shift. You had better go to sleep. I cannot cry with you lurking around." She chuckled but Miraak just frowned. He turned and walked to the room. "Umm...Miraak." She called and he turned his head to her, "Lock the door." She smiled. Miraak just grunted but he felt a slight relief when he heard her giggled mischievously.