Sold to the Alpha With Silver Eyes - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

I slip into the back of the sedan, eyes up to the roof as I force the tears to stay where they belong. My lips quiver as I shake my head, sliding my eyes closed as I force myself to breathe through pursed lips and inhale through my nose. I will not cry, I will not. Dev is not my concern anymore, neither is his future with Jasmine.
“Are you okay, Eden?” Topher asks, his voice gentle and I break. Tears ripple down my cheek as I gasp out and wipe at my face, trying to hold myself together.
“Well now, I’m not. Why did you have to ask me that?” I blubber, grabbing the kleenex he offers me from his front seat.
“I mean…because I wasn’t sure if you were okay?” He says, confused.
“You never ask a woman on the verge of tears if she is okay,” I sniffle out, wiping my nose and clearing my throat.
“Wait, seriously? It’s better if I ignore a woman who is about to cry?” He asks, his lips pressing together and brows knitting together in thought.
“Heck yes. Asking if we are okay when we are clearly not is a sure way to have someone sob.” I groan, resting my head on the back of the seat, dropping my hands to my side.
“Okay, but why?” He scoffs and I shrug, turning to look out the back window and see Leoni talking with Dev while forcing Jasmine to stay back with her hands.
“It just is, okay?” I snap at him. Guilt sinks in within a second and I sigh, covering my face with my forearm. “I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Don’t worry about it, Eden. My feelings aren’t hurt.” He says, his voice gentle. “I take it you just learned about their…arrangement?”
I sink into the seat further. My hair flutters over my shoulder and into my face, but I welcome the shield of brown hair that provides me this safe space from prying eyes.
“It shouldn’t have surprised me.” I mutter, my chest aching with an intense longing.
“Of course it should have. We all know how dev feels about you, and I know it is no comfort now, but this is a loveless mateship.” Topher says, like he is helping the situation. My throat tightens and my eyes sting with tears again. Damn it. Why the hell am I so weak?
“That makes me feel worse.” I mumble.
It may make me soft, but I care for Dev too much to want him to be stuck in a relationship where there is no love. Or maybe it hurts more knowing he will come to love her as most arranged marriages end up.
That complacency turns to comfort, and comfort turns to love. Maybe not passionate or one that makes your skin crawl with need, but a different kind of love. One built on trust and understanding and years of deep dependability and close friendship.
Oh damn it, I really need to get out of here. It feels like I am suddenly suffocating. Topher must sense the change in me as he honks the horn three times for Leoni. We seem to wait forever before she opens the door and clambers in, then there is a knock at the window.
The signature whirling of the window going down makes me hug myself tighter, refusing to look in the direction.
“Alpha?” Topher asks.
“This is why you couldn’t attend the event with me this evening?” Dev asks, but he doesn’t sound angry, instead he sounds relieved.
“Sorry Alpha, Leoni had secured me much earlier than you informed me of your evening plans.”
“Truthfully, I am happier with you here, with them.” He sighs.
I swear I can feel him looking at me and there is no fighting the pull to him as I peek up. His silver eyes swirl with guilt and longing as I lock on them and I find I can’t look away. He speaks volumes in that silence, his face filled with tension and dark circles under his eyes. I want to touch him, to ease the mental burden weighing on him.
But then I remember the cost of that touch. To break now would give us both a hope that has long been stomped out, and it’s not just because he lied about who he is.
But because he has done nothing to come and fix things, to explain to me until this chance encounter today. I want to hear his excuses and believe them. I almost gave in when I went to his room for answers. It felt like tearing a limb from my body to walk away from him then, and it is no easier now.
“Topher, let’s just go, please.” I whisper, my voice giving out as if I haven’t been breathing at all.
No one speaks. Dev only takes a step back, his hands resting in his pockets as he watches me, jaw muscles clenching as I look forward and we drive away.
“Back home?” Topher asks, and I look over at Leoni, who watches me, waiting for me to answer.
“No, let’s finish our day. I think I need a distraction for a little bit today.” I say, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“Well then, let’s get some ice cream on the way.” She grins and I laugh. I blow my nose before nodding and pressing my fingertips to my face under my eyes, hoping my cold hands will keep the swelling down.
An ice cream, three stores and about seven shopping bags of clothing later Leoni and I make our way into the house in higher spirits than I had been in before. I giggle as she trips over her own shoe and curses before turning the light on and shooting me a fake scowl.
“Rude of you to laugh at my pain when I just treated you like a queen.” She says, her hand on her chest in a dramatic way.
“It’s a sugar high, I swear.” I plead and she shakes her head.
“Go put your new clothes away and get rid of some of those old dingy things that you seem to sleep in the most.” She scrunches her nose like they smell and I roll my eyes.
