Sugar, Butter, Flour, and Love - Chapter 20: Chapter 20

—One Month Later—
"Congrats to each of you for being in the final six. You've gone through hell and back to get here and we think that you all deserve to have your cake and eat it, too.  The challenge today will be on the longer side. You will have four hours to give us a three tiered showstopper cake that shows us something about you. You have free reign to do whatever you want as long as it's three tiers. Be creative! And for a bit of motivation we brought an audience." Miranda gestured towards the door and people started to stream through.
That morning the crew and the producers had had an excited energy to them despite how drained me and the rest of the contestants were. It left the six of us feeling like something big was going to happen and as soon as I saw strangers filing through the door it was obvious this was it.
A few small doll-Like children came through the door followed by a tall, broad shouldered blond man. "Darlin,'" he called out in a thick twang. Immediately, I pegged him as Mary Lou's husband and for a moment I wondered at how...interesting a Southern accent was before I watched Mary Lou and her husband hug. Each of the three kids squealed "Mama," in a cacophony of shrill whoops and cheers.
One by one other loved ones entered the room. I saw Ai's girlfriend and I was surprised that she was half black. Ai hadn't brought that part up, only that she was Japanese, which I guessed was the other half. She was blindingly pretty with honey brown skin, and cascading waves. She was taller than Ai and the two of them grinned at each other before embracing.
Mel's son was a younger, better looking version of him, but with a blond set of curls. He looked like he was fresh out of high school and he gave his dad a long hug.
Alex wept when she saw her husband.  Since she was so small her husband went on his knees to envelop her in a hug. It seemed like they were both crying.
Brian squealed as soon as he saw his husband. His husband was a few inches taller than him and a bit on the fluffy side, wearing a pair of spectacles. But as soon as he heard Brian squeal his face fell into a lovely smile and they hugged tightly.
But by then there wasn't anyone else left. I was surprised and hurt. I stood awkwardly to the side wondering when or even if anyone would come through for me.
Richard quickly came up to me when he saw me on the side and he took a moment to gather his words. "Before you came on the show you expressed a list of people you would want to visit you if you made it this far. Your mother couldn't make it because her and your father were accompanying your brother to a basketball award show that happens to be tonight. Your friend, Manuel Espinoza was supposed to be here but he broke his leg in a construction accident."
"Is Manny okay?" I interrupted, squeezing my hands together because I didn't know what to do with them.
Richard looked surprised at my question. "Yeah, he's okay, but aren't you...disappointed there's no one here to support you?"
I took a glance around at everyone else and their loved ones, trying not to look at the camera man standing right beside Richard. I still had trouble pretending I didn't notice them. "I'm sure my family is busy and I can't help it if Manny is hurt." Even to my own ears my voice sounded somewhat hollow because it would have been nice to see him. The last time I'd gone this long without seeing Manny was when I was in university.
"But, we did get someone to come. It's not your parents or Manuel..." Richard gestured towards the door and I couldn't believe who came through next.
Trace.
Wow, he looked...just like the first time I saw him: utterly amazing. It had only been a month but it felt like a lifetime. His hair was a bit longer and I could see now that his hair was wavy and the length of it curled around his ears. His skin was browned from the sun and he grinned as soon as he saw me. His dark t-shirt and off-brand jeans were casual but having him in front of me made my heart beat fast and hard.
Richard was saying something but I ignored everything and walked towards Trace. We met in the middle and Trace smiled. Somewhere between the curve of his lips and his hello I melted. I didn't know what to do with my hands or how to say hi or if I was supposed to hug him or kiss him or wait for him to make the first move.
"I know, I know," Trace joked, immediately easing the tension with his velvet smooth voice, "I'm not who you expected to see. But, they called me and I wanted to see you." Trace's brown eyes had a playful glint to them as he gave me a hug until his head was firmly against my chest. His hands were warm and it felt good to be so close to him. "I'm happy to see you, Darius, and I'm proud you've gotten this far."
Trace's hands on my body felt like magic. It was unreal to be around someone who saw me for me. I leaned down and gave Trace a kiss that was definitely too hot for TV. Long, lingering, wet and just plain hot. Sometimes with Trace, my busy mind just blanked and it was simultaneously the best and worst thing. It unmoored me from my usual insecurities and I felt like an extension of Trace. Lost and found between one kiss and the next.
