Stockholm Syndrome? - Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Archer's POV
Ever felt you were caught between a rock and a hard place? I did. Both sides had swords waiting to be plunged into my abdomen. I already imagined the blood trickling. Many would say I was brave, I wasn't. I chose the less scary side.
There was torture at the hands of Felix and then there was nothing. I chose nothing, even if it meant a bleak existence. I would recover at some point. I would move on with my life and not yearn for the love of someone who put me at the same level as the toys he used for desire.
I'd thought about it that night I went out with Damian. I hadn't slept the whole night, unable to get the thoughts of Felix with Ricky out of my head. I could see Ricky smiling and so carefree and I wished I had no idea what he did for a living.
Felix had gone back.
It shouldn't have hurt, but the pain was intense. For once in a long time I thought about what it meant giving myself to Felix. I had behaved wantonly, lustfully. I didn't think about the repercussions it would have. I didn't think I'd find myself clinging to a guy who kidnapped me with the intention of killing me. I didn't think I'd fall for that guy.
But how could I not?
Using Clark's words, he was perfect. He had an aura so captivating it was hard to resist. He talked not of perfection but reality. He misguidedly tried to save the world. His hands weren't pure, but his heart was...and he had mine.
The butterflies, the fake annoyance, the red cheeks, the serenity...I couldn't ignore it anymore. I let my feelings bubble to the surface. Better the enemy you knew.
With acknowledging my feelings came two choices. I could either dwell and bask in them and allow myself to be hurt by Felix's shenanigans or I could shut them out and keep Felix at arm's length. I chose the latter.
The boundaries were back and firmly in place.
Felix insisted on staying to protect me. I let him do it, but that was where I intended for it to end. I would do whatever he thought was safe for me if I thought he was right and that would be it. Overtime he would leave and things would go back to normal.
I thought about my kiss with Damian. I didn't regret kissing him, but I regretted kissing him because of anger. The kiss all but confirmed the spark with Damian wasn't there, but it also told me the extent on my feelings for Felix. I impulsively used another guy just to wipe the smug smile off Felix's face. I didn't have to, but a part of me thought that would make Felix jealous and angry.
I had been keeping Damian at arm's length ever since. We texted each other a lot but rarely had meaningful conversations. I always changed the subject if he got serious. I could tell he was keen on having a relationship with me. I tried, but I couldn't see him as more than a friend, not with Felix in my heart.
I'd been with Len for 2 years. I'd asked him out when we'd barely talked before, so I knew relationships could start without a spark and overtime Damian and I could fall in love and be comfortable with each other, but I couldn't see that happening. My heart was foolishly adamant that wasn't going to happen as long as Felix was in my life, and quite possibly even after he left.
Felix had to go, and the sooner the better.
==
We argued about me attending classes Monday morning. It was so ridiculous I stormed out. I wasn't going to miss classes over something I wasn't sure was going to happen. If I failed I'd have to repeat stuff while he basked in his millions!
I made my way to class. I was able to attend two classes without thinking about Felix. During the second class he sent me a text.
It read, "I'm sorry I'm so uptight. You are right. Campus security seems tight. Have a good day. Felix".
I sighed and relaxed; at least he had realized how ridiculous he was.
I didn't pay much attention during the class that followed. And yes, Felix was at the forefront. I hadn't gone back on my position. I was rather wondering how I was going to explain him to Stella and Clark. I couldn't tell them the full story. I couldn't even tell them parts of the story. There existed no part in our story that wouldn't raise eyebrows. The beginning, the middle and the then-present were all just a muddle. I would have to lie to them.
I thought over what I would say. I couldn't pretend I had just met him, Stella had seen the picture of him. She would remember.
Friends.
Felix and I weren't friends, but that was what I was going to say. We met at home, struck a bond, he moved to California and now he was homeless. I was helping him out. Simple and a load of bullshit.
"Mr. Christensen", I heard the professor say. I looked up, wondering if he had noticed I wasn't paying attention.
Right there in the front of the class stood none other than Felix. Professor Bennett was also there but he didn't matter. Felix was in my class. There was anger and then there was fear. Had something happened?
"This man would like to talk to you", Prof. Bennett said.
