Stockholm Syndrome? - Chapter 36: Chapter 36

When I left the cabin to return to my apartment, it was with a heavy feeling. The moments I'd spent with Felix had ranged from serene and emotional to downright ridiculous and comical. We had sweet moments when we cuddled and the occasional looks that made me blush, and moments where I wanted to hit him with a pillow and something that would inflict more pain.
I enjoyed all of those moments. He was perfect for me. He wasn't all fluff and didn't try to change himself. He was witty and intelligent. He was stubborn too. He challenged me with his mind and offered comfort in his arms.
By the time I left he was already addicted to Daredevil. It was what made us quarrel a bit. We had different opinions on some subjects and he pretty much questioned Daredevil's every move. And of course his creeping addiction meant watching Daredevil was the only thing he wanted to do. Sure I'd said "hands off the merchandize", but I needed attention too.
I guess that was the comical part. I didn't want him to get his blood pressure high and at the same time I wanted to listen to his heartbeat as he moved inside me. My paranoia was torturous to me, but I stuck it out. I let him watch Daredevil in peace.
I did let him watch a couple of episodes in succession without me in peace, and then I'd pried my laptop out of his hands. A series about crime and superheroes was sure to get his blood pressure high. He had very strong feelings about justice.
I replaced my laptop with me of course and he made a comment about "...a dish that only existed on the menu". I smirked and continued to torture both of us.
The torture wasn't going to be for long, at least if all things went according to plan.
Felix had his check-up on a Wednesday. I'd gotten back into soccer practice like I'd decided, but skipped the last day of the week to go with him to the doctor. I was eager to know how he was doing, and I also didn't trust Felix not to lie to me about what the doctor said.
I was there to hear it with my own ears when the doctor said he was fine.
Of course Felix had gone further and embarrassed me when he asked, "My boyfriend won't have sex with me until you tell him he can, so can you please tell him?"
I looked at him mortified and decided from that day that maybe Felix interacting with people wasn't a good idea, at least for me. I liked him better when he was mysterious. Of course my brain and heart went on a tug-of-war about how I was pretending not to like him embarrassing me.
The doctor looked at me and smiled. I could swear that was a knowing smile. "You can have sex, but take it easy", she said.
"So no rough kinky sex?" Felix asked. He looked serious.
"Um, no", the doctor said. Even she looked embarrassed.
Felix was about to say something when he caught my glare. He shrunk into himself. The doctor left us and Felix focused on putting his t-shirt back on.
"One day when that heart of yours is fully healed, I am going to fucking hit you", I warned.
He shrugged. "What? I had to ask. If I didn't you were going to tell me she didn't explicitly say it. I covered all the angles".
The amused look on his face stopped me from hitting him in the face. He was probably right, the doctor saying he was fine wasn't indicative he could have sex. She probably just meant he wasn't going to collapse while walking up the stairs.
I walked over to the bed and he took the opportunity to wrap his arms around my waist. I leaned in for a kiss, unable to resist.
"I know you are terrible at human interaction, but if you intentionally embarrass me again, you won't be getting shit", I warned smirking.
"I didn't embarrass you. People have sex, it's normal", he said.
Right then the door opened. The doctor peered in. I tried to get out of Felix's embrace, but he wouldn't let me.
"When I said you could have sex, I didn't mean in the exam room", the doctor said. She was trying not to laugh.
"Oh? You weren't explicit", Felix jokingly said as he let me go.
"Come on. I've picked up your prescription", the doctor said and Felix and I followed her out of the room.
She handed Felix a vial of pills. "The arrhythmias are normal, but if they get bad, make an appointment".
Felix nodded and we left. Arrhythmias...something Felix hadn't bothered telling me. I suppose if I was him I wouldn't have told me either. I was really uptight about his injury, but the doctor said there was nothing to worry about. Felix described the arrhythmia as occasional palpitations. He said there was no discomfort, and I didn't think he would lie about it. Sure he'd risked his life to save me, but for sex?
Felix and I went our separate ways and were reunited on Friday night. I'd made the journey there late after deciding to hang out with Stella and Clark and a few of their other friends. As usual the two of them got into a heated argument about nothing. Stella and Clark were the bane of every potential shipper. I had to do something about it.
