Straight Boys - Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Andrew's POV
What's this emotion called, one that rises in the pit of your stomach and bubbles up out of you through a white smile and crinkled eyes? It develops at the sight of someone you've barely known, yet somehow you feel like you've known them for far longer.
Because it sure as Hell wasn't an emotion I was too familiar with in the state I was in because of the accident.
It felt like happiness; pure, untainted joy that was a big contrast from the constant sorrow that flanked from the left side of my brain to the right side at all times. The feelings I was having weren't negative, depressing me to the point of self destructing like I did that one time. They were actually nice to feel.
And I only felt them with Zachary Rogers.
I was fucking amazed, to say the least, and I started the think, like I knew I would at some point.
Thinking is a thing to do when you find yourself in the same position that I'm sinking further and further into. Thinking was capable of pushing someone like me into a hole I couldn't ever reach myself out of.
But that was alright, I suppose because if I didn't think, then I wouldn't know a thing, wouldn't be able to know anything. Knowing how I felt was key, if I had to be honest, or it was rather the key to unlocking my pent up anxieties and releasing them.
Or feeding their starved masses into obesity.
Because that's what I was really all about. At this point anyway. I was the embodiment of anxiety because my sister may be alive, but she wasn't well, not fully at least, and my mom wasn't well. She definitely wasn't living, but not dead, so I guess there's that. Yet, I was anxious nowadays, always anxious and angry and feeling sorry for myself; and the only person that was astonishingly able to sedate those raging explosions waiting to happen was Zachary Fucking Rogers.
He unbelievably made me happy, and oh was that the scariest shit I could ever think about.
I thought about this as Zachary and I started leaving the hospital and down the steps in what seemed like a walk downtown. I was going to check on my sister, but I knew she'd be asleep and my dad was there. He hadn't left the hospital this morning, but forced me to after ungrounding me. He had said to me, "You aren't grounded anymore, so to stay like that I suggest you listen to me very carefully from now on. And I'm telling you now to go home and get some rest, come back when you've actually had a good night's rest."
I didn't fight him. I didn't want to anymore.
Besides, at that point I was just exhausted. His call had worn me out. That whole week had worn me out.
But I had a feeling these next few weeks were going to be better. Hopefully.
After we had walked a ways away from the hospital, Zachary finally decided to talk again. "So. . ." his voice was far less excited sounding now, and it was better. He may have been becoming a good friend, but that didn't mean he was any less annoying.
"So. . ." I whistled back, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. I barely felt it, but my lips stretched by themselves into a slight smile at the way he seemed to be thinking. His head was tilted and his eyes studied the ground beneath our moving feet, the irises cruising around and around in circles like they were searching for something in a beat up Pontiac across American terrain. But still, I could see nothing underneath the mud puddles that gave away those thoughts.
After a second, he shoved his hands into his bluejean pockets and went on further. "How are you feeling?" I glanced away when he turned his head to the right to look at me fully. Instead, I made my eyes look at the Saturday morning sky, the little people around and about, anywhere but at him.
This is what thinking leads people to doing.
That and coupled with the lack of experience in this friendship zone I was entering, I really didn't know how to act.
Social encounters outside of hooking up with girls was few and far between.
I coughed out of niceties, to fill the lack of response I was carrying with me after the question had been hanging in the air for an awkward length of time. "Uh. . . Well," I glanced again at Zachary and he was still looking at me with this look to his eyes. It was similar to the one he gave me last night right before he left the hospital. "I'm feeling a little less shitty. Like I'm a little more like myself. Not quite, but. . ." I licked my lips and looked away again.
Talking about myself wasn't something I did often. Hardly ever. Never. Maybe once, with Gretchen on accident. I was too drunk, and the sky was just a little too clear that night, but that's a different story.
Maybe that's why she was up my ass last night?
After my small confession, the silence came back, but it wasn't awkward. It was a nice feeling silence, one that blanketed us in a bubble of warmth; our own sanctuary from the world as we walked to an unknown destination. I felt Zachary's eyes on me still, and it made the bottom of my stomach climb it's way to my lungs, pressing the off button to my steady breathing.
Was this how everyone acted with their friends?