I stood up and went through the row before taking the stairs down to the front. Felix walked out as I approached him and I followed him outside.
He looked deathly serious.
"Get your bag, we are leaving", he ordered.
I frowned. "Just like that?"
"Yes", he said.
"I thought you just said campus security was enough", I reminded him.
"Well, it's not", he said curtly. "Hurry up".
"Whoa! You can't just pull me out of class", I said.
"This isn't high school, you don't need permission", he said.
"And apparently you don't need my permission to do whatever the fuck you want...with me!" I yelled.
"Archer, I don't have time for this", he said.
"Well Mr. make it because I'm not leaving!" I said.
He tapped on the floor impatiently. "You are behaving like the kid that you are".
"I'm behaving like a kid?! You are behaving like a paranoid maniac! You can't just rock up on my campus and tell me I need to leave with you. I am not going anywhere except right back to class", I said.
"You are not safe!" he said.
"I actually think I am safe when I am not with you", I said clearly. "Bye Felix".
I walked back into class and hoped no one had heard the conversation. The knack of that guy! I was trying to hold myself together, but he was really getting on my nerves. How did he even know where I would be?
Felix's POV
The picture staring back at me gave me chills. It was a little over 12:30 pm. I was in the process of making myself a late breakfast when I received a message on my cell phone. I opened it and was greeted by a picture of Archer taken that very day, almost 30 minutes prior. He was walking with some boys I presumed were his classmates.
Whoever took the picture was on campus with him! The chill ran through my whole body.
I read the text below slowly.
"Time is ticking. He doesn't have forever".
My immediate thought was to getting Archer out of campus. It was clear the Vasiliev brothers had access to the campus, they had access to him. I needed him close to me where I would keep an eye on him.
I remembered that I was tracking his phone. It was easier to know where he was from there. I rushed onto campus. My wildly beating heart slowed down when I found him in class. He was okay. Nothing had happened to him...yet.
I couldn't show him how happy I was. My voice took on an authoritative tone, remembering the relationship between us. I was just his self-appointed bodyguard.
"I actually think I am safe when I am not with you", his words hit hard.
He was right. It was my fault he was in that situation. I should have kept my hands to myself. I should have kept quiet about the Vasiliev brothers and their demands. I should have stayed away like I decided after he left my house. Archer was in danger because of me. His life had been okay before I inserted myself into it. He wasn't going to say it, but I knew it.
When everything was done, when the threat was no longer there; I was going away, for good this time.
==
Archer didn't come home for hours. I expected him to come home after his classes, he didn't. I could still track his movements to within the campus, so I wasn't worried. He went to soccer practice. Around 6:45, I tracked his movements to the apartment.
The door wasn't locked so he opened it. I was sitting on one of the couches, sipping juice. I missed my scotch, but I wasn't going to complain about that. Archer would probably throw me out.
He walked in without a word. He placed both his gym bag and his schoolbag on the floor and walked towards his bedroom.
"Not even a hello?" I said.
"Don't fucking talk to me", he said.
"What you did was stupid!" I said firmly.
He stopped walking. "I think I told you I don't want to talk to you!"
"Archer, you are in danger, okay? I know you are angry at me for putting you in this situation and I'm sorry, but we can't dwell on that. You need to take this seriously. Those people aren't like me, they will hurt you!" I said.
"I am not angry at you for this you idiot! I am..." he yelled and couldn't seem to continue. He took two quick breaths. "You know what? I'm going to my room".
His words were said so dismissively I was taken aback. I possessed no strength to follow him. What do I even say to him? I couldn't keep telling him off for defying me. What was done was done. There was no use arguing about it. He was safe and that was all that mattered.
I heard his bedroom door close.
I stayed in the living area for a while, wondering why his words hurt. He'd said he was safe when he wasn't with me. He was partially right. I had led the Vasiliev brothers to him. I shouldn't have taken him with me. Even before he spent time in my embrace at the cabin I knew I felt something for him. I knew us sleeping together wasn't just a moment of lust. There was something about the connection we had.
And now he was in danger because of me. The way he was acting like a stupid teenager was frustrating, but I understood his anger. He deserved an apology. Maybe if I extended the white flag first he'd see that I wasn't trying to control him. I was only trying to right my wrongs.