Clark's friend dropped me off at the cabin. The guys were there too. They stayed long enough to make sure I wasn't kidnapped. I appreciated it, but I wanted free time with my man. It felt like I hadn't seen him all week even though I'd seen him on Wednesday.
It was raining that night too so we snuggled in front of the fireplace and had a long discussion about our future.
Agent Marx had visited Felix earlier that day to tell him about the Vasiliev case. They'd managed to arrest everyone connected to the drug dealing business. Those they couldn't arrest died either from the exchange of gunfire with the police or the fire that almost consumed the building. The list of people that died included the two brothers, Stefan and of course Konstantin.
Marx also asked Felix to help the DEA with future projects. He knew how to get information and having him not connected to the police would make him valuable to them. It would be easy for drug dealers to trust him. I found it weird that agent Marx trusted Felix that easily, but the two of them seemed to have struck up a friendship.
It wasn't protocol and Felix made sure to point out to me that he thought Greg Marx was stupid. Despite that insult, I could see he liked him and he did need a friend.
Felix declined the offer, choosing to stick to his art dealing job. I knew somewhere deep down the job had sparked his interest. He rejected it for my benefit. I didn't like that, but he assured me he'd taken the decision for his benefit. His crime fighting days were over.
I had told my mom I would think of leaving California, but I didn't want to leave. It wasn't just about Felix – who I should mention told me he'd follow me like a dog if I decided to leave – I didn't want to run away. I had a life in Cali. All my friends were there and I was in my dream college. The place was beautiful.
Mom had to learn to let me go. I understood her fear, but putting me in a bubble wasn't going to be beneficial for me.
I thought it would be interesting if mom ever found out Felix had started the chain reaction that led to her believing she was never going to see me again. She would probably hit him with pots, pans and wooden spoons.
Felix was staying in Berkeley but would occasionally move around for his job. He was going to rent an apartment in town and we'd visit the cabin every other weekend. As for his house back home, he was keeping it as is and would use it when we both went home for some holiday. I finally asked him how much he was worth because the size of his house and number of cars told me he was loaded. He wasn't even worried about them. He giggled and said he had a thing for sports cars and could afford to buy one on a whim.
"Millionaire? Billionaire?" I asked.
"I don't really know", he said. The mystery was back.
"Okay, how about you tell me how you can buy sports cars on a whim?"
"Stock trading love. I worked for a financial company for a year, saved money and decided I was ready to do it on my own", he said. "Art isn't the only thing I buy and sell".
"Eh..."
He shook his head slowly. "Baby, I'm done with hookers".
"I know", I said and grinned. "I was just teasing you".
Our arrangement was pretty simple. With Felix staying nearby, I would visit or he would visit and we'd plan getaways. We didn't plan other things. I knew he "loathed" fun so I was going to slowly wean him off his uptightness by introducing him to things we could do together and finding out what he liked (Things that were normal). I'd introduced him to Daredevil and he couldn't get enough of it, proof that he thought he hated things but it was only because he had never taken time to try them.
I was going to try things he knew he liked but not all. There was an element of danger to everything he liked, proof that he was an adrenaline junkie. I was going to try motorcycle riding, archery and target shooting. I was not going to jump off any bridge or plane. I'd say never, but Felix did flirt with danger in the past, those things may well one day be the only way to survive.
We went to bed soon after our talk. I'd arrived late and was tired from having to separate Stella and Clark during their usual fights. The fights were intensifying, and I was afraid one day one of them would get tired of waiting and walk out. Both being my friends meant they couldn't really walk out of each other's lives, but we were getting older. We were going to see less of each other as time went on. There would come a point where I wouldn't be able to have both of them in the same room. They wouldn't be forced to talk to each other then.
==
Felix and I woke up late the following day. We got out of bed in the afternoon, having just lay there talking. The rain had stopped sometime during the night and Felix had said something about going fishing. Fishing was also something I wasn't going to do with him, but only for that day.
I planned on doing something else while he was away. We got out of bed, freshened up and had breakfast I prepared, if you could call it breakfast. It was nearing 3 pm. The cabin looked darker because of the rain clouds outside. I hoped the rain didn't resume while Felix was out. It would be nice to laugh at him all wet, but he was sure to get a lot of sympathy from me if he started sneezing.
I couldn't have him sick. I had plans for him.