Probably not, but I didn't care. These emotions were blocking the vile ones that lurked behind every corner in my mind. To be perfectly truthful, though, I had started acting way more different when I was Zachary's friend, than when I was his enemy. Was this good, or was this bad? Maybe a soft middle?
I'd never know.
Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. We were headed in a particular direction and I knew what I needed to do about that "Hey, Zachary?" The slightly taller boy nodded in acknowledgement, a weird spark filling the glare of sun in his eyes. "Why don't we go get some ice cream?"
A high and mighty smirk that suddenly reminded me of a time before we were friends, a smirk full of mischief took over his face and it had me doing a double take at how familiar it looked. Something was changing. There was something in that teenage dirtbag suddenly shifting, and I wanted to know what the Hell it was.
I didn't think I triggered it with wanting to get ice cream?
With Zachary Rogers, I never knew.
The aforementioned boy, as confusing as he was to me and my haywire emotions, wrapped a careless, weighted arm around my shoulders, leaning into me just right, that I was stumbling over my own two feet. He steadied me once he noticed, and I couldn't shake the feeling of his larger hands gripping my shoulders after that. He of course didn't seem to notice any of this, too busy going on with a speech I wasn't listening to. I was too busy trying to ignore these physical reactions that arose from the contact.
Something was changing.
Ever since last night, or morning, or however long ago it was, I hadn't been the same. It was a weird change, neither good nor bad, rather confusing. I hadn't gotten much sleep contrary to my dad's hopes and wishes, but tossed and turned with my thoughts, again as haywire as they were, stopping me with each movement. I just couldn't keep my eyes closed and mind relaxed for long enough before I was going through a list of interactions. This list only consisted of interactions with Zachary, which was the thing.
The time before the accident. The time when we would bicker to the brink of violent outbursts and raging snarls. When we would snuggle any chance we had to annoy the other.
Then afterwards, in a time full of shit that sat in a pool of pissy toilet water that represents my life, when he noticed me. From the unwanted breakfast - which I have no real recollection of what really happened leading to up to that - to the one lunch period I couldn't control, the late night drive with a little bit of something out of the blue. My mind reeled with these memories, trying to figure something I couldn't understand out. It drove me crazy because I had these uncontrolling reactions to a nutty-as-a-fruitcake mix of total outrage.
What this really how close friends acted around each other?
Could I even count Zachary Rogers as a close friend?
No, I couldn't because I had no fucking idea who he really was. I knew nothing about Rogers, and then I was turning towards him with wide eyes at this epiphany. By this time, Zachary was already calling my name out. "Andrew...? Andrew...?" He dragged the syllables of my name out in a long line, impatiently waiting for a response. I played it cool.
"I wasn't listening to a damn word you were just saying."
Zachary shook his head with a sarcastic look of disbelief on his face, and said, "You never really listen to me, do you?" And he squinted his eyes with a mocking snicker. I shook my head, breaking away from his heated hold to grab at the door to the ice cream shop I never failed to gravitate towards.
Fro-Cones was its official name, as it sold both Frozen Yogurt and ice cream. Lola and I came every once in a while because while it's not only the best ice cream shop in all of America, but also the only place that sold my favorite flavor. Buttermilk. It didn't hurt that one of the workers there happened to be someone I used to like. A lot. We never hooked up, but Annie O'Phanny was always the charmer. Admittedly, I was over trying to get into her pants after she came out as a lesbian the month before summer started. Besides, I didnt think she could become a cougar, what with being a sophomore in college, but a guy can only dream.
Anyway, that didn't stop me from messing with her.
"Annie O'Phanny," I greeted the ginger haired woman with a charismatic, or I hoped it was charismatic, smile and a flush of my arm in front of me. To say Zachary was a little confused would be an understatement.
Annie didn't exactly know about my. . . situation so I intended to keep it that way. It would be one less person to join the pity party everyone seemed to be throwing for me. Zachary could question me about it later. Right then, I wanted a familiar face to not look at me with sympathy and treat me like nothing happened; well because in her mind, nothing did.