I got up from the couch and walked to his room. I knocked and waited. There was no movement or sign of life. I knocked harder. Nothing.
"Archer come on! Just open up!" I shouted quietly.
Nothing.
"Archer I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I put you in this. I just...I just want us to be civil towards each other", I yelled a little louder than before.
Nothing.
I sighed. I guess it would take a lot more than an apology to get him to forgive me.
I released a sigh again and turned towards the living area. I was about to walk away when the door opened. Archer stood there in his boxers and a large Cal Bears sweatshirt. His hair was pointing in all directions. He looked like someone who had been in a world war, and not on the victorious side.
"What do you want?" he asked. At least he wasn't yelling.
"About today, I'm sorry. I..." I said but was interrupted by him dragging a hand through his hair. It was then I realized it; he'd been crying. I was stunned.
"Can you just leave me alone? I just want to fall asleep", he said.
He wasn't asking me to go. He was telling me to go, but I just couldn't. I stood rooted to my spot. At least my feet were rooted, my hands weren't and maybe they should have been. I found my hand extending to Archer's cheek. He didn't move as my skin touched his. I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand and trailed my thumb across his cheekbone. His lips parted slightly as if he wanted to say something.
"Shh," I whispered.
I didn't wait to see his reaction, knowing any sign of rejection would crush me. My lips met his with scorching intensity. For a few seconds he didn't respond. I felt his hands on my waist. My heart stopped as his hands gave me a slight push.
But then...he changed his mind, as evidenced by the same hands that were pushing me now holding on to me tightly. If that wasn't proof enough, his lips started moving, latching onto my lower lip. I hoped I wasn't mistaken as I moved my lips with his, taking command.
At first our movements were slow, but they picked up pace quite quickly. I had intended on taking things slow, in case Archer decided he didn't want to do this again, but his quick movements erased that. We kissed fiercely, guided by the connection between us.
I entangled my fingers in Archer's messy black hair, keeping his head steady so I could keep ravishing his lips. Our kisses grew deep, filled with so much passion it was hard to stop. I couldn't even contemplate stopping. I wanted this moment, this moment when Archer was holding onto me like his lifeline, this moment when our lips moved in tune as if they were soulmates, pre-programmed to kiss no other lips.
Archer's hands delved underneath my t-shirt. His hands felt so hot as they caressed my skin. I basked in the warmth, momentarily breaking the kiss. I couldn't have completed exhalation before Archer claimed my kiss back. If I'd had any doubts that Archer was consenting, they were erased at this point.
I wrapped my hands around his neck this time, caressing the skin just above his collarbone. I broke the kiss again so I could leave heated kisses around the spot. From our earlier encounter I knew his most sensitive spot. I nipped at the spot just a little. My heart was sent on a race by the blissful moan Archer released. He grabbed at my waist tightly, telling me I was doing something right.
I continued kissing him along his collarbone and throat, teasing the skin there and hearing his passion-filled moans. I could feel my blood getting hot by just giving him pleasure. He was after all the boy I loved, and making him happy made me happy. Giving him pleasure made me feel like the best person in the world, and probably the most turned on at that moment. My heart rate, breathing rate and temperature had increased significantly, in a good way, a way that made me realize this boy had a hold on me.
Archer pulled away unexpectedly. He looked away from my eyes, as if he was afraid they would blind him. He looked into his room and then back at me. I wasn't sure what that meant, if it meant anything at all. Did he want me to leave? Did he want me to come in?
He grabbed my hand and pulled slightly. I didn't need further instructions. I pushed him slightly into the room and closed the door. Once inside, it was like he'd given me permission to do whatever. All restraints were gone.
I cupped his face in my hands and slammed our lips together. I kissed him harder than before, sucking and nibbling with hunger. I was desperate for his lips, desperate for the pleasure just kissing him promised.
I snuck my hands in his sweatshirt and pulled it off him. I pulled off his t-shirt too and continued kissing him all over his neck and chest. The more I kissed and sucked, the more he arched his back. I extended my hand to the small of his back, if anything to prevent him from breaking his back.