He squeezed me in a tight hug after he put his rain jacket on. He was wearing jeans, a light shirt, rain boots, a sweater and a thick jacket that was fluffy on the inside and all plastic on the outside. I'd forced him to put it on after he intended on leaving with only a sweater on. He didn't believe it would rain while he was outside. He was usually right about things- I'll give him that- but I couldn't have him coming home soaked. He listened to me, which had me swelling with victory.
"I'll be back before you know it", he said when he let me go.
I hope not, I thought. I didn't want him coming back prematurely.
"I'm cooking tonight", he said.
"If you catch anything", I said.
"I caught you, didn't I? I'm good at fishing", he said smirking.
"Go!" I said, attempting to hide my tingling cheeks. It was only a matter of time before they turned crimson.
He tugged at his fishing rod.
"Cell reception is okay, so call me if you need anything", he said.
"I will. Now go", I said shushing him out.
He gave me a peck on the lips and turned to leave. We were at the main door so I closed the door to his form.
Felix happened to be good at many things and I was sure fishing was one of them. That told me I didn't have much time to prepare before he came back.
What was I preparing? I'll let you in on it. I've kept you out of the loop for a while.
Felix was a go for sex. I wanted it to be special. It would sound ridiculous for me to want it to be that way since I'd already had sex with him, but this time it was different. We were together. It was a conscious decision. I wanted to give myself to him.
I didn't regret our first time. It had been fuelled by attraction and desire and those were just as important. They had their place in every relationship. If every moment was thought out and planned, it wouldn't feel real.
I wanted to make that night special. It signified the start of something beautiful. I was definitely not ruling out spontaneous make-out sessions in a car in the middle of somewhere, but I wanted the start to be just as memorable, less hormonal and with more heart.
It was so ridiculous I laughed to myself as I walked to the bedroom and pulled out my suitcase where I'd put it. I'd used my backpack the last time, but opted for a suitcase because I'd had to put extra stuff in it.
I pulled out the candles I'd brought with me. They were the same scents Felix had in the cabin and I'd made sure I bought the same brands. It wouldn't help if I bought a cheap knock-off and they smelled bad. That would ruin the moment.
I placed the candles neatly in the room. The weather had played right into my hand. It made the room dark enough to glow beautifully when illuminated by candles. I didn't light them yet though. I merely placed them in places I deemed suitable – and by that I mean not likely to be knocked over.
I made the bed properly and discreetly placed a bunch of condoms and lube on the nightstand. I felt so giddy I kept laughing to myself. That was possibly the first time I'd felt like a silly teenager and yet it felt so good. I hoped Felix was in the mood or I'd die of embarrassment.
I tiptoed to the living area and was glad when I didn't spot him through the kitchen window. I switched the light off and lit the candles that were already in the room. I think I obsessed over the cushions on the couches longer than necessary. Felix would probably not even notice them but I wanted them to be right.
I fixed the living area, and placed a few fleece blankets we'd used the previous night on one of the couches- just in case. They weren't neatly put, creating just the right atmosphere. The living area was gorgeous and the smell was captivating. It held me there for a while. I wished Felix was back already.
I sauntered over to the glass case holding his liquor. There were many different brands there. Some were not even labeled. I spotted a Johnnie Walker blended malt. I had no idea what the blended part even meant. I took the bottle and walked over to kitchen. I poured some into a glass. I took a sip and wished I hadn't. It tasted like stale bread. It was a good thing I hadn't poured it for myself.
I put the glass of scotch on the counter and went to put the bottle back. I walked back to the bedroom and decided to light the candles. Hopefully Felix would be back before they burnt themselves to death.
I walked into the kitchen just in time to see Felix walking towards the cabin through the window. A thousand butterflies took flight.
I grabbed the glass of Scotch and opened the door, leaning on the window frame. Felix was nearer now and he was smiling. That was good. It would suck if a bunch of smart fish ruined our day.
"I have trout. Luckily for you, I'm a master chef when it comes to trout", he said grinning when he got to me.
I held up the glass in my hand. "Does this make you pass out?"
He looked at me suspiciously. "I'll tell you once I know what that is"
"Johnnie Walker blended malt Scotch whisky", I said.
He shook his head.
"What does it do to you?"
He shrugged. "What soda does to you. It takes a lot of those to make me drunk".
"Okay", I said and handed the glass to him.
He took it uncertainly. "You are letting me drink? What's up?"
