Stockholm Syndrome? - Chapter 17: Chapter 17

I hadn't talked to Stella ever since Tuesday. She was obviously still mad at me. I couldn't fathom that she possibly didn't care anymore and so I went with her being mad. I wished she went with Clark and I to the club. It would be like when we went to parties during high school. I knew Clark was going to leave me alone at some point. He talked to everyone and anyone.
I didn't help that he'd suggested going to the club with his friends. I didn't know his friends much and they didn't know me. I couldn't risk making more people angry because even though during the moment I didn't care, I cared afterwards. It was almost like taking a drug to feel high and crashing afterwards.
Clark had suggested a gay club as our second and last stop. He didn't like it one bit when gay people flirted with him so for him to suggest being with me in a gay club was big of him. Clark always thought fun was a solution, something Stella would disagree with. They were so different yet so perfect for each other.
That Friday night I apologized to Alex. "Sorry about the mess the other day and the subsequent days" wasn't much of an apology but it was something. He nodded and tried to get me to talk about it but I bolted out of the room. I couldn't afford to think about Felix. I couldn't talk about him and that only increased my anger. At this point I was angry at him and myself.
He was going to kill someone. It could even be more than one person. He could have possibly been in prison at that moment and I had let him walk free. I kept wondering how many he'd already killed by then. It had been almost a week since I got the note. Maybe he'd killed 2, 5, 16? He'd said he didn't keep count. That only told me he was so good he lost count. I was an accessory to murder.
Maybe it was what made me drink a lot that night.
When I left my room I went to Clark's apartment. It was a short journey since it was in the same building. I was early, having bolted out of my room to avoid Alex's questions. I found Clark getting ready.
"You are early", he said as soon as he opened the door.
"Well, I don't have Stella doing my makeup", I said.
He chuckled as he opened the door wider. I walked in and he closed it.
"I'm just doing my hair in the bathroom. There's a bag of chips in the pantry, help yourself", he said.
I gave him a 'thumbs up' and went to the kitchen. He disappeared into the bathroom. Clark's pantry was full with junk. The guy had a snack addiction and he made sure to feed it. At least he shared, I thought as I picked out a bag of Doritos.
I settled on the couch and switched the TV on.
"Stella is worried about you!" Clark shouted from the bathroom.
I increased the TV volume. I'd escaped Alex to avoid those kinds of questions; although technically, Clark wasn't asking me a question.
"Archer!" I heard him in-between the TV's sound.
I opened the bag of chips on my lap and started munching. I wasn't concentrating on the TV, something that Clark noticed when he suddenly appeared next to me.
He took the remote from me and reduced the volume. "I can tell you aren't even listening to this", he said.
"Are you done?" I asked.
"Yes. So what were you trying to do?" he asked.
"Drown out your voice, which I achieved. I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about whatever it is you guys think I'm going through", I said.
"Whatever it is...", he said making air quotes. "...is serious. You punched a guy".
I scowled at him.
He shrugged. "I'm just worried about you Archer".
"Well don't", I spat.
"Are you sure you'll be okay tonight?" he asked.
"I don't go out, you complain. I got out, you complain. What the fuck do you want from me?" I yelled.
"Okay", he said and put his hands up in surrender. "But if you at any moment want to leave, just tell me".
"I'd have to find you first", I joked.
"I'll always be inches away from you, I promise", he swore.
"Ew no! Clark, if you babysit me I swear I will leave. Do what you always do", I said.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure", I said.
"Great. We are planning to hit some 21+ clubs so you better act like you are 21, though with those plump cheeks and soft lips you look 10", he said chuckling.
"I'll fucking punch you right now", I warned.
"You've been Stella's friend for way to long", he said. "Come on, the guys are waiting downstairs".
I stood up and walked outside. I had to wait for Clark as he switched off the lights and the TV. We meet his friends downstairs. I'd met them before briefly. There was Dan, who was taller than all of us, Elijah who had freckles and Stanley who spotted a ponytail with short undersides. There was a fourth guy I hadn't met.