Touching him there sent electrical shocks around my body, burning me with their speed and intensity. It made me realize, I wanted him. I needed him. Not just that day. Not just that moment. Every day. Every minute. Every second. If not to give him pleasure, to see him smile, to see him roll his eyes at something I said. To see him live.
I couldn't just have sex with him and leave.
"Archer..." I began what would have been a confession, but he stopped me; shaking his head almost violently.
He didn't want me to say anything, not even what was in my heart.
I swallowed thickly right before he launched himself on me, kissing me feverishly. I responded as if he'd literally pushed a button on me; kissing him with the same intensity. He pushed me to the bed until I had no choice but to sit. He straddled me and wrapped his arms around my neck. I could feel myself growing underneath him as he entangled his fingers in my hair.
He buried himself in my neck seconds later, kissing and nibbling. I held back a groan as he moved on my groin. I could feel his erection against my lower abdomen. At least his erection had some freedom to move. Mine wasn't doing so well and having him on top of me was making it even harder for me to be comfortable.
I sneaked my hand between his boxers and his skin and was immediately greeted by the one thing that was poking at my abdomen. Archer cried out and held me tightly. I grabbed hold of his erection and pumped him slowly. For a moment I focused on that and forgot about my throbbing uncomfortable erection. That was until Archer put his hand on mine to stop me.
He got of me slowly. For a moment I was shocked breathless at how beautiful he looked. Even with his hair a mess, he looked angelic. His body shimmered beautifully in the light of the room. And the look in his eyes...he was so fucking beautiful when he stared at me like he wanted to scream out, "take me".
I got up from the bed and before I could take off my pants, Archer's hands delved in between my jogging pants and my skin. I tilted his head towards me and claimed his lips as he grabbed my erection gently. I pulled down my pants to make movement easier. I thought Archer was going to give me a handjob, but he had other ideas.
The sight of him going down on his knees had my breath hitching. My eyes glazed over with my hips jerking slightly as I ached for the wetness of his mouth. I closed my eyes to the sight of him grabbing me fully. I felt his lips close around me as he coated me with his saliva. The warm cocoon made me shout out an expletive.
His tongue moved slowly along the shaft before he started stroking me, timing his strokes perfectly with the movement of his mouth. The combined hand and blow job was driving me to the depths of pleasure. I threw out expletives and moans I didn't even know I was capable of. I forgot why this wasn't supposed to be happening.
There comes a time in a man's life when he loses control, and mine was coming. I could feel it. Knowing the person giving me so much pleasure at that moment was my heart's desire, I couldn't help what I did next. I stopped Archer's movements and helped him up.
I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him to me in a tight hug that ended with us kissing again. With all common sense gone, I pushed him to the bed and pulled off his boxers. I took off my shoes and my pants. After a few minutes of naked kissing and stroking with no objections from him, my desire for him had reached a level of no going back.
Just like the night in my house, he welcomed me lustily. Even with lube he was tight initially, but quickly adjusted to my size. Unlike the night in my house, on his face was painted something else other than desire, but he wouldn't let me see it. He closed his eyes and tilted his head backwards as I moved in him. He moaned loudly and scratched my arms and back.
The pleasure waiting to explode was enormous. I could feel it in the depths of my soul. Archer's tightness, the pleasure on his face, his moans...it was too much. I couldn't prolong it anymore. I needed a release. I thrust harder and wilder, with the move bordering on pain for Archer. I saw him wince, and even so, he urged me on.
When the pleasure finally escaped its hold, it was utterly breathtaking. My breath hitched as pleasure the magnitude of was enthralling engulfed my body. For a moment I was stunned.
It wasn't for long. Archer hadn't reached his peak yet and it was my duty to make sure the pleasure he experienced wasn't something he forgot any time soon. I lay next to him on the bed and took him in my mouth. I could taste his precum from the slit where it was escaping. It didn't take much stroking from me for Archer to bubble over. His climax was explosive, as evidenced by his loud piercing moan and the salty juice spewing out of him. The warnings were there, but I let every drop of his juice end up in my mouth. I swallowed and cleaned him up.
I moved to lie at the same level as him. I coughed and instinctively, his finger went to my lips. He was silencing me before I even said a word. He turned to the opposite side and closed his eyes.