I gave a little shrug. "Nothing. I'm in a good mood", I said and walked into the cabin.
He followed after taking a swig, downing what my tongue deemed unbearable in one move.
I walked towards the living area and was greeted by the smell of beautiful and alluring scents. Felix's nostrils weren't immune either. He placed his hand slightly on my arm when we neared the kitchen arc and I turned.
"Are you trying to seduce me Pancakes?"
I gave a little shrug and a matching smile.
He traced his fingers along my arm in slow sensual movements. He moved up and snuck his hands around my waist, slightly pulling me to him. I tilted my chin up for a kiss and he obliged, bending to crush his lips against mine.
I was greeted by the taste of his Scotch the moment he sucked on my lower lip. I didn't dislike the taste. There was something about the way it tasted in his mouth. Some of the taste had faded and it had blended with the taste of his mouth, mixing and creating something I didn't mind at all tasting. It had me slightly clinging to him as our lips moved together. We'd come up with our own rhythm and our hearts beat to it.
Felix pulled back.
"I have to put the fish on ice", he said breathlessly.
"Hurry", I said and walked to the living area, sitting on one of the couches.
Felix followed soon afterwards. I was almost certain he'd thrown the fish, but hey, they were already dead.
He got to me and sat on the couch. We resumed kissing and soon established our earlier rhythm. It was easy kissing Felix. His movements were smooth. He goaded and teased. He led and followed. He gave more than he took, engulfing me in a blanket of pleasure. We were just kissing but I felt like he was touching me everywhere.
And when his tongue demanded entry...I moaned against his lips and felt hot between my thighs. He didn't ask. He sought an opportunity and took it. My hands immediately craved contact with him, a means for support.
I tried to put my hands on him, but found his jacket distracting. I tried peeling it off him without separating our lips, but that made it difficult to. I lamented telling him to put it on as he separated our lips to take it off. He took off his sweater too.
I caught a glimpse of his eyes, which I'd barely seen with all the kissing. There was a spark there. It wasn't a spark of innocent children. It was the spark of a man who knew what he wanted and I had no doubt he knew how to get it.
I got lost in the knowledge that this man, my man wanted me, desired me. It was in the way he looked at me, the way his eyes reflected one of the candles in the room. I could see the fire there and I was certain somewhere in me, something was burning too.
I was glad some of the barrier between us was gone, and I made it known by sneaking my hand in to touch his skin right before he placed his lips on mine. The contact was gentle, but the movements weren't. They were fierce, unleashing pleasure and more desire at the same time. The urgency reflected the look I had seen in his eyes.
My hands touched skin and felt muscle. They were engulfed by his body heat, which made my fingers tingle as I moved from one depression to another, tracing his six-pack. I didn't need to see him to know he was well built; I only had to feel it.
He pulled back slightly and pushed me down onto the couch, my head landing on the armrest. He lay a bit on top of me and resumed his assault of my lips. They were more sensitive and I had no doubt they were swollen. I snuck my leg around his, hoping to pull him more into more. We weren't properly touching and boy I wanted to have more contact with him.
He raised his body slightly off me and took off my t-shirt. I raised my arms happily and allowed the flimsy barrier off me. Felix attacked my neck and just about everywhere else that was exposed to him. I released moans and half-moans as my body got hotter. He would bite and lick and spontaneously place a hot wet kiss on the same spot while I was in the middle of a moan. I couldn't finish a moan, something that he seemed to take pride in.
My nails dug into his skin. I wasn't even anywhere near pleasure I knew I was capable of feeling in his arms and I was already undoubtedly marking him. My breathing was coming in rasps. I was getting hard with every slight touch of Felix's hotter mouth on my hot skin.
He kissed around my v-line and I threw my head back, feeling blood rush to an area just close to where he was. I closed my eyes when I felt his hands on my groin. He undid my jeans button and I helped him peel the irritating material away.
I thought I'd feel cold. I felt none of that. The room was warm and having Felix on top of me made me even warmer. He moved up to kiss me just a little on the side of my lips and I felt his hand move between us into my underwear.
The heat in the area scorched me and felt so good I moved my thighs closer to each other. Felix's hand enclosed around me. I tried to suppress it, but failed to and released a loud moan. It sounded a lot like whimpering.