When it was over I almost felt dizzy but Trace held my hand and when he squeezed I remembered where we were and all the cameras and people. Holy shit. Cameras and people.
My face was burning but Trace's voice sounded deeper than usual. "I liked that," he said while squeezing my hand.
"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly, "too much?"
Trace laughed. "Not enough." Then, he gave me a hug and that felt right, too. "Now that I'm here do I get to eat something or do I just watch you cook?"
I pulled at Trace's hand to show him where I worked. "So, this is my battle station. It's where I compete whenever we're here."
"Right."
"And this is state of the art stuff, Trace. I don't even think the bakery's oven is this high tech."
"Cool."
"And—" I turned to Trace. "Are you even paying attention?"
But he was just looking at me with a soft expression on his face. "I'm not. I ran a marathon yesterday so my legs still feel like jelly but it's nice to be close to you again. Sorry for being distracted." He leaned in and inhaled deeply, and it made my heart skip a beat. "You always smell so good. Sorry for spacing out."
I was so surprised by what he said all I could say was, "Oh." I was just happy he couldn't see me blushing. Then, I got annoyed with myself for still getting so nervous around him.
Trace smiled. "It'll be nice if you win this round, we could spend the day together but even if you don't I'm happy for right now. Oh—" he interrupted himself, "I met up with your friend, Manuel, recently and he's sorry about not being able to be here. He was the one who told me that your parents went to some kind of endorsement deal with Cyrus. They were going to fly here on his private jet which I can't believe he actually has. But the deal lasted another day."
I nodded at Trace's explanation because I'd heard it all before. I was happy that Cyrus didn't forget about our parents when he became rich and famous, but he always liked having at least one of us there when he was signing deals. I'd been at my fair share of events, too, in support of him. "I'll never own a private jet," I said softly. It wasn't that I wanted to own a jet, but I was never going to be as rich as my brother unless I won the lottery.
"Who needs that gas guzzling thing anyways?" Trace teased me. We looked up the balcony where other families were assembling and a producer that wasn't Richard gestured for Trace to join them. "I think I'll go up to the balcony with the other families. It looks like things are about to get started. Come down here so I can give you a kiss on the forehead."
I leaned down and Trace whispered good luck before kissing me on the forehead. I knew that more than any other challenge I had to win the next one.
#
The past few weeks had taught me a lot about myself and how I reacted under pressure. There were a number of hidden moments of crumbling where I'd had panic attack, thrown up from the stress and considered going back home to Toronto. There were some nights where the only thing that kept me in the competition was my frequent conversations with Yaya. Everything with her was confidential and even though it felt like therapy I needed her support.
Despite my stress I had some challenge wins under my belt, I'd lead my team to victory twice during team challenges and now I was in the final six. This past month had been one of the most stressful in my life and it was so close to it being over.
Mel just about hated me and he made living in the same house as difficult as possible. He was always making comments that grew increasingly inappropriate. From digs at my sexuality to my race to my size. After our first issue had gone to the producers, they'd spoken to us individually and together multiple times. Eventually Ai had gotten in a mostly one sided screaming match with Mel when we'd reached the top ten.
Mel always tried to corner me when he bullied me but Ai had overheard Mel commenting on how dark my skin was and she woke up the entire house with her yelling. She was known for having a sharp tongue but no one had ever seen her like that before. Richard had been called and when it was determined the problem started between me and Mel he threatened to kick one or both of us out of the house and into a hotel room.
The worst part of it was that I didn't even understand why Mel hated me so much. I hadn't done anything to him but it was like his dislike for me intensified day by day. The better I did in the competition the more difficult he made things for me.
But today, I wouldn't let him affect me. Today was going to be about me making sure I got to spend time with Trace. The winner of this challenge would get to spend the next forty eight hours with their loved one.
So, I went big. We had four hours and I was going to make every moment count. We were given sketchpads and I spent the first fifteen minutes drawing out what I'd want to do for my cake as well as what every component would be. I spent more time than the others to plan but I knew that would help me with my foundation.