"Andy Parsley. I haven't see you here in a while." Annie was tall, almost as tall as me and slender, but as she leaned over the yellow granite counter, lathering it with a dusty, old rag, I had to look down to see her smiling her crooked smile. I crossed my arms loosely over my dark sweater, lazily angling my body so that I came off as less tense than I really felt on the inside. Beside me, Zachary had his lips puckered and a confused lift to his eyebrows that made his forehead crease. I withheld the triumphant smirk bubbling within me at how totally dazed he looked. I could never get that look from him when we were fighting, so it was an unknowing win I accepted within this odd meeting.
"Yeah, well, busy! And Lola," I licked the sorrow from my lips left after uttering her name, and lifted my head higher to seem more confident when I felt more like a complete loser for lying to her. "Lola is, uh, she's been skipping town lately. Going to Gran's for Holloween." Zachary snorted at how such a terrible liar I was. I elbowed him hard to shut him up. Annie saw this, but didn't say anything, thankfully.
She nodded, throwing the rag over her shoulder to extend to her full height of almost six feet. I could feel Zachary's eyebrows raise along with her when she started to speak, "Really? Holloween is in two weeks?"
"Yeah, dad was really eager to get her out of the house for her surprise birthday party next week. We're... preparing for it - all week." Parts of my words weren't exactly lies because Lola's birthday was indeed next week, but what else could I say?
"That's sweet. So who's this?" Annie was not hesitant to bring Zachary into our conversation. She was always blunt in some cases, but also a social butterfly with her wings always flapping into other people's business, like a walking, gossiping, ice cream spooning giant.
Zachary straightened his arm out to shake her hand. He held an aura of indifference against himself, but didn't let the signature curve to his lips straighten. "I'm Rogers. Zachary Rogers. Andrew's friend." Annie shook his hand, but anybody a mile away could see the gears in her head cranking and clanking against each other. I knew that look. It was the look she wore when she was going to start messing with someone. I was always victim to that look.
"Nice t' meet y'uh." She dropped his hand and replaced it with an ice cream scooper. "What'll it be?" I told her my usual and waited for Zachary's order. But, he seemed to have other ideas. "Isn't it a little cold for ice cream?" I rolled my eyes. It was barely Autumn, only a wishful sixty degrees out. "No. Now order, you baby." I playfully bumped his shoulder with mine, but he ignored it. He seemed to be occupied with something, or rather someone else. I looked over at him to see what he was doing, or watching, and I followed his gaze to where Annie was about to hand me my ice cream.
"Here you go, Andy." I furrowed my eyebrows, reluctantly looking away from his weird stare to grab my sweet cone of buttermilk ice cream. Annie showcased an infamous smirk against her lips, the same one she used when we harmlessly flirted with each other. I chuckled, letting my fingers graze her hand when I took my cone from her. I almost didn't hear the huff from Zachary when I did so.
I didn't think much of it.
"Are you sure you don't want anything?" I asked him after taking a lick from the sweet cream, letting the cool feeling run down my neck to sooth my warming bones. The suddenly sulking baby shook his head childishly and I found this whole scenario very confusing afterwards.
Keeping my brows low, I let a low Okay rumble from the back of my throat. I developed the best weirded out look I could and slowly walked away from him to one of the blue leather booths. He stomped after me, oddly silent all of the a sudden.
What's wrong with him?
He practically dropped himself into the seat opposite me, bringing one of his hands up to scratch at his bruised cheek, which the swelling was traveling its way up to his eye. Then, virtually screaming with trepidation and annoyance, let his hand fall against the back of the seat. Again, I smoothed out an Okay for him to listen to, almost holding it with a question mark behind it. I had no idea why he was acting this way, so obviously I would question it.
I was about to question him further, when Annie came bounding towards us. "Andy, hey, mind if I join you? I'm on break right about. . . Now!" Zachary and I both popped our heads in Annie's direction just as she was throwing the half apron off of her and onto a spot near the cash register. "Um yeah sure." Annie always joined Lola and me when we came, so I thought what could it hurt? I glanced at Zachary for his reaction but I saw him making yet another weird face and mumbling something. What was that prick thinking about?
The college student slid into the face next to me, bumping me next to the window. "So," she began, "Whatcha high school punks talkin' about?"
Nothing.
"Well, I was just about to tell Zachary here all about the conversation I had with my dad." I gestured to the still super quiet boy in front of me. At the mention of my dad, he perked up, but not before switching his eyes between me and Annie with what looked to be suspicion clouding his exterior.