"Archer this is Seth, Seth this is Archer", Clark introduced us.
Seth
The guy's name ushered in memories of something I thought I had forgotten. I hadn't asked Felix's name because it had never crossed my mind to. He'd told me his name was Felix on the last day, but then his boyfriend had referred to him as Seth on the phone. What if he'd lied to me about his name like his sham of a promise?
"Nice to meet you", the guy said.
"Nice to meet you too", I said quietly. Due to no fault of his, it wasn't really nice to meet him.
The first club we went to was nice. Bright lights flashed and loud music played. I talked to a couple of girls and danced. The club was lax on the whole ID thing so I ordered a couple of drinks.
The guys seemed to have a good time. Clark had a blonde in his arms. Stanley was in my opinion the most handsome guy in the group and he had two girls, one in each arm. Elijah had no girls but he certainly was friendly with the alcohol.
I was sitting at the bar. A girl had been sitting alongside me but she had excused herself to go to the bathroom, probably dissatisfied with my response after flirting up a storm. I was certain she wasn't coming back – which was all too well.
"Having fun?"
I looked up to find a black-haired guy staring at me.
I raised a glass of vodka – I think. I wasn't too sure what I was drinking.
He nodded. "Why aren't you out there?" he asked pointing at the dance floor.
"Can't dance", I said over the music. It wasn't far from the truth, but since I'd been dancing not so long ago on that same dance floor, it couldn't hold. They guy must have not seen me.
"Let me guess, you have a girlfriend?" he asked.
I chuckled. "No".
"I don't either. Girls are a lot of work", he said.
"So I've heard. I wouldn't know", I said. The guy couldn't hide his confusion. "I'm gay", I said. It felt more like I shouted. The music was really loud.
"Ah", he said.
The situation was turning a bit awkward. I could tell Seth didn't know what to say next.
"So why aren't you there?" I asked pointing to the dance floor. Stanley and his girls had garnered some attention.
"Two left feet", he said.
I chuckled and downed my drink. We sat in silence listening to the music. The girl from earlier was nowhere in sight, and then I spotted her clinging to some guy's arm. I chuckled.
"Share?" Seth said.
"It's just that girl", I said and pointed the girl out. "She was here with me a few minutes ago flirting up a storm".
"Girls", he said. There was some silence before he said. "What does it mean when a girl sleeps with you and then disappears?"
"What do you mean disappear?" I asked.
"You know she's alive and well but doesn't answer your phone call or texts. Basically she just won't talk to you", he said.
His name wasn't the only thing that struck chords with me. Seth was – again through no fault of his – not someone I appreciated meeting that day.
His question reminded me of Felix or whatever his name was. I was in the same situation as him. I'd done the dumbest thing and slept with Felix. It defied logic why I would do that and now Felix was gone. His stupid note meant nothing. He'd just wanted to let me know that he was capable of killing and I'd been stupid enough to let him roam the streets.
"I have no idea", I replied.
I had an idea. The bastard didn't care and bloody well didn't care when he sought my most precious essence and defiled it!
I ordered one more drink, and one more after that. When we left the club I was a little bit tipsy. Clark was concerned but I told him not to ruin the fun. He'd promised me a gay club. I didn't know what I wanted there, but Clark had to deliver.
He did deliver. The drive there was considerably longer than to the first club but we eventually got there. It didn't take long for Stanley and Clark to make a bet about who'd be the first to convert a lesbian. The two were crazy but I was glad their crazy endeavor meant they left me alone. Dan, Elijah and Seth also found something to do.
I was glad to be out of the car. It had been quite stuffy considering that it was a 5-seater and there were 6 of us. I went to the bar. It seemed I had made a bet of my own to see how much it would take for me to get fully drunk and I wasn't letting up until I won it.
I ordered a drink.