It had to be a showstopper. Opera cake was known to be tasty as well as intricate so I went for that. The cake was a sponged layer cake that had a series of components. I'd need to make an almond sponge cake, coffee syrup, coffee buttercream, chocolate croustillant, chocolate ganache and chocolate glaze.  I couldn't make any mistakes or else I wouldn't have much time to correct it. There would be three tiers and I decided to decorate it with an autumnal theme. The base would be decorated with tempered chocolate bark pieces, the middle would have a stencil decoration of a flowers and the top tier could have...something. I'd think about it while I baked.
I'd only made an opera cake twice before, and it was at home so I was trying to remember all the steps.
Halfway through my sponge cake, Isaac came up to me. His eyes were glowing. "Don't tell me: opera cake?"
I smiled. "Yeah."
Isaac put his hands against his heart and smiled. "I am excited. I'm supposed to ask you how you feed about the journey thus far and all that fun stuff. So, lay it on me."
I gave him a somewhat rehearsed spiel about how it was stressful and worth it, and now that things were almost over I was trying to ramp things up a notch. The past few weeks had also made lying on camera about my feelings a bit easier. In reality, I couldn't wait until I was back home. I needed my stability back.
Eventually, Isaac left and Aditya and Miranda came by to ask me versions of the same question and I realized they were probably trying to get the best take.
After all that I focused on my sponge cakes, they could be temperamental bakes and consistency was the only reason they'd turn out well. I made a bunch of batter since my cake would be somewhat massive but I got distracted easily. I kept thinking of how Trace was up there, watching me and it made my body burn hot.
I looked up a few times and each time I did Trace gave me a little wave but gestured for me to get back to work. So, I redirected my thoughts and focused.
Every component was painstaking and I didn't have time to mess up. I was like clockwork as I pushed through all the opera cake components and then started to work on more decorative elements. I'd decided on a few fall coloured leaves made out of glass sugar would decorate the top tier in a cluster.
When there was about a half hour left and I'd pieced my cake together and started to decorate, even I could admit it had come along really nicely.
But I couldn't say that for Mary Lou and Alex. Both of them were really struggling with making large cakes. Alex especially was having trouble with the more delicate details and Mary Lou seemed lost. It would've been different if Ai was behind. At this point she was the only person I would consider helping.
The last stretch was easy for me since I was on schedule and I wasted a few extra moments glancing longingly at Trace up on the balcony. Now, he only seemed amused.
"You can look at me later, Darius. Just focus on your cake right now," he called out and that small reprimand was enough for me to keep my eyes on task until the buzzer sounded.
The crew set up some seats on the bottom floor and the loved ones were able to get a closer view for the judging and we each did short confessionals at our station describing the elements of our dessert.
For the first time we weren't notified about the comments for the dishes right after the judges ate them. Instead, we hung out with our loved ones while the judges privately made their choice.
Trace and I sat side by side in a little cluster with our fellow gays. It was really nice to be surrounded by other gay people and it made me feel comfortable enough to put my arm over Trace's shoulder. He gave me surprised look before settling into my side.
"Seriously," Brian continued from an earlier point he was making, "we need to do a brunch thing after all this is over. Suresh's family has a little summer place in LA. I really want us to keep in touch." Me and Brian had connected well over the past month and he was someone I could see being a long term friend. "You'd be surprised how hard it is to find gays who bake. I need to keep you guys."
Ai laughed happily. "You're lucky me and Hana live in that hellhole they call LA. And how the fuck can you guys afford a summer home?"
Suresh shrugged. "When I told my parents me and Bri were looking to adopt a kid from India they were wanted to give us something."
"Wow," I said, thinking that his family must be decently rich, "that's a big something." Everyone laughed at that and then it was suddenly time for the results of the judging to be announced. I felt at ease with Trace by my side and everyone got quiet as we waited for the bad news first.
"The contestant going home today has shown immense growth throughout the competition," Aditya began gently. "They've  given us sweet dishes and savoury delights that could sell out restaurants all on their own. But their cake today lacked the finesse and quality that we expect at this level of the competition. The tiers weren't on quite straight, the frosting was heavy on some sides and too thin on others. It was an interesting flavour combination but lavender is always such a difficult spice to use." Aditya's voice was calm yet firm. By the time he said lavender we all looked to Brian.