I got up from the bed and grabbed a blanket in the closet to cover us up. I tentatively put an arm around him and caressed his abdomen. He didn't move or say anything. One minute...five minutes...If I didn't have my hand on his abdomen I would have wondered if he was breathing. Ten minutes...Fifteen minutes passed. He seemed to be fast asleep. I sighed and closed my eyes. Maybe it made sense not to talk about what happened when the smell of it all was hovering around us. We both needed clear minds.
*
I don't know how long I slept; if I slept at all, but was woken up by Archer moving next to me on the bed. My eyes opened to his form. He was in a sitting position with his feet on the floor. His head was in his hands and he'd bent slightly forward.
"Hey", I said.
He took a deep labored breath and got up from the bed. He started putting his clothes on. I noticed that he hadn't said anything to my greeting or even looked at me.
I was at a loss on what to say next. It was clear what had happened hadn't eased things between us. It possibly made things worse.
"Do you think we could ta–" I said and he interrupted.
"I'm going for a walk". He wasn't asking for permission. He was telling me.
"You can't do that!" I said.
"I wasn't asking for your permission."
"Did you forget what I told you? You aren't safe!" I said.
He shrugged and put on his shoes.
"Then I'm going with you!" I said getting off the bed.
"No you are not. If you dare follow me...if you dare step outside of this apartment you might as well step out of my life", he said. His voice was so strong and assured, it made me speechless.
He walked out. I could only watch him walk out. I wasn't willing to take orders from dangerous men but there was this 18 year old that rooted me to my place. His threat was more powerful and just as painful. Even after what had happened between us he was shutting me out. This...this hurt.
Archer couldn't handle a gun, but he was just as dangerous to me.
Archer's POV
I was falling apart and I didn't even know what to do. I'd made a decision, but so far it wasn't working. I didn't expect a miracle, but I'd hoped it would be less hard to move on with my life. Felix's paranoia didn't make things easy. He pitched up at my campus when deep down I wanted to see him, to be with him. He was feeding the other monster.
Just a few hours ago I'd given myself to him...again. I'd helplessly handed myself on a silver platter.
When he was standing there saying how sorry he was, the only thing I could think of was how much I loved him. I wanted to him. I wanted to be with him. Minutes before he'd come to my room I'd thought about the words I'd said to him when he rocked up at my campus. He didn't deserve those words. He was trying to keep me safe. He was looking out for me.
But the truth is, when I said "not safe", I didn't mean it literally. My body and mind were safe when I wasn't with him. My heart...that was a lost cause. I couldn't be with him in the same room without wanting to throw myself at him and tell him how much I loved him and all the fluff I envisioned of our lives together.
But I'd done almost all of that. I'd ignored all my common sense and yielded to my heart's desire, shaming myself. In the moment I didn't care about anything other than knowing I was with the man I loved. The ecstasy effect ended. I came crashing down with a thud.
Felix wasn't mine. Felix used prostitutes for his sexual needs. Ricky floated in my mind's eye. I knew what Ricky looked like now. I could see them together, I could see every movement. Ricky had probably slept with Felix the night I'd seen them together.
Felix was used to casual sex. It meant nothing to him. He used them and left them. They didn't mind. He probably expected me to not mind either. To him I was just another hook-up. I knew the kind of man he was but I still gave not only my body, but my heart to him. How could I disgrace myself so much?
It was torture. It was so painful I released a few tears. There was no way I was going to survive staying with Felix. Thoughts of being with him burned every time Felix's nature touched them, and thoughts of not being with him froze me up all the way to my bones. I couldn't live with him and it seemed I couldn't live without him, at least not how I wanted to.
I walked along the sidewalk of my neighborhood. The streetlights were shining light onto the sidewalk. It was a quiet night. It helped calm me down like I thought it would. That was until I heard the sound of a voice.
"Boo", the person said.
My heart hoped it was Felix, even though I'd run away from him. From the voice, it wasn't. My heart raced faster than the speed of light. I turned, ready to strike blindly.
"Whoa! It's just me", the person said.