I sat at the bar just taking in the scene through lightly foggy eyes. The club was bigger than the one we'd been at before and that meant there were more people. It looked full. Stella always said gays knew how to party, she wasn't wrong. Of course she'd been teasing me about my barely-there partying, saying how she wasn't certain I was gay.
People were dancing and some were talking animatedly. It was a scene to behold, if I could see properly. I couldn't even see the guys anymore.
"Hey. Here alone?" I heard a silky voice.
I looked to my right and found a guy just about to squeeze into the seat next to me.
"Oh no, my friends are here", I said. I tried to point them out but I couldn't see them. "They are out there somewhere", I said resignedly.
He chuckled. It was a sweet chuckle. "Can I get you a drink?"
"Um...I'm kinda tipsy already", I said.
"Just one?" he said.
"Okay", I said.
He ordered the drink. I tried to check the time on my phone and ended up dropping it.
"Maybe the drink is a bad idea", the guy said.
I picked up my phone quickly and stood straight. "No, no. The drink is a good idea. I need it", I said.
I waved to the bartender. "Hey, where's my drink?" I said. My tone was a bit condescending.
"Right here", the guy who was sitting next to me said pointing to a glass on the counter.
I giggled. "Hey, I'm sorry", I said to the bartender who just dismissed me with a wave of his hand.
"I really am sorry", I said chuckling.
"He'll get over it", the guy said.
"So what do you do for a living?" I asked as I took a sip of my drink.
"I'm a publicist", he said.
We went on to talk about ourselves while I downed my drink. I got a glimpse of Clark and he gave me a thumbs up. I gave him one back, assuring him I was okay.
Only a few minutes later I didn't feel okay. It was hard seeing anything. My body was tired. I couldn't even remove my phone from my pocket. I needed to find Clark. I looked and looked but I couldn't find him.
"You alright?" my companion asked.
"Yeah. I just feel dizzy", I said.
"I can take you home if you want", he offered.
"No, I'll just find my friends", I said.
I stood up. The effort of trying to find Clark or the others was just too much.
"Hey, remember that lift?" I said to the guy.
"Yeah. Come on", he said grabbing my hand.
We walked to the door and his car which was parked just in front of the club. A part of me knew I shouldn't be accepting lifts from strangers, but I was just too tired to think straight. We got in and I told him UC Berkeley. It was the only thing I could say. I couldn't remember my address.
The drive was short, and I knew when we stopped that we weren't anywhere near my campus. He got out and opened my door.
"Come on", he said.
"I...this...where..." it was a struggle forming a coherent sentence.
My brain was foggy. I couldn't speak, let alone move much of my body. The guy did that for me. He removed me from the car and we made the journey to what I deduced was his apartment. I was supposed to be fighting him, getting away, but I was incapable of such.
We stopped so he could open the door.
"This is just a short stop. I'll drive you home in a few minutes", he said.
"Mmm", I said.
We walked to what seemed like his bedroom. I felt like I was going into a deep sleep. He sat me on the bed and I fell back onto it.
He went out of the room and came back a few minutes later.
"You know when I saw you in that club, I just knew I had to have you just the two of us, alone", he said.
I found his hands snaking their way towards the button of my jeans. I tried to raise my hand to stop him, but it was as if it was made of lead. I had an overwhelming feeling of dread. My body wasn't just failing me, my mind was too. Everything felt heavy. I felt the fear rising in my bloodstream. I knew my heart was supposed to be beating faster with the way fear ripped through me, but it wasn't. Instead it was getting slower and slower.
I could barely see my surroundings. The guy in front of me became a dark shadow. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I was losing my grip with reality.
"I hope I didn't put too much. You seem too sedated", the guy said. "Oh well, it changes nothing. You'll still be just as nice to fuck".
He managed to unbutton my pants. I could feel him tugging my pants off.
"It's too bad you won't remember", he said. "It'll be a nice xbsghybdndh bd"
I blinked to try and focus my hearing, straining. The guy was still talking, but all I could hear was gibberish. My mind was fuzzy. Everything became a blur.