Sold to the Alpha With Silver Eyes - Chapter 63: Chapter 63

*Eden*
I forgot how safe it feels in his arms. How even if he did terrible things, lied to me and broke my heart, it’s so easy to pretend it never happened the second he holds me. It doesn’t mean I want him back or that I want to forgive him. It just means that I just need to feel safe when I have felt so vulnerable and exposed lately.
Not once does he do anything to move me or ask what is wrong. He just supports, encourages with gentle thumb strokes over my spine, and it fuels a deeper ache. Dev is different, his muscles are more relaxed, his body at ease and his temperament… He finally feels back to the Dev I knew when he first saved me, before things went sideways.
Before our one and only botched date.
I don’t want to pull away from his warmth, but I have to look into the silver eyes of the man I still am madly, deeply in love with. It will fix everything in me. How? I don’t know, but I can just feel it. My wolf needs to connect, see his lycan through his eyes. So I slowly push away from him, raising my chin.
My breathing hitches, and my heart finds my throat. Fuck, when did he get this handsome? His face is stubbly, a short beard framing his glorious, sharp cheeks and highlighting his lips. Lips, I never really got to taste more than a few stolen times when I thought he was mine. It takes everything to tear my gaze away from them and up his face.
He is filled with worry, his eyebrows lopsided and lips now pressed together as he does the same thing I am doing, taking in every detail, reading every change. And though I can see he wants to speak, ask things, he remains quiet. That’s a change, Dev not speaking his mind or asking questions first. He seems to wait for permission or, perhaps. He is waiting for me to ask him first?
Then his gaze flickers up and his hands smooth my hair, his fingers lifting little sections as he tucks them behind my ears and there is a hint of a smile when he is done. Like the simplest thing had just brought him an insurmountable joy and my chest stutters.
“How are you?” I ask him, tilting my head to the side and he frowns.
“I am here for you, Eden. Not to make this about me.” He whispers, his voice deep and raspy.
“You are the Lycan King heir. Everything is about you.” I remind him and his frown grows deeper, eyes going distant. My wolf whimpers, upset with me for making him shut down.
“Sometimes things change for the better.” He offers a tight smile and I narrow my eyes.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask him and he watches me close as if looking for a trap.
“If you want me to talk about it,” Dev answers cautiously, watching me warily.
“What do you want to talk about, then?” I ask, shrugging, not yet ready to be away from him. If I could, I would crawl into the big bed in the corner and just lay with him in silence. Maybe I would be able to sleep decently without the help of herbal teas. Like I used to when he was with me.
“Sometimes silence is more than enough to say when something needs to be said.” Dev whispers, taking a step closer to me, closing the gap I had just created. But I let him advance, realizing how right he is.
Silence seems to be the only place we can coexist. I want to vent, relay to him all the problems with being in this pack, how I am more conflicted about him now than I ever have been because…well, because he didn’t actually kill my family now.
Shit. Does it make me so mental in the head that I am trying to justify his attempted execution of my family because I am mad at them, hurt by them? It might…but the hell if I can help it. Dev feels like the missing puzzle piece in my sanity. In my life.
“I missed you.” I blurt out, my chest heaving as my nose stings, tears threatening to spill over. “Isn’t that crazy?”
I chuckle dryly, pressing my fingers to my temples with both hands. Dev swallows roughly, but he nods, his hands slipping around my waists as he tugs me close and stoops his head down, pressing our foreheads together.
“Is it crazy that I missed you, too?” His words are barely heard gravelly, as if he is overcome with emotions he can’t control.
“How can I hate you and want to smack you,” I whimper out, a tear slipping down my cheek. “And yet only feel comfortable and safe in your arms. It is infuriating and not fair.”
“It’s not, and I am so sorry, Eden. I know forgiveness won’t happen and I can live with that but I need you to know,” He pauses, his right hands coming up to cup my cheek as I press into it like a needy pet looking for any affection it can find. Dev remains still until I lift my eyes and catch him watching me with such intensity I can’t breathe. “I am so sorry I hurt you and I am doing everything I can to make it up to you with no expectations.”
The moment is too heavy, so intimate, so quickly that I panic and I step away, stuck in the trance of his eyes and the truth and pain I see and feel so keenly. My mouth falls open as I try to come up with words or thoughts other than ‘I love you’ over and over again. Everything is fucked, my family, this rebellion, the fact that he is here and I may or may not have let them out without permission…
But all I can think, all I can feel, is the need to give in. Screw what tomorrow brings, as all every day is without him is painful lies unearthed with no support system.
“It might be best if you try to sleep?” He asks, sensing a shift in my emotional state of mind.
I nod, still speechless, as I stumble toward the door. The cold metal of the handle shocks me from my state of mind and I whip back around and watch as he seems to slump defeated onto the edge of the bed.
“Dev,” I quiver as I say his name and he looks at me curiously. “Did you really only come to see I was safe?”
His brows pull together like the question catches him off guard, but he nods.
“Yes. I just had to see you were safe and happy. Now I can leave and let you live in peace.”
I lick my dry lips, fiddling with my hands before I bit the inside of my cheek, my thoughts rushing around like a hurricane in my head, but at the center there is only one thing that remains consistent. Him.