For a second he shrunk but Suresh squeezed his knee and Brian exhaled slowly. His exit from the show was graceful, and we all gave him a teary goodbye. After him and his boyfriend went out of the frame they waited around to be spoken to by the producers after the scene.
"And our winner today has shattered all our expectations,"Aditya continued, "the difficulty of the cake, all the different techniques used, every stellar detail is incredible. The cakes were cooked well and all the different components shone, from the paint work, the tempered chocolate, all the different textures, the different layers to the flavours...It was all marvellous. This was not your first win but I'd like to congratulate you on yet another win, Darius." Aditya smiled at me and his smiles were so rare I felt as though he'd been more than impressed with me. "As the winner you and your loved one will get the next two days together and a little vacation away from the competition. You deserve it!"
Everything after that was a bit of a whirlwind. Everyone was focused on soaking up as much time with their loved ones as possible and I didn't receive an enthusiastic congratulations. Aditya and the others judges came up to speak more about my dish in detail and and for whatever reason Aditya and Trace hit it off. Especially when Aditya looked at Trace for a few seconds and asked him if we was Indian. Trace smiled and said his father was Bangla and the two of them started chattering away in a language I couldn't understand.
After that I did my confessional thing and Trace finally got to eat some cake while he waited for me to finish up. Once I was done, I introduced him to Dhara. Trace was polite and somehow charismatic no matter who I introduced him to. That gave Dhara the idea to feature Trace in my confessional session. After that, a driver drove us over to the house.
When we got there, it was quiet. There were only five of us left in the house and so it felt empty.
I just needed to pack my things and the driver would escort me and Trace to the hotel we'd be staying at during our stay. But when Ai saw me and Trace enter, her expression blanked.
She held a finger to her lips and strode right up to us. "Mel and Mary Lou haven't been taking it well at all. Let's just keep quiet and get you guys in and out. It's been tense as fuck."
The three of us crept up the stairs to my room and I had pre packed some of my belongings because we'd all been told to. But, I added some sun block, and a few toiletry items. Trace sat on my bed quietly while I packed and Ai was outside the room, pacing.
Trace moved over to me, and splayed his fingers at the back of my neck. I looked into his eyes for the first time since entering the house. The house had become a place of anxiety for me because of Mel and I was excited to be away if only for a little while.
"You don't like this place," Trace said, searching my expression for anything suggesting the contrary. But, it was true, I hated the house. With Brian gone it would be even worse.
Trace moved his hand off the back of my neck and left the room, but not before rubbing my back. My door was ajar and I could hear the two of them speaking softly in Japanese. Or, it was a lot of Ai speaking and Trace commenting every now and then.
Once I finished packing it was time to go and as we made our ways to the front door, Mel came out towards the doorway. Ai looked panicked but no one could really stop him.
"Sorry, I couldn't greet you guys, Mary Lou is just having a rough time of things."
None of us said anything and Mel took that as a reason to continue.
"One of her little guy's said he lost a tooth and Mary Lou just about lost it. Maybe if you guys had kids you'd understand. It's really hard being away from them."
"That sounds difficult," Trace deadpanned.
"So, I hope you two enjoy your trip, considering it's been a while since the rest of us saw our families. It would be important to remember how much all of us gave up to be here," Mel said like he was talking down to all of us.
Trace's expression darkened. "What are you suggesting?"
Mel looked taken aback by Trace's hostility, and I was, too. Then, I realized Ai must have told Trace about Mel while I was packing. "Well, you guys are lucky," Mel said sharply, "That's what I'm saying."
Trace laughed. "This wasn't like winning the lottery, Darius won the challenge and he gets to reap the rewards. Isn't that how a competition show works?"
Mel looked flustered. "Yeah, but— you gotta understand it's just different."
"Why?" Trace said.
"Well, you guys haven't even been with each other that long, and —"
Trace crossed his arms. "I know how you've been treating Darius, and I want you to stop. He's a gentle person so he won't be as aggressive as he needs to be with dealing with you but whatever the fuck you've been doing, I want you to cut it out."