"What conversation?" I would have told Annie everything, but that would also mean telling her I was at the hospital. So, I didnt tell her anything. I hesitated, and I could see the worry starting to creep into her system.
Luckily, Zachary finally decided to speak up, maybe to come to my rescue. "Annie, hey so, how do you know Andrew here?" Annie slowly turned towards Zachary with a wry smile forming on her expression. She locked her hand over mine, feeling almost sarcastic, as she gave me a once over.
"He and Lola come by the shop almost every Saturday for my mom's famous Buttermilk ice cream... but he hasn't been visiting this past month or two." Annie pointedly glared at me. I held up my free hand in defence.
"Busy!" I reiterated.
She just snorted. Zachary glanced at me when I said that, but did not say a single word about it. Seconds ticked by before he asked another question. "Are you his girlfriend?" At that I almost died.
It was the funniest joke I'd ever heard coming from his mouth. Not only did I know nothing about him, but he knew nothing about me!
Beside me, Annie was giggling so hard her teeth almost straightened themselves out. "Dating? As if! Andy is a child! Besides..." she wheezed, "I'm gay!"
Visibly, Zachary could be seen relaxing against the plush seat. By this time, Annie had calmed down and was getting up. As she walked away, she turned her head and winked at me. Through my smile, I replied with a confused twinge to my features. "See you later, boys." Was all she left with me.
Why were people being so cryptic lately?
Nodding for no reason, I went back to Zachary and the idea that I had had; but when I saw him, he had this goofy smile on his face and it seemed pinker than usual. "She is crazy." The familiar look that I'd been used to was back. I nodded at his remark, agreeing with him on that. I didn't want to question his moodiness anymore, so I stayed with admiring the stretch of his lips and his bright eyes. Then I got to work.
"So, Zachary."
"So, Andy." He mimicked, but with the nickname Annie uses. Oddly enough, it sounded better coming from his mouth, with the sound of his voice. It made me stir within, stir with content and relaxed joy.
That wasn't normal, was it? I had ignored it many times before, but this time it was more prominent than ever before.
"How about - if we're gonna be friends - how about we get to know each other?"
"Huh!" Zachary Rogers shifted forward in his seat, bringing his head low to whisper just as a whole group of school girls came trapezeing their way into Fro-cone. "Is this a date, Andrew Parsley?" My eyes widened and my heart slipped in its steady beating.
That was definitely not a normal reaction.
"No! No," I cleared my throat but couldn't help but start thinking. "This isn't a date, you dickhead. I'm trying to get to know a total stranger."
And just as my thoughts were saying inside of my head, he quoted them almost perfectly, as if he could read my mind. "That's what people do on dates, Andrew." This wasn't a date. Not even close. But, as he said those words almost straight from my brain, and my mouth sealed itself shut tightly together, I couldn't help the sudden realization.
I had dragged fucking Zachary out on a date.
That was not fucking intended. I wanted to get to know my new friend. Didn't all friends do this? And I knew the answer to that.
No. They didn't.
And maybe he could see the war I was having inside of me, because then Zachary was chuckling harmlessly, breathlessly, almost sounding disappointed. "I'm just kidding, bro. Calm down." I cleared my throat awkwardly.
I couldn't physically calm down. I couldn't because this was not how people reacted. All of my reactions this far were not normal for me. There was something more going on, something beyond the walls of friendship.
Could this be what actually like-liking someone feels like?
No. . . Of course not.
I couldn't like boys.
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Heyyyyy. It's me. Yah boi... 👌
Nah hey I'm updating today. What a good day.
Happy Father's Day everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful day/ night.
Andrew is back.
Meeting an old almost fling here. Annie O'Phanny. What do you think she was doing with Andrew? Her wink? Man what a lady.
But Zach's reaction? Hmmmmm. His questioning and relief?
Also, what do you guys think about Andrew and his thoughts this time around? He finally realized most of his feelings weren't platonic. What do you think he's gonna do about it?
Anyway, LIKE and COMMENT please! You little lovelies are my life.
And dont worry. The next few chapters are already being planned.
Thank you and I love all of you.