“And you will go back and mate with Jasmine?” I squeak out the question and he seems to sober up from the sadness that was eating at him.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I have given up my right as the heir and become a rogue. Jasmine will mate with Nate, as my uncle truly wanted.”
Well, that is a lot to process. I blink at him, confused, but it’s all my legs needed for me to take two slow steps and then break into a jog as I throw myself at him. Dev’s arms wrap around me again, his strong core keeping us upright as he grunts in surprise.
“This changes nothing.” I say to him and he watches me with curiosity.
“Okay…”
“And I still mostly hate you. But my wolf needs this.” I lie. I need this. My wolf wants this, but it doesn’t matter. We are both ceasing the moment and tomorrow we will deal with the consequences of it all.
I press my lips to his, an electric shock zinging through me as I gasp into his opening mouth, his hands loose at my back as I bring my legs up around his waist, straddling him on the edge of the bed. His kiss is soft and relenting but he doesn’t chase me for more, instead he slows down, backing his head away as he captures my gaze.
“Eden, you don’t want this,” He tells me and a flicker of anger shoots through my chest.
“You mean you don’t want this?” I correct him and he looks like I punched him in the face.
“I have dreamt of this moment since the first time I knew you were supposed to be mine.” He responds, a twitch in his lip that shows me I have reached down deep enough in his emotions that his lycan is showcasing him as well.
“Then shut up.” I mutter, smiling, but he turns his cheek away as I move to kiss him again.
“Dev,” I call him softly, and he looks up at me. He displays so much more emotions now, no restraint as I nearly fall over from the raw desire and guilt. Does he truly think he is taking advantage of me?
“Eden, I want this, and you…but I don’t deserve it. What does it mean…?” he asks and I can’t help but get the feeling it is the first time he has ever asked that question before.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything.” I tell him, knowing full well it will mean so much more than nothing. I cup his cheeks in my hands, slowly grinding my hips into his. “I just want to hide from my emotions for one night.”
He squeezes his eyes shut like he is in physical pain, then he reaches up and grabs my face, slamming his lips into mine. I am putty in his hands, melting with every stroke of his tongue against mine. He moans as if I taste better than any meal he has ever had and my body bursts into a wave of heat.
My fingers slip into his hair, gripping tight as I press harder against his groin, rolling my hips with a needy vigor. He suddenly stands, his hands catching my ass as Dev spins us around and gently lowers me to the bed.
Our bodies separate but he doesn’t relent with his kisses and his hands roam up my back and around to my front where he teases the hem of my shirt before reaching under and splaying his massive hand over my stomach, gently stroking my skin as if it were the finest silk. My toes curl and my wolf purrs, my hands still trying to yank him closer. My hips rise, trying to find him, but he keeps his midsection away.
“Dev…” I moan into his mouth and he acknowledges me with a sexy grunt. “I want more…”
He pauses, moving down my neck with gentle kisses then, his teeth nip at the crux of my neck and I whimper, my body seizing with the sensation.
“Oh fuck,” I sputter out, my body still quivering.
“I know you think you want more, but I can not control my lycan well enough to not mark you.” Dev admits, his nose rubbing up my jawline. “He can’t distinguish between you needing comfort in this way and us becoming mates.”
“Then mark me…” I whisper the words before I realize what I said and Dev freezes before he rips himself away, standing with his back against the wall, staring at me with black eyes and shaky hands.
“Eden.” He sounds like he is in pain. “Take it back.”
“I-i-I’m sorry.” I stutter and he slumps to the ground, tears in his eyes as he cradles his head, heaving for air. “D-d-dev?”
“I am fine,” He whispers but I hear his voice crack.
He looks up at me with such a deep, agonizing sadness and I realize how much of a selfish asshole I am being. Dev didn’t come here for this. To be punished in such a way that he allows me to use him and taunt his lycan with something like a potential mate bond. Fuck fuck, fuck.
“I am so awful.” I whisper, tears in my eyes as I try to control my shaking hands.
“Eden, it’s fine. Look, I am fine, I just needed to control my lycan…it’s just…a lot.” He says, crawling over to me where I sit on the edge of the bed. His hands cover my knees, pushing them aside so he can slip his torso between my legs. He chases my gaze, offering me a soft smile I know he is faking for my own good.
“Why did I do that to you?” I whisper, biting my lower lip. He gives me a weak smile.
“Because you still kind of hate me?” He teases and I whimper.
“Oh heavens, I don’t hate you. I want to and I want to hurt you and use you, but…I love you, so how can I want to do those things to you?” I blubber and he reaches out, pulling me to him.
“Use me.” He whispers. “Hurt me and break me, leave me more dead. Nothing you do will ever change what I deserve, what I have done to you first.”
“But there were circumstances for what you did. This is me just being cruel for the sake of being cruel.” I whisper and he hums, his entire chest vibrating as he holds me. How can he be the issue and yet he is still the solution?
“You will never forgive me, Eden.” He says, leaning back and looking me straight in the face. “Which is why I will never ask for it. If treating me anyway makes you feel better, then do it. My life is yours to toy with. I am not weak for anything but you.”