“Yes, mom.” I tease, rolling my eyes as I back away, and she grins. Her eyes flicker and her face grows more serious, her head tilting to the side.
“Eden…” she says softly, the air in the room growing more serious. “Are you okay?”
Her words are sobering as I sigh heavily and chew on the inside of my cheek.
“I will be.” I offer, looking up at her. “It’s hard to explain…but it feels like an open wound that’s been treated. But every time I move or breathe a stitch tears out. It will heal, in time, but I think it’s going to be painful for a while.”
Her shoulders sink, and she nods in understanding.
“Because you love him?” She asks and I get the feeling she needs the verification more for herself than I need to say it out loud.
“No, because I trusted him with so much of me. I was so lost before you guys saved me, and then you helped me find myself again. But I was still dependent. I still am with you in ways. It’s like I am having to relearn how to walk all over again, but I know I can do it because I just did.” I shrug, feeling very much like a wise aged woman at my own words.
“You have been spending way too much time with me,” Leoni snorts. “Your words are deep and flowery now, but I’m glad you realize there was more to your relationship with Dev than just a romantic side.”
“Hah,” I snort, realizing how dang true her words are. Leoni is poetic, a rarity with her way to process and vocalize her emotions. It’s why she has handled grief more gracefully than I have ever seen someone do before.
I turn to walk away, but I can see something is still on her mind, so instead I place my bags down and cross my arms over my chest.
“What?” I ask her, eyes narrowed as she inhales deeply before blowing out an exaggerated breath.
“I am trying to gauge what all you know.” She whispers and I frown.
“About what, exactly?” I ask her, and she licks her teeth, glancing around.
“There are things Dev has said to me, things that didn’t make sense until we saw him today and I can’t…it’s not my place to tell you but I do feel like you deserve the truth and getting it from him–”
“Is not going to happen because I wouldn’t trust a word out of his mouth, anyway.” I finish for her, my heart racing as I take a step closer. “What he mentioned, or told you or whatever, do you believe it?”
She places her hands on her face like she wants to scream, but instead her eyes close and she nods. She does indeed believe what he said.
“Then tell me.” I demand.
“It will hurt you.” She admits, her eyes pleading with me to not ask this of her, but why the hell else would she bring it up to me if she didn’t want me to know?
“I am already hurting. What’s a little more?” I remind her, and she winces.
“Dev is going to hate me.” She mutters, turning to face the counter, both hands flat on the surface as she looks down. I give her a minute to collect herself before she turns and looks at me with determination.
“Will it change anything?” I ask her, and she takes her time, weighing the answer before she frowns and shrugs.
“I honestly don’t know. It could make things worse or better or change nothing. But I feel Dev wants you to know, but he can’t get close enough to tell you…”
I bark out one sardonic chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Yeah, well, suddenly I’m not sure I want to know if he thinks it’s important enough to drop hints for you to tell me.” I am being obstinate, but I’m beyond the point of caring. Other than when I care and the fact that I really, really want to freaking know what she is fighting with sharing.
“Okay, then I won’t say it.” She sighs in relief.
“No!” I shriek. “Geez, just freaking tell me already. I promise you, it can’t hurt more than seeing him kiss Jasmine.”
“He is–well, was–your true mate. He was the one who rejected you at the hospital…” She rushes the words out, wincing as she watches me blink. I can hear my pulse in my ears, the way my blood moves through my veins and how with every second I spend processing her words, the speed quickens and my eyes burn.
“H-h-he is the one…” My voice breaks as I choke on the words, unable to repeat it.
“He said there is so much more but he can’t relive it, not yet…” Leonie says, rushing over to me. “I told him I can’t know. Being between you both with this is awful and I hate how much you are hurting…”
“He…I mean…I…what?” I shake my head, my eyes squinting as I press my hand to my forehead. “Dev is my true mate?”
I look up, meeting her eyes, looking for comfort or a lie, but I find only watery eyes looking back as she watches me spiral out of control in my mind. My stomach squeezes painfully and I bend in half, trying to breathe as I press my hands to my knees.
“That is why he doesn’t want me anymore, isn’t it?” I whisper. “He recalls who I am, what my family did, and he…knows I’m not good enough…”
“Don’t,” Leoni says to me, lifting my chin to look at her as she squats in front of me. “Don’t you dare shrink back into that hellhole of a shell. If you are mad, get your ass up and go yell at that asshole. Tell him. He deserves to see your pain as you have to feel it.”
She is blazing with fury that ignites inside me and I press my lips together, deciding I am going to do just that. Because fuck him and his feelings. He is the one who pursued me and then let this happen. If he really wanted me like he swore he did, why the hell won’t he fight for me?
“I will,” I say, standing abruptly before I rush out the front door. A woman on a damn mission.