He removed his hoodie and I saw his face clearly now. It was Konstantin. Out of all people it was the other person that I wanted to punch, and I wasn't madly in love with this one, and me wanting to punch him happened to be genuine.
I rolled my eyes and my heart slowed down. "You think saying that won't make me want to punch you?" I said.
He chuckled, quite darkly. "Save that for later".
"What do you want?" I asked, my voice quavering with annoyance.
He shrugged. "I was just taking a walk. You look battered and bruised".
I raised a brow.
"You are crying", he reminded me.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't argue about the tears on my face when I was certain I looked a sight only a mother could love. My voice wasn't helping.
"Did he dump you?" he asked.
"You assumed it was a guy?" I said.
He crossed his hands. "Well, your boyfriend is kind of weird".
My eyes enlarged. "What boyfriend?"
"He goes by so many names it's hard to keep up", he replied.
I stopped walking. Was he talking about Felix? I shook my head slightly. He couldn't be talking about Felix. No one was supposed to know about his different identities. No one knew except the guys who wanted to use him and his mentor. Was Konstantin talking about Damian?
"I don't know who you are talking about", I said.
"Don't tell me you don't know!" he said looking amazed. "Damn that devil...or should I call him a chameleon? It's such a shame he put you in danger, on the other hand I'm kind of enjoying it. I never really liked you", he said.
My blood froze in my veins.
"Y-You..." I stuttered.
He nodded, as if saying yes to my unsaid question about his identity. "So, do you want to do this the easy or the painful way? Oh what am I saying? I am going to get revenge for that punch, so either way will be painful. My uncles will probably want to preserve you to fool your boyfriend so I might as well get the punches in while I can".
It was hard to believe. I'd spent 3 days a week with the guy on the soccer pitch. The same guy was the nephew of the men who wanted Felix to kill for them! What were the odds of that?
Fight or flight?
I wasn't strong enough to take Konstantin on. He was taller than me and had more presence. I couldn't outrun him either. I'd seen him run. Even if I could outrun him, I wouldn't have, I admitted to myself. I was too stubborn to run.
I swung first. He was ready this time. My fist didn't land anywhere near him. I tried to swing again, but he threw in a punch before I could compose myself. I staggered backwards right before he hit me in the abdomen. I doubled over, it hurt so freaking bad. He forced me to stand straight and I snuck in a punch, right at his nose.
"Bitch!" he snarled. That made him mad. He swung faster punches, with one hitting me right in the chest. The sudden force caused me to cough hard.
"Konstantin!" someone barked. The voice was thicker and deep.
"He insulted me!" Konstantin replied.
"Just get him in the van", the person said.
I heard footsteps walk away. I wasn't even aware there was a van. I hadn't seen it following closely behind.
Konstantin swung at my abdomen again, and this time moved behind me, pulling my hands behind me so he could cuff me. I tried to resist, but I heard the metal click in place.
"I could have liked you, and I mean really liked you", he whispered in my ear and his head lingered in my neck. He was too close to me. I could swear his right hand was a little on my waist and was moving slowly.
And now I understood why he'd been interested in my love life.
"That's a shame. Even in a parallel universe I'd still see you as some insecure dickhead", I snarled.
He pushed me forward and shrugged like he didn't care. I knew he did. What I didn't know was why he'd called me faggot and made rude comments about me being gay if he was curious himself? It was simple really. His uncles had called Felix a "faggot". I doubted they took kindly to gay people.
He pushed me to the van and some guy helped him pull me in. My resistance was in vain. He reached into my pants pocket and removed my phone.
The van started moving. The guy in the back with Konstantin – whose voice was probably the one I'd heard, put duct tape around my mouth. I closed my eyes. I'd done the most stupid thing and now I was paying for it. The fear made itself at home now. There was only one way for Felix to get out of this. He had to kill a 5 year old, and the bloody bastard would do it for me! Who knew if they'd even let me go after he did it? I knew their faces, they wouldn't.
I cursed myself so many times. I was an idiot. I just wanted Felix next to me. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I wanted him to wake me up from the dream, hold me in his arms and tell me everything was okay.
"Still alive there?" Konstantin said.
I opened my eyes and glared at him.
"Don't worry. It's not a long ride", he said grinning.