Now that Felix wasn't kissing me, he was looking at me. I shied away from his gaze and turned a color that should have just become my permanent color. Felix's hand moved slowly. I was rock hard by then, and hated having my underwear around me.
I risked a look at Felix. He seemed to be enjoying his task. But I wanted him to experience more pleasure. I stopped his movements, deciding he needed a taste of what I was feeling, if not more.
A few minutes later I was straddling him. He leaned back on the couch and let me have my way with him. His t-shirt was now off, giving me unlimited access to his chest. I kissed and licked and moved my hips in a sensual way. Heat brewed between where we touched. Our hearts moved faster than us.
There were moans and growls and other sounds. I could feel Felix poking at me where I was sitting. He grunted in frustration as he put his hands in my underwear, pulling me into him.
"Bed", I said quietly, though clearly.
He crushed his lips against mine in a fierce brutal kiss that had my lips stinging. I had never been kissed like that. My heart was sent racing. When our lips separated, I placed mine on his again. The kiss was my drug and I wanted it.
He managed to stand up and pull me up with him while he kissed me. A part of me felt a little guilty that I'd made him do that, but my lips seemed unable to stand the separation. He would have to understand, he was the one who'd kissed me like that.
In the bedroom all hell broke loose. I was no stranger to sex, but the sounds that came out of me as Felix took me that afternoon or evening or whatever it was were strange to me. There were moans and screams, gasping and mewling. Some sounds got lost in my throat. Some fused with my body as I shook and convulsed against Felix from intense pleasure I hadn't experienced before.
When we got to the bedroom we discarded the rest of our clothes. I stood buck naked in front of Felix and he looked at me like I was the best thing he'd ever seen, also the one thing he wanted to devour. Move over pancakes, Pancakes is in the building.
The look in his eyes washed over me, making me feel warm and sexy. But I couldn't compare to the god standing in front of me. My boyfriend was sexy, in every way imaginable. His skin was taut in all the right places and his muscles bulged, making me weak at the knees. I'd looked at him before but it was if I was seeing him for the first time. He was so drool-worthy I had to keep myself in check.
And then of course there was him. You never really get a good view when your goal is just pleasure, but our goal was more. We weren't just physically exposed. We were laying ourselves out there for each other, solidifying our connection, emotions and feelings.
That time was different from the other night. I got a good view of all of him and I think I fell in love. Kiss after kiss after kiss and a lot more intimacy and I was familiar with his smell and his taste. I also got a good idea of what that did to Felix. Between growls and growls there were almost discernible moans of pleasure.
Felix attacked my body with vigor. He bit, he licked, he sucked, he grabbed. My hips moved up, down and other directions I wasn't aware they were able to. He kissed me and took me in his mouth. My eyes rolled backwards when my body convulsed in pleasure.
But of course I had to beg him to take me. He teased and did everything right except take the final step. He couldn't have possibly feared rejection after I'd lay myself on a plate like his breakfast pancakes, so he obviously wanted me to beg. He wanted me hot and flustered and annoyed to a point where I screamed,
"Just bloody fuck me!"
It was crude and it gave him satisfaction. I could see it in the little smile that escaped. He'd wanted me to get to that point, and I admit, it felt good – ordering him, not that point, that was frustrating.
He grinned at my "coincidentally" placed accessories and I shrugged. He didn't ask. He sprung into action. I was glad. I was yearning for him more than I had ever yearned for anything.
The scents in the room carried us through. I tightened around him with every growl of pleasure he gave as he moved in me. I tugged on his hair and dug into his back. The pleasure building up was getting more and more intense. My thighs were burning with pleasure and pain as Felix hit them with enough force. His movements were controlled, my reaction wasn't. I couldn't decide what to do with myself as I felt the moment creeping up.
I screamed and cried out, closing my eyes and letting my hands fall to my sides. And then I heard it, the most intense growl from Felix that evening. It was so animalistic, so raw. He'd finally lost all control. I opened my eyes just in time to look into his. He seemed stunned by his reaction.
"That was sexy", I said grinning. I could see that his body was still slightly quivering. My eyes automatically went to inspect his dressing, finding it intact and blood-free.
"That was intense", he said breathlessly. "I'm afraid I am going to have to hold you hostage".
"I don't mind at all", I said as the after-effects of the most intense pleasure I'd felt swam in my veins. "Worth the wait?"
"Absolutely", he said getting off me.