Mel's face flushed a deep red and his nostrils flared in anger. He shot both me and Ai angry looks like we'd been gossiping. "I've been cordial."
"You haven't," Trace decided.
"Trace," I said sharply, not wanting him to fight my battles for me.
He looked at me and his gaze softened before it was directed to Mel. "This is as serious as a heart attack. Maybe this is how you got through life but it won't get you to the end of the competition. I want my boyfriend to have a stable environment in his last week here. And you're not getting in his way. Are we understood?"
Mel nodded glumly before opening his mouth yet again. "You always have him fight your battles for you? I can see who wears the pants—"
Trace took a threatening step forward and Mel's eyes widened in surprise and a bit of fear. He scrambled to step back. "Did you think I was joking?" Trace said in an ice cold voice.
Trace was staring at him hard enough that Mel actually flinched. Trace gave him a plastic smile. "That's what I thought."
Then Trace turned to me and nudged my shoulder companionably like it was just the two of us. "Let's go?"
I nodded quickly, just wanting to get out of there. Trace gave Ai a hug and said goodbye to her and then we were out of the house and the driver escorted us to his car.
Once we settled into the car and buckled in I turned to Trace. "Why would you ever do something like that?" I felt embarrassed and humiliated. I'd had to just stand there in front of Mel and in front Ai while Trace acted like some kind of hero. I didn't need a fucking hero.
The driver tilted his head curiously before pressing a button on the console and in seconds a thick, black divide created a partition between the driver and the passenger seats. Well, at least we had privacy, I thought bitterly.
Trace's mouth was screwed tight in a frown and he was squeezing his own knee hard enough that his knuckles had gone pale. "I don't like bullies."
I sighed. "But that doesn't mean you just do stuff for me. I've been handling it."
"You're such a good, kind person and I can't stand there and take it when anyone treats you like that. That's not something I can do, Darius. It would be impossible." His voice was harsh even though the reality of his words was much more sensitive. He turned to look at me and his eyes were suspiciously wet. "I can tell you've lost weight. I didn't see you eat anything today and you've been fidgeting and stuttering a lot more than usual. Especially around that guy. It's fucked up. It's only been a month and all this has really affected you."
I sighed, not knowing how to argue with the truth. "I don't want you to do that kind of thing for me. I'm serious."
"Then, who will, Darius? You were just letting him do that to you."
"Oh?" I bristled. "Is that how Ai explained it?"
"No, she said you stay out of conflict and the producers haven't done shit. I was talking about at the door."
"It's easier to ignore him."
Trace snorted. "Ignoring bullies doesn't help."
Up until this point I'd appreciated Trace's protective nature but I didn't like him implying that I couldn't take care of myself. "And you know so much about it?"
For a second Trace looked like he was going to snap at me but then he paused, and took a deep breath. He combed his fingers through his hair before glaring out the window. But, I realized he was hurting because of the way he squeezed his left knee. "Around the time I started junior high I was severely bullied. Our parents sent us to a prestigious private school because they could afford it, but rich kids are snobby as fuck and it was a terrible year. Kids scribbled slurs on my desk, drenched my homework in the toilet before class, urinated on my indoor shoes just because they could, and beat me up frequently. Whenever the teacher's back was turned someone would shoot spit balls at the back of my head. One day I snapped and I got in a fight with the worst bully. I just couldn't take it anymore and I split my knuckles breaking his nose. They suspended me and I transferred schools." Trace turned to me and  the look in his eyes was possessive and uncompromising. "I will never let anyone treat you with less respect than you deserve.  Especially not in front of me."
I didn't know what to say so I just took Trace's hand and squeezed it tight. This was obviously an old wound for him and it explained why he'd always been so vocal in my defence from the first time we'd met. The tenseness in Trace's shoulders eventually eased and he leaned heavily against my side. It was hard to imagine Trace ever being bullied. I saw him as a force of nature but it sounded as though he'd been ganged up on. It hurt to imagine Trace like that and it clarified his behaviour but the situation still worried me.
"Was it because you're half?" I asked softly. I had so many other questions but that was the one at the forefront of my mind.
Trace nuzzled deeper into my shoulder. "Yes," he said muffled against me and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
The rest of the ride was quiet.